Focus Dude

Deployment is days away (Officially released) and it's really starting to hit people- hard. So far, I'm good. I feel focused. I'm not allowing myself to focus on the fact my husband is leaving for months soon, but am focusing all I have on myself, my husband and our relationship. I believe that is the most important thing- keeping your head in check, and remembering to not put effort toward the thought, "he's leaving", but on keeping the relationship strong.

I believe if you put all your focus on deployment, you forget to pay attention to what's really important at that very moment, which is yourself, your husband and your relationship (and children if you have any- I do not, so I cannot speak on that). When focusing on deployment, you allow yourself to become negative. It's not even so much the deployment- but the countdown to deployment. It allows you to feel depressed, complain, and a lot of unneeded anxiety. Every post made about not being ready, every complaint is negative energy, anxiety put toward an issue when right now is the best time to force positive energy to helping your sanity as well as your significant other. 

See the positives over the negative. It's not always the easiest thing in the world to do, but trust me, there are positives if you let there be. 

Appreciate the days you have. You can prepare for deployment without putting so much negativity into it. Negative energy will only pollute your mind and I believe, it will make the day of deployment much harder for you. 

It's ok to feel like you're not ready. I mean, we can say that we are completely prepared, but truly.. I don't think we can honestly love our other half and be ready for them to leave on a mental aspect- physically ready, yes. In the physical aspect, My husband and I are ready. Mentally, you always want a few more days, even if you have the mentality of, "Let's just get this started so we can get it over with.". Where the negativity plays a large role is when that is all you focus on, when leaving is all you think about and all you talk about. I believe it's an unhealthy mindset. 

I know my husband is leaving, We've known it for months. We prepare mentally by focusing on time with each other and by appreciating that time. Even if we're out purchasing something to take with him, we don't allow that to be the focus- the focus is spending time together. No negativity. Just breathe and stay calm. 

He wouldn't have chose you if he didn't KNOW you could do this. He wouldn't want to be with you if he didn't think you were strong. 

Resolutions, goals and Being Prepared

Have you ever felt like time was passing by so quickly, you struggle to keep up? I feel like I'm back where I was a year ago. Trying not to stress, preparing and realizing time is growing shorter until my husband will be deploying again.

This time feels a little different though.

I feel like we are still adjusting to all the changes from his previous deployment. He was gone for 6 months, but during that time we purchased a house, we moved, purchased a new car.. etc. I feel like we're still working on a new routine with his work schedule. I was so use to his TAD schedule before last deployment that I'm honestly not use to seeing my husband home as much as he has been. It's nice having him home- but sometimes I miss his crazy schedule. My house stayed clean then! But I'll take him home over my clean house any day.

We got use to spending roughly 1 day a week together before deployment. Now, after deployment, we have every day with the exception of a duty day every week. We were in a routine of spending every minute with each other when he was home, and now because we went from having about 1 day to every day, sometimes we feel like we are smothering each other. I guess sometimes its part of it. It's the whole adjusting to only readjust thing. It's a never ending cycle.

Now, we are creeping up on deployment number 2. I guess you could say more than creeping. I look at how many days my husband will be home between now and deployment, with the ship now in full swing with their underway training, and we are back to having limited time left to spend with each other. It puts things back into reality for me, focus on each other but remember to keep stress and emotions in check. Stress- we're working on that. We have a lot to do before this next deployment and I feel as if I've waited until last minute, but I still have a lot of time. It's crazy.

I'm already trying to gather my "Deployment goal" list. Kind of like setting tons of resolutions for the New Year, but for me- it's for deployment. Full of projects, work out goals, weight goals, decorating projects, FRG commitments, etc.

Again with this deployment, I'm probably going to make my to-do list so long and be disappointed in the end because I ran out of time. I do that. I sometimes put too much on my plate and then get so incredibly mad at myself for not succeeding. I think I do this because I do accomplish a lot when under pressure or stressed. I do my best when I'm constantly busy. I think I also do this to myself because I don't want to run out of things to do. I want and I like keeping busy because the time flies so fast, and before I know it, I'm picking up my husband. I refuse to be miserable and I focus on things I want to do, things I want to accomplish. When my husband is gone, it's the perfect time because when he's home- my focus is on him. I sometimes forget what I want, and forget to focus any time on myself (maybe that'll actually be a New Years resolution!).

What are your New Years or Deployment resolutions?

Ready for Round Two?

Last night was the first FRG meeting since deployment's end. It was nice to see the familiar faces of the past 6 months. 

We were introduced to the Ship's new Captain, who gave insight to the coming months, leading up to Deployment number 2, also the USS Enterprise's final mission. 

Deployment is set for this Spring. There are still people speculating as to IF the ship will go out- but it will happen. Some are just in denial. Although there are several months between now and D-Day, looking at the schedule of things to come.. What time is there? It's already time to start preparing.

Mentally, I feel I am prepared. I know it's coming- again. I know that preparing was the hardest to do with last deployment. Thankfully, in preparation for this deployment, I will have my husband a little more than the last. He is no longer TAD. 

I'm hoping things in the physical aspect will be more prepared. With my husband's previous schedule, and a time crunch- I was left to do a lot of what should have been done before deployment, during deployment.. and somethings that should have been done, didn't get done at all. Note to self: make him fix the Monte Carlo BEFORE he leaves, or it will sit there for 7+ months until he returns! 

Things I hope will be different this deployment: I'm hoping for NO irregular vet trips. All 3 of our Furbabies had Vet visits this deployment. That was $1,000+ in six months.

I'm hoping they figure out whatever is wrong with me medically before deployment. Having so many doctor appointments last deployment was no fun. 

This coming deployment, I plan to stay busy- just as I did the last. Maybe not completely as busy... I won't be buying a house without him home. I plan to volunteer more time with the FRG. I was pretty involved past deployment, but I'll step up more.

I plan to do A LOT  of home projects. Easier without my husband here because I get to pick everything (he's in his lazy stage right now, and if he can cut corners, he will.. I like taking my time to make things look nice!).

Between now and deployment, I will focus on my relationship as I did previously. I'm going to start preparing things Now, so that we don't "run out of time". Staring a "Deployment List" and checking things off one by one.

The Journey Continues! 

The Little Things

We are in the car on our way to spend Christmas at my husband's grandmother's house. I have avoided the internet as if it were a plague the past couple days and focused on spending time with my husband and my family. I am so glad I did. I realize, sometimes too much internet and also TV will make you miss out on a lot of things. You forget to appreciate the little things.

As most of you know, we are gearing up for deployment. That being said, this leave period is extra special to me. It is setting in that deployment is around the corner, but as of this very moment, I amd ok. I am stress free (at the moment) and I am happy. I'm appreciating the little things, and appreciating the time with my soon to be deployed husband. Every little laugh, smile... is a memory that I know I will use to get me through these next months of separation.

As I am typing this out on my phone, I am cracking up at my husband who thinks he is the new Eminem. If you read back to nearly a year ago, to FEB 14, 2010, you will see a list of 100 reasons why I love my husband.. one of the reasons is when he breaks out rapping. He's having fun, being himself and comfortable enough around me not to care how cheesey his rap is or well, how he isnt making much sense to me. It's the little things.

We are spending about 3 to 4 hours in the car together, and I know he'll tell me a cheesey joke or we will get to cracking jokes on each other. He'll make me laugh, he'll tell me he loves me and we may even talk about things we want to accomplish over the next few month or after deployment. All of this is things I need to be thankful for and what I need to focus on. I need to focus on myself, him and us.

Deployment is coming, there is no stopping it or avoiding it for any amount of time. So what do you do? Embrace the time you have left, have fun and remember the little things. Make memories to give you those moments to smile throughout the time of being apart.

Now that I have rambled.. I am going to lay my head back and join my husband, I'm about to turn into the new Nicki Minaj. ;)
(P.s. I am not a huge fas of rap, but for the thought of comedy... I'll break it down)

Merry Christmas to everyone!

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Operation Underway: Completed; Next Mission: Deployment

My husband's ship has been undergoing many underways since the month of April preparing for deployment. Anywhere from 2 days to 45 days at a time, the underways have been continuous, every month, sometimes more than once a month to more than a month at a time.

I did not have any times where I broke down because of him being underway. Yeah sure, I missed him while he was away.. but I never let him being gone get the best of me. I faced challenges while he was gone, but those challenges would have been thrown at me in ordinary civilian life. Any times where I felt as if I was going to "Lose it" cannot be attributed to anything with the Navy.

Did I think it was hard? Eh, Yes and no. Missing him did sometimes make the underways tough... maybe not so much missing him- but the constant adjusting and readjusting on top of his port schedule. By the time I had adjusted to him being gone, I was waiting on the pier to bring him home- and vice versa. There were several times that I hadn't completely adjusted to him being gone and he'd come home. I wouldn't be adjusted to him being home and he'd leave again. It was a constant "gotta do this, get ready for this",  over and over and over. But now, We are at the end of the strenuous training schedule and now reality is setting in. Buckle up- It's time for Deployment.

I continually compare things I have went through in the Military family lifestyle with past military adventures. I have to say, A-school still gets the prize for being the most challenging. Bootcamp was tough- many tears and really learning to adjust and be on my own again... But A-school, I will take bootcamp and another million underways before I would choose to go through the challenges my husband and I went through as a married couple.

Bootcamp, PCSing without my husband, being away from family, constant underway schedule- I will gladly go through again and again, but you can keep the A-school ;).
(p.s. I wrote a post on A-school early in my blog)

I have been told that Deployment will be easier in many ways compared to the underway schedule. During a deployment- I will actually get to fully adjust to him being gone- which by the way, I'm actually excited about adjusting to a schedule! Although, I'd much rather adjust to a schedule with him home... I'm looking forward to being able to plan things again. I know I will probably worry about a bit more during deployment.. but I know that I will not keep me from living every day life. No use worrying constantly and making yourself miserable.

I have so much planned during deployment.. I'm actually excited for my husband to leave and come home to see all I accomplish while he's away. He says he's excited to leave and come home for me to see all the muscle he is going to put on from working out- we shall see about the muscle ;).. he's got to get away from those darn 3 Musketeers! He's not a big guy.. my husband is a little guy.. well, average I'd say now. Since April, he has gained 30 pounds. While every other guy on the USS Enterprise has lost tons of weight from the horrible food- not to mention food poisoning, my husband GAINED weight.. oh yes, $100 a month in 3 Musketeers will do that to you. I really don't have anything else to say about that, just a little laugh about it... It's definitely NOT normal haha.

I plan to write a post later this week on things I have learned in general and things I have learned about myself from these underway periods. Might just to that tomorrow. We shall see ;)

So now I say: Dear Deployment, Bring it On!

Where did October go?

It seems as if I blinked and when I opened my eyes.. November was here.

This tells me 2 things. One- Deployment is closer... Gotta stop putting off some things. But on a much happier, much more positive note, My husband was gone for almost all of October for an underway... and it flew by.

The fact that October flew by with my hubby underway, makes me very happy. This proves to me that Deployment isn't just going to drag on. Sure, I know there are going to be days where I feel like they are just dragging on, but in the end.. I know I'll realize that the time passed by much faster than I anticipated, as it has with the long underways.

I think the trouble I'm still having is seeing how fast it's coming up on me. I still have some time, so much to do and so much that is happening.. I keep having to hit the pause button so that I slow down and really enjoy and appreciate the time I have with him before he leaves.

These are the times I know I will always remember.. this is part of the Journey.

Now that it's November, I want to post something I'm thankful for for every day of November. Something different every day. I challenge you to do so as well. It'll really show you what you have to appreciate and be grateful for.

Today, I am grateful for great communication with my husband. Without the good communication skills we have, I think these underways and the upcoming deployment would really get to me. Thankfully, even when he's away, he's still my rock.. my best friend.

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Deployment Blues?

We're creeping up on deployment, and now I'm actually thinking.. "Hold on, it's going to be a bumpy ride".

I'm thinking about the time I have left with my husband before he set out on his mission to protect the world, and I embark on the next chapter of my "Journey as a Navy Wife".

I'm not scared of deployment. I know that the communication skills between my husband and I will get us through any challenges that face us. I know and my husband knows that communication is key to any relationship and even more so in a military relationship.

I feel like I have prepared myself for deployment. I have set so many goals for myself for the duration of Deployment that I know it's going to make the time that we are apart easier.. maybe not easier, but run alot smoother and seem faster. I'm a busy body... and I have TONS planned, but I know to take a day to myself and just relax and breath every now and then.

So, now you are wondering... "Why the Title of 'Deployment Blues?' if you're not worried about Deployment?". The past couple of days I have started to worry about the time left before he leaves.. The very short time we have left to spend together before he is gone for months. I'm starting to feel a little anxiety from it, which I  KNOW is not the best thing.. but is there really any way to get around not having some form of anxiety?
I want to be able to have some time to just "Us" and relax and enjoy each other's company... and with his schedule, it's not looking promising for much time together. Between these Underways and his work schedule.. I feel a little shafted, and jealous of the "Family Time" I'm reading about from other wives whose husband's are on my hubs ship.. And I hate being truly jealous of anyone.

I'm going to enjoy any time I get with him, there's no questioning that. I'm not going to let the anxiety of not getting a lot of time together get to me because I know that will make deployment harder for me, and I will not enjoy the time I have left with him as much as I should. I can't focus so much on any stress I have.

I  think because of the anxiety It's causing me to dream bad dreams... I rarely dream and I have had not one.. but two nightmares the past two nights.
The first night I dreamt that I was folding laundry and looked to see a car pull up and two men in dress uniforms get out of the car. I opened the door and one of the men handed me a folded flag and they vanished into midair and everything around me turned to a black room. It was me and this folded flag, alone in a cold dark room. Then I woke up. It was absolutely HORRIBLE! There was never a word spoke in that dream..

The second dream I had, just last night, was my wedding band started to fall apart.. My diamonds were falling out one by one.. I woke up when the 3rd diamond of 8 fell out and I actually turned on the bedside lamp to make sure I hadn't lost any diamonds. I had a similar dream right before my husband and I got married, but about my engagement ring. I dreamt that my engagement ring was rusting and chipping away until it just crumbled and I woke up. My rings mean so much to my husband and I, they symbolize a unity and a promise... so you can see why this dream is so terrible to me... It was as if it was telling me my marriage was falling apart (No, I don't believe my rings hold my marriage together, they just mean a lot to my husband and myself..).

Thankfully, I know these are just bad dreams. I know my husband and my marriage is great and it's probably "predeployment" anxiety getting to me. Hopefully I'll get my head screwed on straight before he comes home from this underway and focus on enjoying our time together.