Clique Clique.. BOOM!

One thing that makes deployments challenging for many military wives is the cliques that tend to form. I believe it's natural, it's normal for people to form groups they rely on, count on, trust and consider close friends.

Where it's hard for many is feeling like those groups are not open to meeting new people or adding them to their close nit group of friends.

If you're new to a particular lifestyle and noone reaches out, you feel like an outsider. Some people just aren't outgoing enough, maybe they are shy, or just scared. If noone reaches out to that person, they are left feeling alone.

Sometimes cliques form and the clique as a whole is shy, or doesn't know how to approach others. It's not always a case of them shunning a particular group or person, but just like some individuals.. it's a comfort thing.

Sadly, there are groups that form to belittle people, be full of gossip and hate. You see it a lot at FRG functions- with the members, not necessarily the board. These are the groups that are poisonous to an FRG and to a community in it's entirety. I believe these are the groups that make people feel left out or bring negativity to the term, clique.

I don't see myself as "Cliquey". Yes, I do have a handful of friends I tend to hang out with the most, but who doesn't? However, I'm always open to meeting/ friending new people.

Moving to Virginia after my husband received his first set of orders, I was alone. I didn't know anyone in my area, and I hadn't a clue how to get in touch with the FRG. And believe it or not, I was extremely shy. I realized real quick I was going to have to step outside my bubble to meet new people. It wasn't that people were not willing to meet new people, it was the same situation as myself, it's sometimes challenging to be thrown into an area where you don't really know anyone.

If you run into a clique that is unaccepting, bullies, etc., just consider it friendship you do not want to begin with. You do not want to be in a group like that anyway, it will only drag you down. No one wants to be part of the "Mean Girls".

The FRG is a great place to meet new people- sometimes you just need to realize that sometimes people are just like you and are waiting for you to approach them. Even if people seem like they "belong to a clique" doesn't mean they are not willing to accept new friendship. Just don't judge too quickly. Give it a chance. Take a chance. 

F.ull of R.idiculous G.irls

Full of Ridiculous Girls- This is a thought I had months ago about the Ship's FRG. I had contemplated months ago blogging on how I didn't feel like they weren't the support that everyone had looked for. There was too much drama involved. I went from being proud to be involved to wanting nothing to do with it. I stopped attending meetings for several months.

Then, I thought the FRG was nothing but Drama filled wives. Thankfully, since that opinion was formed in my head- My opinion has changed drastically, so much for the better. I'm proud to say that today- the USS Enterprise FRG is outstanding and those that have an alternate opinion on it aren't allowing themselves to be apart of the GOOD it can do for them or well, they expect too darn much, or maaaybe THEY are the drama. These woman aren't super heroes- they have deployed husbands just as we do.

A few months ago, It seemed like the board had given up. And still today, I don't see the past board's actions any differently. The events they did have were kid events, the suggestion box never seemed to be taken into consideration, No one reached out when someone needed something, New moms were left in the hospital, alone, New wives were clueless as to what an FRG was, The childless families were left out because everything was a "kid" event, ETC. The kid events didn't bother me all too much, however After my last 2 miscarriages, I didn't want to be around kids AT ALL. So, I personally felt "left out" and alone. There are others who well, quite frankly just don't like or want kids- just because you don't have kids, doesn't mean you're not family.

So what changed? The board changed. The past board- Some of the ladies' hearts just were not into it fully anymore and another just badmouthed the other leaders creating tension and tons of drama for many people- both leaders and members. Thankfully the board was revamped. Those involved today seem to be on the board for the right reasons and the Ship removed the internal problem.

I think the Board is doing a wonderful job- balancing events for both the adults and the children. The meetings are held better and committees were created to keep everyone involved and plan different events. They allow people to ask questions and they answer as best as they can.

Since the board "upgrade", I'm happy to be involved, I'm proud to say that the FRG I'm trying to stay active in is wonderful.

I'm Baaaaack ;)

It's 3 am and the hubby and I are still awake. I are on his work schedule (he works Nights), and he has this weekend off. We probably won't go to bed until 5am-ish. He will sleep until probably 2ish and I will be up around noon probably earlier. I don't sleep much, and that's actually a lot of sleep for me. I don't know if I ever mentioned it.. but I have a mild case of insomnia and can go without sleep for a while.

We went and watched the "A-Team". It was super funny. Kept us laughing. We wanted to go see "Grown Ups", but Cinema Cafe in Hampton isn't showing it, so we're going to wait for it.
Now, I'm blogging.. while he is playing the newest UFC game for XBox. I think he's addicted. Thank goodness it's a rental. haha

Nick's family was in town Sunday night through Wednesday morning. My house is still a mess (hence the reason I have yet to post pictures of the new place!). We enjoyed them being here, but with all the stress we've been under.. it was good to have this weekend to ourselves so we could relax. Finally getting some time with the husband since he's been back in port. Much needed.

It was great seeing his sister. We had not seen her in over a year and a half. She's married to a Soldier and they are stationed in Italy. We finally got to meet our Nephew! He turned a year old earlier this month. He's such a cutie.. a chubby little cutie! He made me want a baby even more. And seeing my husband with him was hilarious, made me smile. He was so scared to hold him... and even play with him for fear he would drop him. His sister had to force him to hold the baby. Tuesday he started to warm up to the little guy. I smile just thinking about it. We took the family to the beach. Our nephew loved it. It was his first beach trip. Enjoy some pics ;)

Isn't he adorable?
Yes. He is.

PS. I'm Back! I have a smile on my face and my positive upbeat (sometime overly positive) attitude back. Whew! Sometimes we just need a moment to step back and recollect ourselves.

Any time that I feel down, or start to feel sorry for myself.. I re-read this quote:

When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, & to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through.

 I know I've used the quote before in a post. It really helps me. I read that quote and It makes me want to be a better person, to help people. Helping others makes me happy. Which is why I have and am learning so much about the Navy life. I like to think that I have helped several ladies, and hope to continue that. In all honesty, Helping others, helps me. It's one of the reasons I have created my blog.  I will also be applying for an ombudsman position with my husband's ship. Finger's crossed. (oh yeah, failed to mention.. I didn't make the FRG board. But that doesn't mean I won't be involved. Congrats to the ladies who did make it!)

Thank you to all my lovely followers. It means a lot to have you as a reader. I'm sorry I have been somewhat of a recluse lately. I haven't been stopping by many blogs lately, but now that the stress is residing, I will get back to my normal routine ;)

Oh! I will be hosting a new competition soon. Bigger prizes than the last one. I don't care for the whole numbered post things.. So, it will be similar to my last competition since it was so successful, but on a different topic of course ;). When I hit 150 followers, I will begin the whole setting up the next competition and prizes.

Thanks for Reading! :D <- Big cheesey smile

Ship is on the Move

Lately there have been a lot of ins and outs with my hubby's ship. Aren't workups just fun?! {sarcasm, if you didn't get it.)

The USS Enterprise being pushed into the pier April 18, '10

So far, it hasn't been all that bad. The first time they went out for a week was a little rough. My husband's email had not been set up on the ship and obviously cellphones are prohibited (not like that would have mattered.. they are in a solid steel cage more than 50 miles out from land!).. so there was no contact. Thank God for other military wives who are always there. Several nights I stayed up chatting with other Enterprise wives until after 2 in the morning. There is truly no friendship that compares to the friends I have made in the almost 2 years my husband has been in the service. When he came home after that first workup.. I had a huge sense of pride and even more support for my husband. Watching that ship pull in, I smiled and I felt like like I had not seen my husband in months.

Flag at Half Mast for fallen Soldier

I know what you're thinking.. it was just a week! Well, this was our first, both mine and my husband's, first "workup", and the USS Enterprise's first outing in 2 years! So yeah, it's somewhat of a big deal! They got the old clunker running again! I felt so proud, and felt so Happy. Not happy that my husband will be away so much, but happy because this is what he likes doing. This is his career. Happy because my husband is starting to feel like he is going to make a difference and serve his Country. After all, that is why he joined the Military. He wanted to be apart of something bigger than himself and serve his country. And I support him and love him.

They have been in and out all month it seems. Started off with a fast cruise in the shipyards, to getting out and finally getting to play in the water a couple times. The guys are exhausted right now.  My husband just got a day off after more than 3 weeks of not having a day off. Hoping to catch up on some much wanted time with him before he leaves again.

 Met up with several girls to watch the boat pull in. We were there for 5 hours! (hence the reason my hair looked horrible!) But in the end, the wait, the bad hair, and having to pee so bad it hurt.. it was totally worth it.

My husband said he actually had fun out there. He said he worked his but off, but for some reason... he liked it. Which is GREAT because we have 18 more years of this. ;)

I hope you enjoyed the few pics I posted from the ones I took from the day they moved back to Norfolk. Everyone on Facebook seems to enjoy them. So, I figured you might too! :)

"It is well to read everything of something, and something of everything."

"It is well to read everything of something,
and something of everything."
~ Lord Henry P. Brougham ~

I have started somewhat of a collection of books.. Military Wife books. I am not much of a book reader. Just one of those things I typically get "into". But every since the start of my "Journey" as a Navy Wife, I have found something I get lost in reading. I have more than 10 books at the moment.. and more on the way. My own personal library, I guess you can say.

I have been asked several times what Military Wife books I recommend. I never thought to blog about it, but would it not be easier to blog about it and refer people to my blog to read what I think about the books I have? I think so. So, today, I am going to blog about my "Military Wife Library" (and maybe some that I plan to get). -I will link the title of the book to amazon.com where you can read more reviews and purchase the book if you would like.
 

The first Military Wife book I ever picked up was SOLO-OPS by Hilary Martin. I love the way this book is written. Hilary writes about her personal experiences allowing the reader to relate more to her point of view. She covers so much in her book from becoming a Military wife to deployment, to entering the civilian world again. She also makes it clear to keep an open mind and laugh at the situations your faced with, the importance of Humor with the Military. If a "SOLO-OPS" volume 2 was to be released, I would definitely be one of the first to purchase it. Also check out the forum SOLO-OPS. I met some great ladies when I was active in the forum. I'm involved with so many groups and forums now.. it's hard to keep up with all of them now.
 

MARRIED TO THE MILITARY by Meredith Leyva is the second military wife book I read. For the most part, I really enjoyed this book, and will recommend it. However, I did feel like it was a big advertisement for her website/ Forum CinC House. I learned quite a few things when reading this. For a New military wife, I think this book is a great read. If you are someone who has been "Married to the Military" for a little time now, you might get bored or find that it was all that helpful. Overall.. The book is an A+ read, if you're curious.. check it out. Be sure to check out the forum as well. I still visit the forum regularly. I have learned a lot from these ladies. And if you read some of the reviews on this book.. the forum isn't full of "Snotty, racist women". Everyone has been super nice and helpful to everyone I have seen on there.
 

The book I would recommend more than any other is Chicken Soup for the Military Wife's Soul. Full of encouraging stories, this book is Perfect for anyone who is in love with a Service member. Be sure to have a box of Tissue handy, as these stories will touch your heart! This book is a great reminder of why our Men do what they do and that we are not alone on this journey. This book is perfect to turn to when you are struggling with military life, deployments and more. I highly suggest this read, definitely a 5 star read.

If you can overlook a large abundance of grammatical and punctuation errors.. the book Military Wives 101  by Tynisa Gaines is an okay read. When I bought this book I didn't read anything about it. I judged it by the title and assumed it was a "Guide" to life as a military wife... little did I know it was a story. If you let this book determine what you think about military life, you will have an obscured view of what it really is and can be. For some reason I wanted to finish the book and did so. Something kept drawing me in, I was curious as to what would happen. If you decide to get this.. I wouldn't suggest paying more than $5 (including shipping!) for this book.
 

Medals Above My Heart is a quick read. If you are a religious person, this is a good little devotional for you. If you are not a spiritual person, this book may seem a little boring to you. The book is only 125 pages long and could easily be read in 1 day.
 

Navy Spouse's Guide (second edition) by Laura Hall Stavridis taught me quite a bit. However, it seems a bit dated. But I do believe it is a good read for all Navy wives, especially if you don't know much about the Navy.
 

A book I always keep handy is Today's Military Wife 5th Edition. From the break down of the LES to Deployments and Sponsoring a Family. This book has it all. Although it seemed a little "Text book" like for me. I just Read the chapters as I needed them or wanted them. There are newer versions available that I plan to get eventually.
 

If you are looking for something to make you smile, laugh and keep you wanting more.. I suggest Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. I really hope Mollie writes another book. Mollie tells it how it is, and in the most hilarious way possible. She's extremely relateable too! I found myself thinking several times that I had been through similar situations. If you have deployment blues.. pick up a copy. "Laughter is the best medicine".
 

Help! I'm a Military Spouse (second edition) by Kathie Hightower & Holly Scherer did something that most military Spouse writers didn't.. they included Male military Spouse, not directly, but it's not a military "Wives" book. Kathie and Holly make a good combo, mixing seriousness and humor. The book is based on a workshop.. I wonder if they still offer it? I think I just might look that up later!
 

Another one of my personal favorites is The Homefront Club by Jacey Eckhart. She was an Airforce brat who ended up Marrying a Sailor. I found myself giggling a few times, smiling and really thinking about things with this book. I highly recommend it. I also recommend her audio CD These Boots, which you can get for free on Military One Source (title is linked).

A recent book I bought and am working my way through is Going Overboard by Sarah Smiley. So far I don't have an opinion on it, but I'm only a few pages in. She's honest, holds nothing back.. and It reads like a story. (I'll update this when I finish)

The last book that I currently own is The Long Road Home by Martha Raddatz. I have a feeling this is going to be a hard read. It's supposed to show some incite to what our men and women in uniform go through. I'm an emotional pansie.. We'll see how this goes. (Update will come when I finish the book).

This ends my list of books I currently have (not mentioning all the one's of my hubby's that I read too!).

I also plan to get:

Separated by Duty, United in Love

365 Deployment Days

Faith Deployed

Hope for the Home Front

Spouses Also Serve

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Life as a Military Spouse

Heroes at Home

I Love a Man in Uniform 

And that is the short list. I hope someone enjoyed this drawn out post. I will continue to update it as I get and read more books. I would also like to hear your feedback about books I have posted.. both the one's I have read and have yet to read.

Accomplished

Recently I was contacted by the President of the FRG for the USS Enterprise and was asked if I would be interested in designing a few shirts for their FRG merchandise. At first I was not sure if it was something I should do. I wasn't going to be making any money on them and right now, my tshirts are my only source of income. At the same time, it was exciting to be asked to design for their merchandise.

When my hubby came home from work I asked him what he thought and he thought it was pretty awesome they asked me to design the merchandise. He then said "Even if you're not making money on them, look at how many people are going to be wearing your designs. There are like 5,000 people on the ship and they all have family.". When he put it like that.. I couldn't turn it down.

I created them 9 designs. A couple designs were wife specific, a couple for the kiddos and then a few that were for everyone. I actually had a lot of fun making them. It is the most important job I have had so far with my designs. It's an awesome feeling. A feeling of accomplishment.

The FRG president took the designs and presented them to the rest of the board and their merchandising team. She emailed me and said they loved them! I cannot wait to see my designs. It's truly an honor.

They are having a meeting soon at Town Hall to discuss ship news. They will also be selling USS Enterprise Merchandise.. meaning, my designs. Is it normal to be this excited? I'm ecstatic!