Monday, April 25, 2011

"D" isn't for deployment, "D" is for DiVoRcE

I've noticed a lot of relationships get torn apart by deployment. Right around the time of the halfway party, you start to see those who quit. Both on the deployment side and the home-front. I'm not just speaking about those affiliated with the Ship my husband is apart of.. it's everywhere.

I can't judge their reasoning, I do not know it. It is also not my place to know or judge it. However, there are some who just blatantly put it out there. To me, it looks bad on their part because It's a personal and should be private matter- but in their defense, it's good to vent. But that's not what this blog is about.

It's sad to me to see marriages and relationship's fall apart. Some of which, I know are stupid reasons that could be worked or well, quite honestly, should have never been issue to begin with. There are some who are private with the matter (as it should be), So this isn't about anyone of those. I can't comment on their troubles.

Today, I think about my marriage. My husband and I have a couple disagreements, well- Arguments. I can't really even say they were arguments. My husband didn't use the best judgment and made some poor decisions, but it was nothing to make me want to quit my marriage. My husband isn't perfect, and I know my marriage isn't perfect. However, there are days when I read SO much negativity about other's marriages and even negativity about the husband- Posted by the wife mind you, that I sit back and say, "Wow, Thank God my marriage is perfect.". It's not perfect, but It's pretty damn good compared to some.

I'm not trying to bash anyone or anyone's relationship- but I think there comes a time when some need to step back and remind themselves WHY they got married or WHY they committed to the relationship in the first place. "Love conquers all", if you love someone and you WANT it to work and they WANT it to work- it will. The problem is people give up entirely too easy. Yes, there are those situations where one person wants it to work, and the other doesn't... Those are just sad situations. I have a friend that has tried and tried- She wants it, he doesn't anymore. I feel terrible for her, he is the idiot in this situation.

Why do the stresses from deployment break marriages? It's not even deployment's fault, Why do people allow the stresses they face to completely break their marriage? Why do people quit when the situation can't entirely be fixed with Thousands of miles and several months to go between them?

I just honestly do not understand it. Marriage isn't just something to quit and walk away from. It's SUPPOSED to be forever. Why be so brash and start talking the "D" word, divorce *cringe*, when the problem, if a big problem, can't entirely be solved until the deployment is done? I just don't get it.

Open your eyes. You LOVE him or her... and more than likely he/she LOVES you too.

Seriously, Thank God I have a great relationship with my husband. I'm so grateful for the good communication we posses and our willingness to make sure our marriage works, and we are both happy.


  1. Great blog! It's sad to see how easy it has become to give up and throw in the towel I agree each relationship is entirely different and has it's reasons, but most of the time it's over ridiculous things. What happened to the vows and the foundation behind the word "commitment" I think the media plays a huge role in showing people now days that it's ok to throw in the towel it's hip and hot it's what Hollywood does! It's sickening..... Sometime stupid people shouldn't be able to reproduce or even be left out in the world to partake in relationships lol :)

  2. I love this post. My husband and I have issues, and there have been moments where I think I am going to loose it. But we sit and we talk and work through those issues. We have even gone to counseling to work on communication skills, and oh have they worked! Every marriage needs work, it's a full time job. If it was easy everyone would be married and stay that way. People just need to remember that they are not perfect therefor neither is their spouse. We all have flaws and we just have to learn to live with each others to make a happy relationship.

  3. I agree with you about keeping things private. Personally, I only post positive things on our facebook and I don't over share with people. Our marriage woes are no one else's business.

    I also think it's sad how many people give up. I've seen a few marriages dissolve during the same deployments that my husband has been on. And we seemed to grow closer and cling even more to each other after watching so many people just give up.

    Love your blog! Looking forward to more :)

  4. I know (from experience) that once you start using the "D" becomes more natural to think that you should get one. Once you start using the "D" word, its all your mind thinks about the moment you get in a conflict with your spouse, instead of working the issue out.

    Now that I am married to the RIGHT person...I have NEVER EVER used that word in our marriage. It's never even a possiblity. We are 110% committed to each other.

    I think that deployments can cause stress to your marriage, but only if you allow it too. It's such a hard issue, because everyone views "issue's" differently.

    I love this post! You always do such a great job writing from your heart! Sending you lots and lots of hugs girlie!!!! Love you!

  5. I totally understand how you are feeling right now and how it is sad to see how marriages end during deployment... When my husband got back from deployment, our closest friends ended their relationships. 2 couples ended it during the deployment and 2 others ended it after the deployment. I felt like my marriage got stronger during deployment, however that was short-lived. My husband and I almost ended it when he got back from deployment as well...It's a hard transition. We ended up going to counseling and realized quickly that deployments change couples' independence. When someone is out to sea they don't really have to be as accountable as when they are at home. As well as vice verse. Since we both got married so young, we enjoyed our independence. For some couples, they grow while their spouse kind of stays in the same place. I'm not saying everything can be fixed by going to counseling or therapy, but relationships take 2 people..So if one person has already ducked out then that marriage will definitely have some tough times. I also do believe in privacy in a marriage...I hate when people on facebook post about how their spouse [insert nagative comment here] or this that or the other, that is definitely a private matter...I always try to say how amazing my husband is even though he may have done something that pissed me off today. LOL. As "A sailor's wife" mentioned, marriages especially military ones NEED work. it is definitely a full time job.

  6. It could very well be underlying issues from before the deployment even started. I have a friend whose marriage was on the rocks. She had tried EVERYTHING to save it. Deployment was going to be her final test. I am happy to report he is home and they are together and happy. However again it could be something bigger or underlying to the deployment and not the deployment itself.

  7. Deployments will either make or break a marriage, in my opinion. Like the other commenters said- if the marriage was already in trouble to begin with- a deployment could make things worse. Not everyone is cut out for this life- it is hard enough moving away from family and then have your husband or wife go on deployment. I think maybe there should be more pre-marital counseling- let them know what they are getting into (if they will listen- love makes us deaf sometimes.)
    As for airing dirty laundry- I say that is a big no-no. I know I wouldn't want my hubby talking about me on Facebook or his blog- I would never do that to him- no matter how mad I was. It is something I couldn't take back and would haunt me forever.
    Mrs. Jensen mentioned Hollywood's influence. So many movies make "drama" in a marriage look like it is a good thing. And if you aren't feeling that "puppy love" anymore than you aren't "in-love" anymore. Marriage is work, not a Hollywood romance!