Monday, March 28, 2011

So this is part of my Roller Roaster

It's been somewhat of a hectic and somewhat emotional week. Both good and upsetting news and thoughts.

I guess I should just write this from the start of things. Too much going on getting me to thinking.

I went to the doctor about an issue that I have had for more than 2 years now. Didn't get any news from that, 2 of the 3 tests they ran had good results. The 3rd test I'm sure had good results, I just never heard word of them. I think if the results were bad, I would have heard from the Doctor's office. It's the whole, "No news is good news" thing. My doctor said she would be in touch with me for my next appointment. Later in the week, I got a phone call from a Specialist/ Cardiologist to set up an appointment in May. Having to wait that long because evidently this specialist is a very busy woman and highly requested- but my doctor said I "need" to see this specific doctor. Yesterday, I received a call from another doctor. I'm being sent this week or next to be put on a Halter monitor for 48 hours. I'm not sure what's going on in this chest of mine, but I will be glad when the issue stops. They have ruled out any stress and anxiety. Which is a good and bad thing- depending on how you look at it. Good because, I'm not stressed- but rather relaxed, and bad because the issue could be much bigger. Hoping for good news because I don't need my husband stressing while being thousands of miles away.

My husband and I have been on the house hunt. Yet again, we have decided to try and purchase a house. I know, crazy because he is deployed. I believe I looked at nearly 20+ houses. Put a verbal offer on one, we lost out. Put a contract offer on another, our offer was beat by a full cash offer. I guess 3rd time is a charm, found a house that was cheaper than house one and two, it was also  more suited to my family. Our offer was accepted, and today was the home inspection- Good news there. Now, Come on closing!

The same day I get the exciting news about our house offer being accepted, I read of the death of a Sailor on the USS Enterprise. I knew it wasn't  my husband because I had received an email from him shortly before reading a post by the USS Enterprise Facebook page. But even in knowing my husband was safe- My heart shattered. You can't help but ache for the family.. but at the same time, as terrible as it may seem- you are relieved that it's not your husband. My husband knew the guy- they didn't work in the same division, but their paths had crossed, being that they are the same rate. They were more or less acquaintances. But never the less, I could tell that it had an effect on my husband. The circumstances behind the death have not been released, and I don't expect them to be. It's not our right to know- but only that of the family.

It had been an eventful week, and I'm sure hoping this week slows down- but from the looks of it, I'm running at full speed ahead. But hopefully, I can squeeze a blog post or two in somewhere. I have a few thoughts tinkering in my head.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

A Turning Point

Today, What I have thought for about a week or so now has become even more apparent. The person I should have listened to- I didn't. The one I should NOT have listened to.. I did. Today, was a bit of an eye opener for me. And I'm not upset, really.. I am so very thankful. I'm glad to say that this is a new chapter for me on my "Journey as a Navy Wife".

This is a more personal blog post than some.. maybe even most.

When you find out a close friend is a Pathological liar.. and is the root cause for several good friendships to go sour, you really begin to reevaluate those of which you want to surround yourself with. Especially during deployment. Sometimes, like in my case, it takes time (lots) of time to realize what the cause is or was. You don't want to see the bad when you're close to someone and you trust that person. You trust them.. so you believe what they say. Mental note: Don't trust everything.

A couple months before deployment, my husband said "I don't think that person is a good friend for you. She seems to stir up shit.". He was on the outside looking in. He saw it all- I however, took up for my friend. Now, he's able to say, "I told you so.". I should have listened to him, because he is and was in this situation, a very smart man. Now, I see all too clearly what he saw a bit of then.

This IS my fault. I allowed myself to be susceptible to it, to the lies I was being fed. I didn't doubt that person- I believed them. Now, knowing the issue, I am making a change. This is an eye opener for me and maybe, just maybe some of those friendship's I lost due to my ignorance in believing someone else's petty bullshit lies.. will be rekindled. Maybe not all hope is lost.

I hope all the drama goes away because the drama is beyond annoying and I can't stand it. It's not my drama and I want no part in it or to be associated with it. I'm merely guilty by association at this point.. Now, I'm running from it... from this person.

And again, I am to blame because I allowed it. I gave in to it. I allowed myself to get on that level and believe what I was told.

Now, all that is left to do from this situation: Learn from it. Don't let it happen again, and hopefully.. Just maybe I can work on those lost friendships.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Things Not to Say?

Lately I have been seeing many Military wives, girlfriends, fiances...etc. posting things "Not" to say to a military SO.. those things being said also having responses. I read the "Things not to say" and some of them.. I see a different response. I don't get annoyed or irritated by the questions. I really think I just view Military life a little differently than a lot of people.. Maybe I have a better grasp on my emotions, I'm unsure what it is. BUT I don't let all the little things people on the outside of Military life say bother me. Sometimes the judgments on the military and military family life, Do irritate me. So, in a sense.. Somethings are better not said to a Military SO, but those people making those judgments don't know. They are ignorant to military lifestyle.

I'm unsure of the site this was pulled from.. or who originally wrote this one. I have seen several of which pretty much say the same things. Look for my added notes to each thing "Not to say to a Military Wife". My notes are in red to the Question/ statement and the response to those.

  • Do you miss him? No. I love being alone. The silence is warming. I enjoy fixing everything that breaks and cuddling with my pillow.
Of course we miss them. It is a given that we do. If we didn't, something would seriously be wrong.

  • My boyfriend is out of town on business, I know how you feel. Yes I hear there is a huge mortar problem in Michigan.
Correct, this person does know how we feel in terms of MISSING someone.. Missing is missing. And, quite possibly.. they may know what it's like to worry about their boyfriend. You don't know what kind of business they are on. Military is not the only dangerous job. Seems both sides are too quick to judge.
  • Aren't you afraid he'll die? No, I had actually forgotten that that was a possibility, but thank you. Thank you for reminding me.
Although, Not the best question to ask.. But are you afraid your loved one will get killed in a car wreck on the way to work? The possibility is there for both Military and Civilians to have life taken away at any given moment. 
  • I don't know how you manage, I couldn't do it. Thank god it's not you then. Phew.
This is one thing I hear most often. And the response irritates me, not the question. Anyone can do this life. It's a choice. You'd be surprised what you can and will do for the one you love and want to spend your life with. If you can't handle it, GOOD for you for admitting that. There are people that need more of a physical relationship, and military lifestyle wouldn't be ideal for them.
  • At least he's not in Iraq/Afghanistan/Qatar. He’s not!? Shit, that changes everything.
The statement somewhat gets under my skin, but it's the fact that unless that person is directly involved, they aren't going to know what situations are faced, where and when. They are only going to know what they hear, what they see on the news and what they read. This is where we as Military SOs need to be the bigger person and maybe educate them a little bit instead of being overly sarcastic.
  • Do you think he'll come home for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary? I don't know yet, he just put in his leave request to the Taliban, we're still waiting for a response.
This question has never bothered me. Some  do get R&R and sometimes.. they are lucky enough to get R&R on a special occasion. OR maybe that person is wondering if Deployment would be over by one of those times. Yes, our SOs are going to miss dates that are important. It's part of it. But we are on the inside of things. We know how things run... someone else who is not "in the know" isn't going to always know how things operate. 
  • What are you going to do to keep busy while he's gone? I don't know. Since he's been gone the house cleans itself, the bills are magically paid, and the kids are angels.
Why are we flaming the person asking the question here? I personally ask this question, and have been asked this question many times by other Military wives. Yes, we still have our every day duties, but it is obvious things are going to be different with time. There is going to be more time to yourself, or to yourself with kids that you didn't have before. I'm sure you planned things with your Significant other often.. even if it was just lounging together at home. So, What are you doing to keep yourself busy while he's gone? I've set goals to accomplish by homecoming. Lots of projects, both big and small.
  • How many days until he gets out? Depends. How many days until you join?
Another question with no reason to be snappy or sarcastic. Not everyone joins the military with a career in mind and some join with career in mind and choose otherwise. I have military friends that ask this question all the time. Just because it is a civilian, WHY is it any different? Answer, my husband is in for career. 
  • You'll get used to it. Yeah, the rigorous schedule is something I get used to. I'm actually a robot. I love watching the news, and the surprise missions are like tiny birthday presents from hell. Yes, I'm getting used to it like I get used to a tooth ache.
"You'll get use to it". Some do and some don't.. and there are some that don't allow themselves to get use to it. I am one that fits the statement.. I'm already use to this military lifestyle. I'm use to him being away. For some.. they will never be use to it. Everyone handles it differently.
  • What is he doing over there? Knitting.
This is an honest question. Not all deployments are war missions. Some deployment are peace missions, to help people. Military isn't just about fighting and I believe there are some military wives and civilians alike that have yet to realize this. My husband is just doing his job over there.
  • He signed up for it. It's his fault is anything happens to him. Yes, and it's your fault for any teeth you're about to lose.
Irritating statement.. but I'll give it to you. In a technical sense, you are correct. He did sign up for the military. I wouldn't suggest saying that to someone whose SO is deployed. Not going to say I disagree with the response- I actually found it to be humorous. 
  • That's awful, I'm sorry! Don't be, he looked hot doing it. He's good. Did your husband fix your sink?
When talking about deployments, It is common for an outsider to say "I'm sorry". No harm in it.. and the response almost seems to belittle the one making the statement.. or her husband anyway. My response would have been, "No need to be sorry, we signed up for this lifestyle. He's doing his job just like your husband goes and does his. Mine just chose a career path that takes him on long business trips. He's doing what he loves and I'm supporting his decision.".
  • Why don't you just go see him? They frown upon strangers 'round those parts, but by all means, go visit and let me know how it goes.
Again, SOME people just don't know. Why let it bother you because they honestly don't know what it's like? Would it not be better to educate them on the facts?
  • Don't worry, he'll be home soon. Really? I thought we had 8 months left. Thank goodness you reminded me.
Would you rather them say, "He's never coming home."? Although, it may seem like a long time, every day that passes puts them to being home "sooner".. there is one less day than the day before. Although it may not be "soon enough".. It's not forever.
  • How do you go without sex? Luckily we hold our relationship to a higher standard than simply our physical contact. Oh, and I have self control. Oh, and I only want one man. It's super easy that way.
I'm just going to stick with the statement reply on this one. I agree. A military relationship needs to be more than a physical relationship to survive. 
  • Could he not finish college? Nah those Taliban guys don't like to negotiate.
This is a common ignorance question. Some see the military as the easy way out.. a job for those that had nothing better to do, no other options, or joined to go to school. But there are many who chose to join when they finished their schooling. There are some that joined without making the decision of going to school right away because they knew the military was the career they wanted. Some don't realize that Military IS a job.. Some seem to look at it as something different, something other than a choice.
  • How can you support someone that kills people? It doesn't count if it's in a different zip code.
This is one of those questions that do get under my skin. It's best to just ignore the question and leave it be- at least for me.
  • Don't you worry he'll cheat over there? Yes, I'm super worried that he's going to want to sleep with a woman who isn't allowed to speak or someone he works with and risk losing his job. That's what I'm uber worried about.
Counter the question. Are you worried your SO will cheat? If you have no worries, why should I? If I had worries, then I wouldn't Trust my husband. I'm not worried because I TRUST him. Just because he's military, doesn't mean he'd cheat any more than if he was a civilian.
  • How can you be with someone who is gone for so long? At least we don't spend 12 months thinking up new ways to hate each other like....oh...sorry.
Simple answer is always sufficient. I love him. This ties into the "I couldn't do it" statement.
  • You look tired. Yeah unfortunately the middle east is in a different hemisphere and no one will move it.
Why is this something not to say? IF it's because I was awake emailing back and forth for any given time.. Then I would smile if someone said I look tired. I actually got to talk to my husband for a few minutes.
  • You never know what goes on over there and his buddies aren't going to rat him out. Yeah, because they're all eating and sleeping.
 Refer to the "cheating" question.
  • The time will fly. Time will fly, pigs will fly, hell will freeze over....I'm still waiting.
 Yup, I agree. Time WILL fly- but that depends on the person, what they do to make time go by faster for them. Time is Flying for me.
  • You're lucky. ....compared to.....?
You are SO right. I AM lucky. Deployment is teaching my husband and I so much about each other and allowing us to fall in love so much more deeply. I am lucky, and I'll hear this one any day.
  • Did you hear about the soldiers killed in - Awesome, thank you. I was hoping someone would slip that into conversation today.
Not a statement I prefer to hear.. but at some point, someone is going to say it. And it very may well be it could be a Military wife friend who says it.. It's all part of it. Being in this lifestyle, you're going to be prone to hearing such things more often than not.
  • Can't you text him? Why didn't I think of that!?
 Actually, YES! I can.... But not in the way you would think. I can send a text to his email and when he email's back, it comes to me as a text. A lot of people don't know they can do this. Some service providers may not.. but Verizon does.
  • That sucks. Well aware.
Nah, it doesn't suck. It's part of the job... and I like connecting with my husband so deeply.
  • Are you pregnant!? What if you don't get another chance? Do I look pregnant?
I haven't heard this one before.. I don't know if it bothers me.. Or even if I have anything to think about it. 
  • Oh he's in the military...the easy way out. Do you take automatic weaponry with you to brush your teeth?
This one bothers me some. I've had a friend from my hometown say this. And it beyond irritated me, and I did my best to educate him on his faulty statistics he pulled out of nowhere.. but With some people.. it's best to shake your head and leave it be- IF they don't want to listen or change their opinion on a topic they know nothing about.
  • You deserve someone who can be there for you. Well mine has special powers that yours doesn't.
This is when I say, YES! You are right. I DO deserve that. And because he's away, Doesn't mean he is any less here for me. Someone can be with you physically and still "Not be there for you". My husband is always here for me.
  • You should spend more time being proud than sad. I tried that and it sucked, so now I'm taking the Ben & Jerry approach. Feel free to ride your butterfly out of here.
I agree with this statement. We should spend more time being proud than sad. Let yourself have some bad days, but why would you want to let every day be a sad day? Be proud.. because that's what we should be.. Proud of our husbands, boyfriends, fiances, brothers, sisters.. etc. 
  • The front lines are the most dangerous. Dammit, I thought they aimed for the back.
It's all dangerous and we don't need reminders to know it any different.
  • If there's anything I can do, let me know. I hope you're a magician with unlimited minutes.
Why would this be something not to say? This is something that you should WANT people to say. You're going to want someone to talk to .. someone to listen. Why not say thank you?
  • How do you do it? I haven't written down the process yet, but I'll get back to you.
Refer to earlier questions, as some tie into this one. I like this question.. and if Someone asks me.. I don't get upset, or irritated. I smile and give my response. It's not about "How" you do it. It's "Why" you do it. I love him and that's more than enough reason to do it.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

For You I Know I'd Even Try to Turn the Tide

When my husband and I were planning our wedding, choosing songs.. We didn't pick your typical song list. 

Our guests walked into Random songs such as "You" by Evanescence, "Chapel Of Love" by the Dixie Cups to many other random and sometimes cliche wedding songs. That was just the begining.

Our parents walked in to "The Prayer" by Charlotte Church & Josh Groban (my mom boo-hooed).
Then, the wedding starts getting fun. My husband picked out "Anchor's Aweigh" for the bridal party, then I picked out a beautiful non-traditional wedding march for me.

We wanted our wedding to be about "Us". Music is part of that.
(before we started dating and early into dating, we would send bits and pieces of song lyrics to each other.)

We caught hell for our Unity song, but it was perfect for us. Our Unity song was "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica. I can still hear family throwing a fit because of that choice, but I would never go back and change it if I had the option.

Our Reception was full of more random songs. Our cake cutting song was "Just Eat it" by Weird Al, Garter toss was "Another one bites the dust" by Queen, and my Bouquet toss was done to "Girls just want to have fun" by Cyndi Lauper. Our wedding was Fun, free, laid back.. Just like we feel with each other.

If you noticed, I left the Recessional/ When he and I walk down the aisle as Mr. & Mrs out. That is because it is why I wrote this post. It is on my "While you're Away Playlist". The song is a favorite to both my husband and myself.

"Walk The Line" by Johnny Cash. Have you ever Really listened to the lyrics? My husband and I felt it to be a perfect song for us. Today, it popped up while listening to Pandora. I felt like I had fallen in love with my husband all over again. Flooded with Memories, the song lyrics made me smile. I even had to email him about it. I know it will make him smile. He has a constant reminder of this song with him on deployment. Our first Christmas together as Mr. & Mrs. I got him an iPod with the lyrics "For You I Know I'd Even Try to Turn the Tide". So, every time he uses his iPod, he has that reminder of our wedding. My reminder came tonight through Pandora (Thanks Pandora!).

There's no needing to explain the lyrics.

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Dear Deployment, I LOVE You.

Everyone always seems to say, "Dear deployment, I hate you.". Here I am, Once again going against the norm. Here's my letter to deployment.

Dear Deployment,
Although many hate or strongly dislike you, I'm writing you to THANK you. You are amazing. Seriously. You are my new BFF.
I know this may seem strange that I'm so fond of you, especially since you're part of the reason my husband's nights are my days. However, I appreciate you so very much. You have made my already strong relationship stronger.
The Underways before deployment taught my husband and I better communication. Deployment, you have proved how well we communicate and our communication skills are so much stronger now. Even when communications are down, I know not to worry because I will hear from him when he has a chance, when he has the time.
He is thousands of miles away, out of reach but yet, his emails make him feel as if he is right here with me. He never left. Physically, he is away for a while.. but He is still here. It's not about the physical relationship with him. We connect through our words. I may not get phone calls because you are a bit on the expensive side, Deployment, but when I do.. I'm first kiss excited. It's worth not getting calls. We save money by no calls and When I do get them, I'm more appreciative. I know not to expect them.
Deployment, Thank you. You are more than just separation from my husband, you are more than my husband doing his job, more than these men and women out there ensuring America stays free. Deployment, You are a new relationship with my husband. There will be hard times, but there are hard times with every relationship. The key is to learning to get through it... Together. We've got this, this is easy. Thank you Deployment.
Dear Deployment, I love you.

So long for now,
Married to a Sailor