Friday, July 22, 2011

Why So Serious?

For more than 2 weeks now, I have been without internet. It has been wonderful (although at times, like when blogging, annoying!)! It makes me realize how much time people, including myself are spending online... especially Facebook.

We're told that Crack is addictive- well, so is Facebook. Even without having access to internet via computer, I still find myself on Facebook (darn smart phones!).

Something I've noticed aside from it being addictive, is people take the internet (*couch*cough* Facebook) entirely way too serious.

Facebook has become too many people's lifeline.. too many people see it as "real life". To me, Facebook is becoming a reality TV Show played out via social networking. And like reality TV shows, not everything you see or read via Facebook is "real". There's fake people, liars, drama, mulitple personalities, etc. It's all on there.

Who needs reality TV or Soaps for amusement from drama when you can just read it every day- at any time?

Some peope take Facebook too serious. If you don't reply to someone's message or comment, then that must mean you're not a "real" friend or it means you're fake.

If you or when you're in need of a friend's help- immediately- did Facebook replace a telephone, cell phone or text? Who decided that if one doesn't see a message or comment from another that by them not replying in time of need make them "fake" or not a true friend? Serious questions.

I find it humorous. I really do.

Facebook is not serious. It's just a way of sharing your life in a different way with those you choose to (the world because not everything is private with Facebook).

Why so serious? Lay off the cra... I mean Facebook. Look at everything you're missing out on by being on Facebook all day.

No time to get in shape you say? GET OFF FACEBOOK. The time it took you to read status updates, or post a status.. or comment, or to login to Facebook.. you could have done a couple crunches.. pushups, etc. Just sayin'.

This whole no having internet thing.. is wonderful. It's proof where so much extra time is spent.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Stick a Fork in me...

I am Done!

I have been going to the doctor several times a month for tests, tests and more tests for almost 5 months. Still no answers as to whats going on. They have ruled out many things, but have no answers.

One doctor told me it may be a small issue that has no known cause and I would just have to learn to deal with it. I say BS. I want this issue pinpointed and gone!

Today, I woke up not feeling well. I sometimes wake up winded and my chest hurting... and sometimes thats a good day. I woke up winded and my chest hurting and feeling extremely congested this morning.

I decided to take a shower and while in the shower, I got lightheaded fell over and busted the top of my nose open. I didn't even realize it was gushing blood or anything. Just sat in the bathtub for a minute to catch my breath and calm down. Then I realized my nose was stinging and touched it and felt a gash at the top of my nose and then saw the blood.

Honestly, the only thing I can remember thinking is "eff my life".

I'm debating as to go to the doctor and get my nose checked out or even see if I might need stitches.. it's a deep gash on my nose. Most of the bleeding has stopped, so that is the only thing stopping me from going, as well as the fact that I probably shouldn't be driving. My husband should be home soon, I'll see what he thinks and make the decision from there.

Now, I'm going to figure out how to make this day better. Right now... I can't say I am having that great of a day.

I guess I should be thankful at least Deployment is over and he'll be coming home to help on my bad days.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Been There, Done That, Got the Tshirt!

As some of you know, my husband is now home. The USS Enterprise is home from their 6 month deployment {cheers!}.

I was going to attempt to blog the day of homecoming-while waiting. Obviously, blogging was the last thing on my mind the day of. Too much excitement. I was nervous, anxious, and shakey from being so excited  (some can be attributed to  forgetting to eat that morning.)!

He flew in 2 days earlier than the ship came in. I never imagined I would be as nervous as I was. Seeing the plane land, my heart started pounding. When I saw them stepping off that plane, no words can describe my excitement and how nervous I was. I wanted to run to the plane, but of course, that wasn't permitted. Seeing him walking toward me, I felt as if we were the only 2 people outside.

All I can remember is being so excited. I also remember thinking about how much weight he looked like he had lost, then back to being completely excited.

When he was close to me, I ran to him. Seeing him smile, then feeling his arms around me, hugging me.. all my questions, fear and nervousness disappeared. Nothing had changed. People say service members come back different, they change. They don't always change. They see things, do things that may have an effect on them, but it doesn't necessarily change them. My husband is the same man I married almost 3 years ago.

Things are great, it's as if the past 6 months were nonexistent.

Just a tip, don't set your expectations too high, don't expect too much from him. You know your loved one better than anyone else. When someone tells you to expect several things, such as change, how they will act, things they will do or will not do.. Take it with a grain of salt. You could be expecting too much, you could be setting yourself up to be disappointed. I believe this is why there are do many fights after homecoming.

Just enjoy your time with them.

Deployment number one down. Been there, done that.. And I didn't need a xxanax

Photo credit by Cocoa Bean Photography
Link to her Facebook fan page:

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Twas The Night Before Homecoming...

Tomorrow my husband is flying in. I can't describe all the emotions running through my body at this very moment. I'm anxious, nervous, excited, and even a bit scared.

You can't help but wonder what has changed. Has he changed? Have You changed? You become more independent, you learn to do everything you did with them, alone. Things have changed. You wonder how those changes will make a diference in life after homecoming. Will things just pick up where they left off? Will things be hard? Will things be better than before deployment? Will he like decisions you've made (with me, will he like our house?)? Etc. It can be scary and at the same time, exciting.

And boy am I ever anxious! Seems like tonight's clock is standing still. It's almost nauseating being wide awake, feeling that hours have passed and in reality, less than 30 minutes have went by.

I've never been so excited! Ok, other than my wedding day, I've never been this excited. I feel like a little kid again and i feel like Christmas day is tomorrow. Santa is surely granting my Christmas wish early!

I'm extremely nervous. I feel like I'm preparing for a blind date.. or just a date at that! I am in a "new" relationship again and again with my husband. These butterflies are going wild!

Tomorrow is extra special for us. Not only is my husband coming home, he's coming home 3 years to the date he proposed to me. July 13, 2008 is when he proposed (married September, 27, 2008) to me. July 13, 2011 is when he's coming home to me. That just makes it extra exciting... and even more that he remembered it.

It's the end of the Journey for Deployment number one, now we prepare for being completed again to prepare for deployment number two.

Six months too long, but these two hearts stayed strong.

Monday, July 11, 2011

One Day and a Wake Up!

It is officially homecoming week for the USS Enterprise! Meaning, my husband will be home soon!

The ship will be home Friday. My husband is flying in 2 days early to make room for the Tiger Cruise (he decided to do this because he got pegged for pull-in duty).

So, that means I have ONE day and then I WAKE UP to go pick up my husband!

Who is Kid in a candy store excited? That's right. ME!

The past week has bee extremely stressful for me. I am officially moved into OUR new house. Boxes are everywhere. I still want everything perfect, so.. I'm pretty sure tonight will be an all nighter with lots and lots of COFFEE!

I had to take our new kitten, Converse, to the emergency vet the other day. Roo "pawed" him in the head.. somehow managed to cut his mouth, bust his nose and hit him in head so hard that it brought blood to his right eye. Needless to say, I was a wreck. Seeing all the blood pouring from his mouth and nose... and then his eye and face swelling, I thought Roo has accidently killed my new kitten. Thankfully, it looked much worse than it was. Today is Con man's follow up vet appointment. Today we should know if little man will be blind in that eye or not. I really really hope he's going to be perfectly a-ok! All swelling is gone, his eye is starting to look normal again, still a bit red though. So, I'll just keep my fingers crossed!

I have a to-do list that is a mile long, and no time to do it all! But, I'm at the point where I have accepted it. Is he REALLY going to pay attention to the house? Probably not.

I have my homecoming dress ready, jewelry, shoes and Photographer are all in check! What's missing? My Husband, my Sailor!

One day and a wake up and then I can say, "Been there, done that, got the Tshirt"

(This post is OPSEC approved seeing as the Military, the Navy and the Ship have released homecoming information to the public)

Saturday, July 2, 2011

End of Deployment: Unaccomplished

It has been almost six months since my husband left.
It honestly feels like he just left, but at the same time- it feels like he has been gone for so long.
I think, "Where has the past several months gone?".

Now, I sit here and I'm trying to figure out what I have accomplished the past six months. I had so much planned to do- but as I sit here.. I can't think of anything I had planned to do that I accomplished.

Honestly, I can't even remember most of the goals I set for this deployment!

I wanted to get in shape, but I couldn't commit to a workout routine fully. Although, I'm proud to say I'm 2lbs from the weight I graduated high school at.. however, I do not have my high school graduate body. Then= toned, now... we'll just say not toned.

I wanted to make a quilt while he was gone.. But I never found the time to work on it. But what did I do with all my free time? I feel like I'm always busy! I'm always doing something. But have I been as productive as I have felt this entire deployment? I don't really know in all honesty.

I know that most of my time has been focusing on buying a house and getting it ready for him- having it all ready and done by the time he comes home. Ran into issues with closing and now we have to wait until he comes home to close. I'm able to go ahead and move in the place.. but for some reason, it's just not the same. I wanted to have it done. I didn't want him to have to do anything. I think more than anything it was to prove to myself that I did it.. and could do it. But now.. The months of work that I've done for us to be able to buy a house.. all the paperwork, all the emails, house hunting.. I almost feel like I failed and in all actuality... I've really accomplished a lot with this house stuff. And I really shouldn't feel like I failed because he's going to come home- sign one piece of paper and it be done with. I know he doesn't and won't see me as a failure.

I focused a lot on my photography as well as my tshirt business. I know they are both something to be proud of as well. Not to forget the modeling jobs I have done since he's been gone. I had started to feel that I was no longer good at it, I had given up- but the past 6 months have proven that It's not over for me yet.. Too many job opportunities telling me I have all the potential in the world right now.

I'm proud of myself.. but in a way, for some reason.. I don't feel like I accomplished near as much as I should have. He's busting his rear every day.. and I feel like I've just been having a grand ole time.. and Although I've had lots of fun this deployment, I would have had more fun with him here.

I feel like I let my heart condition slow me down some.. This deployment hasn't been stressful for me nor has it even been hard.. but now, he's homeward bound and I'm finding myself a bit stressed.

This is where I have to remind myself- this is where I've put so much on my plate to accomplish for his homecoming. I've put too much pressure on myself for it to be a perfect homecoming. This is where I need to listen to my husband and repeat his words to myself, "Baby, no matter how much plans get changed, our little homecoming will be perfect. I promise." Really and truly- he's right. I don't have to be super wife for homecoming to be amazing.

Before deployment= there's some stress.
During deployment= You get to relax and de-stress. You get use to being alone.
The final countdown= You stress because a. You worry about fighting when readjusting to being together again, b. you beat yourself up because you've made your to-do list way too long and things happen that take away from the time you should have .. etc.

I had so many ideas for homecoming.. and well, Plans change or just totally flip flop!
  • Homecoming pull in duty
  • Now he's coming home to make room for the tiger cruise
  • can't close on house
  • holiday weekend, movers are booked, closed or charge ungodly rates for the holiday
  • Time sneaks up on you
  • doctor puts you on a heart monitor for 2 weeks (still wearing it now!) 
  • your chest is having a reaction to the pads.. and looks as if you have chemical burns on your chest
  • you worry about how you're going to look on homecoming day due to the small blisters and irritation (eww)
  • You buy 3 dresses, 1 doesn't fit right and the other.. well, It just it's a good dress for you aka you look horrible in it. Praying 3rd is a charm- should arrive in the mail soon.
  • Still have to get moved, unpacked and house decorated- that's the main goal
  • decorate for a surprise late birthday
  • make treats and snacks to be ready when he comes home.
I can keep going and going and going.

Now, I look at my countdown.. sigh.
I want him home. I do.. But honestly, I think I might beat myself up if I'm unable to accomplish everything on my list.. if I have to show up at homecoming looking like I have a flesh eating disease on my chest. Wondering if I'm going to have to wear this monitor longer.. possibly having it on for homecoming even... And then, I'd have to show up to the airport looking like I have a bomb strapped to me.

Yes, looking like I have a bomb strapped to me walking into an airport to pick up a man in uniform may be a bit funny-- but only if you're not the one with the thing strapped to you. :p

And now, I have wrote a novel.. and I'm not even sure what it's about at this point! Being a failure? Time crunched?

He's homeward bound.. and now, I can officially say, I. AM. STRESSED.