Operation Underway: Completed; Next Mission: Deployment

My husband's ship has been undergoing many underways since the month of April preparing for deployment. Anywhere from 2 days to 45 days at a time, the underways have been continuous, every month, sometimes more than once a month to more than a month at a time.

I did not have any times where I broke down because of him being underway. Yeah sure, I missed him while he was away.. but I never let him being gone get the best of me. I faced challenges while he was gone, but those challenges would have been thrown at me in ordinary civilian life. Any times where I felt as if I was going to "Lose it" cannot be attributed to anything with the Navy.

Did I think it was hard? Eh, Yes and no. Missing him did sometimes make the underways tough... maybe not so much missing him- but the constant adjusting and readjusting on top of his port schedule. By the time I had adjusted to him being gone, I was waiting on the pier to bring him home- and vice versa. There were several times that I hadn't completely adjusted to him being gone and he'd come home. I wouldn't be adjusted to him being home and he'd leave again. It was a constant "gotta do this, get ready for this",  over and over and over. But now, We are at the end of the strenuous training schedule and now reality is setting in. Buckle up- It's time for Deployment.

I continually compare things I have went through in the Military family lifestyle with past military adventures. I have to say, A-school still gets the prize for being the most challenging. Bootcamp was tough- many tears and really learning to adjust and be on my own again... But A-school, I will take bootcamp and another million underways before I would choose to go through the challenges my husband and I went through as a married couple.

Bootcamp, PCSing without my husband, being away from family, constant underway schedule- I will gladly go through again and again, but you can keep the A-school ;).
(p.s. I wrote a post on A-school early in my blog)

I have been told that Deployment will be easier in many ways compared to the underway schedule. During a deployment- I will actually get to fully adjust to him being gone- which by the way, I'm actually excited about adjusting to a schedule! Although, I'd much rather adjust to a schedule with him home... I'm looking forward to being able to plan things again. I know I will probably worry about a bit more during deployment.. but I know that I will not keep me from living every day life. No use worrying constantly and making yourself miserable.

I have so much planned during deployment.. I'm actually excited for my husband to leave and come home to see all I accomplish while he's away. He says he's excited to leave and come home for me to see all the muscle he is going to put on from working out- we shall see about the muscle ;).. he's got to get away from those darn 3 Musketeers! He's not a big guy.. my husband is a little guy.. well, average I'd say now. Since April, he has gained 30 pounds. While every other guy on the USS Enterprise has lost tons of weight from the horrible food- not to mention food poisoning, my husband GAINED weight.. oh yes, $100 a month in 3 Musketeers will do that to you. I really don't have anything else to say about that, just a little laugh about it... It's definitely NOT normal haha.

I plan to write a post later this week on things I have learned in general and things I have learned about myself from these underway periods. Might just to that tomorrow. We shall see ;)

So now I say: Dear Deployment, Bring it On!

We survived A-School

Andreea asked me about my experience with A-School, and I realize now I didn't say too much about it in my blog. So.. Wah-lah.. A blog!

I have heard so many ladies say that Boot camp and A-School were so much harder than deployment. Seeing as I have yet to go through a deployment, I cannot answer this just yet. We are currently preparing for Deployment.. and I have to say, the workups are pretty draining. However, so far.. A-School has been the hardest part I have dealt with as being a Navy wife.

The hubby's A-School was only supposed to be about 7 weeks long. But, little did we know.. it was going to take a while for him to class up... more than 4 months just to class up.

Okay, so yeah, the distance was hard, but I was away from him at boot camp... what's the difference?

We were able to talk every day. And being able to talk to someone every day and not be able to be in their arms, see them, kiss them.. Makes it harder than just boot camp, where our talking was through letters and a few short phone calls. He and I were so stressed just because we missed each other.. and when you're stressed and you get to the point where  you break down, you tend to take it out on the person you're closet too. For me and for my husband, that was each other. Our stress and missing each other lead to a few arguments. We had to learn to really communicate, and talk to each other. We thought we had communicated things well to each other, A-school taught us that we were wrong... but luckily in the long run, it helped us when we were forced to learn that.

Another thing that made it hard was he had freedom to do what he wanted when Liberty was called. Don't get me wrong.. I trust my husband 100% it was just the thought that the things he would go out and do, didn't involve me. I wanted to be apart of his every day life, and wasn't apart of it because of the distance.

A lot of the guys he knew were not married, and some didn't even have a girlfriend. No problem Right? Wrong. Some unmarried guys don't seem to have respect for marriage.. not necessarily that they don't have respect, but that they are single and if your husband is their best friend in A-School... they want them to take part in what they do and totally disregard the fact that he is married and could care less of the consequences. So, needless to say, I hated some of the guys he went to A-school with.

"Tag Chasers" were crazy in Pensacola. Okay, not just "Tag Chasers" but I guess you could say Barracks Bunnies were worse. Girls who are in the military and sleep with everyone. Just nasty. We now call these girls "Boat Hoes"...girls that will sleep nearly with a whole division or more. Some of these girls have absolutely no morals.

Seems there is a lot of pressure to drink in A-school as well. Guys would all pitch in and get a hotel room for the weekend and drink the entire weekend. All the drinking can strain a relationship, especially when it comes to bills that need to be paid.

It is truly hard to explain the emotional stress of A-school. From my experience and other ladies as well. Seems like there was always some kind of trust issue. I trusted my husband like nothing else, and found out he would hide little things just because he feared they upset me.. and in the end, they would upset me more because he hid them. I have found that more than 5 ladies I have met on Facebook also had this problem.

There were several times I questioned whether our marriage would survive the constant strain that was being put on me, on him and our relationship. He questioned it too. But we loved each other and love doesn't quit. Love keeps fighting and doesn't give up. We made it. We survived A-school.

I never want to got through the emotional strain of A-School again. However, my husband's and mine relationship is a lot stronger because of the challenges we faced in A-school.
The workups I am currently getting through, have been a breeze compared to A-School and have just made each of us realize how much we enjoy being with each other. It's made my husband realize a lot more.. but that will be another blog ;)

I hope I answered some of your questions Andreea :)

"It is well to read everything of something, and something of everything."

"It is well to read everything of something,
and something of everything."
~ Lord Henry P. Brougham ~

I have started somewhat of a collection of books.. Military Wife books. I am not much of a book reader. Just one of those things I typically get "into". But every since the start of my "Journey" as a Navy Wife, I have found something I get lost in reading. I have more than 10 books at the moment.. and more on the way. My own personal library, I guess you can say.

I have been asked several times what Military Wife books I recommend. I never thought to blog about it, but would it not be easier to blog about it and refer people to my blog to read what I think about the books I have? I think so. So, today, I am going to blog about my "Military Wife Library" (and maybe some that I plan to get). -I will link the title of the book to amazon.com where you can read more reviews and purchase the book if you would like.
 

The first Military Wife book I ever picked up was SOLO-OPS by Hilary Martin. I love the way this book is written. Hilary writes about her personal experiences allowing the reader to relate more to her point of view. She covers so much in her book from becoming a Military wife to deployment, to entering the civilian world again. She also makes it clear to keep an open mind and laugh at the situations your faced with, the importance of Humor with the Military. If a "SOLO-OPS" volume 2 was to be released, I would definitely be one of the first to purchase it. Also check out the forum SOLO-OPS. I met some great ladies when I was active in the forum. I'm involved with so many groups and forums now.. it's hard to keep up with all of them now.
 

MARRIED TO THE MILITARY by Meredith Leyva is the second military wife book I read. For the most part, I really enjoyed this book, and will recommend it. However, I did feel like it was a big advertisement for her website/ Forum CinC House. I learned quite a few things when reading this. For a New military wife, I think this book is a great read. If you are someone who has been "Married to the Military" for a little time now, you might get bored or find that it was all that helpful. Overall.. The book is an A+ read, if you're curious.. check it out. Be sure to check out the forum as well. I still visit the forum regularly. I have learned a lot from these ladies. And if you read some of the reviews on this book.. the forum isn't full of "Snotty, racist women". Everyone has been super nice and helpful to everyone I have seen on there.
 

The book I would recommend more than any other is Chicken Soup for the Military Wife's Soul. Full of encouraging stories, this book is Perfect for anyone who is in love with a Service member. Be sure to have a box of Tissue handy, as these stories will touch your heart! This book is a great reminder of why our Men do what they do and that we are not alone on this journey. This book is perfect to turn to when you are struggling with military life, deployments and more. I highly suggest this read, definitely a 5 star read.

If you can overlook a large abundance of grammatical and punctuation errors.. the book Military Wives 101  by Tynisa Gaines is an okay read. When I bought this book I didn't read anything about it. I judged it by the title and assumed it was a "Guide" to life as a military wife... little did I know it was a story. If you let this book determine what you think about military life, you will have an obscured view of what it really is and can be. For some reason I wanted to finish the book and did so. Something kept drawing me in, I was curious as to what would happen. If you decide to get this.. I wouldn't suggest paying more than $5 (including shipping!) for this book.
 

Medals Above My Heart is a quick read. If you are a religious person, this is a good little devotional for you. If you are not a spiritual person, this book may seem a little boring to you. The book is only 125 pages long and could easily be read in 1 day.
 

Navy Spouse's Guide (second edition) by Laura Hall Stavridis taught me quite a bit. However, it seems a bit dated. But I do believe it is a good read for all Navy wives, especially if you don't know much about the Navy.
 

A book I always keep handy is Today's Military Wife 5th Edition. From the break down of the LES to Deployments and Sponsoring a Family. This book has it all. Although it seemed a little "Text book" like for me. I just Read the chapters as I needed them or wanted them. There are newer versions available that I plan to get eventually.
 

If you are looking for something to make you smile, laugh and keep you wanting more.. I suggest Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. I really hope Mollie writes another book. Mollie tells it how it is, and in the most hilarious way possible. She's extremely relateable too! I found myself thinking several times that I had been through similar situations. If you have deployment blues.. pick up a copy. "Laughter is the best medicine".
 

Help! I'm a Military Spouse (second edition) by Kathie Hightower & Holly Scherer did something that most military Spouse writers didn't.. they included Male military Spouse, not directly, but it's not a military "Wives" book. Kathie and Holly make a good combo, mixing seriousness and humor. The book is based on a workshop.. I wonder if they still offer it? I think I just might look that up later!
 

Another one of my personal favorites is The Homefront Club by Jacey Eckhart. She was an Airforce brat who ended up Marrying a Sailor. I found myself giggling a few times, smiling and really thinking about things with this book. I highly recommend it. I also recommend her audio CD These Boots, which you can get for free on Military One Source (title is linked).

A recent book I bought and am working my way through is Going Overboard by Sarah Smiley. So far I don't have an opinion on it, but I'm only a few pages in. She's honest, holds nothing back.. and It reads like a story. (I'll update this when I finish)

The last book that I currently own is The Long Road Home by Martha Raddatz. I have a feeling this is going to be a hard read. It's supposed to show some incite to what our men and women in uniform go through. I'm an emotional pansie.. We'll see how this goes. (Update will come when I finish the book).

This ends my list of books I currently have (not mentioning all the one's of my hubby's that I read too!).

I also plan to get:

Separated by Duty, United in Love

365 Deployment Days

Faith Deployed

Hope for the Home Front

Spouses Also Serve

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Life as a Military Spouse

Heroes at Home

I Love a Man in Uniform 

And that is the short list. I hope someone enjoyed this drawn out post. I will continue to update it as I get and read more books. I would also like to hear your feedback about books I have posted.. both the one's I have read and have yet to read.

Boot Camp Blues

I am writing this post because I know several ladies that have husbands who are leaving in a few months. Some are leaving to boot camp and some are  deploying.

I do not know what it's like going through a deployment. So, a deployment blog will come later. I do know what it's like leading up to boot camp and the during. Hopefully what I have to say will help someone who reads this.

I had a lot of anxiety leading up to the day Nick left for boot camp. I knew he would be safe during his time away, but I was going to be alone. I was a newlywed, and I was going to be without my husband for 9 weeks (he graduated in 7 weeks). Lots of questions running through my head and I had noone to answer them. When will he call? Will he write me? Will he stop loving me? Will he be different when he comes home? And so much more.

I tried not to show Nick that it was bothering me that he was leaving, after-all.. I supported his decision to join the Navy. We had just married, and I already depended on him so much. I needed him. He knew it was bothering me. He knows how to read me better than anyone I have ever met. But he understood. You see, he had some of the same anxiety as I did and more. People would say things like, "Your wife will find someone to replace you while you're gone". He trusted me and didn't believe the things that people would say, but it would cross his mind.. "What if?". He had some the same questions as I did. Will she write me? Will she stop loving me? Will things be different?  Hopefully I can clear up a few of these questions for you from what I know from my experiences.

When will he call? Nick called a few hours after he arrived at boot camp. He was not allowed to say anything more than, "Hey baby it's me. I made it. I love you so much. Tell  mom and dad I made it. I gotta go now, bye.".
I had been carrying 2 phones with me all evening. I didn't want to miss a call. I knew his plane should have arrived Great Lakes around 6pm. I waited. 7pm came, no call. 830pm, nothing. 10pm and I still had not heard from him. I was beginning to wonder if they would let him call. I laid in our bed with two phones on my pillow just waiting. I couldn't sleep. 12:01am one of the phone's ring. I snatch it up real fast, hoping it was him. "Hello?".. "Hey baby...".
I was unsure how long it would be before he would get to call again. Just 2 days later he called again. This time he got to talk for about 7 minutes. He was rewarded for doing something good and he was able to call. He told me a little about what he had been doing. I could tell he was smiling the whole time, I'm sure he could tell I was too. It was a couple weeks later before he called again, and I missed the call. I was at work and I just had this sinking feeling I had missed a call. I checked my phone, I had missed his call. Yes, I cried. It was the worst feeling ever. Luckily he was able to call his mom and he got to talk to her for 15 minutes. Nick was able to call the next week because they had lost some paperwork about me, if they didn't get it, I would not be able to get TriCare. Lucky for us the lady handling his file was nice and let him barrow her cell phone to sneak me a call to fix it. She let him call 3 times on her cell phone in 2 weeks because every fax we sent wasn't coming out clear enough. I expected him to call on Thanksgiving day, but he never did. So, don't get your hopes up, you will feel crushed if you do. I didn't get another phone call from him until the week of graduation to tell me about the ceremony and weekend liberty. He called again the day before Graduation when we were on our way to Great Lakes, this is when he will forsure know about weekend liberty, his schedule, flights, etc. They had changed some things from what he had told us earlier in the week.

Will he/she write me? I received my first letter from him in about a week. It was actually just a 2 page printout that told a little about boot camp, what you can and cannot send, etc. On the very last page, they gave him two lines to write a message. That message made my heart flutter in a good way. It was my first note from him. After that, I received a letter from him every Wednesday. He said he was only allowed to write on Sundays. Sometimes he would write me in the dark, or while he was waiting to iron his uniform.
I started writing Nick just two days after he had been at boot camp. His recruiter had stopped by and had gave me his address to start writing him. I would write him every single day. It was something I would look forward to doing. It would make me feel better. He said he would read my letters every night. He looked forward to getting them. He said the letters meant so much to him.

Will he/she stop loving me? In our case, it made us closer. Our relationship felt like we had just started dating again. you could just tell by looking at us that the love that was already there was stronger. It hadn't been broken. I personally don't believe it is possible to fall out of love with someone, but sometimes anxiety will make you question everything.

Will he be different? More than likely, yes. Nick was different in ways. He was still the same man I married and loved so much, but he was a Sailor now. He had grown up so much during those weeks. He will be more patient with some things and impatient with others. He will have a lot more Pride than when he left.
You will be different too. You will find that you are more patient and You have grown up more yourself.

As far as the whole cheating thing. I never cheated on my husband. People will talk and start rumors. They are just that. Rumors. I had a girl say she saw me at the mall all over some guy on Thanksgiving day. 1.The only guy I had been to the mall with the entire time Nick was away was my younger brother and 2. I had to work on Thanksgiving day and when I left work I went straight to my grandmother's house. People who are unhappy obviously just want to bring you to their level. Just ignore them.

One thing as a military wife you will learn is to be INndependent. You have to learn that you can't rely on him to be there to take care of you. You have to depend on yourself.

Leading up to him leaving, focus on spending time with him. Enjoy the time you have with him before he leaves. Try not to focus on him leaving. If you make the thought of him leaving your main focus, you will not enjoy the time you have with him or be grateful for it.
While he's gone, Keep yourself busy. Try new things and write to him about your experiences. Start a new book, join a gym, start a blog.. There are so many things you can do to help pass the time. You will have days that you just want to cry. I know all about them. I remember a couple nights where I would lay in bed, read his letters and just boo-hoo.Write him as much as possible. Keep him updated on everything, but stay positive. Leave all negativity out. He doesn't need that. Staying positive will help the both of you make it through this stepping stone in to the Journey of being a Military Family.

The start of my Journey as a Navy Wife

It is officially 2010. The past year, 2009, was full of challenges, but look at me. I'm still standing. When you are 22 you think you are grown up. You think you have fully matured. But you are wrong. The year 2009 has shown me that.

September 27, 2008. Our wedding day

In October of 2008, my husband left for boot camp after he and I had only been married a month (Married September 27, 2008). It was a tough time. I never let my phone leave my side. I didn't want to miss a call from him. I ran to the mail-box every Wednesday, that's when his letters would arrive. They say letters keep the our men in uniforms strong and keep them going while in boot camp or deployed, but every wife I have talked to that waited while their man in uniform was away has said how much the letters helped them. They kept us strong. Never knowing when he would get to call, expecting to hear from him on Thanksgiving day.. and the phone never ringing. I wrote him every single day, It was like therapy for me.I looked forward to writing him. In December of '08, it was finally time for him to graduate. It was a long ride from Nashville to Great Lakes, but the excitement and knowing I was going to feel his arms around me after all that time, was worth it. I thought to myself, "Our life together is finally starting.". But I would soon find out, the Navy had it's own plans.

December 19, 2008. Boot Camp Graduation day.

January of 2009 had started. I was with my Sailor. I only had a few more days before he had to report back to NAS Pensacola for A-School. January 4 was the day we had to say our goodbyes once again. He was set to graduate February 19. This made me happy. My birthday is February 20, and I thought I would get to spend it with him. After he had been in Pensacola for 2 weeks, he still had not started his schooling, His rate had been put on hold. February came, I went for a weekend visit. Still school had not started. March was another visit to see him, school had not started. Another visit in April and they finally told him he would start school. I was excited. I went for my last visit to Pensacola in May. He would be home soon. May 29 he called. I wished him a Happy Birthday. He then said, "I have some good news and some bad. Which do you want first?" I said I wanted the bad news, but he just gave it all to me at the same time. "The good news is, I graduated today. The bad news is.. I was going to surprise you and come home today, But they mixed up our tickets with another class and we are stuck here until Monday.". My heart sank... But he would be home soon! I didn't even know he would be graduating that day. He didn't tell me because he wanted to surprise me when he showed up at the front door. The following Monday came and they handed out tickets. Nick stood there ticket-less and they said "Who are you?". Nick told them, and they were confused. They had lost his service records. Nick graduated the top of his class and received the accelerated advancement, but none of that mattered right then. He was a nobody, and he couldn't come home until they found his file. Nick was there for over a week longer before they finally found his service records and arranged him a flight home. He told me a bogus date though and one day I was sitting at the computer talking to a friend I felt cold hands cover my eyes. I jumped out of my seat. My Nicholas was home, and we had orders to Virginia.

Last Trip to Pensacola May 2009

Nick's sponsor had told him a bunch of wrong and useless information. Everything he had told him about me coming down, to housing, BAH, everything.. was wrong. Nick left for Virginia and I was stuck in Nashville waiting. Nick was having to take classes in Portsmouth at the ship yards, and didn't have time to take the Movers class they were requiring before the military movers would come pack up your stuff. So we decided we would do it on our own. We were tired of waiting. I drove 13 hours to Virginia to apartment hunt. Every area I went to seemed like a bad neighborhood. We finally found an apartment. I liked it, Nick liked it. We signed the lease, Now we just had to get our things from Tennessee. I went back to Tennessee and packed all of our things. My parents borrowed a trailer and helped me move everything. I was finally with my husband. This was the end of June.

Finally in Virginia together

We have got to spend so much time together since then. We have been finally getting the chance to adjust to married life and on top of that the challenge of being married and being a military spouse. We attended our first command picnic. There was so many people there! Made me smile to see everyone come together like that and have all the activities they had going on. We went to the Jason Aldean concert at Little Creek and had a blast! We drove 7 hours to Bristol one weekend with a friend, it was a blast. We dressed up as Joker and Mrs. Batman for Halloween and handed out candy to the kids. One kid said Batman looks good as a woman. He was about 7 years old. It made my night. We cooked a big dinner for Thanksgiving and we invited the guys from the ship that couldn't go home. Sadly only one guy got to come because the ones that couldn't go home had duty, but we have decided to do it every year that their ship is not on Cruise. Christmas came and we got leave approved to go home. It was the first time we had seen our family in months. We came back to Virginia with 2 days of his leave left to spend it together and relax. He had duty on New Years day, but we stayed up and watched the ball drop together and get our midnight kiss.

October 31, 2009. Joker and Mrs. Batman

 I have met some amazing ladies. No one truly understands like military wives. I have yet to face a deployment, but I know that when that time comes I will have amazing military wives to fall back on and I am here for them to fall back on as well. All of my experiences have made me a better person. It has made my love for my husband grow so much stronger, which I did not think was possible because I thought noone could love anyone anymore than I loved him. I am so much more patient now. I know to expect anything and worrying all the time gets you nowhere. I have learned that being negative about the military gets you nowhere. This is his job. He chose this life for us. I support him and I support our Military. This rollarcoaster is an experience you will either love or hate, but it's your choice. Life is what you make of it. Why not make the best of it?

I know that 2010 will be full of challenges. I have overcome a lot in 2009 and I look forward to the challenges of 2010. I know I'm strong enough to get through whatever it may throw my way.

“You were only given this life because you are strong enough to live it.”