Tuesday, January 19, 2010


I recently read a blog by a fellow Military Wife about people who split up in the Military. After reading and commenting on her blog, I decided I would blog and share my opinion on what I see a lot, and some personal information as well.

Now days it seems as people get into a marriage with the mentality of "Well, we can always get divorced.". This is NEVER a good mentality to go into a marriage with. It's like you don't believe in what marriage stands for. In my opinion, people with this mentality will never have a successful marriage. This goes for both Military and Civilian marriages. Marriage is not a "High School" Relationship. Marriage is the real deal. Where are your morals?

Another thing I see being an issue, especially in military marriages is couples who get married too young. Nothing against anyone who does, just want to state that some people do not realize that they are still immature or have yet to fully mature. You may think you are fully matured.. but you will look back a couple years from now and realize how much you have grown as a person. I think this is something to really think about before jumping in, Especially in a military relationship. I'm talking about the 18 and 19 year olds, fresh out of high school. Also, males mature slower than females as well. And personally I think they "Grow up" and then decline in maturity all over again before they truly "Grow up". They still want their "Freedom". My husband and I have hit a few "Hiccups" with the whole him wanting to just do whatever he wanted, he was 19 when we wed. He still wants to do his own thing, be rebellious. But at the same time, he loves me and wants to be with me. So, we work together as a team.

I have met numerous girls who married just for that, To be married.  To "Live their fairytale", to grow up, get married, and have kids. I've noticed when married life is not what they always dreamed it to be, they give up and run from their marriages. No working things out, no trying, just done. I have seen this numerous times.

Numerous couples get married just because they got pregnant. This is NEVER a good reason just to get married. I also see a lot of couples who get married and immediately want to have kids. This is stressful on a relationship, especially in a military relationship. You should always have time to you and your spouse, to adjust to married life.. and on top of that, adjust to the military life.

Since being a Navy Wife, I have seen a lot of "Tag Chasers". What is a Tag Chaser? 1) Someone who is sexually attracted to someone ONLY because they are in the military. 2) Someone who is looking to marry someone in the military. These people disgust me. They marry Military men because they want the benefits, they want money. They will prey on any man in uniform whether they have a ring on their finger or not. When they do marry, they are known to cheat and usually with another man in uniform. It's plain out sleezy. I have never seen a marriage of this sort work.

I have seen what was believed to be the "Strongest" marriages crumble. You may think your marriage is unbreakable, but anything is possible. I am married, and I use to think my marriage was strong.. and I still think it is strong, but it's not unbreakable. No marriage is unbreakable. How many people have you seen split and you were like, "Wow, I never expected that."? Most of the time, one of the persons involved.. didn't expect it either. I have seen a 25 year marriage crumble for no reason other than she is "Not happy anymore". He never saw it coming.

 No marriage is perfect. Marriage is a job. Some people just give up and quit. You don't get a "break" from marriage. It's a constant job. Yea sure, it's hard sometimes, but you are going to have days at some point that you just don't feel happy. Not necessarily unhappy with your husband, just where you don't feel happy. You might even take it out on your Spouse, and not intentionally mean put it all on them. Stress can do this as well. That is something my husband and myself are working on. When we are upset, mad or stressed, We tend to get snappy with each other. We don't mean to do it, but we both know this is how we are and always have been. People have a tendency to "take things out" on people they care about most. Communication is key to a working relationship. Without good communication, a marriage is set to fail.

I would also like to share that there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to Marriage Counseling. I know couples who go before deployments just to help relieve any stress or tension between themselves. I know a lot of men who don't want to go. They think they "Don't need it" or that they will be embarrassed. There is nothing embarrassing about wanting to make your marriage work smoothly. I think more marriages would work if people would take the steps just to ensure they are communicating and working together. Counseling will definitely be a help.

This is all I have for now. I hope someone enjoyed my rambling :)

1 comment:

  1. I agree completely. I think too many military relationships begin too early. I was in a relationship for 4 years with a guy before i realized that it was never going to get better with him. I am looking forward to marriage but I am also very sure that it will be crazy, and a lot of work will be needed to make it through the though times.