I have always been told that the first month is the hardest- Well, January down and I'm still not affected. Why Am I not affected by this deployment, or yet to be affected? I'm betting noone can answer that better than myself because well, Hey- I think I know myself best ;)
I think because I mentally prepared myself, I am able to cope with him being gone easily. I refused to focus on the fact of deployment coming up and focused on my husband, myself, my marriage, packing his things and just enjoying the time I had left with him instead of looking at the negatives.
Before I met my husband and while we were dating I was completely independent. I had rent, bills 2 jobs- the works. I relied on noone BUT myself. I have yet to loose that about myself. If anything, my husband is the dependent one because I do everything to take care of him- Minus the real money intake.. he's got me bet there (for now!).
I keep myself busy- None stop until I get so tired I pass out. I do give myself days to be a couch potato as well. But I do things to keep my mood upbeat.
Staying Positive also helps too! I have not seen one negative person to deal with this deployment well. Negative is just that.. All around NEGATIVE. So, Smile!Take the negativity OUT of your life- THIS INCLUDES PEOPLE! Sometimes even your closest friends. It may suck at first, but in the long run, you will be better for it. You can't be drug down by other's constant negativity. It's one thing to have a bad day- Those are allowed. The constant negativity or people starting drama, friends starting fights for no reason other than to start drama- GET RID OF IT! Sometimes, You have to put yourself first. I say this because if you keep putting everyone else first... You'll wear yourself out and those people will expect it from you and not give you the same support. Your "Friend" will get in a constant "Me Me Me" and YOU are left out.
There are going to be rumors and girls posting things just to get your panties in a wad- Ignore them. Ignore everything you hear from anyone- the news, family, friends, drama queens, anti-OPSEC followers and "Pretty little Liars" (We'll get to the pretty little liars anther day). Unless you hear it from the DOD, You're Ombudsman- or the like, or your husband... Take it with a grain of salt, or don't take it at all. Chances are- it's Horse shit.
My husband Does make me happy. However, I do not rely solely on him to make me happy. I rely on myself. Only YOU can make yourself truly happy.
I could keep going here. But I'm not out to write a whole chapter for a book.
I can't answer WHY exactly it's easier for me, or why I'm handling it so well.. other than I just am.
Christina, Do you love your husband? More than anything in this world.
Are you cheating on your husband? That's a stupid question. My morals are far better than to stoop to that level. No, I'm not cheating on my husband and would never do so.
It's all about keeping your head up and just getting through it. I hear I'm "Too Positive". No, I'm just happy being ME. I get emails from my husband every now and then. Our communication skills are great- that's all I need to make it through this deployment. I don't have to hear from him every day. I know he's OK. If he wasn't- I'd hear about it! No news is good news. I don't get phone calls. I don't need them- and we like saving that extra money! He will call from port visits- Skype Mobile is free ;)
Because I don't get phonecalls all the time or expect email every day.. I appreciate when I do get email or a call from port. I know he's busy and who am I to get mad if he'd rather sleep for an extra 15-30 minutes instead of email me?
Now, I will admit. I have cried ONCE! and I was nothing to do with deployment! Ok, yes it had something to do with deployment, just not my husband's deployment. I watched the movie "The Lost Valentine" with Betty White and Jennifer Love Hewitt the other day on CBS. Had I of not been affiliated with the Military in any way- I still would have Bawled! I don't know one person who didn't cry watching it. It was a great movie and I'm a sucker for sappy love stories.
I have another blog post in mind. It may be put up this week. We shall see- depends on how much free time I give myself.
You are not alone! I've also been completely positive so far through this deployment...I've only cried once and that was the day they left! but, that's been it! I've had days where i've missed him of course but just like you the emails i DO get are enough to keep me positive and happy! I also don't get calls unless he's in port and that is completely fine with me! Everyone handles things differently and it doesn't mean we don't love or miss our husbands!
ReplyDeleteI agree to just ignore all the negativity! i had something that upset me but now i just let it go & will ignore it from now on! :)
I cried the day my husband left on each of his deployments but over all, they were not that bad for me either. We all cope differently. Some people just shut down while others turn into a ball of emotion. I did have my frustrating moments for the first two deployments but I was also pregnant both times. The 3rd deployment I had my moments but that was because I had two young children.
ReplyDeleteDeployments ARE hard but how you describe that hard is bound to be different than the next person. No one person handles it the same & anyone who judges someone else based on how they handle it is just plain silly. But then again, after living this life for 13 years I have little patience for those who complain about how they feel others should be handling things. ;)
Thank you for posting this. I feel less like a monster for being so okay and fine with this deployment.
ReplyDeleteKUDOS!!
ReplyDeleteI find it fascinating (although not surprising) that you are getting crap for being "too positive". It must be hard for some people to grasp the concept of being independent and prepared.
I think a lot of it like you said is mindset. And you can either dwell and be sad all the time or you can live your life. Independence has a lot to do with it too.
ReplyDeleteThe Lost Valentine was a tearjerker. If someone didn't cry I'd wonder if they had a heart at all. And being a Navy wife made it more touching.
That's a great attitude to have. You are very strong and mentally grounded. Go you! Just as long as you still prefer him to be home, I think you're in a perfectly healthy mind set. ;)
ReplyDeleteKeeping busy is key for me too. It's easier when you are just too busy to think about how much you miss him. It's like as kids, when we go to summer camp, and we're having so much fun that we don't even get homesick until we have downtime and we remember that we're not with mom and dad.
I also try to set goals while he's away so I spend the time doing something that I know he'll enjoy when he gets home. Redecorate, lose 5 lbs, save for a romantic night out, practice cooking, etc.
If you keep this up for the whole deployment you'll be set. Hope it flies by for you!
Hi Christina...
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. I, too, am a very independent gal. Thankfully I haven't been given a lot of flack about the deployment not affecting me because I have never said so.
I will say that most of the time I'm fine. But every now and then, but not very often, I have a bad/sad/whatever you want to call it kind of day.
Soon me and my DH will be on shore duty, which I'm really looking forward to, but I know I'm going to miss having some alone time. I know that sounds awful, but its the truth. Sometimes a gal just needs to be by herself.
I love my husband with every ounce of my being, but I also love myself, and refuse to be so dependent on someone that is rarely around. I'd go crazy and he probably would to. The woman he fell in love with isn't a clingy, "I have to be with you all the time" kind of gal. Had I been that way, there's a chance we wouldn't be what we are today.
Thanks again for your post.
While reading your 1st two paragraphs I was thinking "it's not hard because you prepared yourself, you know what to expect for the most part and you don't allow outside circumstances to get to you." then I read the next paragraph and I was like "YESSS! Got it right!" lol. :)
ReplyDeleteThe first month of my husbands deployment went pretty good as well...we were super busy and I'd done the month thing over and over and OVER during the last year with all of the underways, it was just kind of normal. For me, when he didn't come home after day 29, I definitely had a break down moment. even though my brain new he was away longer, it was like my heart and body were expecting him to come home and when he didn't they freaked out. Like withdrawls:) But things have eventually gotten easier and I maintain a happy state for the most part. I agree with you in taking out the negative influences. That is the ONLY way I have kept sane during all this. it's nice to know you are well prepared, and solid with your hubby. Those other women don't know you or your marriage. I'm pretty sure others say things like that because they have to make sense in their own mind why they are reacting a certain way and others don't. People forget that it's different for EVERY person, and perhaps we shouldn't judge and just be happy that someone at least is able to deal with deployment without a total breakdown :)
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