Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Back-Up Plan

Here's what I have learned tonight.
It's smart to go into a marriage with a Back-Up plan.

I have also learned that if you go into your marriage with No back-plan you are uneducated, dependent on your husband, are "dumb", oblivious to the "Real World".. etc. [insert another uneducated judgmental comment here]

*Takes chill pill*

When I said, "Yes, [husband], I will marry you!". I wasn't thinking, "Oh shit, I need a back up because we may get divorced down the road". That, to me, is like keeping divorce papers in my top dresser drawer just in case I change my mind. Horse shit is what that is. Excuse me if you disagree, it's one of those blogs- my beliefs.

When the husband and I got engaged, My thought process was eternity, DEATH do us part. The dreaded "D", and by "D" I mean Divorce (although Death isn't something I like to speak of either!), was not a possibility. It is STILL not in my thought process nor is it something he and I toss around for shits and giggles.

Divorce isn't an option. We don't believe in it. Does that mean things don't happen? No. However, WE went into our marriage believing in our relationship 100%, no doubts. We do not believe in divorce. So, thinking I needed to have a "Back-up plan" before saying, "I do" is just silly to me.

Ok, because I didn't set this back up plan, I'm a.)dumb; Considering how far I've come over the years, the things I've accomplished and the things I have overcome- I know I'm far from "dumb". b.)oblivious; I'm well aware. And I know my relationship and I know I don't need a "Back-up plan" to ensure I'm taken care of in ANY situation. c.) Dependent; That made me chuckle. A dependent gal who who runs 2 businesses as well as has a part time job, plus volunteers with various organizations. I believe I can handle my own.

Need I say more?

I'm far from a dumbass. I'm actually quite successful according to my personal definition of "Success". I would much rather focus on my relationship and staying positive within my marriage rather than focus on the Negative and the thought process of making plans for divorce.

I didn't enter my marriage thinking, "There's always divorce". I didn't get married expecting a divorce. I went into my marriage- and to this day, have 100% faith in my marriage. Through the good times and the bad, my Back-up plan IS MY MARRIAGE- my husband.

"Smart" it may be to have this so called, "Back-up plan" for some, I don't need a "Back-up Plan". My "Plan" is to focus on my Marriage and not on myself, not on the what if's, and surely not on divorce.


  1. I agree with you 100%. I tend to sound a little both sided when people have debatable topics in His Love Is My Anchor just because I don't like to argue. But here I will tell you, I so am with you on this. If I'm going to go into a marriage with a "back up plan" in case of divorce then why am I even getting married in the first place? I don't believe in divorce either; I'm not too lazy to settle my differences with my spouse (there is abuse as an exception to my belief, but I don't see that happening and that's a whole other can of worms that doesn't need to be opened). I will be going into my marriage this winter with no back up plan, and I am not stupid. I plan on making something of myself, but not because I plan on my marriage maybe not working out. I have an independent soul that just wants to work! lol.
    And I'll part with this..Christina, you are not a dumbass.

  2. I 100% agree too! I also don't believe in divorce. I also know things can happen and life doesn't always go as planned but we didn't get married with an escape clause.

  3. Thanks for commenting everyone!

    Julie, Perfectly said!

  4. I like that you don't feel you need a back-up plan. You're right, thinking that way isn't putting 100% into your marriage and that's almost dooming it to fail. Good for you!

  5. I definitely agree with you! Why would anyone think they need a back up plan unless they already had their mind made up?!

  6. I agree! DH and I talked before we got married and agreed that divorce is not an option for us. Knowing it's not an option means that we know that we have to work out issues instead of ignoring them.

  7. I also agree 100%! When I marry my guy, I do plan on going into it with even the slightest doubt or with any thought of divorce whatsoever. Your back-up plan should be your husband and he should be there for you through everything, good and bad.

  8. Coming from a family that has been divorced more times than someone does laundry in a month, I can say I've always had a back up plan.

    I'm like you in the sense that I believe in my marriage 100%. If I didn't then I would have never agreed to marrying a sailor, knowing that the "d word" is common. But because of my family background I have always been scared that divorce was, in a way, genetic. My mother has been married three times (probably working on her fourth) and my father has also been married three times. I've just never seen a stable marriage.

    My back up plan is simple though. I made sure to get a degree, so that I could always support myself. My mother never got an education and we were always poor, always uncertain of dinner. It was something no child should go through. So my back up plan isn't some elaborate scheme but it is there if I should ever need it.

    Like you said, divorce CAN happen. Doesn't mean it will but it can happen. Things happen. Just thinking about not being married to my husband makes me tear up so I dont see that happening for us ever. But at least I'll be ok if it ever should.

  9. i totally agree with you.. its not that i dont believe in divorce, but its not the plan for me or my sailor. were not actually married yet but have been together for 7 years. if it wasnt gonna work we wouldnt be together today. I feel a back up plan is just like a pre-nup. when you go into a marriage with either of those you already have in the back of your mind that it could fail... dont think like that & itll all fall into place.
    i love how you explained this... keep it up!!!

  10. 100% agree! We went through hell and back our first year of marriage, and yet we are still together when other couples whom we thought were a lot stronger have now divorced. The "D" word was thrown out there in the heat of our battles, and I will admit I wanted to escape the hurt and anger for a bit, but I never wanted to give up on us. I just wanted the fighting to stop. Marriage is hard work, but it's so so worth it. :) Our hellish first year has made us stronger, and that coupled with the both of us finding Christ has made us better as a whole overall.