Thursday, April 12, 2012

If You're Not a Military Spouse, We're not Friends

Are there Really people like that, Referring to the title?
I surely hope not. 

I was recently told a friend thinks that since she is no longer going to be a military spouse, that I don't want to be friends with her anymore. Which is far from the truth. 

My husband's JOB is not my social status. I don't care what your husband's job is, it does not factor in to me wanting to be someone's friend. 

Do I have pride in the fact that my husband is in the Military? Yes, but I share that same pride for my family who are serving and who have served. And, you don't see me saying, "Your brother isn't in the military, we can't be friends." 


C'mon now, we aren't in grade school any more. 

I'm sure there are woman who are like this. I know there are girls who prefer military friends for the simple fact they "understand" more. But I am not one of those people. 

Honestly, I would love to be home with my friends who aren't military spouses right now. It's refreshing to be around friends who don't have the worry of this lifestyle or feel the need to talk about it, or deployment every time you are with them. I like the normalcy of it.

My husband's job does not define me. Let's just drop the "Military" from Wife. I am HIS WIFE- That is my priority, not to be a "Military" Wife


  1. While I totally agree with you, I can relate to your friend. Getting out of the military lifestyle is a complete culture shock to everyone involved. And then if you change locations on top of that, it's like changing schools back when you were 8. You have to make all new friends but this time you won't be able to swing by the local military wives club to introduce yourself. It's intimidating to say the least. But I've been out of the military lifestyle for over a year now and I still speak to all my Navy wife friends (including you! :]) You're right when you say that your husband's job is not your social status. I wish more military wives (and civilian wives too) thought that same way! :)

  2. Amen, sister. I also get really irked when I go to a Navy Wife function and they asked me, "Rank?" as I walk through the door. My new response to this is: "I don't have a rank. I didn't join the Navy!" And it annoys me that many Navy Wives socialize based on rank (what the heck is this chiefs vs. wardroom crap?!)

  3. My two cents: I could care less who you are: If we are compatible as friends and get along, have fun, and enjoy the same things then that's enough for me to be friends with you! I think as military spouses we often fall into being friends with other military spouses because they do understand not only the deployments, but the long-distance friendships. I lost several civilian friends when we moved, but my millies have stayed strong friendships no matter where we are taken by our husband's careers. I just can't see stopping being friends with someone because their husbands career path changes :(

    On a side note the last line is completely contradictory to the entire existance of the very blog you wrote it in: Married to a Sailor: The Journey of a Navy Wife. It sure doesn't seem like you are taking the military out of it at all. Wether we like to acknowledge it or not, we married men in the military and with that came the sacrifice of the title "just his wife". We were lumped into a phenomenal group of women :) {Gosh- I have read that several times over and it keeps coming across snarky, but that is certainly not how I meant it to be! Just noting that we in fact are military wives}

  4. yes ma'am - there are people like that out there!

  5. Couldn't agree more. I don't care what your spouse does for a living. If you're pretty awesome, I'll hang out with you.

  6. Ive heard it more in blogging than "real life"

    I have had a blog friend that's husband failed his yearly PT due to a leg injury he never fully recovered from. . .she sent me an email saying she loved our friendship but now she was moving on. . . I was like WHAT>!!! We can stil be friends! but since then, it hasn't been the same at all :(

  7. Yes people really are like that. I am dating a sailor - for more then 2 years now. I was told by several women, even the wives from the ship he was deployed with, that I was not welcome because I was not married to him. Yes, it is horrible, and very high school like. I hope and pray more women wouldn't shun women who aren't married away. The knowledge from learning and hearing about the life of a military wife - would and could save marriages in the future. Just a point. Thank you for the post!

  8. Totally agree, Lost one of my close friends because her and her husband decided to get a divorce... Now we never talk.. she basically said the same thing...

    o well i guess lol

  9. Elizabeth, Touche with your snarky-ness! lol. But on the flip side, I married a Stock boy :p He joined after we married. ;)
    My priority isn't the military. Mine is my husband and being his wife- military or not, and that should be everyone who is married's priority. The Navy is my husband's job. And if say, my husband was a business man who went on business trips and his job uprooted us and moved us across the country.. Perhaps this blog would be, "The journey of a Businessman's wife". But my husband is a Sailor, I'm just his wife.