Perks in the Work Place

Something to consider when you're in a relationship with someone who is in the military, it is their job. They can't take off whenever they want, they can't call, email, Skype, etc. whenever they want. Why? Because it's a job.

That being said, if YOU have a job- it's the same thing. You can't drop everything you're doing to talk to them if they are able to call, email, etc. I understand wanting to talk to your significant other, trust me, I do. BUT a job is a  responsibility you accept.

Does it suck to miss a call? You betcha, I've been there.

Seeing people bash their employer because they can't stop "working" to chat with their significant other is ridiculous in my opinion. You are not getting paid to converse with your SO.

It's another one of those situations where some military wives feel they are owed something. Just because our loved ones are deployed, doesn't give us the right to go against a company we work for's policy.

It is awesome when jobs have leniency and give us the ability to stop everything we are doing to take a phone call, or respond to an email. However, there is a business to be ran and they hired you to help in it.

Think about it..

You run a business, someone calls for one of your employees- say the person calling isn't deployed, they aren't given the privileged to speak to that person because they are working. You have a military spouse whose husband is calling, but you give that person time to talk... see where I'm getting at?

Just because we are married, dating, mother's of, etc.. does not give up the added luxuries to have added perks in the work place.

Communication

When your Significant other is away on Deployment, you have to find ways to stay connected. Skyping sometimes doesn't happen,  email goes down, the phones suck or you just don't want to rack up the phone card bills.. etc.

My husband and I don't really do phone calls from the ship, occasionally.. but rarely. He will make a $25 phone card last the entire deployment. He has been gone since March and I have received 3 phone calls. One, was an emergency as it was when I was in the hospital and the ship allowed him to call for free, so I don't really count that one.

Our main form of communication is through email. I do not receive an email every day, and I'm ok with that. I know not to expect them and I know email is a luxury so many take for granted. Even if I don't receive an email from him (because communications are down or he's got a lot going on), I will always send him an email just to let him know I love him and how my day went. It helps him to feel apart of my day to day life.

Purchasing iPads was one of the best expensive investments we have made. During his last deployment, we didn't see each other/ video chat. During port calls, he would occasionally access Facebook and send me comments and then would call me if he could barrow a friend's phone. Every port this deployment, he and I have been able to Skype or use FaceTime. It has been wonderful! He doesn't always have great wifi, but it is usually enough to message back & forth. It's nice to see him and seeing how he changes, when he grows a mustache, how he shaved his head with a razor or just seeing how he is bulking up compared to loosing weight last deployment. Seeing him smile, laugh and be goofy is so awesome. We are so blessed to live in a time with such amazing technology.

One of my FAVORITE ways keeping connected this deployment (aside from video chats!), as many of you have noticed, is sending Care Packages. I put so much into them... as in I put a lot of thought and work into them. I don't want them to become boring to him and I want it to brighten his day knowing how much effort I put in to making them as well as the ideas. His birthday box was a hit, his Zombie box was totally him and so awesome, His pickle box he just received ans hasn't had a chance to really go through it.. but did manage to tell me how much he loves it already and how awesome it is. Now, I'm already making another themed box for our anniversary in September (I'm not going to get into details about it, you'll just have to wait, or go check my instagram out! @christinarush). Of course, between all the themed boxes I send out, I send 2-3 Food boxes. I don't get all creative with them, just jam-pack them with all sorts of food he can easily store in his locker. I will send anything with a pop top can so he can have soups and pasta, Mac -n- cheese cups, dry pasta bowls, microwavable noodle cups, microwavable desserts.. etc. Because we all know, boat food isn't always that grand!

We all know the distance that comes with Deployment can be challenging. But as I have stated in many blogs in the past, Communication is the foundation for so much. There are so many ways to communicate and so many ways to build on it- you just have to find what works in your relationship to strengthen it. With a solid foundation of communication, you will have trust and you will feel closer to him despite the distance. It is one thing that makes me actually enjoy deployment, it allows our relationship to constantly feel "New". Sure, I'd rather him be home, but you make the best of every situation and with Deployment being months long.. I don't want to spend it being miserable.


Bad human communication leaves us less room to grow.
-Rowan D. Williams

The void created by the failure to communicate is soon filled with poison, drivel and misrepresentation.
-C. Northcote Parkinson

Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of evry part of your life.
-Brian Tracy

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.
-Rollo May

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
-George Bernard Shaw

Communication works for those who work at it.
-John Powell


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I'm Proud of You

One of my favorite things about deployment is all the things we set ourselves to accomplish. As most of you know, I tend to overdo it and make my deployment to-do list far longer than I have time for. However, I do accomplish a lot during deployment.

Another of my favorites about deployment is my husband. He notices how busy I am and little things. Even though he is not here physically, he is very aware and as much as I don't think he always pays attention, he does.

Getting an email from my husband just to tell me how proud of me he is, means absolutely everything to me. It's nice to be noticed, especially by him. If I needed any more motivation to get things done, the email from him was it.

Although, he does think I'm overdoing it some times. He is always worried about me. Which is one way my husband is able to show he cares. He's not one of those, "Wear his heart on his sleeve" kind of guys. I'm ok with that.

Four years ago on the 13th, my husband proposed to me. It seems like every day I'm reminded why I said yes. He's perfect for me. I think he and I balance each other out a lot. We are extremely alike, but at the same time, he and I are so very different. Our relationship may not be perfect- others may not see us as the perfect couple, I'm completely ok with that. We work well together and neither of us are perfect, but together we are complete and we are happy.

A year ago on Friday (the 13th), we successfully completed his first deployment. Now, we are working on completing his 2nd deployment. I'm proud of him for how well he has done with the separation because of the job he chose to provide for our family. Last deployment he had his struggles, and doubted making a career with the Navy. He did not like being away from me and not being able to talk every day. This deployment, He has not expressed any doubts. I think the first deployment is sometimes the hardest, as you learn to adjust.

People say you never get use to it- the military lifestyle, or being separated due to deployment. BUT I think it is possible. I think there are some who can and do get use to it and there will be those who don't. Just like I have heard from different people that having kids makes it harder, and I've heard some say just the opposite- kid's made deployment easier. It's different for everyone.

I'm proud that I feel like I have adjusted and I feel like I am accustomed to this lifestyle. I'd love for him to be home more, but we've learned how to make "military" work for us.

I have to say, I'm pretty proud of all the things I have accomplished as well. I have a huge list to accomplish, but If I get halfway down it by homecoming, then I have more than enough to be proud of. What I don't accomplish before he's home, I will just have him help me.

What are you proud of?

Just Because He's Deployed Doesn't Mean I'm Single

I could go on several different tangents with the title, but let's see if I can say on target with what's flowing through my head at this moment.

When your significant other is deployed, it's typical to let the negative in and let out a vent. I say go for it. However, really think about it first. You don't want to say something you might regret later or something you don't really mean.

When you're in a relationship with a service member, it cannot be about the physical relationship about 90% of the time for some of us. You must work on all things about your relationship that are not physical.

I don't like when I hear girls say, "I hate feeling Single". You shouldn't feel that way. If you focus solely on the lack of a physical relationship, you're going to slowly detach yourself. Never say you feel single. You still have a relationship to devote time and effort to. Personally, I think long distant relationships can be the BEST thing.. but only if you let it.

Focus on the more important things. Communication is key to a strong relationship- both in a Long distant relationship as well as a relationship that never separates you. In a long distant relationship, your communication may be tested, but you can build on it. Take this time to learn new things about your significant other. Start a "New" relationship with him, take this time to write silly little love notes (email, letters, carepackages). I guarantee you the distance can be beneficial.

Deployment for me and my husband helps test our communication skills, but it also helps us because we have to try harder to feel connected. Communication helps put the US in trUSst.

Just think about the positives. Take a breather and relax.

I Got an Email and You Didn't!

Sometimes I wonder if the girls who constantly post they talked to their husband, if they are trying to one up? I guess it's possible. It's nauseating. I mean that in the sense that it's posted so much by the same person(s) over and over that it sometimes seems as they post it while thinking, "ha ha ha, I heard from my husband and you didn't", in dramatic 5 year old kid voice. I'm not just talking about 1 post... I'm talking about several posts within a very short time frame about their 1 sentence from their husband, etc.

It's great. It's wonderful they get to speak to their husband. But then I see how those posts effect other people. The girl's whose husbands are too busy to write that night or the ones who made the decision to save money and not call every night, the constant bragging can get to these girls. I've been there. Thought, "Well good for you!", sarcastically.

This is the reason I don't post when I hear or don't hear from my husband. I don't want to "rub it in" and I surely don't want to make someone feel down because they didn't hear from their Significant other. Every now and then, it's ok- But the Every.Single.Form.of.Communication is daunting. When you have friends in the same situation (as in a loved one is away), it can wear on you.

I decided to write about this because, a.) I have thought this several times, b.) talking about it to a friend recently and c.) I've seen a couple gals post about how it makes them feel seeing people repeatedly post about their constant communications.

I get excited for friends when they hear from their SO's, but it's only happiness for those who rarely post about it. I can't find myself being happy for the ones who constantly post about it because to me, as often as they post.. it's routine for them. They will be the ones to gripe constantly about lack of communication when they go 1 day with nothing. And they come across, to me, as needy.

I know, it's their page... they can post as they wish. True. But nonetheless, it doesn't change how it can make your friends feel.

Talk To Me

In my nearly 3 years as a Navy wife, what is the one thing I have learned that is Key to a Military Relationship? Not even just a military relationship, Relationships in general? Communication.

Without communication what do you have? Nothing really. Without good communication, You can't have trust, can't have full honesty.. You don't have a Solid foundation for a relationship. You're left with a relationship that is set up for failure- UNLESS you improve on both partner's communication with each other.

Lack of communication causes couples to grow apart. I'm not talking about the long periods of time that a service member CAN'T contact you due to deployment. In your casual emails, phone calls.. day to day life together.. How much is really said between the two of you? How often does he tell you how he's doing? When in port, does he tell you about the things he did? Things he seen? How included in his or her life are you without being there? And reverse it.. How included do you keep them in your life while he or she is away during deployment? It all falls back on communication with each other.

My husband and I didn't always have good communication skills- making periods of time very tough for each other. We weren't together physically, he was away to a-school and I wasn't allowed to live with him. Aside from boot camp, it was the first time we had ever been apart from each other. We thought our communication was good, but in reality, we had a lot to learn.

A-school, as some of you may know, was our big challenge. What made that so challenging is because our communication with each other was rather horrible. It led to trust issues and little lies. I had honestly wondered at times if our marriage was going to be broken due to the military (Military not to blame, but only ourselves- didn't see that then).

Both of us wanted things to work, and work well. We loved each other too much not to. We started to work together and find the root cause of our trouble. It came down to communication. We started discussing more, talking things out- every situation, every issue we faced from there on out. Then the Workups started at his permanent duty station. We knew it was going to challenge us again.

I'm proud to say, that all the work we put into learning to talk to each other and work together paid off. It also totally proved my point to me and to him. Communication is KEY to a relationship. You NEED it. Here we are more than 2 years later, and our communication skills are as strong as ever. I don't hear from him every day.. sometimes longer, but I'm apart of his every day life and he is mine. He writes to me when he can, sometimes they are short emails.. but he will go out of his way to write me to make sure I know he loves me and that he needs me. I tell him about all my little endeavors without him (minus homecoming surprises) to make him feel like he stays apart of my life here at home without him. This allowing our trust to stay strong.

I could keep going with this post, but I feel I'm starting to ramble.

Just talk to your SO, get them involved. Communicate.

"D" isn't for deployment, "D" is for DiVoRcE

I've noticed a lot of relationships get torn apart by deployment. Right around the time of the halfway party, you start to see those who quit. Both on the deployment side and the home-front. I'm not just speaking about those affiliated with the Ship my husband is apart of.. it's everywhere.

I can't judge their reasoning, I do not know it. It is also not my place to know or judge it. However, there are some who just blatantly put it out there. To me, it looks bad on their part because It's a personal and should be private matter- but in their defense, it's good to vent. But that's not what this blog is about.

It's sad to me to see marriages and relationship's fall apart. Some of which, I know are stupid reasons that could be worked or well, quite honestly, should have never been issue to begin with. There are some who are private with the matter (as it should be), So this isn't about anyone of those. I can't comment on their troubles.

Today, I think about my marriage. My husband and I have a couple disagreements, well- Arguments. I can't really even say they were arguments. My husband didn't use the best judgment and made some poor decisions, but it was nothing to make me want to quit my marriage. My husband isn't perfect, and I know my marriage isn't perfect. However, there are days when I read SO much negativity about other's marriages and even negativity about the husband- Posted by the wife mind you, that I sit back and say, "Wow, Thank God my marriage is perfect.". It's not perfect, but It's pretty damn good compared to some.

I'm not trying to bash anyone or anyone's relationship- but I think there comes a time when some need to step back and remind themselves WHY they got married or WHY they committed to the relationship in the first place. "Love conquers all", if you love someone and you WANT it to work and they WANT it to work- it will. The problem is people give up entirely too easy. Yes, there are those situations where one person wants it to work, and the other doesn't... Those are just sad situations. I have a friend that has tried and tried- She wants it, he doesn't anymore. I feel terrible for her, he is the idiot in this situation.

Why do the stresses from deployment break marriages? It's not even deployment's fault, Why do people allow the stresses they face to completely break their marriage? Why do people quit when the situation can't entirely be fixed with Thousands of miles and several months to go between them?

I just honestly do not understand it. Marriage isn't just something to quit and walk away from. It's SUPPOSED to be forever. Why be so brash and start talking the "D" word, divorce *cringe*, when the problem, if a big problem, can't entirely be solved until the deployment is done? I just don't get it.

Open your eyes. You LOVE him or her... and more than likely he/she LOVES you too.

Seriously, Thank God I have a great relationship with my husband. I'm so grateful for the good communication we posses and our willingness to make sure our marriage works, and we are both happy.

I Need You

Today wasn't the best "Deployment day" so to speak. Due to my health issue, I woke up not feeling well at all this morning. Probably one of the worst days I've had with chest pain and breathing- being winded. So, because of that, today was a required lazy day. I stayed in my PJs ALL day.

Because I wasn't feeling well, I was a bit moody today. I am just really over this whole something possibly being wrong with my heart mess. But my heart issue is separate from deployment and I don't blame it for being a bad deployment day.

The ship recently left port, and earlier this week- there was another man overboard and another Sailor who passed, both of which are two separate happenings. All the talk yesterday about the death was draining, I didn't so much let it affect me- but I just couldn't continue to listen and read all the speculations and rumors. It was all over facebook, in one on one talk, texting, email and messages. It just drains you. Can sometimes suck the positivity straight out of you. I just had to tune it out, for the betterment of myself.

Last night- I had a nightmare about my husband... I don't remember what happened, but I remember that it didn't end good. Fine, just a dream. It's OK. I suspect it had something to do with the recent sailor passing talk get to me some.

I get online to see that my husband's division's Facebook page had uploaded pics from Port. All was good until it stuck out to me that my husband wasn't wearing his wedding band. Being positively drained, feeling rough and tired.. I allowed my wondering thoughts to get the best of me.

Him not wearing that band lead to questioning him to myself. NEVER good. (of course you know I'm only blogging about this because all is ok.. and it's me being the idiot.)

Thankfully, I had a couple of amazing ladies that I vented to and I emailed my husband to ask about it.

Before I ever got mad, I KNOW I should have thought about it a little bit. My husband is a VERY forgetful man.. and I can't count how many times he's ran off from the house and left his wedding band on his bed side table or on the bathroom counter. On top of that.. He's not allowed/ supposed to wear it when he's working in his rate. Had I of thought rationally.. this wouldn't have been an issue. But of course- Yeah, I'm a dumbass.

Anyway, I emailed him and asked. Several hours later... all day had passed, he emailed back to explain that he had been keeping it in his pocket everyday while working until a little over a week ago when it fell out of his pocket and he almost never found it. Since then, it has been kept safe in his rack. When they ported, he realized he forgot his ring when he was already off the ship with his liberty partners.

I can't say that I blame him for not dragging his buddies back on the ship to get his ring.. however, I LOVE seeing that ring on his finger.

Everything added up today- just made today pretty much suck, but at the same time.. great because the email he sent me after that one was amazing an just what I needed to hear. You know, one of those really Sappy ones that went something like, "I love you baby and you’re the only one baby all I do is think about you every second that I'm out here. Its hard for us being away from each other and I miss you like crazy and I know you miss me like crazy baby. you’re the only girl I want. I need you baby. I don’t need anyone else except for you. I love you baby. Forever. I promise." 

Ok, yes, that was a copy and paste from his email. Yes, he says "baby" alot. You should see the "Lol"s and "haha"s in other emails.. maybe that'll be a different post for a different day- evidently everything is funny to my husband.

Have you ever noticed (for some) that you're ok if you don't get an email all day- and the days you're fine and are ok without one, are the days they get to email quite a bit, but the days that you have a question or "need" something.. those are the days you either don't hear from them or it's definitely not fast enough to calm your nerves? Maybe that's another post for another day. Yes I know that "question" was a horribly written run-on sentence, but I'm ok with that. 

 

Dear Deployment, I LOVE You.

Everyone always seems to say, "Dear deployment, I hate you.". Here I am, Once again going against the norm. Here's my letter to deployment.

Dear Deployment,
Although many hate or strongly dislike you, I'm writing you to THANK you. You are amazing. Seriously. You are my new BFF.
I know this may seem strange that I'm so fond of you, especially since you're part of the reason my husband's nights are my days. However, I appreciate you so very much. You have made my already strong relationship stronger.
The Underways before deployment taught my husband and I better communication. Deployment, you have proved how well we communicate and our communication skills are so much stronger now. Even when communications are down, I know not to worry because I will hear from him when he has a chance, when he has the time.
He is thousands of miles away, out of reach but yet, his emails make him feel as if he is right here with me. He never left. Physically, he is away for a while.. but He is still here. It's not about the physical relationship with him. We connect through our words. I may not get phone calls because you are a bit on the expensive side, Deployment, but when I do.. I'm first kiss excited. It's worth not getting calls. We save money by no calls and When I do get them, I'm more appreciative. I know not to expect them.
Deployment, Thank you. You are more than just separation from my husband, you are more than my husband doing his job, more than these men and women out there ensuring America stays free. Deployment, You are a new relationship with my husband. There will be hard times, but there are hard times with every relationship. The key is to learning to get through it... Together. We've got this, this is easy. Thank you Deployment.
Dear Deployment, I love you.

So long for now,
Married to a Sailor

Time to Freak Out

It has been an eventful deployment week. Everything Ship oriented I'm going to post in this blog has already had it's official statements and military release posted- so don't worry about anything being against OPSEC.

Communications have been down for several days now. This is something I typically wouldn't post about, however the Ombudsman has put it out for everyone to know. BTW- Communications down sometimes mean missions.. which is why talking about Comm. Blackouts are against OPSEC.

ANYWAY.. I haven't heard from my husband in several days. I didn't get a phone call for my birthday or an email from him. Comms. have been down for several days now.. and Did I or Have I freaked out? Worried? Get upset? .... NO ....

I don't expect emails. I don't expect calls. I'm not going to wait around an entire day- every day for an email! That email will be there when I get the chance to check it. I know my husband is entirely way to busy to email me back and forth for extended periods of time. He's not going to wait for me to reply- he doesn't have the time. He has a job to do. That job does not guarantee him the luxury to be able to email me at any given time or even every day OR every week. This is for ALL military.. not just the Navy and not just my husband's rate. Emailing or calling me is not his priority- never will be during deployment- It CAN'T be because he is Working. Yes, the Military is a way of life, however.. it is his j-o-b.

Worrying does you no good. The only thing it does is raise your blood pressure.

Ok, So.. WHY are Comms. down? Them dirty ole Pirates!
Unfortunately they don't look nearly as good or dressed like Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom... They are very much real.

Ok, getting back on track:
The ship and her strike group have been following a yacht that was overtaken by 18 Somali Pirates. They had 4 American Missionaries held hostage- the Yacht belonged to he Americans.

The Strike Group tried to negotiate when the Somalis fired a missile then gunfire rang on the yacht. The Somalis had shot the 4 American Hostages and then surrendered. Two of the 18 Somali Pirates were killed when Sailor's boarded the yacht and 3 others were found dead- unsure of the cause of their death. The remaining 13 are being held in the Brig on the USS Enterprise- my husband's Ship.

For a few days I knew this was going on and suspected it was the Big E and her strike group. However, I kept to myself and made no big deal of it. Many posted about it on FB.. people started getting anxious and worrying. Today it was released that it was the E- as many suspected.

I never freaked out, never worried, never had an upsetting thought pop in my head. Again, it's the whole thing of  "This is his j-o-b". IF there is something I need to worry about, it's not my husband.. if I worry constantly, this is going to be a MISERABLE deployment. IF something happens to him.. If he gets hurt, THEN I'll worry... I would be contacted.

This is where I say my favorite Deployment saying:

"NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS"

*Smacks forehead*

Their job is to get things done. Protecting, fighting, Pirates.. etc WHATEVER is thrown at them. They are Sailors, soldiers, Marines and Airmen.. THEY ARE THE MILITARY. That is their job. Our job is being on the homefront- staying sane, being supportive and don't worry and freak them out because you can't keep a clear head.

Deployments are hard on them too.. don't make it any harder on yourself OR Him (or her) by Freaking out and worrying over every mission.. every communication black out.. OR even just ONE day of not hearing from your husband, daughter, boyfriend, sister.. etc! They are WORKING.

The end. 

Official Posting about the Pirates: (Official means: Postings from the Government and Military.. not CNN or Navy times- those are not official)
http://navylive.dodlive.mil/index.php/2011/02/22/u-s-forces-respond-to-gunfire-aboard-sv-quest/
http://www.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=62894

When does this get hard?

Lately, I've caught some hell because Deployment has yet to really affect me. I've actually had one girl try to say I don't love my husband or I'm cheating on him.. ect. None of which is true. Tonight, I was wondering about How deployment is affecting me.. and aside from not remembering to put out the Trash on Tuesday mornings for pickup- I'm not all that affected by it.

I have always been told that the first month is the hardest- Well, January down and I'm still not affected. Why Am I not affected by this deployment, or yet to be affected? I'm betting noone can answer that better than myself because well, Hey- I think I know myself best ;)

I think because I mentally prepared myself, I am able to cope with him being gone easily. I refused to focus on the fact of deployment coming up and focused on my husband, myself, my marriage, packing his things and just enjoying the time I had left with him instead of looking at the negatives.

Before I met my husband and while we were dating I was completely independent. I had rent, bills 2 jobs- the works. I relied on noone BUT myself. I have yet to loose that about myself. If anything, my husband is the dependent one because I do everything to take care of him- Minus the real money intake.. he's got me bet there (for now!).

I keep myself busy- None stop until I get so tired I pass out. I do give myself days to be a couch potato as well. But I do things to keep my mood upbeat.

Staying Positive also helps too! I have not seen one negative person to deal with this deployment well. Negative is just that.. All around NEGATIVE. So, Smile!Take the negativity OUT of your life- THIS INCLUDES PEOPLE! Sometimes even your closest friends. It may suck at first, but in the long run, you will be better for it. You can't be drug down by other's constant negativity. It's one thing to have a bad day- Those are allowed. The constant negativity or people starting drama, friends starting fights for no reason other than to start drama- GET RID OF IT! Sometimes, You have to put yourself first. I say this because if you keep putting everyone else first... You'll wear yourself out and those people will expect it from you and not give you the same support. Your "Friend" will get in a constant "Me Me Me" and YOU are left out.

There are going to be rumors and girls posting things just to get your panties in a wad- Ignore them. Ignore everything you hear from anyone- the news, family, friends, drama queens, anti-OPSEC followers and "Pretty little Liars" (We'll get to the pretty little liars anther day). Unless you hear it from the DOD, You're Ombudsman- or the like, or your husband... Take it with a grain of salt, or don't take it at all. Chances are- it's Horse shit.

My husband Does make me happy. However, I do not rely solely on him to make me happy. I rely on myself. Only YOU can make yourself truly happy.

I could keep going here. But I'm not out to write a whole chapter for a book.

I can't answer WHY exactly it's easier for me, or why I'm handling it so well.. other than I just am.

Christina, Do you love your husband? More than anything in this world.
 Are you cheating on your husband? That's a stupid question. My morals are far better than to stoop to that level. No, I'm not cheating on my husband and would never do so.

It's all about keeping your head up and just getting through it. I hear I'm "Too Positive". No, I'm just happy being ME. I get emails from my husband every now and then. Our communication skills are great- that's all I need to make it through this deployment. I don't have to hear from him every day. I know he's OK. If he wasn't- I'd hear about it! No news is good news. I don't get phone calls. I don't need them- and we like saving that extra money! He will call from port visits- Skype Mobile is free ;)
Because I don't get phonecalls all the time or expect email every day.. I appreciate when I do get email or a call from port. I know he's busy and who am I to get mad if he'd rather sleep for an extra 15-30 minutes instead of email me?

Now, I will admit. I have cried ONCE! and I was nothing to do with deployment! Ok, yes it had something to do with deployment,  just not my husband's deployment. I watched the movie "The Lost Valentine" with Betty White and Jennifer Love Hewitt the other day on CBS. Had I of not been affiliated with the Military in any way- I still would have Bawled! I don't know one person who didn't cry watching it. It was a great movie and I'm a sucker for sappy love stories.

I have another blog post in mind. It may be put up this week. We shall see- depends on how much free time I give myself.

"Olive Juice" ily

 You'll understand the title- (no, I don't like juice from olives- gag) Keep reading.. [or study the image to the left]
Have I mentioned how much I Love my husband? I know I have, but the words in my blog no where near capture the feelings I have for the amazing man I married 2 years ago.

The past 2 weeks were just what we needed. When I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with him any more than I already had- He proves me wrong time and time again. Every time I think, "It's not possible to be any happier than I am at this very moment".. again, He'll prove me wrong. I love it. The leave he took for us to spend time together was so amazing.

Yes, This is one of those sappy, mushy, YOUDISGUSTMEBECAUSEYOURSOINLOVE blogs. :D <-there's that big cheesey smile again. Get use to it ;)

It's the little things he does that make me smile so much.. and still gives me butterflies. My last text from him after taking him to the pier for yet another underway said "Olive Juice". Some of you may or may not know what I'm talking about.. or may think I'm crazy, so let me explain:

I don't know what it's called.... Similar to a "Homophone".. but not exactly. I was told once it was considered a "Homophene" but I can't find any validity to it... Ok.. When you mouth "olive juice" to someone across a room, it looks like you're saying "I love you". Ya got me? My husband and I sometimes do this, except I say "Elephant Shoe". We did this a little when we first started dating, and then it faded away. Over the past 2 weeks, it somehow popped back up in our relationship. I'd say "Elephant Shoe" and he'd reply with "Olive Juice".. we'd actually speak it instead of mouthing it.. but who cares. Sometimes he'd throw in a "I want to Vacuum"... which is something that looks totally different than "I Love You"... go mouth that one in the mirror ;) or mouth it to your SO- ha.

"Olive Juice"- Made my day, even though I was letting him go for a short time with his ship- not that I had much choice :p.

It's the little things <3

What it means to be a Navy Wife

Flip Flops and Combat Boots has teamed up with Anchors Away Etsy shop to host a contest for Navy Significant others. This is the first contest I have entered, and am quite excited about it. Anchors Away offers some super cute items on her Etsy shop.. I can already tell it's going to get me in trouble with the husband.

The winner of the contest will win this awesome clutch bag!

To enter I have to tell Nicole and Marianna what it means to be a Navy Wife, and post the best picture of my husband and myself. This is a similar question I asked in the previous contest I hosted open to all Military Significant others. But I never posted what it means to ME to be a Military Wife/ Navy Wife. So this is a great opportunity for me to share that with all of you, my followers.. and hopefully winning the awesome clutch as well! ;)

Let me start off by telling you why I chose this picture. This picture was taken on December 19, 2008. The day I became a Navy wife, the day we started on a new journey.. a new adventure. Not knowing where it would take us, not knowing the people we would meet, the places we would see.. not knowing what the Military life had in store for us. It is the reason my blog is titled "Married to a Sailor: The Journey of a Navy Wife". This is my journey, my life.. and this is what it means to me:

I was brought up with Military in my family. Daddy Wade was in the Navy and out of the Navy before he met my mom. My great grandfather was also in the Navy. I grew up hearing an occasional story from my grandfather, always seeing pictures on his wall and it bringing a smile my face (by the way, he's around 90 and still sports a high and tight). Both my Aunt and Uncle were in the Airforce and retired from the Airforce, I loved hearing them talk about it. My cousin was in the Army, had been hurt in Iraq and was discharged. My brother joined the Airforce straight out of high school. Never realized how proud I could be of someone until the day I watched my brother leave for basic training. I always had a since of Patriotism, a lot of pride in our military. I had thought hard about joining myself, and had talked to several recruiters. Then I met my husband.

I never told my husband I was considering the military. We dated nearly a year and he started talking about joining the service. I honestly was a little scared. I didn't know where it would take our relationship. I was madly in love with him. He came to my house one day before we both had to go to work. He sat me down and asked me If I thought it was a good idea for him to join the Military. I was just his girlfriend. What do I say? It's not my decision. And that's what I told him. I grabbed his hand and said, "I support what ever decision you make. But I cannot make the decision for you. I am only your girlfriend and you cannot base your life decisions around me". He looked up at me and said, "This is about you. This is about us. I plan to marry you. This is your decision too." Talk about making you choke up! I knew we were serious, I knew I wanted to marry him.. but never saw that coming. We sat there and talked about it. The next day, he signed his name to the United states Navy. Three months later, he asked me to marry him. Two short months later, we were married. The next month, he left for Navy Boot Camp.

So, Back to the question. What does being a Navy Wife mean to me? 

• It means it's more important than ever to have good communication, and to rely on communication of the the physical aspects of a Civilian relationship. Living life through emails, and setting up Mobile email so no matter where you are, not missing the simple emails that just say "I love you and miss you so much", and your heart skip a beat as you read those words from your husband while he's out at sea.
• It means being strong, knowing you can handle the life of a Navy wife. You will hear the saying, "Only the Strong Survive", I believe it is the truth. If you don't believe you're strong enough for this, how can your husband?
• It means that every kiss feels like the first and never loosing those butterflies.
• It means adventure, taking risks and taking things as they come. Getting to see new places and experience different cultures.
• It means not planning anything, and learning to be spontaneous. If you don't make plans, you can't blame the Navy for breaking your plans. Just enjoying everything on a day to day basis.
• It means learning that you won't always be number one priority and when you have kids, they won't be either. Means smiling and even laughing when you hear "The Navy is my husband's mistress, and that bitch gets all the attention" because it's the truth.
• It means putting your big girl panties on and enjoying the ride. Yeah sure, things get tough, but it's all about how you take them and what you make of them. It's learning to see the positive in every situation. 
• It's having even more pride for the Navy and Military. It's a lot different than a brother, or Aunt/ Uncle being in... when it's your husband, You're apart of it.
• It means determining HOW you let the Navy defines you. You can say it doesn't define you, but you're ignoring it. In having Pride for your husband, in being patriotic, living this lifestyle.. it's already defining you. To me, I define myself as a Proud Navy Wife, married to an amazing man who IS a Sailor. Do I love him just because he is a Sailor? No. I would love him just as much if he was just a plumber. 
• It means staying positive, to keep yourself from getting depressed when he's away. 
• It means making some of the most unbreakable friendships imaginable. Finding others who understand without saying the emotions that come with the Job of being a Navy wife. 
• It means being in a position to help new Navy wives, giving advice and direction because we were all lost at one point and it's nice to have a helping hand.

It means so much to me, I could go on forever about what Being a Navy wife means to me, this is my life and my husband's life. My husband is career with the Navy. We have many years ahead of us. Why not enjoy it? You choose your own happiness.

I hope you Enjoyed my Entry. :)

Not keeping it bottled up

Seems like I have been posting less and less lately. There's been a lot going on, and somethings are better left unsaid.. well, better to not blog about.

I have been stressed to the MAX! So has the husband. His work schedule (not including the workups!), The move, Family visiting and a few other things.. has just really stressed us lately and has given us no breathing room, not to mention.. the hubby and I haven't gotten any time together. Guess that adds to the stress? Oh, not to mention I now know when they are deploying, found out the official (for now) deployment date. It's creeping up. I'm prepared, well.. as best as I can be.

I get jealous when the ship lets the guys off, and my friends get their husband for an extra day. Because my husband is "Essential Personnel", he doesn't get any days off that aren't his designated days off, not to mention he works 13hr shifts, night shift at that. It's draining. More so than the intense workup schedule that we have been undergoing since April. I know I shouldn't get jealous, it's the military... but I won't really get any time with my husband before deployment.

It's sad that I feel like I get to talk to him more when he's out to sea than when he's home. I see him for roughly one hour a day and that's while he's getting ready for work.  Yea sure, he does get 2 days off, but he sleeps practically the entire first day and the second he is still exhausted. I can't blame him for wanting to relax. Hell, if it were me working like he does, I would want to sleep every chance I got. At the same time that I understand.. I feel alone.9

I've gotten to the point where I feel like the kid who is always picked last for Kickball. If that was ever you growing up.. you know how bad that sucks. I'm a very patient person. And I know I'm a damn good wife. I am very understanding, but after a while.. it gets to me.
There's a little more to it than that, but I'm not going to get into it. Damnit, I just need some attention from my husband.

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for a few months now. It's been kept quiet, but If I talk about things, I feel better. My husband and I struggle in this department. What I mean by that is we have had several miscarriages since July of '08. One very recent. Another stress we've been facing. I've kinda come to grips with the recent one, but at the same time.. I find myself blaming myself. I know it's not my fault. But I think blaming yourself is the easiest way to accept it. I beat myself up thinking that my husband will not love me if I cannot give him a family. I know that's not true. I know he'll still love me. He actually wasn't sure he wanted kids until we found out we were pregnant in late June of '08. He got so excited. Seeing his face, the way he looked at me and rubbed my belly.. was the greatest thing I have ever felt or seen. Beginning of July '08 I miscarried. I found out I had been pregnant since April and had no clue it had been that long. I had just found out I was pregnant. I still think about that one all the time. I was about 3 months along. It's hard not to think about. I just keep telling myself that right now is not the right time for us. It will happen when it's supposed to. I'm going to be going to the doctor in the near future, so maybe I'll get some insight as to what's going on with my body. I haven't even told family we're trying for a baby. I guess I'll find out if any of my family reads my blog now.

I'm not depressed, although this isn't exactly the most positive blog post. I'm generally a very happy person. Not to say that I'm not happy right now, I'm just stressed. It happens to the best of us. I know that for me, it's best to let it all out and not keep it bottled up. It will only intensify the stress.

I would really like to thank Goodnight Moon for being totally awesome. She has been the one I feel like I can talk to about everything. I so wish she and I lived closer together!
Thank you to the couple other ladies I have talked briefly to as well.

Well, I'm going to leave this post as is. I'm going to post again later with some pics from my husband's family visiting. We finally got to meet our Nephew. He's a year old!
I've seen several ladies comment me wanting info for photo sessions. Shoot me an email at CRushGFX@yahoo.com, I've been away for a while and had a lot of comments and wasn't able to keep up! I apologize for this!

Even Superwoman has a Bad Day

Today was the day I finally allowed myself the chance to process that my husband was away. So, in other words.. today was a not so good day. I started this blog so others could see the ups and downs of my life. To see my Journey as a Navy Wife. Well, here's my first "down". I'm going to write this as if I was writing my husband, because he knows me best, and understands me more than anyone in this world. That being said, I will be able to express how I feel a little better and feel comfortable writing.

Dear Mr. Amazing (yes I really do call my husband this. He truly is.),

Today I got really bummed out when you didn't write. I got my hopes up for an email when I started to feel a little Blah. I had to remind myself that everything is ok. That I'm strong enough and it's ok to have days where I feel alone, that it's normal. I know you're not going to be able to email me every day. I just have to remind myself of that on the days it feels harder. I just have to think positive and not let negativity fill my head, because it will eat at me. I'm better now, I promise. I guess I was due for a little time to just let it out. I've been doing so well at just keeping busy and staying positive, I was bound to crack at some point. I know you love me, and that if you could you would email me or better yet call me if you could. I know you have only been gone a short time, but I didn't get the chance to process the fact that you were even leaving. That you weren't on a "Duty" day. That's what it felt like. Every day I have felt like you were going to come home the next morning. Even though I know you haven't had Duty in Months. I guess that's a good way to look at it, I wish I felt that way earlier so I wouldn't have almost broke down.
We both knew I had a day coming. And I really tried my best not to let it bother me, but this is the first time I have sat down long enough to let my mind wonder. I hope that by me writing you this, it will help me and also help you to understand that I am ok even on my "off" days. I want to be positive and supportive. I want to be understanding, and I know I am.. I just need a day to recollect myself I guess. I can't rely on an email to come to make me feel better. I have to rely on myself and our love, thoughts of you and of us to help keep my head up and be the best damn wife I can possibly be. I know we joke that I'm "Superwoman" or whatever. But I guess even Superwoman has a bad day every now and then. After all she is a woman.. and we both know that sometimes hormones get the best of any woman. I guess the constant going and staying busy has physically and mentally drained me. I guess at some point, you have to take a step back to think about things, let it out and pick up where you left off. Process the fact that you are away.. let it out, process.. process.. grasp the fact... pull yourself together and get moving. I almost felt sorry for myself. And oh boy, wouldn't that have been a complete blubbering mess. But luckily, I snapped back to reality. I think I needed the time to think about it.. get it out.. and then be able to realize I can't let it hold me back or make me feel sorry for myself. Well, now that we've had our little therapy session, I'm going to go back to packing now. Superwoman is moving in about 2 weeks and has only 1 room packed completely. 

Well, I hope I didn't loose anyone there.. I'm sure if this was actually going to be given to my husband it would have been full of mushy stuff and I love yous.. but I avoided all that so I wouldn't make you all sick (haha) and to prevent this from being a never ending post. Maybe someone will relate to how I feel. Even in my days that I don't feel strong enough, I still see the positive in myself. I just hope I never loose that.

Yes, I do really get called "Superwoman" and not just by my husband. I guess one day I will post about that. But for now, this is it.

We survived A-School

Andreea asked me about my experience with A-School, and I realize now I didn't say too much about it in my blog. So.. Wah-lah.. A blog!

I have heard so many ladies say that Boot camp and A-School were so much harder than deployment. Seeing as I have yet to go through a deployment, I cannot answer this just yet. We are currently preparing for Deployment.. and I have to say, the workups are pretty draining. However, so far.. A-School has been the hardest part I have dealt with as being a Navy wife.

The hubby's A-School was only supposed to be about 7 weeks long. But, little did we know.. it was going to take a while for him to class up... more than 4 months just to class up.

Okay, so yeah, the distance was hard, but I was away from him at boot camp... what's the difference?

We were able to talk every day. And being able to talk to someone every day and not be able to be in their arms, see them, kiss them.. Makes it harder than just boot camp, where our talking was through letters and a few short phone calls. He and I were so stressed just because we missed each other.. and when you're stressed and you get to the point where  you break down, you tend to take it out on the person you're closet too. For me and for my husband, that was each other. Our stress and missing each other lead to a few arguments. We had to learn to really communicate, and talk to each other. We thought we had communicated things well to each other, A-school taught us that we were wrong... but luckily in the long run, it helped us when we were forced to learn that.

Another thing that made it hard was he had freedom to do what he wanted when Liberty was called. Don't get me wrong.. I trust my husband 100% it was just the thought that the things he would go out and do, didn't involve me. I wanted to be apart of his every day life, and wasn't apart of it because of the distance.

A lot of the guys he knew were not married, and some didn't even have a girlfriend. No problem Right? Wrong. Some unmarried guys don't seem to have respect for marriage.. not necessarily that they don't have respect, but that they are single and if your husband is their best friend in A-School... they want them to take part in what they do and totally disregard the fact that he is married and could care less of the consequences. So, needless to say, I hated some of the guys he went to A-school with.

"Tag Chasers" were crazy in Pensacola. Okay, not just "Tag Chasers" but I guess you could say Barracks Bunnies were worse. Girls who are in the military and sleep with everyone. Just nasty. We now call these girls "Boat Hoes"...girls that will sleep nearly with a whole division or more. Some of these girls have absolutely no morals.

Seems there is a lot of pressure to drink in A-school as well. Guys would all pitch in and get a hotel room for the weekend and drink the entire weekend. All the drinking can strain a relationship, especially when it comes to bills that need to be paid.

It is truly hard to explain the emotional stress of A-school. From my experience and other ladies as well. Seems like there was always some kind of trust issue. I trusted my husband like nothing else, and found out he would hide little things just because he feared they upset me.. and in the end, they would upset me more because he hid them. I have found that more than 5 ladies I have met on Facebook also had this problem.

There were several times I questioned whether our marriage would survive the constant strain that was being put on me, on him and our relationship. He questioned it too. But we loved each other and love doesn't quit. Love keeps fighting and doesn't give up. We made it. We survived A-school.

I never want to got through the emotional strain of A-School again. However, my husband's and mine relationship is a lot stronger because of the challenges we faced in A-school.
The workups I am currently getting through, have been a breeze compared to A-School and have just made each of us realize how much we enjoy being with each other. It's made my husband realize a lot more.. but that will be another blog ;)

I hope I answered some of your questions Andreea :)

Marriage

I recently read a blog by a fellow Military Wife about people who split up in the Military. After reading and commenting on her blog, I decided I would blog and share my opinion on what I see a lot, and some personal information as well.

Now days it seems as people get into a marriage with the mentality of "Well, we can always get divorced.". This is NEVER a good mentality to go into a marriage with. It's like you don't believe in what marriage stands for. In my opinion, people with this mentality will never have a successful marriage. This goes for both Military and Civilian marriages. Marriage is not a "High School" Relationship. Marriage is the real deal. Where are your morals?

Another thing I see being an issue, especially in military marriages is couples who get married too young. Nothing against anyone who does, just want to state that some people do not realize that they are still immature or have yet to fully mature. You may think you are fully matured.. but you will look back a couple years from now and realize how much you have grown as a person. I think this is something to really think about before jumping in, Especially in a military relationship. I'm talking about the 18 and 19 year olds, fresh out of high school. Also, males mature slower than females as well. And personally I think they "Grow up" and then decline in maturity all over again before they truly "Grow up". They still want their "Freedom". My husband and I have hit a few "Hiccups" with the whole him wanting to just do whatever he wanted, he was 19 when we wed. He still wants to do his own thing, be rebellious. But at the same time, he loves me and wants to be with me. So, we work together as a team.

I have met numerous girls who married just for that, To be married.  To "Live their fairytale", to grow up, get married, and have kids. I've noticed when married life is not what they always dreamed it to be, they give up and run from their marriages. No working things out, no trying, just done. I have seen this numerous times.

Numerous couples get married just because they got pregnant. This is NEVER a good reason just to get married. I also see a lot of couples who get married and immediately want to have kids. This is stressful on a relationship, especially in a military relationship. You should always have time to you and your spouse, to adjust to married life.. and on top of that, adjust to the military life.

Since being a Navy Wife, I have seen a lot of "Tag Chasers". What is a Tag Chaser? 1) Someone who is sexually attracted to someone ONLY because they are in the military. 2) Someone who is looking to marry someone in the military. These people disgust me. They marry Military men because they want the benefits, they want money. They will prey on any man in uniform whether they have a ring on their finger or not. When they do marry, they are known to cheat and usually with another man in uniform. It's plain out sleezy. I have never seen a marriage of this sort work.

I have seen what was believed to be the "Strongest" marriages crumble. You may think your marriage is unbreakable, but anything is possible. I am married, and I use to think my marriage was strong.. and I still think it is strong, but it's not unbreakable. No marriage is unbreakable. How many people have you seen split and you were like, "Wow, I never expected that."? Most of the time, one of the persons involved.. didn't expect it either. I have seen a 25 year marriage crumble for no reason other than she is "Not happy anymore". He never saw it coming.

 No marriage is perfect. Marriage is a job. Some people just give up and quit. You don't get a "break" from marriage. It's a constant job. Yea sure, it's hard sometimes, but you are going to have days at some point that you just don't feel happy. Not necessarily unhappy with your husband, just where you don't feel happy. You might even take it out on your Spouse, and not intentionally mean put it all on them. Stress can do this as well. That is something my husband and myself are working on. When we are upset, mad or stressed, We tend to get snappy with each other. We don't mean to do it, but we both know this is how we are and always have been. People have a tendency to "take things out" on people they care about most. Communication is key to a working relationship. Without good communication, a marriage is set to fail.

I would also like to share that there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to Marriage Counseling. I know couples who go before deployments just to help relieve any stress or tension between themselves. I know a lot of men who don't want to go. They think they "Don't need it" or that they will be embarrassed. There is nothing embarrassing about wanting to make your marriage work smoothly. I think more marriages would work if people would take the steps just to ensure they are communicating and working together. Counseling will definitely be a help.

This is all I have for now. I hope someone enjoyed my rambling :)