I try my best to NOT be one of those people, because honestly.. They get to me. Too much negativity. It's one thing for theses things to cross one's mind, but to constantly vocalize it.. Is that not complaining? To me, that person just seems so unhappy. Why would you want people to perceive you that way? I don't want people looking at me as a "Debbie Downer".
I admit it, I have thought, "I wish my husband had your schedule", or "I wish my husband was only gone for a weekend of training like yours instead of 6 weeks..", BUT I don't say that. I Refuse to say anything of the sort because WE ALL HAVE IT HARD being affiliated with the military. Who am I to say you have it easier compared to my husband and myself? And vice versa. YOU don't know what it's like on my end, and I don't know what it's like for you. You don't know what our schedule is like... etc. What's sad is when "Friends" are the ones "One Upping" you. I think some people think their husband.. or their husband's job is God's gift to the military branch they are associated with. These are the people I believe we need to separate ourselves from, Get rid of all negativity.
No branch is more important than the other. No Rate-JOB is better than any other in the military. And by better, I mean more important. I'm going to use a Ship as an example. Every Rate on the ship is there for a reason, they all work together for that ship to move. Your husband's job isn't the only thing that can prevent them from pulling in or pulling out. Something goes wrong with the Nukes- It can change the schedule.. If something goes wrong with the Hanger-bay Elevators- it can change the schedule. If something goes wrong with the Weapons elevators- it can change a schedule.. If Security isn't on the boat- it's going to change the schedule.. You get my point. EVERYTHING has to work together.. for the ship to "Run". From a Undesignated Rate, to a Nuke, to an Ordnanceman, to an IT to the Captain- They all have a reason on that ship. If they didn't have a purpose on that ship, they Navy wouldn't waste money on them. So don't put your husband's job on a pedestal and say it's "more important".
Coming up on Deployment, I realize these are the people I need to stay away from. These people can affect your mood, and I'm seeing them start to affect mine.. to the point where I anger easily, and I'm usually really good with controlling my anger. I need to surround myself with people who aren't saying "You have it easier" to bring me down because IT'S HARD ON ME TOO. Not just YOU.. Military Schedules are tough on EVERYONE. I'm going to take myself away from the negativity and keep with the ones who are positive, and are uplifting rather than a downer.
The point I was trying to make is that The grass may look greener on the other side, but its only AstroTurf! You've been dealt your cards, now play them the best you can.. stop wanting someone else's hand.. Hope I said that without sounding crazy.. and hopefully you got the gist of what I was trying to say. Appreciate what you have, appreciate any time you have. Make the best with what YOU have!
My husband works 14+ hours a day, comes home eats.. and then sleeps- then we start it all over again. I'm not complaining. Yes, It's hard. BUT I'm extremely grateful for that hour or two I get a day to see my husband to talk to my husband. I am also grateful that because of his schedule, I am strong enough to not break down when he's gone for a 6 week underway (predeployment training) Because I'm use to not seeing him. We get to talk more when he's underway, even if it's just through email. Some people don't see their husband at all right now... And won't for a year or more. There are women who have children with Deployed husbands... Not to mention, think of the kids with deployed dads.. and mothers.Noone should be One-Upped. We are all in tough situations. After all, are we not all in this together?
I agree that we are all in this together! All rates/branches/deployments have pros & cons. And just because it looks like it's better over there doesn't mean it is!
ReplyDeleteI can't seem to mention ANYTHING about my husband's job without someone one upping me. It's incredibly frustrating. I've been through 3 deployments, plethora of underways and cruises. I've been there, and I understand the pain of missing someone on a duty day or a 7 month deployment. So IF I complain about something, even something silly, I always have that one person or two that has to throw their "well at least..." STOP! I had one "friend" tell me "well at least your husband isn't IA" one time when I was complaining about my husband's terrible ship schedule. She's never been through any separation whatsoever before the IA, and I know it's rough. But again, I've been through 3 deployments etc etc etc. I never said that to her, just "I know, that must be awful dealing with that" because I didn't want to turn it into who has it worse, because it's a terrible game to play. There is NO winner in a pity party. During all my deployments I had to listen to my best friends complain about their boyfriends being gone for a day and missing them. And you know what? I didn't let it bother me at all. They're entitled to their pain regardless if I "have it worse". Oy. I try really hard to bite my tongue when someone plays the one upping game, but I can just tell, one of these I'm going to snap lol. They're going to get me on a bad day and BAM! Fury of Ashley's brutal honesty will come out full force.
ReplyDeleteWell said!
ReplyDeleteI have come to the realization this year that I shouldn't compare my pain, grief, etc with others'. I used to get so mad when civilian wives would complain about their husbands being gone for a weekend,I wanted to shake them and say "are you kidding me??" But gone is gone, and we all have our ways of dealing with it. We could waste our time comparing and figuring out who has it the worst (though I still have my opinions on that for my own reference), but what we should do is be there for each other, and listen without judgement.
And those who insist on one-upping and basically bringing me down in the process?- I do my best to stay clear of them. It's not always possible of course- but I choose my friends carfeully.
No Debbie Downers! Boo on them...all our military members are amazing! I'm not gonna lie I've had my moments with civilian wives complaining & whining about hunting season & have gotten irritated & think..."try one day in my shoes..." but I don't say that because everyone is entitled to how they feel. You are wonderful...every branch is different, every job is different, every deployment is different. We all should support & love each other...not compete! The only good competition is with yourself...to promise yourself you will do better than the last deployment or separation...at least that is what I try to do!
ReplyDeleteewww, i hate debbie downers! seriously, it's okay to pity yourself for a day or something, but then, your whining and crying gets real old, real fast!! haha... i am definitely NOT a debbie downer :-P
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments! :D
ReplyDeleteYes, We are all in this together.. and if you're going to be in competition with someone- be in competition with yourself!
I hate "Debbie Downers".. too much negativity. noone needs that, especially when what we all go through is tough.
It's like my favorite quote of all time-
"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, & to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."
- Nicholas Sparks: Dear John