I Walk The Line

You have a blog. You created your blog to vent, to share your experiences, to show people the positives, and with the blog you're welcoming people to view your life.

When you publicly blog, sometimes boundaries need to be set. There's a line you walk and parts of your life you don't want to share with the world. Many things stay private and I believe many things should stay private.

From day one, I had set boundaries. There is a line I wouldn't cross, and that line being I would never write a blog that would portray my husband and/or my marriage in a negative way, UNLESS.. the situation turned into something positive that he and I both could learn from. I also set limitations on how personal I would get when talking about my husband, what he does, etc.

I created this blog as an outlet, but also as a way to share my experiences of being married to a man with a career in the military. To show that this lifestyle can be fun and it doesn't have to be negative as everyone portrays it. Today, I feel like I'm walking the line; Bottling up something I feel the need to talk about, which is Navy related but also crosses the line of being one of the many things that should probably remain private.

If you're wondering why my blog has been "quiet" lately, there is a lot going on on the homefront. It's a bad situation that has ultimately turned positive, but it is a battle for my husband and it's not my story to tell. I feel if I was to talk about how what he is going through affects me, I would feel a weight lifted off my shoulders, and potentially have advice for someone else. However, it is too personal when it comes to my husband and his job.

For now, I feel I have nothing to blog about... I take that back, nothing I can blog about.

Blogging

I have a million things pop in my head that inspires me to blog. Problem is, I'm never around a computer when the idea pops in my head. I've come to the conclusion that I'm in need of a small notebook to carry with me everywhere. Then, maybe, I will be able to jot down my thoughts and ideas as they come. But then again, a lot of ideas come to mind while I'm driving. That would be a fail. So, maybe a voice recorder? That might just work!


You would think, that since I spend so much time on the computer as is, that I would blog more. Nope, not the case. I spend so much time editing and "working" I don't always have those random thoughts pop in my head.

I do a lot of thinking in the shower to, probably a little odd, but I think many people think a lot in the shower. I can't exactly bring electronics or a notebook in the shower with me. That would just be too easy! And, I'm very scatterbrained. So, by the time I'm out of the shower, I cannot remember any of the bloggable ideas that pop in my head.

I'm only blogging right now because It's late and I took a nap earlier and now I cannot sleep. But yet, I'm too tired to have something truly worthy of blogging about. This post is also scheduled to post in the AM because, if I do so happen to fall asleep, I don't want my email dinging if I so happen to receive any comments. And as anyone who has had a loved one deployed knows, the phone doesn't go on silent (Although, sometimes I will if I know he's been super busy and I'm exhausted, I'll put it on silent in hopes I sleep through the night).

I think over the next couple months I will be blogging more often. Lots of exciting things, dates, etc will be happening- well, they are exciting to me and since this is my blog, you can decide if you want to be excited with me or not. :p
Like what you say?
August= Boudoir session, several years ago I met my Mr. Amazing this month!
September= I married the perfect guy for me
October= Navy anniversary, Halloween
November= Thanksgiving
December= Ship Decom., Christmas

AND somewhere in there is homecoming. :D
But also in a few of those months, there will be themed carepackages! Chyeah!

Later this week/ weekend.. sometime soon.. I will post my most recent themed package to my husband.

If you would like to keep updated on my packages as I prepare them, shop for them, etc. Follow me on instagram @christinarush (http://statigr.am/christinarush)

Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone.

Why is it that when Someone has a different Belief than someone.. just because it doesn't fit into the "Popular" belief that it's the wrong thing to believe?

We all have different beliefs on different subjects. Not one person is going to agree on absolutely everything.

When you follow someones blog, do you follow thinking you're going to agree with absolutely everything that person posts? And once they read a post that they don't share the same beliefs as you, they stop being a follower of your blog.

When I follow someones blog, I know I'm not going to agree with everything everyone else says. That's what makes us unique, and makes us who we are. 

I started to apologize and say that I'm sorry that I don't always follow popular belief, But I'm not sorry. I'm damn proud that I have my beliefs and my own opinion on things, Even if there are a lot of people who don't agree with me.

Yes, I am old fashioned. I was raised in a southern Christian home. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of Who I am. I accept that others have a different opinion and I'm glad that some share the same as me. However, If we all agreed on everything.. this world would be a very boring place.

Don't trash someone's beliefs. Don't throw "Facts" out there when they have nothing to do with why they believe what they do. State your opinion, but be an adult about it if you're going to comment on someone's blog. Like some have, say "It's good that you have your beliefs, although I don't agree." You can then state your feelings without any name calling. We are adults here, c'mon.

Yes, I am AGAINST gay marriage. This is MY personal belief, YOU don't HAVE to share that with me, but don't criticize me because I don't fit your perception of what YOU THINK everyone should believe.

If you don't like someone who has strong beliefs, that IS going to blog about things that other's May or May NOT agree with.. Then You SHOULDN'T be a follower of MY blog. This is where I express MY thoughts, MY beliefs and MY experiences.. Not yours. That's what YOU can have a blog for, and then people can choose to rationally agree or disagree with you.

"Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means standing alone." And that's exactly what I'm doing. My beliefs WILL NOT change just because someone doesn't agree with them.

Expressing Yourself -vs- OPSEC

Today, I was directed to a blog post that urked one of my friends to see how I felt about it. Well, the more I sit here and think about it.. the more I let it bother me. Hence the blog.

First off, let me just say that OPSEC is something I follow all the time, as ANYONE associated to a service member should.

After reading the blog post Ah, OPSEC posted on Semper Spouse by "Alpha Wife", I was absolutely disgusted. I posted the link her blog post on Facebook as well. Seems so many agree with me, as they should.. on this subject anyway.

If you didn't click the Links above to read her post, let me just break it down some:

"if I find myself needing to share some of them in order to get something off my chest, I will." [referring to sharing deployment details]

She finds it alright to put her husband and his unit at risk for her to "Get something off her chest". If my husband was in her husband's command.. I would be livid. Hell, this upsets me and he's not connected to my husband!

"So there's a big middle finger to OPSEC, I suppose. They can't silence me and expect me to let everything build up inside me just because they are a bunch of paranoids have set guidelines that they think every spouse should adhere to." 

 Paranoids? Try concerned for the safety of our men and women who are fighting over there this very moment, and any person wearing a uniform serving in the United States Military. They have set these guidelines for a reason. And by YOU being in a relationship with a service member it is YOUR responsibility to adhere to them.


"I have a blog so that I can spill things the way I see it. And if one sneaky terrorists came to MY blog and decided to do any no-good deed to whoever because of details that I shared, then whatever, I'll take responsibility."

By this.. She is saying that she will take responsibility.. Is she saying that she will gladly take responsibility of a wounded service member, or even worse a fallen service member?! Is she the one who will tell a child that her father was killed because she couldn't keep her mouth shut and didn't care that she put so many at risk just so she could express herself? Yes, I'm on a rant. I'm livid.

Is it just me, or is the linked post a very selfish and disgusting post? We would all love to go on and on about when our loved one is coming home, or rant about how we don't want them to leave on "such and such" date. BUT is it really worth it to put your husband in harms way? NO IT'S NOT and if you think it is.. YOU ARE ONE SICK AND TWISTED PERSON!

You can express yourself without posting any information putting the Military at risk. I know this.. I have been doing it for a while now with My brother being in the service and now my husband. Not just me, but the family members of service members I'm friends with in person and Facebook as well.. It doesn't just stop there.. look at all the military significant others who post blogs.. They express themselves and THEY KEEP THEIR LOVED ONES SAFE BY NOT POSTING SENSITIVE INFORMATION!

Seriously, Some people do not need to be allowed to be associated with ANYTHING dealing with the Military. I pray to God that her husband doesn't know she poss the foolish mess that she has been.

Sometimes You Just have to Flick the World Off and Shut the Door

Thank you to everyone who sent supportive comments to my last blog post. They meant a lot to me and were very much needed. There was more to the situation then what was posted, but only a select few people really know the whole thing. I prefer to keep it that way.

Since my last blog post, I have been keeping myself very busy, and kept myself away from blogger and away from Facebook. So, now.. I'm trying to catch up. I've missed alot! But, I'm happy I took time for myself. We all need time to ourselves every now and then.

I'm so happy I have some very supportive friends and followers on my blog. There are people who are always there for you, and in a situation when you truly need a friend, you find out who your closest friends really are.

I got tons of support, and honestly didn't really expect anything. I just needed a place to let my feelings come out.. and my blog is always that place. I received so many comments on here and also on FB (my blog feeds to my facbook profile), all of them uplifting (well, with the exception of one very rude comment), and supportive. Again, thank you. Although I do not know many of you who read this, I feel like I have someone who listens.

When all this happened, I bottled it all up. I guess I felt it was easier to deal with if it didn't get talked about. Well, as most of us know.. bottling things up isn't the best thing to do. I had my moment.

I received a text from a friend that makes me smile, and at the same time is oh so very true (minus the fact that she can be a bitch.. I've never seen it lol). It said :

"Sometimes I feel like you don't let yourself have a bad day, where you stay in your pjs and just do whatever you want. You try to be positive all the time. When sometimes you just have to flick the world off for a day and shut the door. You're so sweet to everyone all the time. Take a lesson from someone who can be a real bitch at times"

 I realize I am always a positive person. I don't think that's a bad quality to have.. however, Who said you can't have a bad day, or that you won't face hard situations? It's ok to have a bad day.. to let people see you upset. EVERYONE has a bad day from time to time.

In the time that I was away, I did 3 shoots. I did a Maternity shoot, Family shoot and just today I did a 1st birthday shoot. Once I get my photography Blog going, I will do posts about each shoot. I'll post a link here when I get it all pretty for those who want to see more (hopefully someone!)  Meanwhile, here's a little preview:

To the ladies who one my most recent contest, Please email me. I have only Heard from Brittany, and would like to get you your prizes! CRushGFX@yahoo.com.

Hopefully I will get some good posts going on this well. I now have 175 followers... Wowza! If you have anything you would like me to blog about or a question, Post a comment. I'll get on it! :)

Christina, Just Keep Smiling.

I'm stressed.. and it's not because my husband is away.. I mean, I miss him and it would be so much easier if he were home right now, but that's not why I'm stressed. Maybe stressed isn't the right word.. I'm happy, but at the same time, I feel like I'm loosing it? Mixed emotions with so much going on. I don't know what I'm feeling in all honesty.

I handle these workups quite well. I'm proud of myself for that. I have control over my emotions pretty well. Occasionally things get to me, and until I made this blog, noone other than my husband knew anything that ran through this head of mine, I guess because no one truly wanted to listen. But lately.. my emotions are getting the best of me.

I'm always in a good mood, even when I'm upset.. I'm always the one smiling... and staying positive. Noone ever sees me upset. I don't like for people to see me upset.. and on the days where I don't feel like smiling, I smile anyways.. and make the day a good one. But today, I feel like someone just hit the replay button on my emotions from last month, refer to the post "Not keeping it bottled up" .. 6th paragraph. It didn't happen again,  I'm just feeling those emotions as if I had, but times 1,000 right now.

The past couple days I have been happy, and sad all at the same time. That mess will screw with your head.. I can't seem to get a grip on it. I see pregnant friends.. or friends with kids.. and it makes me smile so much, but at the same time, my heart is aching. I'm jealous too, why are they so lucky?

I want to talk about it.. but I don't know how, or noone wants to listen.. or they don't understand. What am I wanting to hear from them? Or do I want them to just say nothing and listen? The baby conversation comes up and I'll say we're not having any luck yet. The response I always get it "Well, you haven't been trying for long".. For some reason, that just bothers me. The person knows I've miscarried, and so what if we've only been "officially" trying for 4 months.. in the past 2 years we've had 3 forsure miscarriages, and possibly 2 others. I would rather not get pregnant at all than to go through a miscarriage.. again.

Maybe I need to let myself think about all these emotions and get it all out there.. maybe even a good cry, even that's hard for me to do. I keep myself so busy so that I have no time to think about it.. that the slightest bit of downtime, my mind is flooded with all sorts of questions, and what ifs.. etc.  I knew I should have went to bed an hour ago.. I could hardly keep my eyes open and now, here I am... with a flooded mind.

With this underway, I have found myself just wanting to stay home. I feel comfortable at home. I have fun when I go out with the girls, but I see their babies, or they talk about kids.. and those emotions start to come back. I'll be having fun, happy.. but on the inside, I'm being tortured. I find myself not engaging in conversations as much.. being more reserved at times... and those of you who know me on a personal level.. know that sometimes It's hard to shut me up! Don't get me wrong, I love talking about babies.. but under the circumstances, it kills me. Something that makes me so happy, is ripping me apart at the same time.

I'm going to the doctor in a few weeks. I'm hoping that he can ease my mind a little bit and maybe give me an insight to what's going on or what I can do.

I try to stay positive, and I tell myself this is in God's hands.. but I also find myself questioning God. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I think "If now is not the right time, then why make me go through this so many times?". I feel like I'm almost at the point where I don't want to try anymore. That maybe I'm not meant to be a mommy. Ugh, that hurts.

Wow, I guess blogging does help some. Oddly enough, I feel like someone listened.. and I'm not really talking to anyone directly.. just typing to a screen.

Off to bed. Tomorrow is a whole New day. Christina, Just keep smiling.

"While You're Away" Contest- TIME TO VOTE!

**voting will cease at 1159pm on July 12, 2010

VOTE VOTE VOTE ->

Here are the blogs Up for vote! PLEASE Check them out! 
Another Deployment- my deployment playlist
Life as an MP's Wife-My Top 5 Songs For This Deployment
the Somarribas- while you're away contest
As The Crow Flies- While You're Away
My Life as a Sailor's Princess- Oh Em Gee! Another contest! I want, want, WANT!!! 
 Helen and the Hellcats- While Your Away - Top 5
Confessions of a Sailor's Wife- while youre away

Entry to the Contest is now closed! Thank you to all the lovely ladies who entered! Voting has now started. You can find the Poll to vote in the sidebar to the right. -->

You have about 6 days of time for voting. PLEASE don't cheat. Be mindful of others and only vote once.

Remember the Rules for pimping the contest. Don't remember? Let me post it again ;)

4. You are allowed to pimp out the contest.. but DO NOT post for them to just vote for you. The point of this is to have people read your post, and others as well. Saying, "I entered the "while you're away" contest, please read my post and vote for me", Is OK. Simply saying, "Vote for my blog".. eh, not so much. You should link them to your post and if they choose to vote for you, they can find my blog to vote by the link you post in your blog post. If I see people just saying "Vote for me" and not linking their blog.. I will drop you from the contest. I want this to be a fair vote!

Recap on Prizes:

1st place:
- Custom Blogger template (Header, Background, Button, signature & Coding) OR Custom made Tshirt from CRushGFX
-1 photo edit. (You send me a picture and I have fun with it) I use Photoshop CS3 for my edits. Large photo is required and will have to be sent to me via email. [email: CRushGFX@yahoo.com]
-A blogger award from my blog. (one made by me for winning my competition)
-be mentioned on my Blog :)

2nd place:
- Custom Graphic or Blogger Button
--1 photo edit. (You send me a picture and I have fun with it) I use Photoshop CS3 for my edits. Large photo is required and will have to be sent to me via email. [email: CRushGFX@yahoo.com]
-be mentioned on my Blog :) 


3rd place:
- Custom Graphic or Blogger Button
-be mentioned on my Blog :)


Feel free to leave a comment on what you thought about this blog contest. Also, PLEASE visit the ladies blog and comment their playlist! :D

Happy Voting :)

What it means to be a Navy Wife

Flip Flops and Combat Boots has teamed up with Anchors Away Etsy shop to host a contest for Navy Significant others. This is the first contest I have entered, and am quite excited about it. Anchors Away offers some super cute items on her Etsy shop.. I can already tell it's going to get me in trouble with the husband.

The winner of the contest will win this awesome clutch bag!

To enter I have to tell Nicole and Marianna what it means to be a Navy Wife, and post the best picture of my husband and myself. This is a similar question I asked in the previous contest I hosted open to all Military Significant others. But I never posted what it means to ME to be a Military Wife/ Navy Wife. So this is a great opportunity for me to share that with all of you, my followers.. and hopefully winning the awesome clutch as well! ;)

Let me start off by telling you why I chose this picture. This picture was taken on December 19, 2008. The day I became a Navy wife, the day we started on a new journey.. a new adventure. Not knowing where it would take us, not knowing the people we would meet, the places we would see.. not knowing what the Military life had in store for us. It is the reason my blog is titled "Married to a Sailor: The Journey of a Navy Wife". This is my journey, my life.. and this is what it means to me:

I was brought up with Military in my family. Daddy Wade was in the Navy and out of the Navy before he met my mom. My great grandfather was also in the Navy. I grew up hearing an occasional story from my grandfather, always seeing pictures on his wall and it bringing a smile my face (by the way, he's around 90 and still sports a high and tight). Both my Aunt and Uncle were in the Airforce and retired from the Airforce, I loved hearing them talk about it. My cousin was in the Army, had been hurt in Iraq and was discharged. My brother joined the Airforce straight out of high school. Never realized how proud I could be of someone until the day I watched my brother leave for basic training. I always had a since of Patriotism, a lot of pride in our military. I had thought hard about joining myself, and had talked to several recruiters. Then I met my husband.

I never told my husband I was considering the military. We dated nearly a year and he started talking about joining the service. I honestly was a little scared. I didn't know where it would take our relationship. I was madly in love with him. He came to my house one day before we both had to go to work. He sat me down and asked me If I thought it was a good idea for him to join the Military. I was just his girlfriend. What do I say? It's not my decision. And that's what I told him. I grabbed his hand and said, "I support what ever decision you make. But I cannot make the decision for you. I am only your girlfriend and you cannot base your life decisions around me". He looked up at me and said, "This is about you. This is about us. I plan to marry you. This is your decision too." Talk about making you choke up! I knew we were serious, I knew I wanted to marry him.. but never saw that coming. We sat there and talked about it. The next day, he signed his name to the United states Navy. Three months later, he asked me to marry him. Two short months later, we were married. The next month, he left for Navy Boot Camp.

So, Back to the question. What does being a Navy Wife mean to me? 

• It means it's more important than ever to have good communication, and to rely on communication of the the physical aspects of a Civilian relationship. Living life through emails, and setting up Mobile email so no matter where you are, not missing the simple emails that just say "I love you and miss you so much", and your heart skip a beat as you read those words from your husband while he's out at sea.
• It means being strong, knowing you can handle the life of a Navy wife. You will hear the saying, "Only the Strong Survive", I believe it is the truth. If you don't believe you're strong enough for this, how can your husband?
• It means that every kiss feels like the first and never loosing those butterflies.
• It means adventure, taking risks and taking things as they come. Getting to see new places and experience different cultures.
• It means not planning anything, and learning to be spontaneous. If you don't make plans, you can't blame the Navy for breaking your plans. Just enjoying everything on a day to day basis.
• It means learning that you won't always be number one priority and when you have kids, they won't be either. Means smiling and even laughing when you hear "The Navy is my husband's mistress, and that bitch gets all the attention" because it's the truth.
• It means putting your big girl panties on and enjoying the ride. Yeah sure, things get tough, but it's all about how you take them and what you make of them. It's learning to see the positive in every situation. 
• It's having even more pride for the Navy and Military. It's a lot different than a brother, or Aunt/ Uncle being in... when it's your husband, You're apart of it.
• It means determining HOW you let the Navy defines you. You can say it doesn't define you, but you're ignoring it. In having Pride for your husband, in being patriotic, living this lifestyle.. it's already defining you. To me, I define myself as a Proud Navy Wife, married to an amazing man who IS a Sailor. Do I love him just because he is a Sailor? No. I would love him just as much if he was just a plumber. 
• It means staying positive, to keep yourself from getting depressed when he's away. 
• It means making some of the most unbreakable friendships imaginable. Finding others who understand without saying the emotions that come with the Job of being a Navy wife. 
• It means being in a position to help new Navy wives, giving advice and direction because we were all lost at one point and it's nice to have a helping hand.

It means so much to me, I could go on forever about what Being a Navy wife means to me, this is my life and my husband's life. My husband is career with the Navy. We have many years ahead of us. Why not enjoy it? You choose your own happiness.

I hope you Enjoyed my Entry. :)

Rumors

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth.

I hate rumors. They just start unnecessary drama. Who wants that? I surely don't.

Why do people start fictitious rumors, or just say things that aren't true?

Ok, there's a reason I'm asking this. I'll get to it.

Evidently there are "Rumors" going about that I will be the first wife to cheat on my husband when deployment comes. I guess they made a bet? Supposedly this was started by the guys in my husband's old division. My husband heard about it from me, I heard about it from a friend who heard if from an friend whose husband told her and is in my husband's old division. Did I confuse you? If so, reread it... it'll catch on.

I know, and my husband know that it's not true. I guess that is all that truly matters. However, it bother's me because I pride myself in being different. I pride myself in having morals. I pride myself in knowing that I love my husband and he is the only one that I want for the rest of my life. I don't dress slutty, I don't throw myself out there, I don't flirt with other guys.. I really don't talk to other guys except for my brother or an occasional text or phone call from a guy I've known since I was 8-9 years old and is considered my brother.. AND HE'S MARRIED! 

I have been avoiding blogging about it... but deployment is creeping up, and it likes to pop back in my head. It bothers me because I don't know why someone would think that of me. I don't really know why all of a sudden I care what someone thinks about me.. This is just something that really just hurt my feelings. I think it's because some of the guys that supposedly said it.. or "Bet" that I'd be the one to cheat are supposed to be my husband's friends and guys that we have hungout with together, and I considered them my friends as well. 

It will not happen. I will prove all you bastards wrong. I love my husband. I love our Marriage and everything we have going for our future. 

It's just that.. a petty high school rumor. For all I know, it could be nothing. Just someone starting more high school drama.

I feel better now.

"While You're Away" Contest (150 followers!!)

Had this all typed out and then My computer died. The cat unplugged the charge cord and I wasn't paying any attention. So, here we go again.. 2 days later haha :p

It's that time again!!

I have been planning this for a while.. as far as prizes that is. The hubby and I thought of the Question you have to answer to be in the contest a couple days ago.

As most of you know, my husband has been undergoing a strenuous underway schedule and we are currently preparing for the dreaded "Big D" in the Near Future. While my husband is away, I have a playlist on my ipod titled "While you're Away" that I listen over and over. I currently have about 100 songs on my playlist.

I was going to post my playlist, but I decided to have a little more fun with it first, and get my readers involved!
I know you're wondering where I'm getting to with this.. so here we go!

I want to know your playlist! Yea, there's a little more to it. Let's just get to the Rules!

Contest Entry Rules:
1. I want you to post a blog listing your top 5 songs that you listen to most while you're significant other is away. That's not all...  I want you to tell me why you chose each song and why they have meaning to you!
2. Post a link to my blog or this contest post IN YOUR BLOG POST.
3. Post a link to Your contest entry post as a comment in this Blog post.
4. You are allowed to pimp out the contest.. but DO NOT post for them to just vote for you. The point of this is to have people read your post, and others as well. Saying, "I entered the "while you're away" contest, please read my post and vote for me", Is OK. Simply saying, "Vote for my blog".. eh, not so much. You should link them to your post and if they choose to vote for you, they can find my blog to vote by the link you post in your blog post. If I see people just saying "Vote for me" and not linking their blog.. I will drop you from the contest. I want this to be a fair vote!
5. Contest starts Now! Contest will end Monday, July 5 2010 night at 1159pm eastern time. Voting will be set up Tuesday, July 6, 2010 after the contest ends, voting will cease at 1159pm on July 12, 2010.

When you post your submission, Your link will be posted at the bottom of this blog post.

Now for the prizes! :)

1st place:
- Custom Blogger template (Header, Background, Button, signature & Coding) OR Custom made Tshirt from CRushGFX
-1 photo edit. (You send me a picture and I have fun with it) I use Photoshop CS3 for my edits. Large photo is required and will have to be sent to me via email. [email: CRushGFX@yahoo.com]
-A blogger award from my blog. (one made by me for winning my competition)
-be mentioned on my Blog :)

2nd place:
- Custom Graphic or Blogger Button
--1 photo edit. (You send me a picture and I have fun with it) I use Photoshop CS3 for my edits. Large photo is required and will have to be sent to me via email. [email: CRushGFX@yahoo.com]
-be mentioned on my Blog :) 


3rd place:
- Custom Graphic or Blogger Button
-be mentioned on my Blog :)


There you have it! Hope this contest is just as successful as my last one. :)

P.S. Check out the group on Facebook a couple friends and I created called While You're Away for everyone who goes through periods of time without their significant other to share music, books, quotes and blogs that help you while he's away.


Time for the Entries!

Gaile- Another Deployment
Life as an MP's Wife-My Top 5 Songs For This Deployment
the Somarribas- while you're away contest
As The Crow Flies- While You're Away
My Life as a Sailor's Princess- Oh Em Gee! Another contest! I want, want, WANT!!! 
 Helen and the Hellcats- While Your Away - Top 5
Confessions of a Sailor's Wife- while youre away

I'm Baaaaack ;)

It's 3 am and the hubby and I are still awake. I are on his work schedule (he works Nights), and he has this weekend off. We probably won't go to bed until 5am-ish. He will sleep until probably 2ish and I will be up around noon probably earlier. I don't sleep much, and that's actually a lot of sleep for me. I don't know if I ever mentioned it.. but I have a mild case of insomnia and can go without sleep for a while.

We went and watched the "A-Team". It was super funny. Kept us laughing. We wanted to go see "Grown Ups", but Cinema Cafe in Hampton isn't showing it, so we're going to wait for it.
Now, I'm blogging.. while he is playing the newest UFC game for XBox. I think he's addicted. Thank goodness it's a rental. haha

Nick's family was in town Sunday night through Wednesday morning. My house is still a mess (hence the reason I have yet to post pictures of the new place!). We enjoyed them being here, but with all the stress we've been under.. it was good to have this weekend to ourselves so we could relax. Finally getting some time with the husband since he's been back in port. Much needed.

It was great seeing his sister. We had not seen her in over a year and a half. She's married to a Soldier and they are stationed in Italy. We finally got to meet our Nephew! He turned a year old earlier this month. He's such a cutie.. a chubby little cutie! He made me want a baby even more. And seeing my husband with him was hilarious, made me smile. He was so scared to hold him... and even play with him for fear he would drop him. His sister had to force him to hold the baby. Tuesday he started to warm up to the little guy. I smile just thinking about it. We took the family to the beach. Our nephew loved it. It was his first beach trip. Enjoy some pics ;)

Isn't he adorable?
Yes. He is.

PS. I'm Back! I have a smile on my face and my positive upbeat (sometime overly positive) attitude back. Whew! Sometimes we just need a moment to step back and recollect ourselves.

Any time that I feel down, or start to feel sorry for myself.. I re-read this quote:

When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, & to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through.

 I know I've used the quote before in a post. It really helps me. I read that quote and It makes me want to be a better person, to help people. Helping others makes me happy. Which is why I have and am learning so much about the Navy life. I like to think that I have helped several ladies, and hope to continue that. In all honesty, Helping others, helps me. It's one of the reasons I have created my blog.  I will also be applying for an ombudsman position with my husband's ship. Finger's crossed. (oh yeah, failed to mention.. I didn't make the FRG board. But that doesn't mean I won't be involved. Congrats to the ladies who did make it!)

Thank you to all my lovely followers. It means a lot to have you as a reader. I'm sorry I have been somewhat of a recluse lately. I haven't been stopping by many blogs lately, but now that the stress is residing, I will get back to my normal routine ;)

Oh! I will be hosting a new competition soon. Bigger prizes than the last one. I don't care for the whole numbered post things.. So, it will be similar to my last competition since it was so successful, but on a different topic of course ;). When I hit 150 followers, I will begin the whole setting up the next competition and prizes.

Thanks for Reading! :D <- Big cheesey smile

Not keeping it bottled up

Seems like I have been posting less and less lately. There's been a lot going on, and somethings are better left unsaid.. well, better to not blog about.

I have been stressed to the MAX! So has the husband. His work schedule (not including the workups!), The move, Family visiting and a few other things.. has just really stressed us lately and has given us no breathing room, not to mention.. the hubby and I haven't gotten any time together. Guess that adds to the stress? Oh, not to mention I now know when they are deploying, found out the official (for now) deployment date. It's creeping up. I'm prepared, well.. as best as I can be.

I get jealous when the ship lets the guys off, and my friends get their husband for an extra day. Because my husband is "Essential Personnel", he doesn't get any days off that aren't his designated days off, not to mention he works 13hr shifts, night shift at that. It's draining. More so than the intense workup schedule that we have been undergoing since April. I know I shouldn't get jealous, it's the military... but I won't really get any time with my husband before deployment.

It's sad that I feel like I get to talk to him more when he's out to sea than when he's home. I see him for roughly one hour a day and that's while he's getting ready for work.  Yea sure, he does get 2 days off, but he sleeps practically the entire first day and the second he is still exhausted. I can't blame him for wanting to relax. Hell, if it were me working like he does, I would want to sleep every chance I got. At the same time that I understand.. I feel alone.9

I've gotten to the point where I feel like the kid who is always picked last for Kickball. If that was ever you growing up.. you know how bad that sucks. I'm a very patient person. And I know I'm a damn good wife. I am very understanding, but after a while.. it gets to me.
There's a little more to it than that, but I'm not going to get into it. Damnit, I just need some attention from my husband.

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for a few months now. It's been kept quiet, but If I talk about things, I feel better. My husband and I struggle in this department. What I mean by that is we have had several miscarriages since July of '08. One very recent. Another stress we've been facing. I've kinda come to grips with the recent one, but at the same time.. I find myself blaming myself. I know it's not my fault. But I think blaming yourself is the easiest way to accept it. I beat myself up thinking that my husband will not love me if I cannot give him a family. I know that's not true. I know he'll still love me. He actually wasn't sure he wanted kids until we found out we were pregnant in late June of '08. He got so excited. Seeing his face, the way he looked at me and rubbed my belly.. was the greatest thing I have ever felt or seen. Beginning of July '08 I miscarried. I found out I had been pregnant since April and had no clue it had been that long. I had just found out I was pregnant. I still think about that one all the time. I was about 3 months along. It's hard not to think about. I just keep telling myself that right now is not the right time for us. It will happen when it's supposed to. I'm going to be going to the doctor in the near future, so maybe I'll get some insight as to what's going on with my body. I haven't even told family we're trying for a baby. I guess I'll find out if any of my family reads my blog now.

I'm not depressed, although this isn't exactly the most positive blog post. I'm generally a very happy person. Not to say that I'm not happy right now, I'm just stressed. It happens to the best of us. I know that for me, it's best to let it all out and not keep it bottled up. It will only intensify the stress.

I would really like to thank Goodnight Moon for being totally awesome. She has been the one I feel like I can talk to about everything. I so wish she and I lived closer together!
Thank you to the couple other ladies I have talked briefly to as well.

Well, I'm going to leave this post as is. I'm going to post again later with some pics from my husband's family visiting. We finally got to meet our Nephew. He's a year old!
I've seen several ladies comment me wanting info for photo sessions. Shoot me an email at CRushGFX@yahoo.com, I've been away for a while and had a lot of comments and wasn't able to keep up! I apologize for this!

Caution: Construction Zone!

Ok, once again, I have gotten bored with my blogger template. So, What next? 

I am creating my own! Yikes!

hehe

So, basically, this post is to just warn you that my blog may be a little messy today and maybe tomorrow. Hopefully I will finish it today/ tonight, I need to get back to packing! But.. since I'm not feeling too well today, what better way to get to feeling better than sprucing up the blog some??

Oh, and to make this post not completely about me "remodel" I guess you can say... Moving in less than a week!! Woo-Hoo!!

Woo! I just got a call from curves! I won a free trial! lol I entered a drawing at the "Evening Under The Stars" (MIL Spouse appreciation night in Hampton Roads) not too long ago.. and I won! I actually won something?! ha!

P.S. I'm so glad that so many of you enjoyed my last post :)

Glad I could help out those of you who like to read!  Woo!

You're so Vain, I bet you think this blog is about you!

 (blog title change thanks to the ones who commented and got it stuck in my head! haha)

First off, I was to thank everyone for commenting on my blogs. I love writing my blogs, and it's one of those things.. if you don't like what I have to say.. No one is forcing you to read it.

I know you're sitting there wondering "What the heck are you getting at?!" So I'll get to it.

I write about my own feelings, my own experiences, my own beliefs and Military life as a Navy wife. When I blog, I am not blogging about anyone. I will blog about situations I see (usually lots of the same situations until it builds up and triggers a blog), and I blog about my beliefs. Like my last blog, things I see happening triggered me to write on my beliefs. My belief being that  No one, military wife or not, should put their personal confrontations with their husband out there for the world to see on Social Networking sites, this include harsh name calling. This is just my belief and everyone has their own beliefs. You have the option to agree with me. And you don't have to agree with me in the comments you send. We were given something called "Free will", meaning you are your own person. I like hearing other's take on things, even if it means disagreeing with me.

Ok, that is still not the main point of this. Evidently {exaggerated), 2 of my blogs are a little too "touchy". My blogs "Making Problems Public Domain" and "Blame Yourself", have sparked a little unwanted drama. And no, it's not here on Blogger. Someone, somehow got it in their head that both blogs were about them. When in all actuality, my blogs are about noone. I take that back.. there are a few about me and my husband, so Technically they are about MY LIFE. Repeat: My Blogs are about MY feelings, My experiences, My >beliefs< and being a Navy wife. Nothing else.

So, if anyone thinks anything I write is about you.. well, then maybe you have some personal guilt that ties you in with what I post about. BUT it WAS NOT WRITTEN ABOUT YOU. YOU made it about yourself. (Guess that makes you selfish?).

And to end this, this post was to clear up any "Confusion" if there was someone else out there who is hellbent over this being about them. Once again, this isn't about you.

End rant.

Making Problems Public Domain

I have several "Blogs" going on in my head. Eventually I'll get them all out. Every time I got to type about something.. somehting else pops up that I feel like writing about even more.

The blog I'm writing now, I wasn't going to blog about it... But I read This post (linked) by Navy Doll  and after commenting her blog, I couldn't resist. It was a situation both she and I witnessed on Facebook this evening that I totally disagree with. I would like to know what others think about it as well.

There was a Navy Fiance that posted a vulgar status update toward her fiance. By vulgar.. I'm not meaning sexually or anything good. Evidently they were having a little spat and she decided to air out their "Dirty Laundry" (as Navy Doll put it) on Facebook for the world to see.

And of course, when you update your status.. You welcome comments. If you don't want someone to comment your status or "like" your status.. Why do you post it?

Everyone started posting comments on what she needed to do.. etc. etc. You call someone a "F***ing A**" of course someone's going to say "leave him".. someone's going to say "why are you with him".. blah blah.

I simply posted that this struggle they were going through didn't need to be up to the decision of anyone but her and her Sailor. It's their problem, and basically by posting it on a social media site is just fueling the fire. She needed to be the one to make the decision based on what she wanted and what was best for her.

After I posted my comment, I noticed a comment before mine that I must have skipped over. A girl posted something similar to "They are all a**es" and went on to say "The wives are the 'Power of the Navy'" some BS like that. I wanted to snap, but bit my tongue. Evidently I wasn't the only one who was offended. A couple other girls lashed out. One girl posted what I was thinking. Went something like: "To [person posted the BS comment], if you seriously think that, then what the hell is my husband and so many others out there while were here, since we're the 'Power of the Navy'".

Just out of curiosity, Why do people Post about things that should really be kept Personal? Every couple has problems at some point. Do you honestly think that by making it public record that you are going to make the Situation any better? Or when you are having a hard time with your SO you change your relationship status to "It's Complicated". Are you just wanting attention?

I could continue on with this blog, but it would turn into a repeat of a blog I wrote back in January called Blame Yourself. By the way, I wrote that the same week I opened my blog on Facebook. I caught hell for it, but all the girls that got their panties in a wad over it, were some of the girls I had in mind as I was writing it.

Even Superwoman has a Bad Day

Today was the day I finally allowed myself the chance to process that my husband was away. So, in other words.. today was a not so good day. I started this blog so others could see the ups and downs of my life. To see my Journey as a Navy Wife. Well, here's my first "down". I'm going to write this as if I was writing my husband, because he knows me best, and understands me more than anyone in this world. That being said, I will be able to express how I feel a little better and feel comfortable writing.

Dear Mr. Amazing (yes I really do call my husband this. He truly is.),

Today I got really bummed out when you didn't write. I got my hopes up for an email when I started to feel a little Blah. I had to remind myself that everything is ok. That I'm strong enough and it's ok to have days where I feel alone, that it's normal. I know you're not going to be able to email me every day. I just have to remind myself of that on the days it feels harder. I just have to think positive and not let negativity fill my head, because it will eat at me. I'm better now, I promise. I guess I was due for a little time to just let it out. I've been doing so well at just keeping busy and staying positive, I was bound to crack at some point. I know you love me, and that if you could you would email me or better yet call me if you could. I know you have only been gone a short time, but I didn't get the chance to process the fact that you were even leaving. That you weren't on a "Duty" day. That's what it felt like. Every day I have felt like you were going to come home the next morning. Even though I know you haven't had Duty in Months. I guess that's a good way to look at it, I wish I felt that way earlier so I wouldn't have almost broke down.
We both knew I had a day coming. And I really tried my best not to let it bother me, but this is the first time I have sat down long enough to let my mind wonder. I hope that by me writing you this, it will help me and also help you to understand that I am ok even on my "off" days. I want to be positive and supportive. I want to be understanding, and I know I am.. I just need a day to recollect myself I guess. I can't rely on an email to come to make me feel better. I have to rely on myself and our love, thoughts of you and of us to help keep my head up and be the best damn wife I can possibly be. I know we joke that I'm "Superwoman" or whatever. But I guess even Superwoman has a bad day every now and then. After all she is a woman.. and we both know that sometimes hormones get the best of any woman. I guess the constant going and staying busy has physically and mentally drained me. I guess at some point, you have to take a step back to think about things, let it out and pick up where you left off. Process the fact that you are away.. let it out, process.. process.. grasp the fact... pull yourself together and get moving. I almost felt sorry for myself. And oh boy, wouldn't that have been a complete blubbering mess. But luckily, I snapped back to reality. I think I needed the time to think about it.. get it out.. and then be able to realize I can't let it hold me back or make me feel sorry for myself. Well, now that we've had our little therapy session, I'm going to go back to packing now. Superwoman is moving in about 2 weeks and has only 1 room packed completely. 

Well, I hope I didn't loose anyone there.. I'm sure if this was actually going to be given to my husband it would have been full of mushy stuff and I love yous.. but I avoided all that so I wouldn't make you all sick (haha) and to prevent this from being a never ending post. Maybe someone will relate to how I feel. Even in my days that I don't feel strong enough, I still see the positive in myself. I just hope I never loose that.

Yes, I do really get called "Superwoman" and not just by my husband. I guess one day I will post about that. But for now, this is it.

Furman Update

I haven't updated in a while. There has been a lot going on. Let's just start from when my cat went missing.

After Musket went missing, I just couldn't keep up with anything, especially my blog. So, I promise you I will get around to commenting everyone back and posting the blogger awards that some of you have sent me. Thank you btw. They are much appreciated. Anyway, back to what I was getting to. The husband left early this week for a workup. Didn't have a chance to process that he was going to be gone a while because we were so focused on finding Mus. I was walking our apartment complex numerous times a day, hanging flyers, posting rewards.. my attention was 100% devoted to finding him. Well, Hubby left.. and I still kept my focus on Musket. Which is what he wanted anyway. Come Wednesday, I was physically and mentally drained. I think my dog, Roo, was too. She wouldn't eat, she wouldn't play. She would get Musket's toy and lay by the couch with it and whimper. Absolutely broke my heart. He had been gone 4 days and I was giving up.

Wednesday night, Hampton Convention Center hosted an "Evening Under The Stars" for Military Spouses. A bunch of booths set up giving information, some selling stuff, and LOTS of free stuff. I forced myself to get out of the apartment. I couldn't keep torturing myself looking for Musket nonstop. I still hadn't even processed the fact that the Husband had left. I knew I needed to get out. I ended up having TONS of fun. Met up with several girls that are wives of the Big E. A couple of the girls, I had met for the first time. It was great. I finally was able to relax. I was invited to go out to eat with a couple of them, but decided to go home and beat the storm home. When I got home, I was chatting with a friend on Facebook, Worrying about Musket again. He's fine with rain, but my little furman is scared of lightning and thunder. I didn't want to give up, but he is the first cat I have ever been this attached to. He's my little guy. I found him when he was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand, barely weened. He was Roo's best friend. Like I said. I was just absolutely mentally drained.

About 10pm Wednesday night, someone bangs on my door. Of course I freak out, but run to the door. It was my neighbor who lives below me. "I think your cat is on our balcony", he said. I didn't even grab any shoes, I just jetted out the door. No shoes, in a tank top.... and it was pouring. By the time I had got downstairs, Musket had jumped over the balcony. I'm out in the pouring rain calling for him. I hear him whine from the bushes. He has a very distinct whine.. it's not a "meow". He sounds like a baby. He wouldn't come out because he couldn't see me. So I had to get on my hands and knees and look into the bush. As soon as he saw me, he sprinted out. Right into my arms. My little man came home.

Riley was so excited to see him! They played and played and played.. almost until 1am. Riley ate 2 bowls of food that same night as well. I was so relieved. Musket is fine too. He didn't loose much weight at all. Which makes me very happy. He's the same troublesome little mess that I have always loved. Musket and I played for a little bit and then him and Riley went to bed. I immediately emailed the hubby. He was so excited and relieved. He loves that little guy just as much or more than I do. We have no babies, but we have our furbabies. This is our family.

Now, it's time to allow myself to process that the husband be out to sea for a while, plus pack for our move, then move alone... and somehow in there keep my sanity. Yes, I miss him.. but I just have this feeling that he'll be home in the morning. I just can't grasp the fact it's not a duty day.. although, he hasn't had duty since January. I guess it'll hit me eventually.

This is all for now. I will be writing a new post later. The contest I held is now over, so tonight, I will post what being a Navy Wife means to me. I couldn't let you all have all the fun with it now could I? ;)

Pics anyone?

Taken with my cellphone. He was soaked!

Ignore the ugly couch. Couch cover was in the wash.
They love each other.

As you can tell.. I was exhausted.

This pic cracks me up. He is so fascinated with my face.
He always paws at me. This is just the first time I caught it on camera.

Award(s)

I received an award from Mrs. Gambizzle. I'm honored to accept this award :). My first award! Yay!

 
Woo-Hoo! My Second Award! Makes me feel so good! (kind of like the feeling I got when I was in elementary school and I wasn't picked last for Kickball! yessss!)

4/14/2010 I received the "Sunshine Award" from Nicole (Flip Flops & Combat Boots).
The award is given to those who inspire others and show positivity and creativity. Yay! Thanks Nicole!

 

3 awards?! Me, Really? alkfjdaiu! Yay! {excuse me, I just spazed out.} The "Super Sweet Blog" award was given to me by Sarah (http://navywifediary.blogspot.com/).

 

This award was shared with me by http://krippledwarrior.blogspot.com/ for being a military Family member.

 

The Versatile Blogger Award was given to me by Laina (http://reflectionsofanavywife.blogspot.com/)

The Honest Scrap Award was given to me by Laina (http://reflectionsofanavywife.blogspot.com/)

50 followers = Competition time! (a little late!)

 CONTEST HAS COME TO AN END!!

Thank you to everyone who entered! I cannot wait to read every one of your posts! I never imagined so many people would get involved!

You can find a list of the entries at the bottom of this blog. 

Voting will begin shortly :)

I've decided to run a competition. Something simple. The winner will be up to a vote from my followers :). So everyone can be involved!

I wanted to do this when I hit 50 followers, but chaos happened in Tennessee and it was all I could think about. Was incredibly worried about my friends and family there. Now I'm at more than 70 followers, and am a little behind! Yikes! I had planned to do another competition when I reached 100 followers, but since I'm already creeping up on it.. it may be pushed off to 150, or I might do another small competition.

Since it's Military Spouse Appreciation Month, I want it to be about YOU!

For my Blogger Competition, here are the rules:
 1. I want you to post a blog. Yes, there's a catch.
You have to write about what being a military wife/ SO and what it means to you.

 2. Link my blog/ this competition in your post.

 3. Tell me the link to your blog! Post it as a comment in this blog post. (I need it for the voting ;) !) I will update this blog with Links to everyone's posts.

 4. Deadline is May 11 (11:59pm eastern time) and voting will start May 12 and end May 14 at 11:59pm eastern time. Voting will be as a poll that I will post in my blog. If anyone cheats and I find out, you will be disqualified.

Oh, almost forgot! PrIzEs! Who-Hoo!!
For now, the prizes are not physical. But In my opinion, and several others.. they are just as great!
Oh.. and I almost forgot.. there's a 1st, 2nd and 3rd place prize! Awesome right? Totally. ha

Will receive a blogger award from my blog. (one made by me for winning my competition)

2 photo edits. (You send me a picture and I have fun with it) I use Photoshop CS3 for my edits. Large photos are required and will have to be sent to me via email.

Custom made Graphic

A blogger button for your blog.

and be mentioned on my Blog :)

_____________________________________

Will receive 1 photo edit. (You send me a picture and I have fun with it) I use Photoshop CS3 for my edits. Large photos are required and will have to be sent to me via email.

A blogger button for your blog

And be mentioned on my blog!

_____________________________________

Will receive a blogger button

And be mentioned on my blog!

I know it's not much, but it's something fun. :)




CURRENT CONTEST ENTRIES:
Chantal's Blog

My explosive life... as an EOD tech's wife

The Life Of An ET's Wife

My Life as a Sailors Princess

Riding the Roller Coaster

Diary of a Navy WIfe

Dear Afghanistan, Be gentle on him

Deployment (again)

ACU's, Stilettos Shoes, and Pretty Pink Tutus

G.I. Joe's Wife

Goodnight Moon

Reflections of a Navy Wife

Mrs. Muffins

The Resors

Life and Times of a Displaced Jersey Girl

Navy Doll

The Voigt Story

Bellajo Photography

A Hapa Girl and her Hapa Family!

Lucky Dimes and Dog Tags

Confessions of a Sailor's Wife

Engaged to the Navy

Head in the game. Heart in the sand.


^^ That's all the Entries! Wowza! :D
I'm really enjoying your posts ladies! Setting up the Voting now! :D

Ship is on the Move

Lately there have been a lot of ins and outs with my hubby's ship. Aren't workups just fun?! {sarcasm, if you didn't get it.)

The USS Enterprise being pushed into the pier April 18, '10

So far, it hasn't been all that bad. The first time they went out for a week was a little rough. My husband's email had not been set up on the ship and obviously cellphones are prohibited (not like that would have mattered.. they are in a solid steel cage more than 50 miles out from land!).. so there was no contact. Thank God for other military wives who are always there. Several nights I stayed up chatting with other Enterprise wives until after 2 in the morning. There is truly no friendship that compares to the friends I have made in the almost 2 years my husband has been in the service. When he came home after that first workup.. I had a huge sense of pride and even more support for my husband. Watching that ship pull in, I smiled and I felt like like I had not seen my husband in months.

Flag at Half Mast for fallen Soldier

I know what you're thinking.. it was just a week! Well, this was our first, both mine and my husband's, first "workup", and the USS Enterprise's first outing in 2 years! So yeah, it's somewhat of a big deal! They got the old clunker running again! I felt so proud, and felt so Happy. Not happy that my husband will be away so much, but happy because this is what he likes doing. This is his career. Happy because my husband is starting to feel like he is going to make a difference and serve his Country. After all, that is why he joined the Military. He wanted to be apart of something bigger than himself and serve his country. And I support him and love him.

They have been in and out all month it seems. Started off with a fast cruise in the shipyards, to getting out and finally getting to play in the water a couple times. The guys are exhausted right now.  My husband just got a day off after more than 3 weeks of not having a day off. Hoping to catch up on some much wanted time with him before he leaves again.

 Met up with several girls to watch the boat pull in. We were there for 5 hours! (hence the reason my hair looked horrible!) But in the end, the wait, the bad hair, and having to pee so bad it hurt.. it was totally worth it.

My husband said he actually had fun out there. He said he worked his but off, but for some reason... he liked it. Which is GREAT because we have 18 more years of this. ;)

I hope you enjoyed the few pics I posted from the ones I took from the day they moved back to Norfolk. Everyone on Facebook seems to enjoy them. So, I figured you might too! :)