Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Boot Camp Blues

I am writing this post because I know several ladies that have husbands who are leaving in a few months. Some are leaving to boot camp and some are  deploying.

I do not know what it's like going through a deployment. So, a deployment blog will come later. I do know what it's like leading up to boot camp and the during. Hopefully what I have to say will help someone who reads this.

I had a lot of anxiety leading up to the day Nick left for boot camp. I knew he would be safe during his time away, but I was going to be alone. I was a newlywed, and I was going to be without my husband for 9 weeks (he graduated in 7 weeks). Lots of questions running through my head and I had noone to answer them. When will he call? Will he write me? Will he stop loving me? Will he be different when he comes home? And so much more.

I tried not to show Nick that it was bothering me that he was leaving, after-all.. I supported his decision to join the Navy. We had just married, and I already depended on him so much. I needed him. He knew it was bothering me. He knows how to read me better than anyone I have ever met. But he understood. You see, he had some of the same anxiety as I did and more. People would say things like, "Your wife will find someone to replace you while you're gone". He trusted me and didn't believe the things that people would say, but it would cross his mind.. "What if?". He had some the same questions as I did. Will she write me? Will she stop loving me? Will things be different?  Hopefully I can clear up a few of these questions for you from what I know from my experiences.

When will he call? Nick called a few hours after he arrived at boot camp. He was not allowed to say anything more than, "Hey baby it's me. I made it. I love you so much. Tell  mom and dad I made it. I gotta go now, bye.".
I had been carrying 2 phones with me all evening. I didn't want to miss a call. I knew his plane should have arrived Great Lakes around 6pm. I waited. 7pm came, no call. 830pm, nothing. 10pm and I still had not heard from him. I was beginning to wonder if they would let him call. I laid in our bed with two phones on my pillow just waiting. I couldn't sleep. 12:01am one of the phone's ring. I snatch it up real fast, hoping it was him. "Hello?".. "Hey baby...".
I was unsure how long it would be before he would get to call again. Just 2 days later he called again. This time he got to talk for about 7 minutes. He was rewarded for doing something good and he was able to call. He told me a little about what he had been doing. I could tell he was smiling the whole time, I'm sure he could tell I was too. It was a couple weeks later before he called again, and I missed the call. I was at work and I just had this sinking feeling I had missed a call. I checked my phone, I had missed his call. Yes, I cried. It was the worst feeling ever. Luckily he was able to call his mom and he got to talk to her for 15 minutes. Nick was able to call the next week because they had lost some paperwork about me, if they didn't get it, I would not be able to get TriCare. Lucky for us the lady handling his file was nice and let him barrow her cell phone to sneak me a call to fix it. She let him call 3 times on her cell phone in 2 weeks because every fax we sent wasn't coming out clear enough. I expected him to call on Thanksgiving day, but he never did. So, don't get your hopes up, you will feel crushed if you do. I didn't get another phone call from him until the week of graduation to tell me about the ceremony and weekend liberty. He called again the day before Graduation when we were on our way to Great Lakes, this is when he will forsure know about weekend liberty, his schedule, flights, etc. They had changed some things from what he had told us earlier in the week.

Will he/she write me? I received my first letter from him in about a week. It was actually just a 2 page printout that told a little about boot camp, what you can and cannot send, etc. On the very last page, they gave him two lines to write a message. That message made my heart flutter in a good way. It was my first note from him. After that, I received a letter from him every Wednesday. He said he was only allowed to write on Sundays. Sometimes he would write me in the dark, or while he was waiting to iron his uniform.
I started writing Nick just two days after he had been at boot camp. His recruiter had stopped by and had gave me his address to start writing him. I would write him every single day. It was something I would look forward to doing. It would make me feel better. He said he would read my letters every night. He looked forward to getting them. He said the letters meant so much to him.

Will he/she stop loving me? In our case, it made us closer. Our relationship felt like we had just started dating again. you could just tell by looking at us that the love that was already there was stronger. It hadn't been broken. I personally don't believe it is possible to fall out of love with someone, but sometimes anxiety will make you question everything.

Will he be different? More than likely, yes. Nick was different in ways. He was still the same man I married and loved so much, but he was a Sailor now. He had grown up so much during those weeks. He will be more patient with some things and impatient with others. He will have a lot more Pride than when he left.
You will be different too. You will find that you are more patient and You have grown up more yourself.

As far as the whole cheating thing. I never cheated on my husband. People will talk and start rumors. They are just that. Rumors. I had a girl say she saw me at the mall all over some guy on Thanksgiving day. 1.The only guy I had been to the mall with the entire time Nick was away was my younger brother and 2. I had to work on Thanksgiving day and when I left work I went straight to my grandmother's house. People who are unhappy obviously just want to bring you to their level. Just ignore them.

One thing as a military wife you will learn is to be INndependent. You have to learn that you can't rely on him to be there to take care of you. You have to depend on yourself.

Leading up to him leaving, focus on spending time with him. Enjoy the time you have with him before he leaves. Try not to focus on him leaving. If you make the thought of him leaving your main focus, you will not enjoy the time you have with him or be grateful for it.
While he's gone, Keep yourself busy. Try new things and write to him about your experiences. Start a new book, join a gym, start a blog.. There are so many things you can do to help pass the time. You will have days that you just want to cry. I know all about them. I remember a couple nights where I would lay in bed, read his letters and just boo-hoo.Write him as much as possible. Keep him updated on everything, but stay positive. Leave all negativity out. He doesn't need that. Staying positive will help the both of you make it through this stepping stone in to the Journey of being a Military Family.


  1. im checking this every day. your words make me cry everytime. but in a great way! even though i dont relate to the military part at all, this still gives me hope. i love you and nick both :)

  2. I know all about how you felt. I have gone and am still going through these things. My fiance has 2 weeks left until graduation, but it feels like two years. I only got to talk to him for like...half an hour 4 weeks ago. Ever since, nothing much. It sucks and I just want it to be over. How did you deal with the whole A-School thing? Thank you for your words.

  3. Andreea.. the last couple weeks seem like they are going to take forever.. but it will be here before you know it.

    I will post a new blog about my experience with A-School. :)

  4. love this post! my husband is in the process of enlisting, we have 2 kids, been married 7 years, are 'older' than most military familes starting out and reading this was really helpful. im looking for all the help i can get as i am about to embark on our new life!

  5. Hey! I just wanted to let you know that your blog made my day! You shouldn't stop blogging. My husband went to basic for the Navy Tues 6th of Dec. (just a couple of days ago) All the questions I had in the back of my head since he left you answered I feel much more at ease. Thanks again. Hope you continue to blog because I will be checking in.

  6. My husband shipped this past Thursday. I am really glad I found your post with all this really great information! We have only been married a month so hearing your story and all the things you have gone through really have comforted me. Thank you.

  7. Hi! Thank you so very much for posting the information about Bootcamp. My husband shipped Apr. 26 - this past Thursday. I am really glad I found your blog and post. It has really put me at ease. We have only been married a month, so I kinda feel like I found someone to relate to. I really appreciate all of your hard work to make these posts. Thank you.

  8. I'm really glad that I found your blog. My husband is in the process of enlisting and I have had a few reservations. I've been searching because no one has been able to give us a straight answer about bootcamp but this REALLY made me feel better. Especially since he will be missing our first wedding anniversary. Thank You!