Set Up for Failure

One thing that really bothers me is being told I have set myself up for failure. During my relationship and marriage to my husband, I have been told this numerous times for reasons I consider to be pure ignorance and ridiculous.. and even extremely judgmental.

I have heard that being married is setting our relationship up for failure. I have learned that MARRIAGE has made our RELATIONSHIP stronger, and is indeed a lot different from a relationship that is not "married"- The change is not our marriage license or my rings, those are sentiments to my marriage. The difference is on a much more personal and deeper level than the TITLE I proudly carry as his wife.

I have been told that because he is military that our marriage will fail. This based on Bogus divorce statistics. I do not allow myself to conform, nor focus on statistics. They are silly and do not define the future of my marriage or anyone else's marriage unless YOU let it define your own.

The Number ONE thing that gets to me, and is the reason this post popped in my head, is hearing people bash others when they have a tattoo for their Significant other. Do I have a Tattoo for my husband? Yup. Does it have his name? Yup. Has it changed our Relationship or Marriage? Nope! I have heard so many negative things about having my husband's name on me. Do I regret it? No, ACTUALLY I want another Tattoo for him, and He wants another for me! :)

I hear people say I will regret it, we are going to end up in divorce for it, it is a curse... etc. Well, for starters. I am not superstitious and a "Tattoo" does not "Curse" someone. Which is the same as saying it is setting one up for Failure. It is rubbish.

To me, I see my tattoo as a Statement. It is saying, "I have enough faith and belief in my marriage, and I am not afraid to permanently mark my body to show it.". My tattoo is a sentiment to me. Something I don't ever want to get rid of, just like other things you may have had since you were a child. They are sentimental in value to you. My tattoo is that to ME.

Someone stating that because I have a tattoo, my marriage will fail would be like me saying to that person that their marriage will fail because they don't believe in their marriage enough to put something on them that will permanently be there to show it. Neither is true, and saying either would be ignorance.

I also hear people who say "I would never get his name, it's stupid. We do have tattoos for each other, but never a name.". This is where I ask, What is the difference? Is it not a tattoo for the other person? They are both permanent reminders of the one you got it for. The difference is, to another person, other than you and the one it is for, the tattoo doesn't look as if it was for someone. But to YOU, you still know the reason you got it. The only difference is a name. The meanings are still the same. Why did I get my husband's name? Because I want people to know who it's for, I am PROUD to have his name on my shoulder, as he is proud to have my initials on his chest.

My love for my husband will never change. The memories I have with him will always be there. No matter what... and my Tattoo will always be a reminder to me.

No regrets.

Photo was taken for my husband.

WHAT does my Tattoo symbolize to ME? Love. Commitment. Always Faithful. Til Death Do Us Part- One mate for life. Trust. Dedication. And More.

The Little Things

We are in the car on our way to spend Christmas at my husband's grandmother's house. I have avoided the internet as if it were a plague the past couple days and focused on spending time with my husband and my family. I am so glad I did. I realize, sometimes too much internet and also TV will make you miss out on a lot of things. You forget to appreciate the little things.

As most of you know, we are gearing up for deployment. That being said, this leave period is extra special to me. It is setting in that deployment is around the corner, but as of this very moment, I amd ok. I am stress free (at the moment) and I am happy. I'm appreciating the little things, and appreciating the time with my soon to be deployed husband. Every little laugh, smile... is a memory that I know I will use to get me through these next months of separation.

As I am typing this out on my phone, I am cracking up at my husband who thinks he is the new Eminem. If you read back to nearly a year ago, to FEB 14, 2010, you will see a list of 100 reasons why I love my husband.. one of the reasons is when he breaks out rapping. He's having fun, being himself and comfortable enough around me not to care how cheesey his rap is or well, how he isnt making much sense to me. It's the little things.

We are spending about 3 to 4 hours in the car together, and I know he'll tell me a cheesey joke or we will get to cracking jokes on each other. He'll make me laugh, he'll tell me he loves me and we may even talk about things we want to accomplish over the next few month or after deployment. All of this is things I need to be thankful for and what I need to focus on. I need to focus on myself, him and us.

Deployment is coming, there is no stopping it or avoiding it for any amount of time. So what do you do? Embrace the time you have left, have fun and remember the little things. Make memories to give you those moments to smile throughout the time of being apart.

Now that I have rambled.. I am going to lay my head back and join my husband, I'm about to turn into the new Nicki Minaj. ;)
(P.s. I am not a huge fas of rap, but for the thought of comedy... I'll break it down)

Merry Christmas to everyone!

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Thank You for being a Friend..

As I'm writing this, I have the theme song from Golden girls running through my head. I said I would write about things I have learned through this year of underways and the number one thing that sticks out in my head is the Friendships.. a.k.a. "Support".

Seriously, when my husband and I were talking about this post before writing it.. I belted out singing, "Thank you for being a friend. Traveled down the road and back again. Your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant..."

On to my post...

I have always considered myself a strong person.. I still do, But what is it that helps Military wives stay strong in the long times of separation? Is it staying busy? Maybe it's allowing yourself to break down behind closed doors... or is it setting out to conquer to world that makes us "Strong"?

There are so many things that One can define as what makes them "strong". Again, I think it's all part of dealing with things in our own way, what's best for us that makes any one person "Strong". Crying is not negative (unless it's excessive, then I believe that keeps your mind in a negative state of being).

For me, I have found that while I am a STRONG, INDEPENDENT woman, I still need my support system.

Undergoing the separation from my husband due to the Navy lifestyle, I have found that being strong isn't what gets you ready for a Deployment, or even through the times your apart for any reason from your Significant other. What do I believe gets you through? Your Support System.

Personally, I sought after my husband's command Family Readiness Group for a solid support group of other ladies that understand any of the emotions that come with the military life- looking for understanding. However, I realized not all FRG's are the well organized groups I have read about in several military wife books, so I sought my own support. I didn't want to go at this alone. I wanted a support group of FRIENDS.

That's what I did. Friendships were formed and I now have the best support group that one could ever ask for. My support group, friends, continues to grow. We support each other.. we all have something to offer with our knowledge, compassion, humor, honesty, selflessness, and more.

In relationships that have long separations, I believe it is mostly the people you choose to surround yourself with that makes you "Strong". It is the Support group that holds you up and keeps you from falling.

As a great lady once commented to me, "There is strength in numbers".

Am I ready for this deployment? Yes and No.. In those times that "I'm not ready", or those moments when "This is hard".. I have an amazing support group of friends to lean on, as they do me. 

"....And if you through a party, Invited everyone you ever knew, You would see the biggest gift would be from me And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend."

Operation Underway: Completed; Next Mission: Deployment

My husband's ship has been undergoing many underways since the month of April preparing for deployment. Anywhere from 2 days to 45 days at a time, the underways have been continuous, every month, sometimes more than once a month to more than a month at a time.

I did not have any times where I broke down because of him being underway. Yeah sure, I missed him while he was away.. but I never let him being gone get the best of me. I faced challenges while he was gone, but those challenges would have been thrown at me in ordinary civilian life. Any times where I felt as if I was going to "Lose it" cannot be attributed to anything with the Navy.

Did I think it was hard? Eh, Yes and no. Missing him did sometimes make the underways tough... maybe not so much missing him- but the constant adjusting and readjusting on top of his port schedule. By the time I had adjusted to him being gone, I was waiting on the pier to bring him home- and vice versa. There were several times that I hadn't completely adjusted to him being gone and he'd come home. I wouldn't be adjusted to him being home and he'd leave again. It was a constant "gotta do this, get ready for this",  over and over and over. But now, We are at the end of the strenuous training schedule and now reality is setting in. Buckle up- It's time for Deployment.

I continually compare things I have went through in the Military family lifestyle with past military adventures. I have to say, A-school still gets the prize for being the most challenging. Bootcamp was tough- many tears and really learning to adjust and be on my own again... But A-school, I will take bootcamp and another million underways before I would choose to go through the challenges my husband and I went through as a married couple.

Bootcamp, PCSing without my husband, being away from family, constant underway schedule- I will gladly go through again and again, but you can keep the A-school ;).
(p.s. I wrote a post on A-school early in my blog)

I have been told that Deployment will be easier in many ways compared to the underway schedule. During a deployment- I will actually get to fully adjust to him being gone- which by the way, I'm actually excited about adjusting to a schedule! Although, I'd much rather adjust to a schedule with him home... I'm looking forward to being able to plan things again. I know I will probably worry about a bit more during deployment.. but I know that I will not keep me from living every day life. No use worrying constantly and making yourself miserable.

I have so much planned during deployment.. I'm actually excited for my husband to leave and come home to see all I accomplish while he's away. He says he's excited to leave and come home for me to see all the muscle he is going to put on from working out- we shall see about the muscle ;).. he's got to get away from those darn 3 Musketeers! He's not a big guy.. my husband is a little guy.. well, average I'd say now. Since April, he has gained 30 pounds. While every other guy on the USS Enterprise has lost tons of weight from the horrible food- not to mention food poisoning, my husband GAINED weight.. oh yes, $100 a month in 3 Musketeers will do that to you. I really don't have anything else to say about that, just a little laugh about it... It's definitely NOT normal haha.

I plan to write a post later this week on things I have learned in general and things I have learned about myself from these underway periods. Might just to that tomorrow. We shall see ;)

So now I say: Dear Deployment, Bring it On!

Ornament Giveaway Winner!

The giveaway has ended! And we now have a winner!

Drum-roll please...

The winner is:
Samantha of Navy Doll!

P.s. The program, "the hat" is by far my favorite program EVER. It's more fair with those that do giveaways by having multiple chances to enter, it shuffles all the names, really fast I might add.. and you just hit stop and wah-lah!

Sam, You know how to reach me. So, get on it! ;)

Merry Christmas! Who wants a Christmas gift from me?

I love the Holidays! Christmas is one of my favorite times of year. I absolutely LOVE Christmas decorations, cooking, spending time with family and close friends.. not to mention, I LOVE giving gifts!

Speaking of Gifts... Who would like to win a free Ornament from CRushGFX?

Not just any Ornament, A Custom design! You can also choose a premade one if you wish.
You can choose to keep the ornament for yourself, OR give it as a gift!


Here's the ways to enter:

-Comment this blog (worth 1 entry)
-Be a fan of The Journey of a Navy Wife on Facebook, simply "Like" the page. (worth 2 entries)
-Be a fan of CRushGFX on Facebook, simply "like" the page (worth 3 entries!)
-Follow me on Twitter! (worth 1 entry)
-Write a blog or a Facebook note about why you are a follower of "The Journey of a Navy Wife", link it to my blog, and comment with a link to your post (worth 5 entries! If you write a blog AND a note, you get 8 entries!)

You have a Chance to receive up to 15 entries to win!

Please leave a SEPARATE comment for each entry.





Samples of a few Premade ornaments:

P.S. Giveaway winner will be announced on Monday at Noon!

Missing Someone is Missing Someone

It's early and my mind is thinking. Ut oh. I don't know that this is considered a rant, but just going to put my thoughts out there.

Something I see so very often is Military Significant other's constantly nagging on people for missing their SO when they are gone a week, or a less time then the SO with the longer period spent apart. Not so much that they miss them, but because they say they miss them or because "they understand".

Everyone deals with being away from their significant other differently. My husband is gone for a week.. or NOT even a week, do I miss him? You bet your arse I do. Do I miss him any differently when he's gone for 3+ months? No, I do not. Missing someone is missing someone.

When someone tells you "They understand" they understand what MISSING SOMEONE is like. Who are you to say that they don't understand  or that they can't miss their SO just because their SO hasn't been gone as long as yours? You're no better, or more entitled to the emotions of being apart than they are.

Yes, I do think it's easy to think "a week, Wow.. I wish I could miss my husband for just a week.". But you want to know what I think? You're still reading this, so I guess you do. You're jealous. I think that person being the 'One upper'... "I have it harder, it upsets me that you miss your husband when he hasn't been gone as long as mine" is just wanting to be that person that has it harder than someone else. Have I thought that when someone has said they miss their husband while he's at work? I sure have. Guess what. I was Jealous of them. BUT I have missed my husband while he was at work. Situations happen, things come up that you want that person you are closest to you to comfort you.. you're missing them.

YES, the challenges that may come with deployment may be harder to deal with. But also, what's hard for one to deal with.. may just be easy for someone else. And vice versa.

Everyone handles situations differently.

"When you're struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, & to them, it's just as hard as what you're going through."
-Nicholas Sparks: Dear John

Thankful

April, The Life of A Sailor's Empress is one of my "in real life" friends. She is a sweetheart.  She is bubbly, but also another one of those ladies that stands firm on what she believes. Which is the type of gals I like to be around.

I was so happy when April volunteered to guest blog! Her blog is newer, and like me.. she uses her blog to get out whatever pops into her  mind. She's carefree and says what she thinks.

Here is what April is Thanking the Military for today:

"Thankful"

I have a lot to be thankful for as far as the military is concerned. As a military daughter, friend, and spouse I am proud to say if it weren't for the Navy I would not be here today. My father was stationed and still works on Norfolk Naval Base when he met my mom who was from a small town in Pa. They were great friends and my father served this nation on ships. And then he served his country again as a DOD worker. All the years growning up even though he wasn't there he was my hero because later in life I wanted to join the Navy but due to health reasons I could not. But I met my best friend whose husband was stationed at N.O.B! We were the best of friends and still are to this day. I have always been a strong supporter of the Armed Forces but I kind of understood the position of a wife. I was living in Hawaii and working on MCBH when I met the one I married. I was at first doubtful because I thought of everything that my best friend went through being a military wife. So I went on my first date and well after that the rest is history. I eventually had to leave to come back to Virginia. Here is where I learned how to be a emotionally strong woman. Reguardless of how much my hubby was in danger I still kept a strong face and a fighting spirit.  Here in Virginia is where I met some awesome women who helped me through hard times. I am very thankful for these ladies Tia, Christina, Morgan, and Shaunell. From them I have learned that it is okay to be who you are and still be married to the military. I am thankful to the Navy cause it taught me to be strong and I learned patience from it. Also having a dad in the military kind of shapens you for the world more. The military has given me a awesome dad and some kick butt friends who are considered family. Along with a cool brother and mother. The Navy has been a big part of my life and I am blessed to have such a amazing family and bunch of friends.  I thank the men and women who serve for protecting our freedom and the scarifice they have made in thier life.

Happy Thanksgiving
April Lawson

Ola Vevik, The Navy and How They Saved My Life

Today, I am proud to have Jennifer, aka Inside My Mind [like Phantom of the Opera] guest blogging for me. I have known Jennifer for quite some time. She's awesome. She is not a Military spouse, or a wife in general. She wears no service uniform or Medals above her heart. But one thing is for sure. This girl has a great head on her shoulders. This girl will go far in life. Jennifer is Passionate about the military, she has great appreciation for it.

Jennifer, If you choose the Navy life, I know that you will make an amazing Sailor. I thank you for your passion wanting to join something bigger than yourself. For staying positive, for always smiling. I can't say that I have ever met anyone more patriotic than you.

When I asked Jennifer to blog for my "Thankful" week. She was more than thrilled, I'd say just a wee bit excited ;)

I asked Jenny, "Why are you Thankful for the Navy?"

"Ola Vevik, The Navy and How They Saved My Life"

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to write for this blog. I LOVE the military and my country. I have no idea why, it's just the way it is. I'm that person that cries during the Star Spangled Banner and especially the Pledge of Allegiance. Ridiculous, I know but it's just the way it is.
I'm especially thankful for the Navy, it saved my life. And here's how:

So, it was 1980, my dad is a 28 year old alcoholic. His life was completely messed up and he wanted a way out. He thought joining the military would help get him cleaned up. He was wrong.
He first went to the Army Recruitment Office to enlist. They wouldn't let him though because he had a drug possession charge from 1971 that they considered a felony. So he waltzed down to the Navy Recruitment Office. They only considered his drug possession as a misdemeanor. So he enlisted.
He spent the next 3 years traveling the world, partying it up and getting paid for it. It came time for his 3 year tour to end. He told me that there had been rumors that the "Big E", as he affectionately refers to the Enterprise, was going to Australia. So of course he wanted to go. He'd always dreamed of going to Australia: pretty women, exotic accents and a fun time. Who wouldn't? So he signed up for another year.
Shortly after re-enlisting, he took a sledgehammer to the boatswain's locker and did A LOT of damage. His immediate superior, Ola Vevik, the ship's boatswain, went before the captain on my dad's behalf. He came back with 2 options. Option 1. be reduced to a seaman recruit. Option 2. Go to drug and alcohol rehab in San Diego for 13 weeks.
He chose rehab. He finished out his last year with the "Big E" and went back to Milwaukee where he met my mother.
I'll be eternally grateful to Mr. Vevik and the Navy. They could have just discharged him but instead they gave him a choice. If he hadn't gotten his life straightened out, I wouldn't be here. He wouldn't have gone back home, my mother would have never dated him and I wouldn't be here right now.
I'm so proud of my dad. I love him so much. And like I said, I'm so thankful for the Navy and Ola Vevik.
If anyone who is reading this happens to know of Mr. Vevik or a way I can get in touch with him, I'd love to thank him personally if at all possible.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

I am Thankful for this Life

Today is Thanksgiving day. What are you Thankful for?

The typical response is usually something along the lines of family, friends, turkey.. etc. All of which I'm very thankful for. However, today, I'm going to go a different route with what I'm thankful for.

I'm Thankful for this life.. The Military life that so many don't appreciate, but I owe so much to. We all do.

Today, as many stuff their mouth's full of Turkey, dressing and the works, I will keep in mind why I have the luxuries such as being able to enjoy such a nice meal.

I'm thankful for my freedom. Without the Military, that freedom could so easily be taken away. I'm thankful that I still have my rights because of the brave men and women who have so bravely decided to join something bigger than themselves and fight for those freedoms. Past, Present and Future.. I thank you.

I am Thankful that my husband does have a secure job, and steady income. The pay may not be the greatest, but the Pride we have for our Country, my husband's brothers & sisters in service, by far make up for the lack of pay.

I'm thankful for Deployments. Yes, I am THANKFUL. This goes back to the "Freedom" thing. Thank you!

I am Thankful for the amazing ladies I have met along my Journey as a "Navy Wife". For the sense of "Togetherness" and understanding. Thankful for having "Somebody to lean on".

I'm thankful for TriCare. Oh yes, one of the biggest complaints I hear. I am Thankful. Yea sure, the wait may suck sometimes, but you have the option to opt out of TriCare and get other means of insurance. I choose to have TriCare, and I appreciate no monthly premium. Can't complain about something given to you for free! We're not talking co-pays.. a lot of companies have co-pays.

I am thankful for the military, especially the Navy since that is the lifestyle I'm involved with. I am thankful because of the US Navy, I know how strong I am. I know how independent I am.

I am Thankful for Emails! Oh how I love them.

I am thankful for the communication skill the Military lifestyle has forced my husband and I to learn to keep our marriage strong.

I am thankful for the discounts we all get for being military and dependents. They may not be much, but I'm appreciative that my husband's service is recognized.

I could continue this post for ages. No amount of words could ever show how THANKFUL I am to the military, to this life my husband and I CHOSE for ourselves.

Today, I THANK you Military- I Thank You Navy, Army, Marines, Airforce and Coast Guard. THANK YOU for allowing me to continue my day to day life with the luxuries I have and so many others that are taken for Granted.


I am Thankful for this life.