Military Wives are Vultures

In the nearly 4 years my husband has been active duty, one thing that is so apparent is some military wives are viscous creatures.

I don't want to even acknowledge them as human beings, because in my eyes, there are many who are scum. Scum in so many different forms.

I have found, at least here at his first duty station, it is hard to find people who are genuine, true friends and true to their significant others. On top of that, there are some extremely nosy scum out there and love to get mess twisted to start rumors.

Here are the different vultures I am referring to:

a. You have the tag chasers. And by tag chasers, I mean the girl who just bounces around from service member to service member. The girl who doesn't care if the service member is in a relationship.. it just ups her game. The girl who doesn't even love her significant other, but is rather obsessed with the lifestyle and the "glory" she perceives this life to be.

b. You have those who are so fixated with the lifestyle. I understand there is "excitement", but then there is overboard. When my husband joined, I was overly proud. I'm overly patriotic and always have been. But at some point, you have to recognize the military is his job. Yes, this is a lifestyle to adjust to, but this is HIS job. By fixated, I'm making reference to those who feel as if they, themselves, are "Military". I understand when people refer to non-military families as "civilians", I understand it because it's the easiest way to refer to it. But we do need to realize as wives, we are not active duty.. or even in the reserves, no special rank.. no rank whatsoever- we are a civilian. Relish in the fact that you, unless you enlisted, are not government property.

c. You have bullies. It's sad to say, but I know 8 year olds who are more mature than a lot of the ladies I have met in the past 4 years. I don't understand why so many spouses to active duty military feel the need to belittle and bully other spouses. "Oh you're fat, You're ugly, Can you believe she wore that to the commissary, someone's been eating too many twinkies".. etc. I've read some extremely ridiculous posts belittling people on Facbook as well as in the blog world, It's disgusting.

d. Those who think we are owed something for our SO being active duty. You aren't owed anything. YES, this life has challenges- but so do non-military families aka "civilian families". Every single person in this world has their own set of challenges to face. I for one, am grateful for the ease of life I have now compared to what I had before my husband joined the Navy. By ease, I don't mean there aren't challenges, but I'm happy where I'm at and I'll gladly wait for him through a deployment vs. go back to eating peanut butter sandwhiches every day, 3 times a day to pay rent. And to clear things up, I married my husband before he joined- just to stop the vultures that say, "You married him for the military/ money".

e. The cheaters. Yes, I know there are men in the military who cheat- that is a different tangent. I'm talking about those who are "SO in love" with their husband, but after 5 months of a deployment, find themselves in bed with another man. Seriously, cheating is NEVER an accident. YOU can prevent yourself being put in a situation that could lead to cheating. My husband has been deployed a few months, and the fact that I have heard of several gals cheating is insane. WHY did you get married? I mean, if you truly LOVE someone, you wouldn't cheat. Staying faithful shouldn't be hard.

I could keep going, but I'm going to leave it at that. Find your own identity, not your significant other's job status.

Learning During Deployment

I've been told that Deployment makes you experienced- or "know more" about being a Navy wife- or military wife in general. That somehow 10 deployments means that they know more about deployment than someone going through 1.

What is there to learn about deployment, not about the military.. but actual deployment? You're not going to learn all the ropes to "military life" just because you've been through mulitple deployments.

Talking with a friend last night.. to us, If you're an expert at deployment because you've been through so many- just means you've learned over and over how to live alone. You're an expert at being alone.

I guess deployment can teach you patience. It will show you what homecoming's like.. but really- What has someone who has been through mulitple deployment have on someone who has been through or going through one? Time- More time alone. That is it really.

So, when someone says "come talk to me after you've went through two deployments to say you understand.. etc" I'm pretty sure it doesn't even take going through a deployment to understand that deployment means that you're "alone"/ without your husband. It's the older wives way of "one upping".

Everything else about military life can be learned without even having to face a deployment. You don't have to go through a deployment to know about PCSing... You don't have to go through a deployment to learn to read an LES.. You don't have to go through a deployment to know there is a homecoming at the end of it, to learn about OPSEC, about the bases, the FRG, etc. It can all be learned with Never going on a deployment.

Deployment is his or her job that separates couples and families for long periods of times. It challenges you to do things you would typically do together- alone. It can teach you patience, waiting. It can teach you good communication. Deployment will show you that the "old dogs" aren't always the most knowledgeable but you let a "youngster" come in that has asked questions and has learned about "military things" before even going through a deployment... then they are a "know it all", or should I say, "MrsThinks she knows it all". And some of them feel they are better merely because they are older.

They may have been around longer- but it's clear that not all of them know better or more. Learning isn't just through experience. The best way to learn for some is  by asking questions, and wanting to learn about it.

Honestly, what has this deployment taught me or shown thus far? Facebook is the devil for catty older wives, It has taught me even more about my amazing relationship with my husband. I learned the term, "Boat Boo" in addition to what I've always heard people say "Boat hoe". I've learned that the last weeks of deployment really bring out some individuals true (fake) colors. So, Really.. deployment hasn't taught me anything, it's shown me a few things.. but teaching wise- deployment has nothing to do with that. The only thing I will learn, is to stop being so nice to people and experience a homecoming. Everything else, I could learn without deployment, and able to learn things without being associated as a military wife for many years. There are wives that have been associated with military less than I have and have learned more than I have the same way I have- reading and asking questions (Kudos to you!)

Deployment, is just that... deployment, him doing his job and giving you the challenges of doing everything he helped you with, alone. You don't have to be a military wife to gain that knowledge either.

Ready to Run

I use to think when wives moved home that sometimes it was because they couldn't handle it, "it" being Deployment. I didn't think that about everyone, I know there are some that move home to save money or personal reasons- I can't say I blame anyone there.

Lately, I find myself thinking "I should have moved home". Not because I can't handle deployment- I'm still A-OK in how the actual deployment is affecting me. However, I am starting to see in a way how things with deployment are affecting me... and It's not my problems with deployment, it's other's problems with deployment that are getting to me.

Oh yes- Constant negativity. This is where I say "Stay away from Facebook!". And I would love to do so, but I have a lot of business with my photography and my graphics that I get questions about on FB via my personal page and my fan pages as well.

It is constant. Wives getting mad and upset because they haven't heard from their husband. People starting rumors about the ship and also putting it into other's heads that their husbands are out cheating on them because they don't hear from their husband in some way.. and on and on and on..

What people aren't realizing or are failing to acknowledge is these men and woman have a job to do. No amount of whining,  or keeping a piss and vinegar attitude is going to change the fact that their life revolves around their job- it's a choice they made and Yes.. YOU made that choice too when you chose to be with him (or her).

Anyway, every day I see more negative posts, more drama between wives and it's beyond annoying. I know I have myself to blame because A. I still use Facebook  B. I have made friends with so many people that when there is a problem I hear about it constantly- I just want to hit the pause button or yell TIME OUT!

Bitches get Catty! There, I said it.

My husband says I'm "Too Nice" because I like being supportive, and try to be to the best of my ability. However, I also believe that in order to get support- you need to be selfless at times and give support back. I Can't give and give constantly. I'm not a pushover but I will go out of my way when someone needs something, but there will come a point where I feel taken advantage of- especially if that person can't respect the face that I want a day to sit on my booty and eat Cheetos all day while playing around in my graphics program. I like "ME" time. That's an issue for me- people being too needy and getting upset and causing drama when you respectfully request a day to do for yourself. I don't need those people, don't want those people in my life.

I'm just rambling here- but I think you get the gist of what I'm saying.
Deployment really shows who is independent, who is in between and those who can't function alone.

I started P90X again this week and Tomorrow I'm Ready to start running every day. Running helps me clear my head and to relax. In those cases where I see something that makes me want to say "WTF!?" or pushes me to a point where I want to say something I probably shouldn't... Running will ease all that built up energy and agression.

I'm so Ready to run.