Forward March

Image Source: google.com via Sally on Pinterest

The response to my last post was amazing. I honestly didn't expect all the comments, messages and emails I received. It goes to show how great of a community the "military family" can be.

To those of you who have wrote to me about being in a similar situation, keep your head up. I completely understand the roller-coaster you're so desperately trying to get off of.

Just know, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to email me at christina@journeyofanavywife.com. If you are looking for a group to be apart of, see if there is a local Al-Anon group near you. Al-Anon is a group focused on those of us who are affected by someone else's excessive drinking. I also suggest Fleet and Family for those of you whose spouse is Navy or Marine Corps. I have always heard negative reviews about Fleet and Family, but my experience with them is and has been great. It's good to talk about it, and know you're not alone.

This was never part of the "Journey" I saw myself writing about. But you can't change what happened, so you use what you've learned to help someone else and teach yourself to move forward.

Now, we're dealing with the emotions of rehab and what's to come. My husband seems to be doing well with everything. He is definitely ready to be home. Although I am ready for him to  be home, I worry of a relapse. I know it is possible. I know I will need to trust him, but that trust is very broken when it comes to alcohol. It's important to talk to your significant other about this too. Although, he will likely already know your trust issues with his drinking.

Because my husband and I know it's going to be hard to adjust again, and I'm building that trust back with him, we've decided to do counseling together when his in-stay rehab is completed. We know trust and communication is going to be key for both of us and we want to continue to bring each other closer through all of the ups and downs of this process.

For those of you struggling, always remember you can not force them to quit. You can wish for it, hope for it and want it so bad you can't stand it, but the only way it is possible is if they want to quit. Only then will any sort of rehab truly be successful. Sadly, it sometimes takes something happening for them to want it.

Someone who is addicted honestly doesn't believe they are. To them, they don't have a problem and could stop if they wanted to. Truthfully, sometimes they can't stop if they want to because they want it all they time, they crave it. It's an addiction. If someone was to call them an alcoholic, it would upset them. With my husband, he'd get his feelings hurt if his friends would even joke about him being an alcoholic. If I mentioned to my husband about his drinking being a problem, he would get defensive and angry.

First step for them is admitting they have a problem, follow that with seeking help.

Many people don't see how it affects the family (spouse, kids, etc). It's emotionally draining. For me, it was like emotional abuse, as in I was just so emotionally beat down from the constant drinking and with it feeling neglected, alone unloved and worthless. Sometimes the drinking would cause my husband to say hurtful things, and even today some things said repeat in my head like a broken record... even though he has absolutely no memory of saying any of it.
This is why it is important for you to have someone to talk to about YOU and how his alcohol abuse is affecting you. It's hard to forgive and talking to someone could get you there, to fully forgive him and build yourself back up.

Keep going. Don't give up. Take baby steps and March on with your head up.

Clique Clique.. BOOM!

One thing that makes deployments challenging for many military wives is the cliques that tend to form. I believe it's natural, it's normal for people to form groups they rely on, count on, trust and consider close friends.

Where it's hard for many is feeling like those groups are not open to meeting new people or adding them to their close nit group of friends.

If you're new to a particular lifestyle and noone reaches out, you feel like an outsider. Some people just aren't outgoing enough, maybe they are shy, or just scared. If noone reaches out to that person, they are left feeling alone.

Sometimes cliques form and the clique as a whole is shy, or doesn't know how to approach others. It's not always a case of them shunning a particular group or person, but just like some individuals.. it's a comfort thing.

Sadly, there are groups that form to belittle people, be full of gossip and hate. You see it a lot at FRG functions- with the members, not necessarily the board. These are the groups that are poisonous to an FRG and to a community in it's entirety. I believe these are the groups that make people feel left out or bring negativity to the term, clique.

I don't see myself as "Cliquey". Yes, I do have a handful of friends I tend to hang out with the most, but who doesn't? However, I'm always open to meeting/ friending new people.

Moving to Virginia after my husband received his first set of orders, I was alone. I didn't know anyone in my area, and I hadn't a clue how to get in touch with the FRG. And believe it or not, I was extremely shy. I realized real quick I was going to have to step outside my bubble to meet new people. It wasn't that people were not willing to meet new people, it was the same situation as myself, it's sometimes challenging to be thrown into an area where you don't really know anyone.

If you run into a clique that is unaccepting, bullies, etc., just consider it friendship you do not want to begin with. You do not want to be in a group like that anyway, it will only drag you down. No one wants to be part of the "Mean Girls".

The FRG is a great place to meet new people- sometimes you just need to realize that sometimes people are just like you and are waiting for you to approach them. Even if people seem like they "belong to a clique" doesn't mean they are not willing to accept new friendship. Just don't judge too quickly. Give it a chance. Take a chance. 

Not keeping it bottled up

Seems like I have been posting less and less lately. There's been a lot going on, and somethings are better left unsaid.. well, better to not blog about.

I have been stressed to the MAX! So has the husband. His work schedule (not including the workups!), The move, Family visiting and a few other things.. has just really stressed us lately and has given us no breathing room, not to mention.. the hubby and I haven't gotten any time together. Guess that adds to the stress? Oh, not to mention I now know when they are deploying, found out the official (for now) deployment date. It's creeping up. I'm prepared, well.. as best as I can be.

I get jealous when the ship lets the guys off, and my friends get their husband for an extra day. Because my husband is "Essential Personnel", he doesn't get any days off that aren't his designated days off, not to mention he works 13hr shifts, night shift at that. It's draining. More so than the intense workup schedule that we have been undergoing since April. I know I shouldn't get jealous, it's the military... but I won't really get any time with my husband before deployment.

It's sad that I feel like I get to talk to him more when he's out to sea than when he's home. I see him for roughly one hour a day and that's while he's getting ready for work.  Yea sure, he does get 2 days off, but he sleeps practically the entire first day and the second he is still exhausted. I can't blame him for wanting to relax. Hell, if it were me working like he does, I would want to sleep every chance I got. At the same time that I understand.. I feel alone.9

I've gotten to the point where I feel like the kid who is always picked last for Kickball. If that was ever you growing up.. you know how bad that sucks. I'm a very patient person. And I know I'm a damn good wife. I am very understanding, but after a while.. it gets to me.
There's a little more to it than that, but I'm not going to get into it. Damnit, I just need some attention from my husband.

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for a few months now. It's been kept quiet, but If I talk about things, I feel better. My husband and I struggle in this department. What I mean by that is we have had several miscarriages since July of '08. One very recent. Another stress we've been facing. I've kinda come to grips with the recent one, but at the same time.. I find myself blaming myself. I know it's not my fault. But I think blaming yourself is the easiest way to accept it. I beat myself up thinking that my husband will not love me if I cannot give him a family. I know that's not true. I know he'll still love me. He actually wasn't sure he wanted kids until we found out we were pregnant in late June of '08. He got so excited. Seeing his face, the way he looked at me and rubbed my belly.. was the greatest thing I have ever felt or seen. Beginning of July '08 I miscarried. I found out I had been pregnant since April and had no clue it had been that long. I had just found out I was pregnant. I still think about that one all the time. I was about 3 months along. It's hard not to think about. I just keep telling myself that right now is not the right time for us. It will happen when it's supposed to. I'm going to be going to the doctor in the near future, so maybe I'll get some insight as to what's going on with my body. I haven't even told family we're trying for a baby. I guess I'll find out if any of my family reads my blog now.

I'm not depressed, although this isn't exactly the most positive blog post. I'm generally a very happy person. Not to say that I'm not happy right now, I'm just stressed. It happens to the best of us. I know that for me, it's best to let it all out and not keep it bottled up. It will only intensify the stress.

I would really like to thank Goodnight Moon for being totally awesome. She has been the one I feel like I can talk to about everything. I so wish she and I lived closer together!
Thank you to the couple other ladies I have talked briefly to as well.

Well, I'm going to leave this post as is. I'm going to post again later with some pics from my husband's family visiting. We finally got to meet our Nephew. He's a year old!
I've seen several ladies comment me wanting info for photo sessions. Shoot me an email at CRushGFX@yahoo.com, I've been away for a while and had a lot of comments and wasn't able to keep up! I apologize for this!