Lately, I find myself thinking "I should have moved home". Not because I can't handle deployment- I'm still A-OK in how the actual deployment is affecting me. However, I am starting to see in a way how things with deployment are affecting me... and It's not my problems with deployment, it's other's problems with deployment that are getting to me.
Oh yes- Constant negativity. This is where I say "Stay away from Facebook!". And I would love to do so, but I have a lot of business with my photography and my graphics that I get questions about on FB via my personal page and my fan pages as well.
It is constant. Wives getting mad and upset because they haven't heard from their husband. People starting rumors about the ship and also putting it into other's heads that their husbands are out cheating on them because they don't hear from their husband in some way.. and on and on and on..
What people aren't realizing or are failing to acknowledge is these men and woman have a job to do. No amount of whining, or keeping a piss and vinegar attitude is going to change the fact that their life revolves around their job- it's a choice they made and Yes.. YOU made that choice too when you chose to be with him (or her).
Anyway, every day I see more negative posts, more drama between wives and it's beyond annoying. I know I have myself to blame because A. I still use Facebook B. I have made friends with so many people that when there is a problem I hear about it constantly- I just want to hit the pause button or yell TIME OUT!
Bitches get Catty! There, I said it.
My husband says I'm "Too Nice" because I like being supportive, and try to be to the best of my ability. However, I also believe that in order to get support- you need to be selfless at times and give support back. I Can't give and give constantly. I'm not a pushover but I will go out of my way when someone needs something, but there will come a point where I feel taken advantage of- especially if that person can't respect the face that I want a day to sit on my booty and eat Cheetos all day while playing around in my graphics program. I like "ME" time. That's an issue for me- people being too needy and getting upset and causing drama when you respectfully request a day to do for yourself. I don't need those people, don't want those people in my life.
I'm just rambling here- but I think you get the gist of what I'm saying.
Deployment really shows who is independent, who is in between and those who can't function alone.
I started P90X again this week and Tomorrow I'm Ready to start running every day. Running helps me clear my head and to relax. In those cases where I see something that makes me want to say "WTF!?" or pushes me to a point where I want to say something I probably shouldn't... Running will ease all that built up energy and agression.
I'm so Ready to run.
I love this post i feel the same way right now but i did come home for a few months to see family but im not spending the whole deployment home and it is not the other women starting the drama for me it is people i went to school with and im like please you just dont understand and sometimes it is even my own mother trying to say something...so im just ready to go back to my own house and be alone....from one navy wife to another i know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteThe majority of my training for my half marathon was done during deployment for that reason. Running clears my head and helped me get through deployment. Go for a run and don't let anything get into your head. Enjoy it!
ReplyDeleteWe haven't been through a deployment yet but I have given a lot of thought to moving into my parents' house when the time comes. Part of me thinks if I stay on post, I'll be more connected to my husband and get more information...but the other part of me wants to save a ton of money by having very few monthly costs and spend time with my family to get me through it instead of other wives (aka drama free).
ReplyDeleteThe jury's still out on this decision but I'm glad I read this, gives me more to think about!! Thank you!
In our case the other spouses from the ship are in Japan and I'm in Virginia so I don't have as much interaction with them. From what my husband and now your blog tell me I think I should be happy I get to avoid the drama. I hate drama!
ReplyDeleteHere I have a very supportive group of friends and family to help me with my deployment.
I would classify myself as an "inbetween" when it comes to deployment. I came to my parents house because I 'thought' I wasn't strong enough to handle it. And while I LOVE the time my kids are having with my parents, I realized very early this deployment that I could have stayed home and been fine. It's a learning experience...especially your first time through. I agree with you about facebook...I don't have anything connected with a job on there, so I had the luxury of being able to say to myself " this crap is not worth it" and stay very far away. And it's been great :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your running! That's something I'm planning on picking up again as well! When New England isn't burried until 7 feet of snow!!
I agree with you. I have been around those women who just badmouth their husbands and the military. Everything that comes with deployments is just part of the job. There are positives and negatives to every job. The military is more of an extreme lifestyle. Deployments are hard, yes. The first three deployments my husband went on, I went home to live with my mom. I didn't have any kids so it wasn't really too big a deal. It helps to surround yourself with friends and family and maybe find a few hobbies to take your mind off things. I'm sure blogging helps. As for women suspecting their husbands of cheating...that smells of insecurities and weaknesses in the marriage. We need to be the strength behind our husbands during this time. They have enough to deal with, more than they even let us know about, we need to lift them up and encourage them, not tear them down so they lose focus from their jobs. Just stay strong. Put one foot in front of the other. Don't think of today as one more day away from him, it's one more day closer to seeing him :)
ReplyDeleteYikes! I am not one that thinks I cant handle deployment, and for my first I think im doing great (although the dogs keep me SUPER busy!) I also wanted to mmove home so we could save save and SAVE! Since we are doing intensive fertility treatments and need to save all the money we can.. Not just because one day we will have a child but it will cost 10,000 to even make a child.
ReplyDeleteMany people may not out right and say why they move home (mabye because they too need to save money for infertility but are ashamed) so although we want to judge others for "not being able to handle the whole situation" they may just not be telling people why they are going home. OR, if they dont WANT to be alone then why should they? If they can be around people that love them then why suffer through being alone each day for 6 months? I dont think its a bad thing at all.
It is a little crazy to get through it alone though. and when I say alone I mean alone here at home. Most of us are without family because we move ever couple years but we also just moved here so friends are rare but I do have ONE military wife that also has a husband deployed on the Big E.
Since you ahve done P90X before.... Do you like it? I wanted to invest in it but I am back and forth on getting it! (would love your opinion on it)
Kailin
I had to surpress a tiny giggle, the drama makes me happy I have no friends, then I remember I have no friends, and it's sad. I recently go into running and have been totally bummed my running 'area' has been covered with snow and ice for the past few weeks. I think I'm actually looking forward to getting out there. Good for you getting back into P90X! Hey, are we still on for the swap on Monday?
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. It's so easy to say things on facebook about someone else, because you're hiding behind a computer. I think as long as you keep doing what you're doing you'll be just fine. I know it starts to wear on you, and when that happens I say take a break. Go on it once a day to check messages and then leave it alone. The drama llama's will always be there, and when they're ready to grow up, they'll come to you asking to be friends again.
ReplyDeleteSurround your self with the positive!
I can't comment on this post without ranting and raving, haha. I, too, went through this during Hubby's last deployment. Taking everything with a grain of salt is the way I got through it.
ReplyDeleteHubby says I'm too nice, too. But since when is that a bad thing? :)
I completely agree with you about FB. That's why I haven't friended a lot of wives from the ship because I don't feel like seeing the negative or drama-filled posts all the time. good for you for going running! I wish I could be a runner!
ReplyDeleteI chose to stay because this is mine and my husband's home together. This is where we have a lot of memories together- this place is "Ours" even though we are renting. Home- it's his parent's place. It's where he grew up.. but It's not "ours". Although there are alot of memories there.. VA is now my "Home". This is where he will be coming home to.. I plan to make the next several months making this more of a great home for him to come home to.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I LOVE P90X! It will kick your butt! I do it with 2 other girls- which is good because then you have someone to push you. It's tough so sometimes I want to stop... but they keep me going.