Learning to Hit the Curve

Browsing Facebook today made me realize it has been one year since this most recent deployment ended. Now, I find myself looking back on all the events of the past year. Needless to say, it has been a crazy year. 

There have been a lot of good times, but there has been many hard times. 

When you get married, you think about your happily ever after and want everything to be perfect. Well, life throws curve balls and sometimes you feel like you are continuously striking out. 

You know when he comes home from deployment there will be an adjustment period. You go through the lovey-dovey phase, then the cramped phase with a little bickering, and then it all levels out. At least, this is what I expected this go 'round; these were the phases we went through every other time. 

It's been a hard year, but I'm learning how to hit this damn curve ball. 

I knew my husband had a dependency on alcohol early on into our marriage, maybe even before we were married. For the most part before this recent deployment I ignored it. Maybe not ignored it, but I kept telling myself it was a phase he'd grow out of. I was lying to myself, and he was lying to himself when he said he didn't have a problem. 

Deployment 2012, my husband came home with a full blown addiction to alcohol. For at least 2 weeks after he came home, I never saw him sober. I'd come home from work to him drunk and I'd wake up in the morning to him still buzzed. Alcohol controlled my marriage. Honestly, I look back and think, "How did I get through those 2 months after deployment?". By far, being married to someone who has an addiction is the most challenging thing I have ever had to face. I never want to live those days over. 

I'm still swinging. 

As much as some days have made me want to throw my bat down and give up, I'm no quitter. Do I deserve some of the stuff I've been through this past year? Of course not. But, it's a challenge I accept because I know who my husband is and I know my husband is not defined by alcohol. Our marriage is not defined by alcohol. He is a better person for all this year has put us through. I am a stronger person. I feel this has taught us it's going to take a lot more to break us. 

We are still learning how to deal with everything. Every swing, we get a little closer to getting a solid hit on life's big curves.

No one can prepare you for what life is going to throw at you. You just have to keep swinging. 

Photo captured by Cocoa Bean Photography,
USS Enterprise homecoming November 4, 2012

Finding my Identity

Image credit - Google

Lately, I feel as if the current situation my husband and I are in is identifying myself, my husband and our marriage. There have been tons of struggles over the past few months and now, I'm working on finding my Identity.

Who am I?

You'd think at 26 years old I would be able to answer that easily. But no, I'm wincing as I write this trying to figure it out.

I don't want to be defined by something so negative. "Oh hey, That's the wife of the guy who drank a bottle of Vodka on the ship and drove home and destroyed Christmas."- That's how I feel some people look at me, how some people define me.

I know, I know. I shouldn't care what people think. I have been taught to not worry about what others think of me, but realistically, at some point... I believe we all worry what everyone thinks.

I am smart, but sometimes I don't make great decisions. I am trusting, too trusting at times, but when you break it, it's almost impossible to earn my trust back. I vent through writing and sometimes say things I shouldn't or I post before I really cool off if I'm heated. I wear my heart on my sleeves and I can easily have my feelings hurt. I'm opinionated. When I have a belief, I won't back down. I'm a fighter for the things I love.

... I am a fighter.

I fight for my marriage, I fight for myself. I won't give up.

I. Keep. Going.

That is what I see in myself right now. I will never give up.

Screw what anyone else thinks, even if sometimes it may bother me. I'll keep going, I won't give up and in the end, I'll be better. Maybe then, people will say, "That girl's a fighter".

Forward March

Image Source: google.com via Sally on Pinterest

The response to my last post was amazing. I honestly didn't expect all the comments, messages and emails I received. It goes to show how great of a community the "military family" can be.

To those of you who have wrote to me about being in a similar situation, keep your head up. I completely understand the roller-coaster you're so desperately trying to get off of.

Just know, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to email me at christina@journeyofanavywife.com. If you are looking for a group to be apart of, see if there is a local Al-Anon group near you. Al-Anon is a group focused on those of us who are affected by someone else's excessive drinking. I also suggest Fleet and Family for those of you whose spouse is Navy or Marine Corps. I have always heard negative reviews about Fleet and Family, but my experience with them is and has been great. It's good to talk about it, and know you're not alone.

This was never part of the "Journey" I saw myself writing about. But you can't change what happened, so you use what you've learned to help someone else and teach yourself to move forward.

Now, we're dealing with the emotions of rehab and what's to come. My husband seems to be doing well with everything. He is definitely ready to be home. Although I am ready for him to  be home, I worry of a relapse. I know it is possible. I know I will need to trust him, but that trust is very broken when it comes to alcohol. It's important to talk to your significant other about this too. Although, he will likely already know your trust issues with his drinking.

Because my husband and I know it's going to be hard to adjust again, and I'm building that trust back with him, we've decided to do counseling together when his in-stay rehab is completed. We know trust and communication is going to be key for both of us and we want to continue to bring each other closer through all of the ups and downs of this process.

For those of you struggling, always remember you can not force them to quit. You can wish for it, hope for it and want it so bad you can't stand it, but the only way it is possible is if they want to quit. Only then will any sort of rehab truly be successful. Sadly, it sometimes takes something happening for them to want it.

Someone who is addicted honestly doesn't believe they are. To them, they don't have a problem and could stop if they wanted to. Truthfully, sometimes they can't stop if they want to because they want it all they time, they crave it. It's an addiction. If someone was to call them an alcoholic, it would upset them. With my husband, he'd get his feelings hurt if his friends would even joke about him being an alcoholic. If I mentioned to my husband about his drinking being a problem, he would get defensive and angry.

First step for them is admitting they have a problem, follow that with seeking help.

Many people don't see how it affects the family (spouse, kids, etc). It's emotionally draining. For me, it was like emotional abuse, as in I was just so emotionally beat down from the constant drinking and with it feeling neglected, alone unloved and worthless. Sometimes the drinking would cause my husband to say hurtful things, and even today some things said repeat in my head like a broken record... even though he has absolutely no memory of saying any of it.
This is why it is important for you to have someone to talk to about YOU and how his alcohol abuse is affecting you. It's hard to forgive and talking to someone could get you there, to fully forgive him and build yourself back up.

Keep going. Don't give up. Take baby steps and March on with your head up.

My Husband Has an Addiction: Answered Prayers

Many have asked where I've been hiding and what's been going on. I've been keeping quiet for a reason because some things are not meant for public judgement. 

After talking with my husband tonight, he told me to talk about what's going on. He has come to grips with the truth and he is WE are growing from our situation, together. Every situation can have a positive.

In December, I wrote this:

Trapped
You don't have to be an alcoholic to be trapped by alcohol. I don't even care to drink, ever, and I am trapped. It consumes my life, it is sucking the life out of me.  

When you love someone whose life is consumed by alcoholism, you stick by their side. You hope for change; you hope for help. And in the time hoping for some relief, you drag yourself to the bottom with them. You don't even realize you've hit rock bottom until you're there. You don't see a way out and you begin to feel the life you're struggling to make it through day by day is the only one you'll ever know. You can look at the situation from the outside and say you'd leave, but would you? You can't judge unless it is your relationship. 

You tell yourself it will get better. You find reasons to hold on to hope. You convenience yourself you need to stay because you feel obligated to help them. You end up blaming yourself, finding reasons as to how or why it is your fault.  

You feel trapped. 

I've allowed myself to be dragged to the bottom because I love someone so deeply who has an alcohol addiction. I hope this is the bottom, I can't see it getting much worse. 

The consequences of his alcohol abuse does and will affect me. My husband is a wonderful man.- Sober. I'm not sure when or how his addiction actually started, I just know it progressively got worse. It was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde; he was two different people. He would do things, and say things he didn't mean and wouldn't remember them the next morning. He would hide alcohol, and couldn't stop at a limit. 

This all does seem to be a wake up call for him. I hope I'm not being naive in thinking it is. He has asked his command for help, and I truly hope he means it and I hope they give it to him.  

I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. Yet, I still find myself trying to be positive for him. Honestly, after how I was treated when he was drunk this last time, I should have left. I just can't give up on him. I feel that if I give up on him, I'm giving up on me. I said for better or worse, and this is "for worse". I won't give up on him and turn my back on my marriage. I love him too much to walk away.  

Maybe this is God answering my prayers to help him; to help me.

 My husband has had issues with Alcohol for quite some time now, for the majority of our relationship, but it was never uncontrollable or more than I could handle. During our most recent deployment, I knew it was becoming worse. He would spend hundreds on Alcohol during port calls, and sometimes be too drunk to get in touch with me. When he came home, it was like a huge port call to him. Drinking was an every day thing, causing lots of tension between he and I. I would work 8 to 10 hours a day and come home to beer bottles everywhere and my husband passed out from drinking too much. Once, I thought he was dead. I was so frantic when he wouldn't wake up and even felt for a pulse, but because I was shaking so badly, I felt nothing. I smacked him, yelling, "Please wake up!". Thank God he woke up.

We decided to stay in Virginia for Christmas. We said we needed the time together. He found out he was going to have Duty on New Years, so rather than taking Christmas leave, he took New Years leave because he wanted to go to a New Years party. This meant he had Duty on Christmas Eve. He had been drinking excessively up to Christmas Eve. He promised he wouldn't drink for Christmas Weekend. He left for duty and wasn't supposed to be home until Christmas morning.

Christmas Eve night, he drove home. He walked in the door and he couldn't walk straight, couldn't look straight and his uniform was ripped. He reeked of liquor. He was so drunk he was convinced he was sober. I was angry, but I refused to show it because I knew it would spark an argument. Drinking and driving is something I'm severely against, and something that really gets under my skin, especially after I lost my best friend in 2008 just after she turned 18.
He could sense I was upset and decided he needed to go back to the ship; He wasn't supposed to have left the ship (nor drink) in the first place. I told him I would take him back and he started to get upset, so I took his keys. He was in no shape to drive and there was no way I was going to let him. Things got ugly from there and eventually, a friend came and took him back to the ship.

Some time during all the chaos, he lost his military ID. By the time he got back to the ship, he had already forgot everything that had happened. He emailed me to ask if I knew where his ID was, after being escorted on the ship. Honestly, I ignored his email.
A few hours later, extremely early into Christmas morning, he emailed again. He had started to sober up and they were telling him what had happened and how much trouble he was in. He was a mess and apologizing. I didn't respond to that email either.

Early the next morning, his Lieutenant called me. He asked how I was and asked about everything that happened at home. He then asked if I wanted my husband home or if I wished for him to remain on the ship. My husband was now sober, I wanted to talk to him, so I gave them permission to release him.

He came home to the mess he created and absolutely lost it. He didn't remember anything, he was just seeing the aftermath and the strain he put between us. He broke down. For several days he just stayed in bed. He wouldn't eat, he'd just sob. 

He asked, "Why are you still here? You deserve better.". Yeah, I guess a lot of people would leave. But I know who he really is and he was overcome with a disease called alcoholism. So, I told him the truth, "I love you. When we got married, I said for better or worse. This is a worse. I know you, and when you drink, you are not yourself. I believe in you and I'm not giving up on you. I'm not giving up on us.". 

When someone says, "Alcohol brings out the true person someone is" I believe that to be the biggest crock of poo. My husband has many personalities as a drunk and you never know which one you will get. Sober, he has just one and, to me, is one of the greatest men alive. 

My husband did get in trouble with the command. And thankfully, because of his hard work and dedication along with his good conduct record up to that point, his punishment wasn't as severe as we had expected. Honestly, we thought he was going to get kicked out. It was the most terrifying thought. 
He had to go in front of the disciplinary board on February 12. We didn't know what would happen from there, they said they'd let him know within a few days. The next day, he had to go to the XO and before that found out he would be going to Mast. He was honest with the XO and because of that, the XO said that he would speak with the CO about being lenient. 

He wasn't told a Mast date, but Valentine's Day, I came home from work to a dark empty house. Empty as in he wasn't home. Thankfully, I was able to get in touch with a mutual friend from his division and he let me know. His first class was supposed to call me, but to this day.. never heard a word. Thank goodness for the mutual friend to let me know what was going on. 

My husband was given a 15 days restriction as well as $850 was taken from this month's pay (youch!). He spent 15 days on the ship, with no contact with me (with the exception of a few emails). Straight from Restriction, he was sent to rehab, where he is currently until the first week of April. 

Rehab is for 35 days. I get to see him on Sundays for a few hours. We don't get to talk much at all. He is constantly bouncing around from class to class as well as AA. 

Some people have said how strong I am for staying. But I know that some people see me as weak for not leaving. I don't know that either category pertains to me, nor do I care what category I fit into. I do know that the past few months have been hell; stressful, emotional and draining. But I can gladly say there is light at the end of the tunnel. 

It's not about being strong or being weak to me. To me, if something's broke, and fixable... fix it. I prayed and prayed for him, for help for him. God answered my prayers. It definitely wasn't what I had in mind when I prayed for help, but God delivers. 

You're My Superhero

Four years ago today, was a day that changed my life.

July 13, 2008: My boyfriend sent me a text which said to meet him outside when he pulled up. I had my suspicions what he was about to do. He pulled into the driveway at my parent's house and I walked out to meet him. He looked nervous, very nervous. He got down on one knee, in my mother's flower bed and pulled out a box. He asked, "Will you Marry me?".

Several days later, we were asked by his mom, "When are y'all setting the date for?". As I started to reply and say we had yet to discuss it, he interrupted with, "September". Of course I thought he meant September 2009, but he corrected me. "This September", he said. Of course, I had a bit of panic, I'm sure, show in my face. Two months to plan a wedding. I was marrying a crazy man. Of course, he reassured me why he was the perfect man for me. Knowing it was a bit of a concern for me, he told me, "I want us to get married before I leave for boot camp. I want to make sure you actually get a wedding since everything with the military will be so unpredictable. I want to know you're taken care of while I'm gone.". Couldn't say no after hearing that. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

After deciding a month, we then had to decide on a date.. well, he decided on a date. Of course, it was football season, and There was no way we could get married on a big game for the Vols. So, he chose the 27th. No big games to conflict with. He's a goof.

September 27th: I was nervous. I got all dolled up in my white and ivory dress, had my hair done and my makeup was perfect. We had almost all the important people in our lives there for our big day, to watch, to congratulate us, to help me get ready and to share our day with us. I was so ready, anxious and a bit scared. We were young and we were RUSHing it (pun intended, as my last name is Rush). But I had never been so sure about something in my life.

The music was playing, guest were arriving.. things were getting started. "The Prayer" by Charlotte Church and Josh Groban started playing, Our parents walked up the aisle, lit our candles and took their seats. Anchors Aweigh started playing (This is what he wanted), and our Bridal party walked out. The Wedding march started playing and I was walked down the aisle. Seeing him up there, amazing. Him grinning, I'll never forget it. Our Unity candle song was, "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica. We caught a lot of hell for it, but it's a perfect song. We walked down the aisle together to "Walk the Line" by Johnny Cash. My husband and I are huge Cash fans. Our Cake cutting song was, "Just Eat it" by Weird Al. We wanted our Wedding to be very, "Us" and laid back. We had fun, together, and with all of our friends and family. Started our Honeymoon with a Titan's game, went to the Smokies for a couple days and finished it with a ZZ Top concert. It doesn't get much better than that.

Fast forward, September 27, 2012: I haven't killed him yet, totally kidding.. I'd go crazy without him. He's still my absolute best friend and I couldn't and wouldn't ever ask for a better husband. Seriously, I married my hero. He doesn't have to be wearing a cape, have super powers or even be a service member to be a hero. He is my everything, he makes me laugh, I can't stay mad at him, he brings so much happiness to my life.

This year is the first year we have been apart for our anniversary. I know, I'm lucky for that. And even though he's thousands of miles away and I may or may not get to talk to him at some point today.. I know how much today means to him, and to me.

I have to admit, I did have a lot of fun making his care package for our anniversary. I went with a Superhero theme because, well.. he's my Superhero (And he's a bit obsessed with Batman).

I didn't get as creative as I wanted. I had 2 pics of him when he was a kid dressed as Batman and as Captain America, as well as a pic of us a couple years ago dressed as the Joker and Batman.. err, girl that I wanted to put on the box, but alas, I ran out of time and out of ink.

I try to make every box fun, or "funny". Hence the Iron Man big boy undies. ;)

Musket, my cat, wanted to join in on the fun too..


Even thought it's not exactly what I wanted to do with the box, I know he's going to love it. And of course I had an awesome time getting it together and decorated. Oh, and I bet you anything he's going to prance around the berthing in the Iron Man undies. I was going to make him a cape, but I ran out of time to send the box and there was a lack of time to actually make it. So, no cape :(

Another exciting note? This was the LAST box before he comes home. :D
Homecoming is just around the corner. SO exciting!

Military Wives are Vultures

In the nearly 4 years my husband has been active duty, one thing that is so apparent is some military wives are viscous creatures.

I don't want to even acknowledge them as human beings, because in my eyes, there are many who are scum. Scum in so many different forms.

I have found, at least here at his first duty station, it is hard to find people who are genuine, true friends and true to their significant others. On top of that, there are some extremely nosy scum out there and love to get mess twisted to start rumors.

Here are the different vultures I am referring to:

a. You have the tag chasers. And by tag chasers, I mean the girl who just bounces around from service member to service member. The girl who doesn't care if the service member is in a relationship.. it just ups her game. The girl who doesn't even love her significant other, but is rather obsessed with the lifestyle and the "glory" she perceives this life to be.

b. You have those who are so fixated with the lifestyle. I understand there is "excitement", but then there is overboard. When my husband joined, I was overly proud. I'm overly patriotic and always have been. But at some point, you have to recognize the military is his job. Yes, this is a lifestyle to adjust to, but this is HIS job. By fixated, I'm making reference to those who feel as if they, themselves, are "Military". I understand when people refer to non-military families as "civilians", I understand it because it's the easiest way to refer to it. But we do need to realize as wives, we are not active duty.. or even in the reserves, no special rank.. no rank whatsoever- we are a civilian. Relish in the fact that you, unless you enlisted, are not government property.

c. You have bullies. It's sad to say, but I know 8 year olds who are more mature than a lot of the ladies I have met in the past 4 years. I don't understand why so many spouses to active duty military feel the need to belittle and bully other spouses. "Oh you're fat, You're ugly, Can you believe she wore that to the commissary, someone's been eating too many twinkies".. etc. I've read some extremely ridiculous posts belittling people on Facbook as well as in the blog world, It's disgusting.

d. Those who think we are owed something for our SO being active duty. You aren't owed anything. YES, this life has challenges- but so do non-military families aka "civilian families". Every single person in this world has their own set of challenges to face. I for one, am grateful for the ease of life I have now compared to what I had before my husband joined the Navy. By ease, I don't mean there aren't challenges, but I'm happy where I'm at and I'll gladly wait for him through a deployment vs. go back to eating peanut butter sandwhiches every day, 3 times a day to pay rent. And to clear things up, I married my husband before he joined- just to stop the vultures that say, "You married him for the military/ money".

e. The cheaters. Yes, I know there are men in the military who cheat- that is a different tangent. I'm talking about those who are "SO in love" with their husband, but after 5 months of a deployment, find themselves in bed with another man. Seriously, cheating is NEVER an accident. YOU can prevent yourself being put in a situation that could lead to cheating. My husband has been deployed a few months, and the fact that I have heard of several gals cheating is insane. WHY did you get married? I mean, if you truly LOVE someone, you wouldn't cheat. Staying faithful shouldn't be hard.

I could keep going, but I'm going to leave it at that. Find your own identity, not your significant other's job status.

The Back-Up Plan

Here's what I have learned tonight.
It's smart to go into a marriage with a Back-Up plan.

I have also learned that if you go into your marriage with No back-plan you are uneducated, dependent on your husband, are "dumb", oblivious to the "Real World".. etc. [insert another uneducated judgmental comment here]

*Takes chill pill*

When I said, "Yes, [husband], I will marry you!". I wasn't thinking, "Oh shit, I need a back up because we may get divorced down the road". That, to me, is like keeping divorce papers in my top dresser drawer just in case I change my mind. Horse shit is what that is. Excuse me if you disagree, it's one of those blogs- my beliefs.

When the husband and I got engaged, My thought process was eternity, DEATH do us part. The dreaded "D", and by "D" I mean Divorce (although Death isn't something I like to speak of either!), was not a possibility. It is STILL not in my thought process nor is it something he and I toss around for shits and giggles.

Divorce isn't an option. We don't believe in it. Does that mean things don't happen? No. However, WE went into our marriage believing in our relationship 100%, no doubts. We do not believe in divorce. So, thinking I needed to have a "Back-up plan" before saying, "I do" is just silly to me.

Ok, because I didn't set this back up plan, I'm a.)dumb; Considering how far I've come over the years, the things I've accomplished and the things I have overcome- I know I'm far from "dumb". b.)oblivious; I'm well aware. And I know my relationship and I know I don't need a "Back-up plan" to ensure I'm taken care of in ANY situation. c.) Dependent; That made me chuckle. A dependent gal who who runs 2 businesses as well as has a part time job, plus volunteers with various organizations. I believe I can handle my own.

Need I say more?

I'm far from a dumbass. I'm actually quite successful according to my personal definition of "Success". I would much rather focus on my relationship and staying positive within my marriage rather than focus on the Negative and the thought process of making plans for divorce.

I didn't enter my marriage thinking, "There's always divorce". I didn't get married expecting a divorce. I went into my marriage- and to this day, have 100% faith in my marriage. Through the good times and the bad, my Back-up plan IS MY MARRIAGE- my husband.

"Smart" it may be to have this so called, "Back-up plan" for some, I don't need a "Back-up Plan". My "Plan" is to focus on my Marriage and not on myself, not on the what if's, and surely not on divorce.

Lucky in Love With My Best Friend

Where does the time go? It seems as if the past 3 years have flown by. It seems like my husband and I just said our wedding vows, but here we are. We are celebrating our third wedding anniversary together.

I guess it's true what is always said, "Time flies when you're having fun!".

I am having fun.

I couldn't imagine the past 3 years being any better, Even the days where things might have been hard for us, where we were challenged.. It couldn't be any better. Those hard times and the challenges, helped our relationship grow. You don't think there's more you can learn about someone when you've been with them a while.. even living with him before we were married. Marriage taught us so much about each other. Brought us even closer. He truly is my best friend. I know I have said he's my best friend a million times in blogs in the past, but it is true. My husband IS my best friend. I'm sure this blog post won't  be the last you hear me say that.

I can't wait to write about the 5 year mark, for us to get to the 10 year.. and the years and years to come.

I look at my grandparents, who just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on Sunday, and I think, "I want to be like them".
I'm sure they've had their hard times.. I'm sure of it, they had 4 children, Had to be some hard times.. Looking at Nanny and Grandpa now, you would think marriage was easy. I want that to be me and my husband. When our grandchildren see us, when we celebrate our 50 years together, I want them to see the same thing in us as I do my grandparents.

I know it is probably bad to compare your relationship to another, but I see what others say about their husband or I see how their relationship pans out, I can't help but think how lucky I am, how awesome my relationship is. Three years of being married, and honestly.. I still feel like a newlywed. Feeling like a newlywed may have something to do with him only being home from deployment for 2 months. But at the same time.. I can't recall a time in 3 years where I didn't still feel like a newlywed.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. And this is where he would say, "It's not luck if it's meant to be.".

Focus

Have you ever had those moments where you can't concentrate on one thing at a time? I'm there now.

I feel exhausted, both mentally and physically. There is so much preparing and things that have been put on me to get done. I feel in a constant state of rushing to get things accomplished and I feel like I'm running in circles.

The thought that Deployment is around the corner is very real to me, I'm not panicking or freaking out. With Deployment so close, the part of getting prepared just got a little bit heavier.

Due to my husband's schedule, I'm stuck being the one preparing for sea bag inspections. He is helping as best as possible, however I'm carrying most of the load. I have to-do lists out the Wah-zoo, I'm just trying to plan my time accordingly without getting too wore down.

We could have spent yesterday preparing things, however it being one of the few times left with him.. we decided to focus on each other and spend it having fun and enjoying each other instead of focusing on what's to come. We started out the day by getting a few things he needed with uniforms and then we enjoyed dinner out, went to an arcade (which by the way, I stomped him at some skiball), went shopping, went to the movies to watch "True Grit", then back home where we had 2 movies from redbox waiting on us. We lounged until nearly 4am watching movies. It was a wonderful day.

I did however allow myself to get frustrated. I wanted nothing more than to spend the day with my husband with no interruption. I thought I had made myself clear to everyone, but I was wrong. My phone constantly went off throughout the day and had I of not been using the navigation on my phone, I would have tossed the darn thing out the window. Later, I said screw it and turned it off anyway. We found our way home pretty easily, thankfully.

While I feel I have a complete grasp on things- I'm not  really letting things get me down, I am feeling a little anxiety with whats to come- being a little easily agitated because I want that every minute and "To hell with everyone else" kind of attitude. My main focus is my husband, my marriage, and myself. I could careless about the millions of projects going on of which are unrelated to my 3 priorities at the time being. They can wait. Yeah, I am being selfish. I see it as this is the time where I am allowed to be selfish, and I really don't care if I am.

I do sometimes feel pissed at the world, but only because sometimes people expect too much from me. At this moment in time, My focus can and will only be on my husband and myself. That is where 100% of my effort is going.

Set Up for Failure

One thing that really bothers me is being told I have set myself up for failure. During my relationship and marriage to my husband, I have been told this numerous times for reasons I consider to be pure ignorance and ridiculous.. and even extremely judgmental.

I have heard that being married is setting our relationship up for failure. I have learned that MARRIAGE has made our RELATIONSHIP stronger, and is indeed a lot different from a relationship that is not "married"- The change is not our marriage license or my rings, those are sentiments to my marriage. The difference is on a much more personal and deeper level than the TITLE I proudly carry as his wife.

I have been told that because he is military that our marriage will fail. This based on Bogus divorce statistics. I do not allow myself to conform, nor focus on statistics. They are silly and do not define the future of my marriage or anyone else's marriage unless YOU let it define your own.

The Number ONE thing that gets to me, and is the reason this post popped in my head, is hearing people bash others when they have a tattoo for their Significant other. Do I have a Tattoo for my husband? Yup. Does it have his name? Yup. Has it changed our Relationship or Marriage? Nope! I have heard so many negative things about having my husband's name on me. Do I regret it? No, ACTUALLY I want another Tattoo for him, and He wants another for me! :)

I hear people say I will regret it, we are going to end up in divorce for it, it is a curse... etc. Well, for starters. I am not superstitious and a "Tattoo" does not "Curse" someone. Which is the same as saying it is setting one up for Failure. It is rubbish.

To me, I see my tattoo as a Statement. It is saying, "I have enough faith and belief in my marriage, and I am not afraid to permanently mark my body to show it.". My tattoo is a sentiment to me. Something I don't ever want to get rid of, just like other things you may have had since you were a child. They are sentimental in value to you. My tattoo is that to ME.

Someone stating that because I have a tattoo, my marriage will fail would be like me saying to that person that their marriage will fail because they don't believe in their marriage enough to put something on them that will permanently be there to show it. Neither is true, and saying either would be ignorance.

I also hear people who say "I would never get his name, it's stupid. We do have tattoos for each other, but never a name.". This is where I ask, What is the difference? Is it not a tattoo for the other person? They are both permanent reminders of the one you got it for. The difference is, to another person, other than you and the one it is for, the tattoo doesn't look as if it was for someone. But to YOU, you still know the reason you got it. The only difference is a name. The meanings are still the same. Why did I get my husband's name? Because I want people to know who it's for, I am PROUD to have his name on my shoulder, as he is proud to have my initials on his chest.

My love for my husband will never change. The memories I have with him will always be there. No matter what... and my Tattoo will always be a reminder to me.

No regrets.

Photo was taken for my husband.

WHAT does my Tattoo symbolize to ME? Love. Commitment. Always Faithful. Til Death Do Us Part- One mate for life. Trust. Dedication. And More.

Operation Underway: Completed; Next Mission: Deployment

My husband's ship has been undergoing many underways since the month of April preparing for deployment. Anywhere from 2 days to 45 days at a time, the underways have been continuous, every month, sometimes more than once a month to more than a month at a time.

I did not have any times where I broke down because of him being underway. Yeah sure, I missed him while he was away.. but I never let him being gone get the best of me. I faced challenges while he was gone, but those challenges would have been thrown at me in ordinary civilian life. Any times where I felt as if I was going to "Lose it" cannot be attributed to anything with the Navy.

Did I think it was hard? Eh, Yes and no. Missing him did sometimes make the underways tough... maybe not so much missing him- but the constant adjusting and readjusting on top of his port schedule. By the time I had adjusted to him being gone, I was waiting on the pier to bring him home- and vice versa. There were several times that I hadn't completely adjusted to him being gone and he'd come home. I wouldn't be adjusted to him being home and he'd leave again. It was a constant "gotta do this, get ready for this",  over and over and over. But now, We are at the end of the strenuous training schedule and now reality is setting in. Buckle up- It's time for Deployment.

I continually compare things I have went through in the Military family lifestyle with past military adventures. I have to say, A-school still gets the prize for being the most challenging. Bootcamp was tough- many tears and really learning to adjust and be on my own again... But A-school, I will take bootcamp and another million underways before I would choose to go through the challenges my husband and I went through as a married couple.

Bootcamp, PCSing without my husband, being away from family, constant underway schedule- I will gladly go through again and again, but you can keep the A-school ;).
(p.s. I wrote a post on A-school early in my blog)

I have been told that Deployment will be easier in many ways compared to the underway schedule. During a deployment- I will actually get to fully adjust to him being gone- which by the way, I'm actually excited about adjusting to a schedule! Although, I'd much rather adjust to a schedule with him home... I'm looking forward to being able to plan things again. I know I will probably worry about a bit more during deployment.. but I know that I will not keep me from living every day life. No use worrying constantly and making yourself miserable.

I have so much planned during deployment.. I'm actually excited for my husband to leave and come home to see all I accomplish while he's away. He says he's excited to leave and come home for me to see all the muscle he is going to put on from working out- we shall see about the muscle ;).. he's got to get away from those darn 3 Musketeers! He's not a big guy.. my husband is a little guy.. well, average I'd say now. Since April, he has gained 30 pounds. While every other guy on the USS Enterprise has lost tons of weight from the horrible food- not to mention food poisoning, my husband GAINED weight.. oh yes, $100 a month in 3 Musketeers will do that to you. I really don't have anything else to say about that, just a little laugh about it... It's definitely NOT normal haha.

I plan to write a post later this week on things I have learned in general and things I have learned about myself from these underway periods. Might just to that tomorrow. We shall see ;)

So now I say: Dear Deployment, Bring it On!

Missing Someone is Missing Someone

It's early and my mind is thinking. Ut oh. I don't know that this is considered a rant, but just going to put my thoughts out there.

Something I see so very often is Military Significant other's constantly nagging on people for missing their SO when they are gone a week, or a less time then the SO with the longer period spent apart. Not so much that they miss them, but because they say they miss them or because "they understand".

Everyone deals with being away from their significant other differently. My husband is gone for a week.. or NOT even a week, do I miss him? You bet your arse I do. Do I miss him any differently when he's gone for 3+ months? No, I do not. Missing someone is missing someone.

When someone tells you "They understand" they understand what MISSING SOMEONE is like. Who are you to say that they don't understand  or that they can't miss their SO just because their SO hasn't been gone as long as yours? You're no better, or more entitled to the emotions of being apart than they are.

Yes, I do think it's easy to think "a week, Wow.. I wish I could miss my husband for just a week.". But you want to know what I think? You're still reading this, so I guess you do. You're jealous. I think that person being the 'One upper'... "I have it harder, it upsets me that you miss your husband when he hasn't been gone as long as mine" is just wanting to be that person that has it harder than someone else. Have I thought that when someone has said they miss their husband while he's at work? I sure have. Guess what. I was Jealous of them. BUT I have missed my husband while he was at work. Situations happen, things come up that you want that person you are closest to you to comfort you.. you're missing them.

YES, the challenges that may come with deployment may be harder to deal with. But also, what's hard for one to deal with.. may just be easy for someone else. And vice versa.

Everyone handles situations differently.

"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, & to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."
-Nicholas Sparks: Dear John

The Value of a Ring

 The beginning of October, Amber over at Goodnight Moon asked me to be a guest blogger. I'm posting it on my blog today to share it with those of you who may not have seen the post. Honestly, the post is one of my personal favorites.


When Amber first asked me to be a guest blogger, I was clueless as to what I would write for her.
Then I saw a discussion about how a ring is not a promise- it's just a piece of jewelry. It got me to thinking...

I don't look at my wedding band as just a piece of jewelry. To me, my wedding band signifies so much more. It's not "Just a ring".

Lets start off with a little history (I use to read sappy love poems, sappy love stories and articles growing up, I'm not real sure where I read some of these things).

Ancient Egypt is believed to be where the wedding band originated from. They chose a circle because it represents never-ending and immortal love. The Egyptians believed the ring finger held a vein that ran straight to the heart.

I remember when I was younger, I was told [I think my mom told me] that back in the day (yes, I said "back in the day"), Americans gave a thimble as a token of their love- instead of an engagement ring. It symbolized a pledge of eternal togetherness. When the wedding came, and the vows were said, the bottom of the thimble was removed- cut off to form a ring. Have you seen 'Peter Pan'? The thimble was used for a "kiss", although not entirely the same- you get the symbolism of the thimble representing affection and love. Wendy gave Peter a "kiss" [the thimble], and it was she gave just to him only.

Do you know why your ring finger is, well.. Your ring finger? It was believed that the third finger on your hand is the only finger that has a vein that runs straight to your heart. They would put the Wedding band on the inside so it is the ring closest to your heart (putting the engagement ring first means you are a widow- a lot of people don't know this).

There are some cultures that the ring symbolizes ownership.. although the word "Ownership" sounds harsh, and slave driven.. Do you not belong to your husband? Your body is just for him, right? If not- SHAME ON YOU! But that's an entirely different subject.

Rings have a part in many different cultures. While the traditions may be a bit different, the sentiment and meaning to love, treasure and honor one another forever- remains much the same.

With this being said, How do I look at my wedding band- What is it's meaning to me?
My wedding band to me is a promise from my husband, symbolizing eternity. Meaning endless-love. A ring is a complete circle, telling me that our love is unbreakable. It's a promise that was made along with our vows. They go together.
When I put the wedding band on my husband's finger, It was my promise that I was his. I am HIS wife. I am completely devoted to him, us and our marriage. To make it work through every challenge that faces us. To me, it was me telling him that I know what I'm getting in to marrying him- knowing he was leaving for the Navy. It was me telling him, "We are in this together- I'm in this for life".

I wear my ring with pride- It's a statement. I AM a married woman. Happily at that :)

Neglected

I haven't been keeping up with my blog and the 30 days of me...
My husband is on leave and We have been spending TONS of time together. No time for blogging- But hey, I'm not complaining. We've been having a blast!

Friday night we went to a Country Western club/ bar with some friends. My husband is not a fan whatsoever of country music. I know.. I know.. He's from Tennessee and doesn't like country music.. anyway, We get in and we con a couple of our friends to ride the mechanical bull. It was hilarious. Everyone tried to get my husband to get on it.. he just wasn't drunk enough I guess... well, wasn't really drunk at all at that point.

The husband drank a little more, and well.. the true Nashvillian came out. SOMEHOW.. for someone who despises country music so much.. he knew a lot of the songs played there. Caught him singing many of them. Then, my husband drug me to the dance floor.. to line dance, which I hadn't done since I was about 12- eek. He had never line danced in his life and did far better than I did. He was a hoot to watch. Our whole group got a kick out of him.

And around 1-130am.. we got kicked out. Ha. Husband had one too many Jack and Cokes.

Since then we've helped a friend move, hungout with some friends- watched tons of football, went out to eat... and well, just enjoyed the time we have just being together.

Tomorrow is our 2 year wedding anniversary. Not real sure what he has planned, but I do know we are going to act like a couple kids and go to an arcade where I can whoop his butt in some Skeeball! Oh yes. Definitely not your traditional anniversary- but this is SO us. We love having fun together and laughing. We can watch a movie and go to dinner anytime we want, tomorrow is a day for just us to have fun and enjoy each other. What better way than to bring the kid out in each other? I think it's a great plan.

He has the majority of the rest of the week off. So, I will again be neglecting my blog for a bit more. But I will jump back in where I left off with my "30 days of me" and maybe a little bit about his leave and our time spent together. Oh, be sure to keep up with Goodnight moon. I'm guest blogging over there next week ;)

Rumors

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth.

I hate rumors. They just start unnecessary drama. Who wants that? I surely don't.

Why do people start fictitious rumors, or just say things that aren't true?

Ok, there's a reason I'm asking this. I'll get to it.

Evidently there are "Rumors" going about that I will be the first wife to cheat on my husband when deployment comes. I guess they made a bet? Supposedly this was started by the guys in my husband's old division. My husband heard about it from me, I heard about it from a friend who heard if from an friend whose husband told her and is in my husband's old division. Did I confuse you? If so, reread it... it'll catch on.

I know, and my husband know that it's not true. I guess that is all that truly matters. However, it bother's me because I pride myself in being different. I pride myself in having morals. I pride myself in knowing that I love my husband and he is the only one that I want for the rest of my life. I don't dress slutty, I don't throw myself out there, I don't flirt with other guys.. I really don't talk to other guys except for my brother or an occasional text or phone call from a guy I've known since I was 8-9 years old and is considered my brother.. AND HE'S MARRIED! 

I have been avoiding blogging about it... but deployment is creeping up, and it likes to pop back in my head. It bothers me because I don't know why someone would think that of me. I don't really know why all of a sudden I care what someone thinks about me.. This is just something that really just hurt my feelings. I think it's because some of the guys that supposedly said it.. or "Bet" that I'd be the one to cheat are supposed to be my husband's friends and guys that we have hungout with together, and I considered them my friends as well. 

It will not happen. I will prove all you bastards wrong. I love my husband. I love our Marriage and everything we have going for our future. 

It's just that.. a petty high school rumor. For all I know, it could be nothing. Just someone starting more high school drama.

I feel better now.

He's Home! He's Gone.. Pack,Unpack.. (week in review!)

 {Pic Heavy Post!}

I've been kind of MIA lately. Been a lot going on. All good though ;)

Got everything packed up while the Hubs was underway. By the way, I am SO over seeing boxes! haha. I thought I was going to have to move everything on my own, but luckily the Hubby got to come home early. Yay! :D <- there's that big cheesey smile again. (ps.. he's at sea again already)

Got some really good pics of the ship and a friend's 2 kids when the ship pulled in, :)

Since he got to come home early, he was actually in for his 21st. I know.. I know. I'm a cradle robber. He's 2 years younger haha. Anyway, back to the point. We went out for his birthday. I was the lovely Designated Driver for the night (fine by me.. I rarely drink). We had a blast. Yes, he got sick. It was expected and planned, haha. I still keep picking on him for the fact that I held liquor better on my 21st than he did. He blames getting sick on me. I bought him a Pineapple Upside down Cake shot.. and he said it was Nasty. I think he didn't like it because he took it right after a scooby shot. I'm sure the flavors clashed.. or it might have had something to do with the Liquid Cocaine shot {gag.. 21st flashback!}... or one of the many other shots that were bought for him that night. Needless to say, 130pm the next day... he was still drunk. Hangover hit later that evening.

To the left: The Hubby and myself. I love that pic of us:)
To the right: The hubby and his princess bag from one of his friends.
In the bag was a Gnome yard ornament sporting the TN Vols.

1. Liquid Cocaine    2. Feeling pretty good (several shots in)     3. Scooby shot

4. Scooby shot = gone.  5. Pineapple Upside Down Cake shot.. aka.. the one that made him sick  
6. a couple minutes before he got sick.

I spent Memorial day Packing.. Packing.. Packing. Did I mention I was tired of boxes? I lit a candle at 2pm for all the fallen Sailors, Marines, Airmen and Soldiers.

We went and signed the final paperwork for our new place and inspected it. He had to work, So I started moving little things in.. boxes, boxes.. more boxes. Then the next day was the official move day. Couple of the guys came to help us. Bought Beer and Pizza for helping us. I think the Beer is what got them over here haha. They literally threw my couch off the balcony {FIINAALY get to get a new couch!}. The hubby broke my coffee table.. wasn't too upset about that either.. wanted a new one anyway ;). Didn't really have time after getting everything in the new place to unpack anything. We were beat. So.. we slept. The next day.. he's back to sea.
Now, I'm left with the unpacking. More dealing with boxes, and finding furniture.

Left: Goodbye ugly couch!      Right: This will eventually be our living room

I have been unpacking for a couple days now.. and looks as if I have gotten NOWHERE! It may have something to do with the fact that I have spent most of these past couple days couch shopping. I ended up getting a couch and loveseat, and then threw in a coffee table, end table, and new bedroom furniture as a treat to myself haha. Well, we did need it and honestly, I got a hell of a deal. 2 rooms of nice furniture and I spend just $1400.. Of course we financed it, but it's all in my hubs name to build his credit. I have a fun (I got extremely pissed!) story that I'll blog about after this post. Don't want to drag this on to be a HUGE post.. well, it's there already. Ok, now that I'm done being sidetracked... haha. Our new furniture will be here on Tuesday. I can't wait!
{I'll post pics or the before and after when everything's put in it's place}

Our neighbor's are really nice.. well one's really weird. That's a story for another time. The other family is an Airforce family. The son is my little buddy. He'll talk my ear off. He's about 10 years old. I've talked to him about what he thinks of his dad being in the military. I'll have to post about that later too. ;)

For now.. I have to get back to cleaning and unpacking. Which means, more boxes. Welcome to my exciting life ;) haha. I'll be getting out tomorrow though (maybe this evening to take pictures for a friend). Tomorrow, going to see Jason Aldean in VA Beach. Woot! Yes, I said woot. :P

Hope ya enjoyed the pics! :D

Military Spouse FREEBIE- MyCaa Books

I am not sure how many of you are familiar with MyCaa (Military One Source), but I'm going to post this anyways because I know there are several people who don't know about this. I had 4 friends email me this week alone to ask about it, so by posting this, I'm sure that at-least one person will learn something new.

First off, let me start off by saying I love MyCaa. And not just because of the $6,000 spouse grant you can get for schooling.

If you like to read, you're going to love this.


Did you know that MyCaa gives away 10 books a year of your choice (from the options they have) to military spouses every year? Yes, 10 free (even shipping!!) books every year!

It's quite awesome.

The books change regularly, Sometimes they may not have a lot that you are really interested in, but the next week they will have TONS. I have already had 6 or 7 sent to me this year. Mostly military related, but not always. They have a Fiction and Nonfiction section. in the Nonfiction they have a lot of self help books. Like things for stress, deployments, PTSD, money management, etc. (I recently got one, "What to expect when you're pregnant".. no, not pregnant.. I'll blog about that later.).

A few ladies and I were chatting about books the other day, and I was asked for some recommendations, I gave a few suggestions and then remembered MyCaa. Thought it would be a good idea to share with all of you. None of these ladies knew about it, so I was happy to help.

You do have to have an account with MyCaa. The website made me make a separate account from the spouse grant portion. If you're just searching the site for the free books, it's a pain to find and you may actually never find them. I honestly cannot remember how I got to them. I've known about it for almost 2 years now. {side note.. Wow, I've been married almost 2 years!! :D <- big cheesey smile}. So, I will also share links to the Fiction and Nonfiction books.

Remember, the book list will change often, so I don't suggest getting all 10 at once and having to wait until the next calendar year to get more... unless you see 10 you absolutely want. I know right now, Chicken Soup for the Military Wives Soul is currently on there. That's a must read in my opinion!

Ok, now for the links:

For fiction books:
https://www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/FindInformation/Category/Topic/Issue.aspx?IssueID=1288&TopicID=482&MaterialTypeGroupIDOpened=-1
(Like I stated earlier, they don't tend to have as many fiction books)

For Nonfiction books:
https://www.militaryonesource.com/MOS/FindInformation/Category/Topic/Issue.aspx?IssueID=1289&TopicID=482&MaterialTypeGroupIDOpened=-1


Ok, there's my post for today. :) Hope someone learned something new, and is as excited as I was when I first found them!

"It is well to read everything of something, and something of everything."

"It is well to read everything of something,
and something of everything."
~ Lord Henry P. Brougham ~

I have started somewhat of a collection of books.. Military Wife books. I am not much of a book reader. Just one of those things I typically get "into". But every since the start of my "Journey" as a Navy Wife, I have found something I get lost in reading. I have more than 10 books at the moment.. and more on the way. My own personal library, I guess you can say.

I have been asked several times what Military Wife books I recommend. I never thought to blog about it, but would it not be easier to blog about it and refer people to my blog to read what I think about the books I have? I think so. So, today, I am going to blog about my "Military Wife Library" (and maybe some that I plan to get). -I will link the title of the book to amazon.com where you can read more reviews and purchase the book if you would like.
 

The first Military Wife book I ever picked up was SOLO-OPS by Hilary Martin. I love the way this book is written. Hilary writes about her personal experiences allowing the reader to relate more to her point of view. She covers so much in her book from becoming a Military wife to deployment, to entering the civilian world again. She also makes it clear to keep an open mind and laugh at the situations your faced with, the importance of Humor with the Military. If a "SOLO-OPS" volume 2 was to be released, I would definitely be one of the first to purchase it. Also check out the forum SOLO-OPS. I met some great ladies when I was active in the forum. I'm involved with so many groups and forums now.. it's hard to keep up with all of them now.
 

MARRIED TO THE MILITARY by Meredith Leyva is the second military wife book I read. For the most part, I really enjoyed this book, and will recommend it. However, I did feel like it was a big advertisement for her website/ Forum CinC House. I learned quite a few things when reading this. For a New military wife, I think this book is a great read. If you are someone who has been "Married to the Military" for a little time now, you might get bored or find that it was all that helpful. Overall.. The book is an A+ read, if you're curious.. check it out. Be sure to check out the forum as well. I still visit the forum regularly. I have learned a lot from these ladies. And if you read some of the reviews on this book.. the forum isn't full of "Snotty, racist women". Everyone has been super nice and helpful to everyone I have seen on there.
 

The book I would recommend more than any other is Chicken Soup for the Military Wife's Soul. Full of encouraging stories, this book is Perfect for anyone who is in love with a Service member. Be sure to have a box of Tissue handy, as these stories will touch your heart! This book is a great reminder of why our Men do what they do and that we are not alone on this journey. This book is perfect to turn to when you are struggling with military life, deployments and more. I highly suggest this read, definitely a 5 star read.

If you can overlook a large abundance of grammatical and punctuation errors.. the book Military Wives 101  by Tynisa Gaines is an okay read. When I bought this book I didn't read anything about it. I judged it by the title and assumed it was a "Guide" to life as a military wife... little did I know it was a story. If you let this book determine what you think about military life, you will have an obscured view of what it really is and can be. For some reason I wanted to finish the book and did so. Something kept drawing me in, I was curious as to what would happen. If you decide to get this.. I wouldn't suggest paying more than $5 (including shipping!) for this book.
 

Medals Above My Heart is a quick read. If you are a religious person, this is a good little devotional for you. If you are not a spiritual person, this book may seem a little boring to you. The book is only 125 pages long and could easily be read in 1 day.
 

Navy Spouse's Guide (second edition) by Laura Hall Stavridis taught me quite a bit. However, it seems a bit dated. But I do believe it is a good read for all Navy wives, especially if you don't know much about the Navy.
 

A book I always keep handy is Today's Military Wife 5th Edition. From the break down of the LES to Deployments and Sponsoring a Family. This book has it all. Although it seemed a little "Text book" like for me. I just Read the chapters as I needed them or wanted them. There are newer versions available that I plan to get eventually.
 

If you are looking for something to make you smile, laugh and keep you wanting more.. I suggest Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. I really hope Mollie writes another book. Mollie tells it how it is, and in the most hilarious way possible. She's extremely relateable too! I found myself thinking several times that I had been through similar situations. If you have deployment blues.. pick up a copy. "Laughter is the best medicine".
 

Help! I'm a Military Spouse (second edition) by Kathie Hightower & Holly Scherer did something that most military Spouse writers didn't.. they included Male military Spouse, not directly, but it's not a military "Wives" book. Kathie and Holly make a good combo, mixing seriousness and humor. The book is based on a workshop.. I wonder if they still offer it? I think I just might look that up later!
 

Another one of my personal favorites is The Homefront Club by Jacey Eckhart. She was an Airforce brat who ended up Marrying a Sailor. I found myself giggling a few times, smiling and really thinking about things with this book. I highly recommend it. I also recommend her audio CD These Boots, which you can get for free on Military One Source (title is linked).

A recent book I bought and am working my way through is Going Overboard by Sarah Smiley. So far I don't have an opinion on it, but I'm only a few pages in. She's honest, holds nothing back.. and It reads like a story. (I'll update this when I finish)

The last book that I currently own is The Long Road Home by Martha Raddatz. I have a feeling this is going to be a hard read. It's supposed to show some incite to what our men and women in uniform go through. I'm an emotional pansie.. We'll see how this goes. (Update will come when I finish the book).

This ends my list of books I currently have (not mentioning all the one's of my hubby's that I read too!).

I also plan to get:

Separated by Duty, United in Love

365 Deployment Days

Faith Deployed

Hope for the Home Front

Spouses Also Serve

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Life as a Military Spouse

Heroes at Home

I Love a Man in Uniform 

And that is the short list. I hope someone enjoyed this drawn out post. I will continue to update it as I get and read more books. I would also like to hear your feedback about books I have posted.. both the one's I have read and have yet to read.

My Heart goes out to a fellow Military WIfe.

A Little Pink in a World of Camo: I Will Always Be a Marine Wife

Recently, I read the news that Rachel, a 23 year old Marine wife lost her Husband while he was serving his Country in Afghanistan. Her story touched my heart and brought me to tears. Rachel is a newlywed, not even married a year... and recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who is about 2 months old. Her husband never got the chance to hold his baby girl.  My heart aches for this family.

Being a Military wife is hard. Knowing our husband's are fighting for their country, for his family.. for what he loves. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to loose my husband while he is away on Deployment. Rachel's story hits home.. as I am a Military wife. I have been thinking a lot about how important my husband is to me, and how sometimes I take things for granted.. I don't want to take things for granted anymore. I want him to know just how much I appreciate him and all he does for me. I want to enjoy every minute I have with him, because we truly never know when everything can be taken away.

If you haven't already, stop by Rachel's blog (link at top) and leave her some words of encouragement, just to let her know you are thinking about her and her baby Ariana.

 A trust fund has been set up for Ariana.
Donations can be sent to:
Aberdeen Proving Ground Federal Credit Union 

ATTN: Collean McKinney for the account of Ariana Ralyn Porto 

P.O. Box 1176 Aberdeen, MD 21001
all checks should be made payable to Ariana Ralyn Porto.