Monday, April 30, 2012

Clique Clique.. BOOM!

One thing that makes deployments challenging for many military wives is the cliques that tend to form. I believe it's natural, it's normal for people to form groups they rely on, count on, trust and consider close friends.

Where it's hard for many is feeling like those groups are not open to meeting new people or adding them to their close nit group of friends.

If you're new to a particular lifestyle and noone reaches out, you feel like an outsider. Some people just aren't outgoing enough, maybe they are shy, or just scared. If noone reaches out to that person, they are left feeling alone.

Sometimes cliques form and the clique as a whole is shy, or doesn't know how to approach others. It's not always a case of them shunning a particular group or person, but just like some individuals.. it's a comfort thing.

Sadly, there are groups that form to belittle people, be full of gossip and hate. You see it a lot at FRG functions- with the members, not necessarily the board. These are the groups that are poisonous to an FRG and to a community in it's entirety. I believe these are the groups that make people feel left out or bring negativity to the term, clique.

I don't see myself as "Cliquey". Yes, I do have a handful of friends I tend to hang out with the most, but who doesn't? However, I'm always open to meeting/ friending new people.

Moving to Virginia after my husband received his first set of orders, I was alone. I didn't know anyone in my area, and I hadn't a clue how to get in touch with the FRG. And believe it or not, I was extremely shy. I realized real quick I was going to have to step outside my bubble to meet new people. It wasn't that people were not willing to meet new people, it was the same situation as myself, it's sometimes challenging to be thrown into an area where you don't really know anyone.

If you run into a clique that is unaccepting, bullies, etc., just consider it friendship you do not want to begin with. You do not want to be in a group like that anyway, it will only drag you down. No one wants to be part of the "Mean Girls".

The FRG is a great place to meet new people- sometimes you just need to realize that sometimes people are just like you and are waiting for you to approach them. Even if people seem like they "belong to a clique" doesn't mean they are not willing to accept new friendship. Just don't judge too quickly. Give it a chance. Take a chance. 


  1. Ugh, this is the one thing that worries me the most I think in becoming a Navy wife. My boyfriend has already told me that he tries to shield me from the other Navy wives because they can be so nasty and catty. I WANT to be involved in the FRG, etc., but I do NOT want to have anything to do with the drama :(

  2. Ugh, I think this is the one thing that worries me the most about becoming a Navy wife. My sailor has already warned me and says that he tries to shield me from the other Navy wives because they can be such catty and nasty people sometimes. I WANT to be involved with the FRG, etc., but I do NOT want to have anything to do with the drama. Here's hoping that I can make friends wherever we go =\

  3. I know how you feel I have been in VA for almost a year and finally have found friends! It's not easy! Especially when cliques are already formed..

  4. I'm not sure if you'll see this because this is one of your older posts. But my husband and I just moved to Virginia Beach. We had a friend stay with us for almost a month so there was no need to make new friends right away. Well that has friend has gone back to Florida and my husband has been sent out on his first "work up". We haven't even been here a month yet so obviously it's normal to not have friends but I feel like the lack of them is making me crazy along with our first long time apart even if it's only for a month. Besides the FRG did you meet people other ways?

    I'm still looking for a job, and my husband thinks the FRG is full of mean girls.