Things Not to Say?

Lately I have been seeing many Military wives, girlfriends, fiances...etc. posting things "Not" to say to a military SO.. those things being said also having responses. I read the "Things not to say" and some of them.. I see a different response. I don't get annoyed or irritated by the questions. I really think I just view Military life a little differently than a lot of people.. Maybe I have a better grasp on my emotions, I'm unsure what it is. BUT I don't let all the little things people on the outside of Military life say bother me. Sometimes the judgments on the military and military family life, Do irritate me. So, in a sense.. Somethings are better not said to a Military SO, but those people making those judgments don't know. They are ignorant to military lifestyle.

I'm unsure of the site this was pulled from.. or who originally wrote this one. I have seen several of which pretty much say the same things. Look for my added notes to each thing "Not to say to a Military Wife". My notes are in red to the Question/ statement and the response to those.

• Do you miss him? No. I love being alone. The silence is warming. I enjoy fixing everything that breaks and cuddling with my pillow.

Of course we miss them. It is a given that we do. If we didn't, something would seriously be wrong.

• My boyfriend is out of town on business, I know how you feel. Yes I hear there is a huge mortar problem in Michigan.

Correct, this person does know how we feel in terms of MISSING someone.. Missing is missing. And, quite possibly.. they may know what it's like to worry about their boyfriend. You don't know what kind of business they are on. Military is not the only dangerous job. Seems both sides are too quick to judge.

• Aren't you afraid he'll die? No, I had actually forgotten that that was a possibility, but thank you. Thank you for reminding me.

Although, Not the best question to ask.. But are you afraid your loved one will get killed in a car wreck on the way to work? The possibility is there for both Military and Civilians to have life taken away at any given moment. 

• I don't know how you manage, I couldn't do it. Thank god it's not you then. Phew.

This is one thing I hear most often. And the response irritates me, not the question. Anyone can do this life. It's a choice. You'd be surprised what you can and will do for the one you love and want to spend your life with. If you can't handle it, GOOD for you for admitting that. There are people that need more of a physical relationship, and military lifestyle wouldn't be ideal for them.

• At least he's not in Iraq/Afghanistan/Qatar. He’s not!? Shit, that changes everything.

The statement somewhat gets under my skin, but it's the fact that unless that person is directly involved, they aren't going to know what situations are faced, where and when. They are only going to know what they hear, what they see on the news and what they read. This is where we as Military SOs need to be the bigger person and maybe educate them a little bit instead of being overly sarcastic.

• Do you think he'll come home for Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary? I don't know yet, he just put in his leave request to the Taliban, we're still waiting for a response.

This question has never bothered me. Some  do get R&R and sometimes.. they are lucky enough to get R&R on a special occasion. OR maybe that person is wondering if Deployment would be over by one of those times. Yes, our SOs are going to miss dates that are important. It's part of it. But we are on the inside of things. We know how things run... someone else who is not "in the know" isn't going to always know how things operate. 

• What are you going to do to keep busy while he's gone? I don't know. Since he's been gone the house cleans itself, the bills are magically paid, and the kids are angels.

Why are we flaming the person asking the question here? I personally ask this question, and have been asked this question many times by other Military wives. Yes, we still have our every day duties, but it is obvious things are going to be different with time. There is going to be more time to yourself, or to yourself with kids that you didn't have before. I'm sure you planned things with your Significant other often.. even if it was just lounging together at home. So, What are you doing to keep yourself busy while he's gone? I've set goals to accomplish by homecoming. Lots of projects, both big and small.

• How many days until he gets out? Depends. How many days until you join?

Another question with no reason to be snappy or sarcastic. Not everyone joins the military with a career in mind and some join with career in mind and choose otherwise. I have military friends that ask this question all the time. Just because it is a civilian, WHY is it any different? Answer, my husband is in for career. 

• You'll get used to it. Yeah, the rigorous schedule is something I get used to. I'm actually a robot. I love watching the news, and the surprise missions are like tiny birthday presents from hell. Yes, I'm getting used to it like I get used to a tooth ache.

"You'll get use to it". Some do and some don't.. and there are some that don't allow themselves to get use to it. I am one that fits the statement.. I'm already use to this military lifestyle. I'm use to him being away. For some.. they will never be use to it. Everyone handles it differently.

• What is he doing over there? Knitting.

This is an honest question. Not all deployments are war missions. Some deployment are peace missions, to help people. Military isn't just about fighting and I believe there are some military wives and civilians alike that have yet to realize this. My husband is just doing his job over there.

• He signed up for it. It's his fault is anything happens to him. Yes, and it's your fault for any teeth you're about to lose.

Irritating statement.. but I'll give it to you. In a technical sense, you are correct. He did sign up for the military. I wouldn't suggest saying that to someone whose SO is deployed. Not going to say I disagree with the response- I actually found it to be humorous. 

• That's awful, I'm sorry! Don't be, he looked hot doing it. He's good. Did your husband fix your sink?

When talking about deployments, It is common for an outsider to say "I'm sorry". No harm in it.. and the response almost seems to belittle the one making the statement.. or her husband anyway. My response would have been, "No need to be sorry, we signed up for this lifestyle. He's doing his job just like your husband goes and does his. Mine just chose a career path that takes him on long business trips. He's doing what he loves and I'm supporting his decision.".

• Why don't you just go see him? They frown upon strangers 'round those parts, but by all means, go visit and let me know how it goes.

Again, SOME people just don't know. Why let it bother you because they honestly don't know what it's like? Would it not be better to educate them on the facts?

• Don't worry, he'll be home soon. Really? I thought we had 8 months left. Thank goodness you reminded me.

Would you rather them say, "He's never coming home."? Although, it may seem like a long time, every day that passes puts them to being home "sooner".. there is one less day than the day before. Although it may not be "soon enough".. It's not forever.

• How do you go without sex? Luckily we hold our relationship to a higher standard than simply our physical contact. Oh, and I have self control. Oh, and I only want one man. It's super easy that way.

I'm just going to stick with the statement reply on this one. I agree. A military relationship needs to be more than a physical relationship to survive. 

• Could he not finish college? Nah those Taliban guys don't like to negotiate.

This is a common ignorance question. Some see the military as the easy way out.. a job for those that had nothing better to do, no other options, or joined to go to school. But there are many who chose to join when they finished their schooling. There are some that joined without making the decision of going to school right away because they knew the military was the career they wanted. Some don't realize that Military IS a job.. Some seem to look at it as something different, something other than a choice.

• How can you support someone that kills people? It doesn't count if it's in a different zip code.

This is one of those questions that do get under my skin. It's best to just ignore the question and leave it be- at least for me.

• Don't you worry he'll cheat over there? Yes, I'm super worried that he's going to want to sleep with a woman who isn't allowed to speak or someone he works with and risk losing his job. That's what I'm uber worried about.

Counter the question. Are you worried your SO will cheat? If you have no worries, why should I? If I had worries, then I wouldn't Trust my husband. I'm not worried because I TRUST him. Just because he's military, doesn't mean he'd cheat any more than if he was a civilian.

• How can you be with someone who is gone for so long? At least we don't spend 12 months thinking up new ways to hate each other like....oh...sorry.

Simple answer is always sufficient. I love him. This ties into the "I couldn't do it" statement.

• You look tired. Yeah unfortunately the middle east is in a different hemisphere and no one will move it.

Why is this something not to say? IF it's because I was awake emailing back and forth for any given time.. Then I would smile if someone said I look tired. I actually got to talk to my husband for a few minutes.

• You never know what goes on over there and his buddies aren't going to rat him out. Yeah, because they're all eating and sleeping.

 Refer to the "cheating" question.

• The time will fly. Time will fly, pigs will fly, hell will freeze over....I'm still waiting.

 Yup, I agree. Time WILL fly- but that depends on the person, what they do to make time go by faster for them. Time is Flying for me.

• You're lucky. ....compared to.....?

You are SO right. I AM lucky. Deployment is teaching my husband and I so much about each other and allowing us to fall in love so much more deeply. I am lucky, and I'll hear this one any day.

• Did you hear about the soldiers killed in - Awesome, thank you. I was hoping someone would slip that into conversation today.

Not a statement I prefer to hear.. but at some point, someone is going to say it. And it very may well be it could be a Military wife friend who says it.. It's all part of it. Being in this lifestyle, you're going to be prone to hearing such things more often than not.

• Can't you text him? Why didn't I think of that!?

 Actually, YES! I can.... But not in the way you would think. I can send a text to his email and when he email's back, it comes to me as a text. A lot of people don't know they can do this. Some service providers may not.. but Verizon does.

• That sucks. Well aware.

Nah, it doesn't suck. It's part of the job... and I like connecting with my husband so deeply.

• Are you pregnant!? What if you don't get another chance? Do I look pregnant?

I haven't heard this one before.. I don't know if it bothers me.. Or even if I have anything to think about it. 

• Oh he's in the military...the easy way out. Do you take automatic weaponry with you to brush your teeth?

This one bothers me some. I've had a friend from my hometown say this. And it beyond irritated me, and I did my best to educate him on his faulty statistics he pulled out of nowhere.. but With some people.. it's best to shake your head and leave it be- IF they don't want to listen or change their opinion on a topic they know nothing about.

• You deserve someone who can be there for you. Well mine has special powers that yours doesn't.

This is when I say, YES! You are right. I DO deserve that. And because he's away, Doesn't mean he is any less here for me. Someone can be with you physically and still "Not be there for you". My husband is always here for me.

• You should spend more time being proud than sad. I tried that and it sucked, so now I'm taking the Ben & Jerry approach. Feel free to ride your butterfly out of here.

I agree with this statement. We should spend more time being proud than sad. Let yourself have some bad days, but why would you want to let every day be a sad day? Be proud.. because that's what we should be.. Proud of our husbands, boyfriends, fiances, brothers, sisters.. etc. 

• The front lines are the most dangerous. Dammit, I thought they aimed for the back.

It's all dangerous and we don't need reminders to know it any different.

• If there's anything I can do, let me know. I hope you're a magician with unlimited minutes.

Why would this be something not to say? This is something that you should WANT people to say. You're going to want someone to talk to .. someone to listen. Why not say thank you?

• How do you do it? I haven't written down the process yet, but I'll get back to you.

Refer to earlier questions, as some tie into this one. I like this question.. and if Someone asks me.. I don't get upset, or irritated. I smile and give my response. It's not about "How" you do it. It's "Why" you do it. I love him and that's more than enough reason to do it.

Words from my husband

I had a set of questions I stole from another blogger forever ago- they were to ask your husband. I never did it. Why? I have no clue! I saw them pop up again by a couple other bloggers I follow the other day. So, I decided to finally join in on the fun.. and to see what my husband would answer to them.


1. What is the first thing you noticed about your wife when you met?

Her eyes.

2. What is something your wife does that drives you crazy? (In a bad way, let's not get freaky on here!)

When I ask what she wants to do, she gives me a hard time.

(We're both so indecisive. He wants me to make all the plans- I want him to make the plans)

3. If money wasn't an option, what is one thing you would make sure you always had done for your wife?

She could have whatever she wants

4. When do you find your wife most attractive?

Everyday

5. What does your wife do for you that you totally appreciate and would miss if it was gone? (Be specific)

Everything

(I added the "Be Specific" because I knew he'd put everything lol- didn't work.)

6. If you had your wedding day to do over again and everything was in your call, would you keep everything the same? Change something? Everything? Elope, or if you eloped- vice versa?

I would keep it the same.

(Our wedding was pretty great.. It was so us. <3)

7. What is one Beauty up keep that you wish your wife didn't do? Or what is one beauty secret that you wish she did do?

You're good. 

(I had to get him to explain his answer to me. He said that I don't wear too much makeup when I wear it, and he likes when I don't wear any- which is most of the time)

8. If you could go or be anywhere in the world with your wife right now, where would that be?

Hawaii

9. What's one moment you wish you could go back and relive with your wife just to get to experience it again? Would you change anything?

Our Honeymoon- and I'd buy better wine. 

(The wine we bought.. was gross! The salesman said it was a best seller- Not possible. But it did make a hell of a steak marinade!)

10. What do you Love most about your wife?

I love every bit of her, with my whole heart.

He's not a man of many words.. But he's mine. He's my best friend, my Mr. Amazing (he got this nickname when we first started talking.. because he is.. he's amazing.) Today, thinking of him- I have Kate Earl's- Nobody lyrics running through my head. I love him. <3

Christina, Just Keep Smiling.

I'm stressed.. and it's not because my husband is away.. I mean, I miss him and it would be so much easier if he were home right now, but that's not why I'm stressed. Maybe stressed isn't the right word.. I'm happy, but at the same time, I feel like I'm loosing it? Mixed emotions with so much going on. I don't know what I'm feeling in all honesty.

I handle these workups quite well. I'm proud of myself for that. I have control over my emotions pretty well. Occasionally things get to me, and until I made this blog, noone other than my husband knew anything that ran through this head of mine, I guess because no one truly wanted to listen. But lately.. my emotions are getting the best of me.

I'm always in a good mood, even when I'm upset.. I'm always the one smiling... and staying positive. Noone ever sees me upset. I don't like for people to see me upset.. and on the days where I don't feel like smiling, I smile anyways.. and make the day a good one. But today, I feel like someone just hit the replay button on my emotions from last month, refer to the post "Not keeping it bottled up" .. 6th paragraph. It didn't happen again,  I'm just feeling those emotions as if I had, but times 1,000 right now.

The past couple days I have been happy, and sad all at the same time. That mess will screw with your head.. I can't seem to get a grip on it. I see pregnant friends.. or friends with kids.. and it makes me smile so much, but at the same time, my heart is aching. I'm jealous too, why are they so lucky?

I want to talk about it.. but I don't know how, or noone wants to listen.. or they don't understand. What am I wanting to hear from them? Or do I want them to just say nothing and listen? The baby conversation comes up and I'll say we're not having any luck yet. The response I always get it "Well, you haven't been trying for long".. For some reason, that just bothers me. The person knows I've miscarried, and so what if we've only been "officially" trying for 4 months.. in the past 2 years we've had 3 forsure miscarriages, and possibly 2 others. I would rather not get pregnant at all than to go through a miscarriage.. again.

Maybe I need to let myself think about all these emotions and get it all out there.. maybe even a good cry, even that's hard for me to do. I keep myself so busy so that I have no time to think about it.. that the slightest bit of downtime, my mind is flooded with all sorts of questions, and what ifs.. etc.  I knew I should have went to bed an hour ago.. I could hardly keep my eyes open and now, here I am... with a flooded mind.

With this underway, I have found myself just wanting to stay home. I feel comfortable at home. I have fun when I go out with the girls, but I see their babies, or they talk about kids.. and those emotions start to come back. I'll be having fun, happy.. but on the inside, I'm being tortured. I find myself not engaging in conversations as much.. being more reserved at times... and those of you who know me on a personal level.. know that sometimes It's hard to shut me up! Don't get me wrong, I love talking about babies.. but under the circumstances, it kills me. Something that makes me so happy, is ripping me apart at the same time.

I'm going to the doctor in a few weeks. I'm hoping that he can ease my mind a little bit and maybe give me an insight to what's going on or what I can do.

I try to stay positive, and I tell myself this is in God's hands.. but I also find myself questioning God. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes I think "If now is not the right time, then why make me go through this so many times?". I feel like I'm almost at the point where I don't want to try anymore. That maybe I'm not meant to be a mommy. Ugh, that hurts.

Wow, I guess blogging does help some. Oddly enough, I feel like someone listened.. and I'm not really talking to anyone directly.. just typing to a screen.

Off to bed. Tomorrow is a whole New day. Christina, Just keep smiling.

Making Problems Public Domain

I have several "Blogs" going on in my head. Eventually I'll get them all out. Every time I got to type about something.. somehting else pops up that I feel like writing about even more.

The blog I'm writing now, I wasn't going to blog about it... But I read This post (linked) by Navy Doll  and after commenting her blog, I couldn't resist. It was a situation both she and I witnessed on Facebook this evening that I totally disagree with. I would like to know what others think about it as well.

There was a Navy Fiance that posted a vulgar status update toward her fiance. By vulgar.. I'm not meaning sexually or anything good. Evidently they were having a little spat and she decided to air out their "Dirty Laundry" (as Navy Doll put it) on Facebook for the world to see.

And of course, when you update your status.. You welcome comments. If you don't want someone to comment your status or "like" your status.. Why do you post it?

Everyone started posting comments on what she needed to do.. etc. etc. You call someone a "F***ing A**" of course someone's going to say "leave him".. someone's going to say "why are you with him".. blah blah.

I simply posted that this struggle they were going through didn't need to be up to the decision of anyone but her and her Sailor. It's their problem, and basically by posting it on a social media site is just fueling the fire. She needed to be the one to make the decision based on what she wanted and what was best for her.

After I posted my comment, I noticed a comment before mine that I must have skipped over. A girl posted something similar to "They are all a**es" and went on to say "The wives are the 'Power of the Navy'" some BS like that. I wanted to snap, but bit my tongue. Evidently I wasn't the only one who was offended. A couple other girls lashed out. One girl posted what I was thinking. Went something like: "To [person posted the BS comment], if you seriously think that, then what the hell is my husband and so many others out there while were here, since we're the 'Power of the Navy'".

Just out of curiosity, Why do people Post about things that should really be kept Personal? Every couple has problems at some point. Do you honestly think that by making it public record that you are going to make the Situation any better? Or when you are having a hard time with your SO you change your relationship status to "It's Complicated". Are you just wanting attention?

I could continue on with this blog, but it would turn into a repeat of a blog I wrote back in January called Blame Yourself. By the way, I wrote that the same week I opened my blog on Facebook. I caught hell for it, but all the girls that got their panties in a wad over it, were some of the girls I had in mind as I was writing it.

Deployment on the Horizon

We still have a little bit before we get to the Big D. However, every time a new schedule is posted.. seems the time gets a little closer and closer.

The ship let the boys come home yesterday, but the ride has already started back again. The hubby and I got to talking as I took him in this morning. The next few months are going to prepare us for our first deployment. And by the time deployment gets here we will have made a few decisions, atleast I hope we know what we're doing.

In a little over a month we will be moving into a townhouse we found for rent that is a lot larger and about $300 a month less than we are currently paying for our cramped apartment. We're not quite sure how this move will go with all these workups going on... But I'm trying to figure it out. All the packing is kind of left up to me.. but I'm sure if he was here, it would still be that way. I'm excited, but feeling a little stressed because all the guys that are planning to help us move, just happen to be on the same ship as my hubby. I'm trying to rack my brain and try to figure out how to make this run smoothly.

We think we are going to like our new place, but we said the same about our current apartment. We figure by deployment time, we will know if we want to stay here in Hampton, or if we want to find another place to rent in Norfolk (or that side of the water) or maybe even think about the home buying idea again. We still have some time to think about it, but I want to be as prepared as I can be.

I'm trying to lay out the pros and cons to each idea. Trying to think of our best possible option.
If we like the townhouse in Hampton- Pros: It's cheap, plenty of space, it's more "homey" like Cons: Tunnel traffic to Norfolk, is Nick going to feel safe leaving me there alone?, no back yard- just a large Patio.
If we decided to find another place across the tunnel to rent: Pros: No more tunnel traffic!, Close to base, I have lots of friends on that side of the water Cons: Having to move again, trouble finding a place that will allow Riley, more deposits
If we decide to buy a house: Pros: It's ours!, I can do all sorts of projects around the house, a yard for Riley, I can have a garden Cons: Moving again, finding a good neighborhood, it not selling when we get orders, will be paying more than what we are going to pay for rent at the townhouse.

We have decided that if we decide to move, whether it be buying or renting, we will put all our stuff in storage and I will move home for a little bit. This will give me time to find us a new place and save some money up while he is away. I want to have us moved in and the place all decorated by the time he is home though. I want to surprise him. I plan to send him pictures of the home buying/ rent search process and make sure his opinion matters. I want him to feel as involved as possible. I know he will say he doesn't  matter, if I like it he will like it.. blah blah blah, but I want this to be about him too.

Is anyone going through a similar situation as this? What do you do to keep your sanity?

"It is well to read everything of something, and something of everything."

"It is well to read everything of something,
and something of everything."
~ Lord Henry P. Brougham ~

I have started somewhat of a collection of books.. Military Wife books. I am not much of a book reader. Just one of those things I typically get "into". But every since the start of my "Journey" as a Navy Wife, I have found something I get lost in reading. I have more than 10 books at the moment.. and more on the way. My own personal library, I guess you can say.

I have been asked several times what Military Wife books I recommend. I never thought to blog about it, but would it not be easier to blog about it and refer people to my blog to read what I think about the books I have? I think so. So, today, I am going to blog about my "Military Wife Library" (and maybe some that I plan to get). -I will link the title of the book to amazon.com where you can read more reviews and purchase the book if you would like.
 

The first Military Wife book I ever picked up was SOLO-OPS by Hilary Martin. I love the way this book is written. Hilary writes about her personal experiences allowing the reader to relate more to her point of view. She covers so much in her book from becoming a Military wife to deployment, to entering the civilian world again. She also makes it clear to keep an open mind and laugh at the situations your faced with, the importance of Humor with the Military. If a "SOLO-OPS" volume 2 was to be released, I would definitely be one of the first to purchase it. Also check out the forum SOLO-OPS. I met some great ladies when I was active in the forum. I'm involved with so many groups and forums now.. it's hard to keep up with all of them now.
 

MARRIED TO THE MILITARY by Meredith Leyva is the second military wife book I read. For the most part, I really enjoyed this book, and will recommend it. However, I did feel like it was a big advertisement for her website/ Forum CinC House. I learned quite a few things when reading this. For a New military wife, I think this book is a great read. If you are someone who has been "Married to the Military" for a little time now, you might get bored or find that it was all that helpful. Overall.. The book is an A+ read, if you're curious.. check it out. Be sure to check out the forum as well. I still visit the forum regularly. I have learned a lot from these ladies. And if you read some of the reviews on this book.. the forum isn't full of "Snotty, racist women". Everyone has been super nice and helpful to everyone I have seen on there.
 

The book I would recommend more than any other is Chicken Soup for the Military Wife's Soul. Full of encouraging stories, this book is Perfect for anyone who is in love with a Service member. Be sure to have a box of Tissue handy, as these stories will touch your heart! This book is a great reminder of why our Men do what they do and that we are not alone on this journey. This book is perfect to turn to when you are struggling with military life, deployments and more. I highly suggest this read, definitely a 5 star read.

If you can overlook a large abundance of grammatical and punctuation errors.. the book Military Wives 101  by Tynisa Gaines is an okay read. When I bought this book I didn't read anything about it. I judged it by the title and assumed it was a "Guide" to life as a military wife... little did I know it was a story. If you let this book determine what you think about military life, you will have an obscured view of what it really is and can be. For some reason I wanted to finish the book and did so. Something kept drawing me in, I was curious as to what would happen. If you decide to get this.. I wouldn't suggest paying more than $5 (including shipping!) for this book.
 

Medals Above My Heart is a quick read. If you are a religious person, this is a good little devotional for you. If you are not a spiritual person, this book may seem a little boring to you. The book is only 125 pages long and could easily be read in 1 day.
 

Navy Spouse's Guide (second edition) by Laura Hall Stavridis taught me quite a bit. However, it seems a bit dated. But I do believe it is a good read for all Navy wives, especially if you don't know much about the Navy.
 

A book I always keep handy is Today's Military Wife 5th Edition. From the break down of the LES to Deployments and Sponsoring a Family. This book has it all. Although it seemed a little "Text book" like for me. I just Read the chapters as I needed them or wanted them. There are newer versions available that I plan to get eventually.
 

If you are looking for something to make you smile, laugh and keep you wanting more.. I suggest Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. I really hope Mollie writes another book. Mollie tells it how it is, and in the most hilarious way possible. She's extremely relateable too! I found myself thinking several times that I had been through similar situations. If you have deployment blues.. pick up a copy. "Laughter is the best medicine".
 

Help! I'm a Military Spouse (second edition) by Kathie Hightower & Holly Scherer did something that most military Spouse writers didn't.. they included Male military Spouse, not directly, but it's not a military "Wives" book. Kathie and Holly make a good combo, mixing seriousness and humor. The book is based on a workshop.. I wonder if they still offer it? I think I just might look that up later!
 

Another one of my personal favorites is The Homefront Club by Jacey Eckhart. She was an Airforce brat who ended up Marrying a Sailor. I found myself giggling a few times, smiling and really thinking about things with this book. I highly recommend it. I also recommend her audio CD These Boots, which you can get for free on Military One Source (title is linked).

A recent book I bought and am working my way through is Going Overboard by Sarah Smiley. So far I don't have an opinion on it, but I'm only a few pages in. She's honest, holds nothing back.. and It reads like a story. (I'll update this when I finish)

The last book that I currently own is The Long Road Home by Martha Raddatz. I have a feeling this is going to be a hard read. It's supposed to show some incite to what our men and women in uniform go through. I'm an emotional pansie.. We'll see how this goes. (Update will come when I finish the book).

This ends my list of books I currently have (not mentioning all the one's of my hubby's that I read too!).

I also plan to get:

Separated by Duty, United in Love

365 Deployment Days

Faith Deployed

Hope for the Home Front

Spouses Also Serve

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Life as a Military Spouse

Heroes at Home

I Love a Man in Uniform 

And that is the short list. I hope someone enjoyed this drawn out post. I will continue to update it as I get and read more books. I would also like to hear your feedback about books I have posted.. both the one's I have read and have yet to read.

Boot Camp Blues

I am writing this post because I know several ladies that have husbands who are leaving in a few months. Some are leaving to boot camp and some are  deploying.

I do not know what it's like going through a deployment. So, a deployment blog will come later. I do know what it's like leading up to boot camp and the during. Hopefully what I have to say will help someone who reads this.

I had a lot of anxiety leading up to the day Nick left for boot camp. I knew he would be safe during his time away, but I was going to be alone. I was a newlywed, and I was going to be without my husband for 9 weeks (he graduated in 7 weeks). Lots of questions running through my head and I had noone to answer them. When will he call? Will he write me? Will he stop loving me? Will he be different when he comes home? And so much more.

I tried not to show Nick that it was bothering me that he was leaving, after-all.. I supported his decision to join the Navy. We had just married, and I already depended on him so much. I needed him. He knew it was bothering me. He knows how to read me better than anyone I have ever met. But he understood. You see, he had some of the same anxiety as I did and more. People would say things like, "Your wife will find someone to replace you while you're gone". He trusted me and didn't believe the things that people would say, but it would cross his mind.. "What if?". He had some the same questions as I did. Will she write me? Will she stop loving me? Will things be different?  Hopefully I can clear up a few of these questions for you from what I know from my experiences.

When will he call? Nick called a few hours after he arrived at boot camp. He was not allowed to say anything more than, "Hey baby it's me. I made it. I love you so much. Tell  mom and dad I made it. I gotta go now, bye.".
I had been carrying 2 phones with me all evening. I didn't want to miss a call. I knew his plane should have arrived Great Lakes around 6pm. I waited. 7pm came, no call. 830pm, nothing. 10pm and I still had not heard from him. I was beginning to wonder if they would let him call. I laid in our bed with two phones on my pillow just waiting. I couldn't sleep. 12:01am one of the phone's ring. I snatch it up real fast, hoping it was him. "Hello?".. "Hey baby...".
I was unsure how long it would be before he would get to call again. Just 2 days later he called again. This time he got to talk for about 7 minutes. He was rewarded for doing something good and he was able to call. He told me a little about what he had been doing. I could tell he was smiling the whole time, I'm sure he could tell I was too. It was a couple weeks later before he called again, and I missed the call. I was at work and I just had this sinking feeling I had missed a call. I checked my phone, I had missed his call. Yes, I cried. It was the worst feeling ever. Luckily he was able to call his mom and he got to talk to her for 15 minutes. Nick was able to call the next week because they had lost some paperwork about me, if they didn't get it, I would not be able to get TriCare. Lucky for us the lady handling his file was nice and let him barrow her cell phone to sneak me a call to fix it. She let him call 3 times on her cell phone in 2 weeks because every fax we sent wasn't coming out clear enough. I expected him to call on Thanksgiving day, but he never did. So, don't get your hopes up, you will feel crushed if you do. I didn't get another phone call from him until the week of graduation to tell me about the ceremony and weekend liberty. He called again the day before Graduation when we were on our way to Great Lakes, this is when he will forsure know about weekend liberty, his schedule, flights, etc. They had changed some things from what he had told us earlier in the week.

Will he/she write me? I received my first letter from him in about a week. It was actually just a 2 page printout that told a little about boot camp, what you can and cannot send, etc. On the very last page, they gave him two lines to write a message. That message made my heart flutter in a good way. It was my first note from him. After that, I received a letter from him every Wednesday. He said he was only allowed to write on Sundays. Sometimes he would write me in the dark, or while he was waiting to iron his uniform.
I started writing Nick just two days after he had been at boot camp. His recruiter had stopped by and had gave me his address to start writing him. I would write him every single day. It was something I would look forward to doing. It would make me feel better. He said he would read my letters every night. He looked forward to getting them. He said the letters meant so much to him.

Will he/she stop loving me? In our case, it made us closer. Our relationship felt like we had just started dating again. you could just tell by looking at us that the love that was already there was stronger. It hadn't been broken. I personally don't believe it is possible to fall out of love with someone, but sometimes anxiety will make you question everything.

Will he be different? More than likely, yes. Nick was different in ways. He was still the same man I married and loved so much, but he was a Sailor now. He had grown up so much during those weeks. He will be more patient with some things and impatient with others. He will have a lot more Pride than when he left.
You will be different too. You will find that you are more patient and You have grown up more yourself.

As far as the whole cheating thing. I never cheated on my husband. People will talk and start rumors. They are just that. Rumors. I had a girl say she saw me at the mall all over some guy on Thanksgiving day. 1.The only guy I had been to the mall with the entire time Nick was away was my younger brother and 2. I had to work on Thanksgiving day and when I left work I went straight to my grandmother's house. People who are unhappy obviously just want to bring you to their level. Just ignore them.

One thing as a military wife you will learn is to be INndependent. You have to learn that you can't rely on him to be there to take care of you. You have to depend on yourself.

Leading up to him leaving, focus on spending time with him. Enjoy the time you have with him before he leaves. Try not to focus on him leaving. If you make the thought of him leaving your main focus, you will not enjoy the time you have with him or be grateful for it.
While he's gone, Keep yourself busy. Try new things and write to him about your experiences. Start a new book, join a gym, start a blog.. There are so many things you can do to help pass the time. You will have days that you just want to cry. I know all about them. I remember a couple nights where I would lay in bed, read his letters and just boo-hoo.Write him as much as possible. Keep him updated on everything, but stay positive. Leave all negativity out. He doesn't need that. Staying positive will help the both of you make it through this stepping stone in to the Journey of being a Military Family.