I Need You

Today wasn't the best "Deployment day" so to speak. Due to my health issue, I woke up not feeling well at all this morning. Probably one of the worst days I've had with chest pain and breathing- being winded. So, because of that, today was a required lazy day. I stayed in my PJs ALL day.

Because I wasn't feeling well, I was a bit moody today. I am just really over this whole something possibly being wrong with my heart mess. But my heart issue is separate from deployment and I don't blame it for being a bad deployment day.

The ship recently left port, and earlier this week- there was another man overboard and another Sailor who passed, both of which are two separate happenings. All the talk yesterday about the death was draining, I didn't so much let it affect me- but I just couldn't continue to listen and read all the speculations and rumors. It was all over facebook, in one on one talk, texting, email and messages. It just drains you. Can sometimes suck the positivity straight out of you. I just had to tune it out, for the betterment of myself.

Last night- I had a nightmare about my husband... I don't remember what happened, but I remember that it didn't end good. Fine, just a dream. It's OK. I suspect it had something to do with the recent sailor passing talk get to me some.

I get online to see that my husband's division's Facebook page had uploaded pics from Port. All was good until it stuck out to me that my husband wasn't wearing his wedding band. Being positively drained, feeling rough and tired.. I allowed my wondering thoughts to get the best of me.

Him not wearing that band lead to questioning him to myself. NEVER good. (of course you know I'm only blogging about this because all is ok.. and it's me being the idiot.)

Thankfully, I had a couple of amazing ladies that I vented to and I emailed my husband to ask about it.

Before I ever got mad, I KNOW I should have thought about it a little bit. My husband is a VERY forgetful man.. and I can't count how many times he's ran off from the house and left his wedding band on his bed side table or on the bathroom counter. On top of that.. He's not allowed/ supposed to wear it when he's working in his rate. Had I of thought rationally.. this wouldn't have been an issue. But of course- Yeah, I'm a dumbass.

Anyway, I emailed him and asked. Several hours later... all day had passed, he emailed back to explain that he had been keeping it in his pocket everyday while working until a little over a week ago when it fell out of his pocket and he almost never found it. Since then, it has been kept safe in his rack. When they ported, he realized he forgot his ring when he was already off the ship with his liberty partners.

I can't say that I blame him for not dragging his buddies back on the ship to get his ring.. however, I LOVE seeing that ring on his finger.

Everything added up today- just made today pretty much suck, but at the same time.. great because the email he sent me after that one was amazing an just what I needed to hear. You know, one of those really Sappy ones that went something like, "I love you baby and you’re the only one baby all I do is think about you every second that I'm out here. Its hard for us being away from each other and I miss you like crazy and I know you miss me like crazy baby. you’re the only girl I want. I need you baby. I don’t need anyone else except for you. I love you baby. Forever. I promise." 

Ok, yes, that was a copy and paste from his email. Yes, he says "baby" alot. You should see the "Lol"s and "haha"s in other emails.. maybe that'll be a different post for a different day- evidently everything is funny to my husband.

Have you ever noticed (for some) that you're ok if you don't get an email all day- and the days you're fine and are ok without one, are the days they get to email quite a bit, but the days that you have a question or "need" something.. those are the days you either don't hear from them or it's definitely not fast enough to calm your nerves? Maybe that's another post for another day. Yes I know that "question" was a horribly written run-on sentence, but I'm ok with that.