Sometimes I wonder if the girls who constantly post they talked to their husband, if they are trying to one up? I guess it's possible. It's nauseating. I mean that in the sense that it's posted so much by the same person(s) over and over that it sometimes seems as they post it while thinking, "ha ha ha, I heard from my husband and you didn't", in dramatic 5 year old kid voice. I'm not just talking about 1 post... I'm talking about several posts within a very short time frame about their 1 sentence from their husband, etc.
It's great. It's wonderful they get to speak to their husband. But then I see how those posts effect other people. The girl's whose husbands are too busy to write that night or the ones who made the decision to save money and not call every night, the constant bragging can get to these girls. I've been there. Thought, "Well good for you!", sarcastically.
This is the reason I don't post when I hear or don't hear from my husband. I don't want to "rub it in" and I surely don't want to make someone feel down because they didn't hear from their Significant other. Every now and then, it's ok- But the Every.Single.Form.of.Communication is daunting. When you have friends in the same situation (as in a loved one is away), it can wear on you.
I decided to write about this because, a.) I have thought this several times, b.) talking about it to a friend recently and c.) I've seen a couple gals post about how it makes them feel seeing people repeatedly post about their constant communications.
I get excited for friends when they hear from their SO's, but it's only happiness for those who rarely post about it. I can't find myself being happy for the ones who constantly post about it because to me, as often as they post.. it's routine for them. They will be the ones to gripe constantly about lack of communication when they go 1 day with nothing. And they come across, to me, as needy.
I know, it's their page... they can post as they wish. True. But nonetheless, it doesn't change how it can make your friends feel.
my husband is deployed and he is a IT2. I hear from him everyday a few times a day even when he is busy he takes time at least to say i love you to me and the kids. I'm thankful that he has access to a phone 24-7 unless the lines are down. Some spouses cant get to a phone but then again i hear storys from people and the spouses they dont want to call coing from a many people i know. so it sucks and its not that we are rubbing it in nobodys faces but just happy that we can speak to the one we love.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more!!
ReplyDeletethis is one of those times where being a submarine wife is awesome.. We are encouraged not to share when we have gotten any kind of communication. Generally speaking it means the boat has surfaced and thats when OPSEC comes in... I have never been one to brag or boast that I have gotten email.I am also the one who never gets the email. I am ok with this. I know my husband is not sitting around thinking I will not email my wife... he is busy he's doing his job. and when he can he emails.... Not to mention most of the time they are on mission and we don't have email anyway lol!
ReplyDeleteI agree!!... yes, I know im guilty of posting that I finally heard from mine but even last deployment, I could count on my two hands how many times I got a call or email. It sucks, but I know he's wayy busy. And honestly, in a way, I feel if he called all the time or emailed then I would freakout and whine about not hearing from him. Or I would get tired of all of it altogether b/c in a way, I wouldn't be able to miss him.. pretty much, I would probably start taking it for granted too and not get those butterflies when I rarely hear his voice. I think the same thing sometimes about some. Pretty much, yay, good for you, im glad you heard from your husband or boyfriend. Good for you he can sit in a shop or sit at the computer all day and send emails all the time. Or he can have access to a phone and call whenever he wants, even without the worry of a calling card and spending time and money on that. As much as it upsets me that I don't hear from mine much, at least im one who WILL appreciate and cherish every little 10min phone call that I am lucky to get, or every email no matter if it is only one line saying I love you. Honestly, many times during a workup or even deployment, I've thought about deleting people and I have actually hidden quite a few peoples posts justs because it does hurt to see that they hear from their husband all the time. Yes, its a little jealousy too, but also very annoying. No need to post everyday, a few times a day that you hear from him. And some that get mad just b/c they haven't heard anything in 2 days, 2 DAYS!!!.. ughh. Sometimes I honestly just want to smack those. Be understanding this is his JOB... appreciate that he gets time to call or email. Don't always count on hearing from him everyday. But when you do, cherish it.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Allison on this. Letting the public know about communication with subbies gives away vital information about the ship- big no no!! So I just say nothing, or I'll let my family know a week later that I had heard from him. But no FB, twitter, etc... I'm willing to put my excitement aside for awhile to ensure the safety of my hubby and the other men (and soon women) on the boat!
ReplyDeleteI think it is seen as bragging through the eyes of someone who is jealous. Maybe these women truly are happy every time they here from their husband. Not everyone takes their loved ones being away the same as the others. We are people.
ReplyDeleteI agree about OPSEC with posting. It's not good to let people know when you are and are not getting communications- or worse telling what your SO has done on ship that day.
ReplyDeleteI know people post out of being excited. But I also know there are people who do post out of what they feel is mere competition.
Lac,
For some it may be seen that way out of jealousy. I can personally say I feel it otherwise. I'm content with the communication I get from my husband. I consider it bragging due to how often these people are posting. Are they even given themselves a chance to miss their SO? There's so much correspondence between them, according to them, how could they possibly get any work done? And, I would hope they are Truly happy with hearing from their SO. I'm ecstatic when I hear from mine. BUT I don't brag about it and post 10 million times. It has nothing to do with how people deal, unless these people are bragging.
Thank you for posting this. While my husband (who I was engaged to at the time) was deployed there was this one "friend" who would post a lot that she got to chat with her husband. And I'm like how is that possible. For a short while it made me mad that my man wasn't calling me as much as her's did. It was my dad who helped me understand that not every man has the time to call their loved one all the time while they are out. There are some guys that are SO much busier than others. I didn't realize what an exhausting schedule my husband had untile we talked about it later. All t hat said, I was SO happy when my man called. Anyways, thank you for posting this.
ReplyDeleteOkay, THANK YOU. I read your blog, and I love it. But I never comment or share because I think how you feel about being a Navy Wife is individual and unique to each person, and I never want to offend. But THANK YOU for this post. I have thought this on more than one occasion, and I have even stopped going on facebook around the time our husbands pull into port somewhere because I didn't want to see who heard and who didn't. Amen sister. Amen.
ReplyDelete