Focus

Have you ever had those moments where you can't concentrate on one thing at a time? I'm there now.

I feel exhausted, both mentally and physically. There is so much preparing and things that have been put on me to get done. I feel in a constant state of rushing to get things accomplished and I feel like I'm running in circles.

The thought that Deployment is around the corner is very real to me, I'm not panicking or freaking out. With Deployment so close, the part of getting prepared just got a little bit heavier.

Due to my husband's schedule, I'm stuck being the one preparing for sea bag inspections. He is helping as best as possible, however I'm carrying most of the load. I have to-do lists out the Wah-zoo, I'm just trying to plan my time accordingly without getting too wore down.

We could have spent yesterday preparing things, however it being one of the few times left with him.. we decided to focus on each other and spend it having fun and enjoying each other instead of focusing on what's to come. We started out the day by getting a few things he needed with uniforms and then we enjoyed dinner out, went to an arcade (which by the way, I stomped him at some skiball), went shopping, went to the movies to watch "True Grit", then back home where we had 2 movies from redbox waiting on us. We lounged until nearly 4am watching movies. It was a wonderful day.

I did however allow myself to get frustrated. I wanted nothing more than to spend the day with my husband with no interruption. I thought I had made myself clear to everyone, but I was wrong. My phone constantly went off throughout the day and had I of not been using the navigation on my phone, I would have tossed the darn thing out the window. Later, I said screw it and turned it off anyway. We found our way home pretty easily, thankfully.

While I feel I have a complete grasp on things- I'm not  really letting things get me down, I am feeling a little anxiety with whats to come- being a little easily agitated because I want that every minute and "To hell with everyone else" kind of attitude. My main focus is my husband, my marriage, and myself. I could careless about the millions of projects going on of which are unrelated to my 3 priorities at the time being. They can wait. Yeah, I am being selfish. I see it as this is the time where I am allowed to be selfish, and I really don't care if I am.

I do sometimes feel pissed at the world, but only because sometimes people expect too much from me. At this moment in time, My focus can and will only be on my husband and myself. That is where 100% of my effort is going.