My first love... hmm.. I have been sitting here and thinking about what to write for this for about 10 minutes..
Trying to figure out what to type and how I want to type it.. Why is this tough for me?
I sit here thinking about all my past relationships- Before meeting my husband. There were 2 times that I "Thought" I was "In Love". But did I really love them? I don't think so, I know I didn't. I can honestly say without a doubt that my husband is the first man I have ever loved whole heartedly.
I once dated a guy for nearly 2 years. I was a freshman nobody, and he was a senior football player. He cheated, played mind games.. you name it. I was just 15. I think I wanted to be able to say those words. I wanted to say "I love you". Everyone did it.. I had been dating him a while- It's what you were supposed to do in high school. After 2 years of it- him cheating, him breaking up with me.. I got tired of it. I wanted nothing to do with him. Sadly, I guess it's one of those situations where "You want what you can't have".. 7 years of dealing with him. He pretty much became my stalker and I had to threaten a restraining order... Twice. I could have had him put in jail for one thing he did to me- But I told noone because I felt people would say that I deserved it or I set myself up for it. Although I said, "I love you" to him.. I didn't. It was infatuation I guess.
The end of my Junior year, I started dating my best guy friend. This was the guy that everyone said I should date, the one people joked about me marrying. Pre-dating we'd write notes to each other in class and give them to each other between classes. In band we'd send notes back and forth. There were several times people would ask if he and I were dating because we were seen together so much. He was one of those guys that My boyfriend's disliked because I was always talking about him- and didn't even notice. Before he left for college, he told me he didn't want to be with anyone else and couldn't bare the thought of me being with someone else, especially without him home to protect me from the "Ass holes" I would always date. A year later, I had a situation that happened.. and I was staying in a camper. Slept in that camper for 3 months. Come August, he was going to be leaving for school again. He packed me up and moved me with him. He took care of me. We argued like crazy- all the time. I knew that we weren't "Meant to be", but I was comfortable where I was, I relied on him to take care of me. I had lost my independence. I "loved" him just because I "needed" him. That's not "True Love". Took more than 3 years, him breaking up with me and a trip to Texas to spend 2 weeks with him to see that I didn't love him.. not in that "True Love" kinda way. The Texas trip did it for me. I realized so much about everything with that relationship. It wasn't who I was.. I had lost myself. BUT I am so thankful for that relationship.. Had I of not went through the heartache.. and everything that followed trying to regain my independence, I wouldn't have been able to see my relationship with my now husband for what it was.
I so totally just wrote a book on my blog..