Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Resolutions, goals and Being Prepared

Have you ever felt like time was passing by so quickly, you struggle to keep up? I feel like I'm back where I was a year ago. Trying not to stress, preparing and realizing time is growing shorter until my husband will be deploying again.

This time feels a little different though.

I feel like we are still adjusting to all the changes from his previous deployment. He was gone for 6 months, but during that time we purchased a house, we moved, purchased a new car.. etc. I feel like we're still working on a new routine with his work schedule. I was so use to his TAD schedule before last deployment that I'm honestly not use to seeing my husband home as much as he has been. It's nice having him home- but sometimes I miss his crazy schedule. My house stayed clean then! But I'll take him home over my clean house any day.

We got use to spending roughly 1 day a week together before deployment. Now, after deployment, we have every day with the exception of a duty day every week. We were in a routine of spending every minute with each other when he was home, and now because we went from having about 1 day to every day, sometimes we feel like we are smothering each other. I guess sometimes its part of it. It's the whole adjusting to only readjust thing. It's a never ending cycle.

Now, we are creeping up on deployment number 2. I guess you could say more than creeping. I look at how many days my husband will be home between now and deployment, with the ship now in full swing with their underway training, and we are back to having limited time left to spend with each other. It puts things back into reality for me, focus on each other but remember to keep stress and emotions in check. Stress- we're working on that. We have a lot to do before this next deployment and I feel as if I've waited until last minute, but I still have a lot of time. It's crazy.

I'm already trying to gather my "Deployment goal" list. Kind of like setting tons of resolutions for the New Year, but for me- it's for deployment. Full of projects, work out goals, weight goals, decorating projects, FRG commitments, etc.

Again with this deployment, I'm probably going to make my to-do list so long and be disappointed in the end because I ran out of time. I do that. I sometimes put too much on my plate and then get so incredibly mad at myself for not succeeding. I think I do this because I do accomplish a lot when under pressure or stressed. I do my best when I'm constantly busy. I think I also do this to myself because I don't want to run out of things to do. I want and I like keeping busy because the time flies so fast, and before I know it, I'm picking up my husband. I refuse to be miserable and I focus on things I want to do, things I want to accomplish. When my husband is gone, it's the perfect time because when he's home- my focus is on him. I sometimes forget what I want, and forget to focus any time on myself (maybe that'll actually be a New Years resolution!).

What are your New Years or Deployment resolutions?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Milspouse Holiday Blog Swap

Riding the Roller Coaster has done it again. She has set up another wonderful Mili. Spouse blog swap. I'm so excited to be apart of another of her wonderful swaps she has put together. That woman is awesome. Just sayin'. I mean, Who else could organize 27 amazing bloggers/ mili spouses plus myself for an awesome blog swap for a day?

Be sure to head over to Roller Coaster's blog to check out the other amazing bloggers!

Riding the Roller Coaster
If you're looking for my post, be sure to check out My Marine and Me for My Post about Christmas since being a Navy wife!

I'm am extremely happy to have Wife Of a Sailor taking over my blog today! She's totally awesome. You know how their some wives that wear their husband's rank? Well, Wife of a Sailor wears her own! Yes, that's right. She is an Officer in the Navy Reserves. Her husband is an enlisted Sailor. Which mean, He has to salute to her! ;D
Although, she says he's evaded that for two and a half years. Boo, but that's ok.. We all know she'll get him. Be sure to check her out at www.wifeofasailor.com!

Here's her post. I hop you enjoy it as much as I do.

When most people think of Christmas, they think of the spirit of the holiday season and spending it with the ones they love the most. Those of us in the military world, however, routinely don’t have our loved ones near… whether it is a spouse that is deployed or family members that live far away thanks to the military lifestyle. We have to plan our holidays and special events around deployments, duty nights, TDYs and all other sorts of things the military likes to throw around. Christmas may be celebrated months before or after December 25th. And that’s normal for us.

Personally, this will be our third Christmas since we’ve been married. Yet, it will be the first that we’ve ever spent together. Actually, this past 4th of July and Thanksgiving were our first two holidays together since we’ve been married, period. ‘Tis the way of the military.

I’m incredibly excited about spending our first one together. Christmas can be celebrated on Christmas (okay, well, at least within a day or so of it depending on if he has duty on Christmas Eve/Christmas). I can get excited with all the other people gearing up for the season. But I also realize there are many who aren’t going to spend it with their spouse. And my heart aches for them.
But you know what? I think that it is a blessing that we don’t always have them with us. I truly believe those of us who are part of the military family have an advantage over most civilians. We know how precious the “spending the season with your family” is. It’s not about the presents or the lights or the cookies (mmmm… cookies!), and we realize how wonderful it is to spend time with our family.

I’m not saying civilians DON’T know this or don’t get it… rather, I’m saying that we truly treasure the time we have with those we love (when they actually are with us). Because we know that next year, they might not be there. They might be working to make the world a safer place in some far off place or, in our case, 20,000 leagues under the sea.

So this year, I will treasure every minute. I will enjoy the season as it’s meant to be. Because sometime in the not-so-distant future, I’ll need to look back upon the memories I make this year so that I can make it through a lonely Christmas without Huzzy that will undoubtablly happen once again in the future.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone. If you don’t have your spouse/significant other/family with you this year, make each moment one to remember. If you don’t have them with you, hold on because you aren’t alone and we’ve all been there. You’ll get him/her soon and can make your memories then.

Thursday, December 8, 2011


Yesterday, a young man from my hometown took his own life. Now, people are trying to find someone to blame. Of course, they blame the school system.

I didn't really know him, but I knew who he was. He use to come in the place I worked, before moving to Virginia, nearly every day.

He was bullied. It's sad, but it happens. It happens to a lot of us- Bullying doesn't target a specific gender, sexual preference, race, etc. Anyone can be bullied. I was bullied some growing up, and I know many others who were as well.

For more than a week, you could see on this kid's facebook that he was reaching out. Continually talked about ending his life. Who stood up and said something? Who asked for help for this young man? No one. I'm not apart of his facebook page. After hearing about his death, I went to his page. I read his posts where for days straight he hinted to taking his life. And a post from a week ago again. People want to blame the school system for doing nothing but giving the bullies a slap on the wrist, but no one, including his friends, stood up to say "He needs help".

I'm going to get a bit more personal here- and I may totally regret this, especially if my family reads this, but I think it's time to stand up and say something. I use to have suicidal thoughts. Alot. Until this day, noone has really known that. Twice I actually tried- again, only maybe 2 people even know of one of those instances.

When I was 14, I took nearly 20-25 Tylenol at one time. Being 14, I thought it would do it. I felt trapped, I felt alone and I felt empty. Killing myself was the easy way out for me. I took the pills and went to school. I started throwing up at school and ended up at Vanderbilt hospital. I must have thrown up all the medicine, the doctors said they didn't know what was wrong with me and ruled it a small stomach bug. I don't think a single person knows about that. All anyone knew is that I had a really bad headache and took more Tylenol then I should have and the headaches could have made me sick. I was known for having headaches so bad that I would get sick often, so it was believable.
When I was 16, I actually cut my wrist. I was at a point in my life where I was confused all the time, and again, I felt alone. I felt as if noone would notice if I was gone. I didn't cut deep at all, but when I saw the blood, I asked myself, "What is wrong with you?!". I didn't want to be this person. I hid the scabbed up cut from everyone. Wore long sleeves, or covered it with a watch. My mom saw it one day as I was helping to cook something and grabbed my arm and asked what it was. At this point, it had healed that it sort of looked like a burn. I went with it. I told my mom that I was reaching across a pot and skimmed the side of a hot metal pan. Some how, it was believeable and she didn't question me.
Why didn't I tell anyone? I was embarrassed.

I'm saying this because maybe, there's someone out there who feels trapped and just wants to give up. I want them to know that you're not the only one who deals with things that make you feel like noone in the world can understand. There are people who do care and do understand. You just have to talk to someone. Find a way to let it out- other than cutting yourself or trying to commit suicide. There are better options. Yes, It will be hard. But life is full of challenges. Hard times always come and go. Don't take the easiest route out of it all and take your own life. Every single person in this world has the potential to grow up and be great at something.

As far as bullying goes, It's tough. I like to look at it this way. They are jealous of you- or one person starts something and their posse just follows. Sometimes, they are in the same shoes. The may be bullied at home, or they are being bullied to bully you- pure pressure.

People need to start standing up for themselves. Friends need to speak up when needed. Parents need to listen when a child has something to say and teachers need to speak up if bullying is noticed or unusual behavior is seen at school.