Marriage

I recently read a blog by a fellow Military Wife about people who split up in the Military. After reading and commenting on her blog, I decided I would blog and share my opinion on what I see a lot, and some personal information as well.

Now days it seems as people get into a marriage with the mentality of "Well, we can always get divorced.". This is NEVER a good mentality to go into a marriage with. It's like you don't believe in what marriage stands for. In my opinion, people with this mentality will never have a successful marriage. This goes for both Military and Civilian marriages. Marriage is not a "High School" Relationship. Marriage is the real deal. Where are your morals?

Another thing I see being an issue, especially in military marriages is couples who get married too young. Nothing against anyone who does, just want to state that some people do not realize that they are still immature or have yet to fully mature. You may think you are fully matured.. but you will look back a couple years from now and realize how much you have grown as a person. I think this is something to really think about before jumping in, Especially in a military relationship. I'm talking about the 18 and 19 year olds, fresh out of high school. Also, males mature slower than females as well. And personally I think they "Grow up" and then decline in maturity all over again before they truly "Grow up". They still want their "Freedom". My husband and I have hit a few "Hiccups" with the whole him wanting to just do whatever he wanted, he was 19 when we wed. He still wants to do his own thing, be rebellious. But at the same time, he loves me and wants to be with me. So, we work together as a team.

I have met numerous girls who married just for that, To be married.  To "Live their fairytale", to grow up, get married, and have kids. I've noticed when married life is not what they always dreamed it to be, they give up and run from their marriages. No working things out, no trying, just done. I have seen this numerous times.

Numerous couples get married just because they got pregnant. This is NEVER a good reason just to get married. I also see a lot of couples who get married and immediately want to have kids. This is stressful on a relationship, especially in a military relationship. You should always have time to you and your spouse, to adjust to married life.. and on top of that, adjust to the military life.

Since being a Navy Wife, I have seen a lot of "Tag Chasers". What is a Tag Chaser? 1) Someone who is sexually attracted to someone ONLY because they are in the military. 2) Someone who is looking to marry someone in the military. These people disgust me. They marry Military men because they want the benefits, they want money. They will prey on any man in uniform whether they have a ring on their finger or not. When they do marry, they are known to cheat and usually with another man in uniform. It's plain out sleezy. I have never seen a marriage of this sort work.

I have seen what was believed to be the "Strongest" marriages crumble. You may think your marriage is unbreakable, but anything is possible. I am married, and I use to think my marriage was strong.. and I still think it is strong, but it's not unbreakable. No marriage is unbreakable. How many people have you seen split and you were like, "Wow, I never expected that."? Most of the time, one of the persons involved.. didn't expect it either. I have seen a 25 year marriage crumble for no reason other than she is "Not happy anymore". He never saw it coming.

 No marriage is perfect. Marriage is a job. Some people just give up and quit. You don't get a "break" from marriage. It's a constant job. Yea sure, it's hard sometimes, but you are going to have days at some point that you just don't feel happy. Not necessarily unhappy with your husband, just where you don't feel happy. You might even take it out on your Spouse, and not intentionally mean put it all on them. Stress can do this as well. That is something my husband and myself are working on. When we are upset, mad or stressed, We tend to get snappy with each other. We don't mean to do it, but we both know this is how we are and always have been. People have a tendency to "take things out" on people they care about most. Communication is key to a working relationship. Without good communication, a marriage is set to fail.

I would also like to share that there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to Marriage Counseling. I know couples who go before deployments just to help relieve any stress or tension between themselves. I know a lot of men who don't want to go. They think they "Don't need it" or that they will be embarrassed. There is nothing embarrassing about wanting to make your marriage work smoothly. I think more marriages would work if people would take the steps just to ensure they are communicating and working together. Counseling will definitely be a help.

This is all I have for now. I hope someone enjoyed my rambling :)

Boot Camp Blues

I am writing this post because I know several ladies that have husbands who are leaving in a few months. Some are leaving to boot camp and some are  deploying.

I do not know what it's like going through a deployment. So, a deployment blog will come later. I do know what it's like leading up to boot camp and the during. Hopefully what I have to say will help someone who reads this.

I had a lot of anxiety leading up to the day Nick left for boot camp. I knew he would be safe during his time away, but I was going to be alone. I was a newlywed, and I was going to be without my husband for 9 weeks (he graduated in 7 weeks). Lots of questions running through my head and I had noone to answer them. When will he call? Will he write me? Will he stop loving me? Will he be different when he comes home? And so much more.

I tried not to show Nick that it was bothering me that he was leaving, after-all.. I supported his decision to join the Navy. We had just married, and I already depended on him so much. I needed him. He knew it was bothering me. He knows how to read me better than anyone I have ever met. But he understood. You see, he had some of the same anxiety as I did and more. People would say things like, "Your wife will find someone to replace you while you're gone". He trusted me and didn't believe the things that people would say, but it would cross his mind.. "What if?". He had some the same questions as I did. Will she write me? Will she stop loving me? Will things be different?  Hopefully I can clear up a few of these questions for you from what I know from my experiences.

When will he call? Nick called a few hours after he arrived at boot camp. He was not allowed to say anything more than, "Hey baby it's me. I made it. I love you so much. Tell  mom and dad I made it. I gotta go now, bye.".
I had been carrying 2 phones with me all evening. I didn't want to miss a call. I knew his plane should have arrived Great Lakes around 6pm. I waited. 7pm came, no call. 830pm, nothing. 10pm and I still had not heard from him. I was beginning to wonder if they would let him call. I laid in our bed with two phones on my pillow just waiting. I couldn't sleep. 12:01am one of the phone's ring. I snatch it up real fast, hoping it was him. "Hello?".. "Hey baby...".
I was unsure how long it would be before he would get to call again. Just 2 days later he called again. This time he got to talk for about 7 minutes. He was rewarded for doing something good and he was able to call. He told me a little about what he had been doing. I could tell he was smiling the whole time, I'm sure he could tell I was too. It was a couple weeks later before he called again, and I missed the call. I was at work and I just had this sinking feeling I had missed a call. I checked my phone, I had missed his call. Yes, I cried. It was the worst feeling ever. Luckily he was able to call his mom and he got to talk to her for 15 minutes. Nick was able to call the next week because they had lost some paperwork about me, if they didn't get it, I would not be able to get TriCare. Lucky for us the lady handling his file was nice and let him barrow her cell phone to sneak me a call to fix it. She let him call 3 times on her cell phone in 2 weeks because every fax we sent wasn't coming out clear enough. I expected him to call on Thanksgiving day, but he never did. So, don't get your hopes up, you will feel crushed if you do. I didn't get another phone call from him until the week of graduation to tell me about the ceremony and weekend liberty. He called again the day before Graduation when we were on our way to Great Lakes, this is when he will forsure know about weekend liberty, his schedule, flights, etc. They had changed some things from what he had told us earlier in the week.

Will he/she write me? I received my first letter from him in about a week. It was actually just a 2 page printout that told a little about boot camp, what you can and cannot send, etc. On the very last page, they gave him two lines to write a message. That message made my heart flutter in a good way. It was my first note from him. After that, I received a letter from him every Wednesday. He said he was only allowed to write on Sundays. Sometimes he would write me in the dark, or while he was waiting to iron his uniform.
I started writing Nick just two days after he had been at boot camp. His recruiter had stopped by and had gave me his address to start writing him. I would write him every single day. It was something I would look forward to doing. It would make me feel better. He said he would read my letters every night. He looked forward to getting them. He said the letters meant so much to him.

Will he/she stop loving me? In our case, it made us closer. Our relationship felt like we had just started dating again. you could just tell by looking at us that the love that was already there was stronger. It hadn't been broken. I personally don't believe it is possible to fall out of love with someone, but sometimes anxiety will make you question everything.

Will he be different? More than likely, yes. Nick was different in ways. He was still the same man I married and loved so much, but he was a Sailor now. He had grown up so much during those weeks. He will be more patient with some things and impatient with others. He will have a lot more Pride than when he left.
You will be different too. You will find that you are more patient and You have grown up more yourself.

As far as the whole cheating thing. I never cheated on my husband. People will talk and start rumors. They are just that. Rumors. I had a girl say she saw me at the mall all over some guy on Thanksgiving day. 1.The only guy I had been to the mall with the entire time Nick was away was my younger brother and 2. I had to work on Thanksgiving day and when I left work I went straight to my grandmother's house. People who are unhappy obviously just want to bring you to their level. Just ignore them.

One thing as a military wife you will learn is to be INndependent. You have to learn that you can't rely on him to be there to take care of you. You have to depend on yourself.

Leading up to him leaving, focus on spending time with him. Enjoy the time you have with him before he leaves. Try not to focus on him leaving. If you make the thought of him leaving your main focus, you will not enjoy the time you have with him or be grateful for it.
While he's gone, Keep yourself busy. Try new things and write to him about your experiences. Start a new book, join a gym, start a blog.. There are so many things you can do to help pass the time. You will have days that you just want to cry. I know all about them. I remember a couple nights where I would lay in bed, read his letters and just boo-hoo.Write him as much as possible. Keep him updated on everything, but stay positive. Leave all negativity out. He doesn't need that. Staying positive will help the both of you make it through this stepping stone in to the Journey of being a Military Family.

Blame Yourself

I posted this on Facebook over the weekend.. and it caught a lot of heat. But these are my thoughts, you don't have to agree with me.

Sometimes I read something that just irritates me. Best Remedy= Blogging.

I have a question for Military wives. If you married your husband KNOWING he was in the military or KNOWING he was going to enlist.. and you complain about him always being gone, or how you want him to get out of the military so bad.. blah blah blah.. WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM? (I'm talking about the girls who constantly change their status to "It's Complicated" and back again.. and status' that they are leaving, etc.) It's normal to let deployments get you down, and even duty days every now and then, but missing someone is different then being irrational and negative about it.

This is how I feel   (photographer: Ernie Passwaters, model: me)

It makes me mad because YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING IN TO. And a lot of the girls I see complaining about it, their husbands are in the Military as a career. I see Military Wives who constantly argue with their husbands, blamming them for all the problems in their relationship, blamming the military. They post negative status updates about their relationship for everyone to see, BUT when someone says something about it.. They get offended and tell people to "Stay the hell out of their business". YOU made it public news, YOU wanted attention. YOU are selfish and need to look at your situation and re-evaluate the problem. MAYBE you are part of the problem and YOU need to grow up.

Girls that throw it in their husbands face about how he missed an anniversary all because he joined the "Damn Military". Or even worse, Making him feel horrible because They weren't there for the doctor's visit to hear the baby's heart beat for the first time. Or because they couldn't be there for the birth of their child. Do you not think they don't want to be there? I know it hurts them not to be there. Situations like this are so sad.

 Another thing that bothers me is when Military wives just pack up and move home, just because they don't like their husband's duty station. Home is what you make it. If you don't like where you are living, it's because you've made it that way. I understand the one's who move home while their husband is deployed, I'm not talking about you ladies. I love my husband, and I want to be wherever he is when I can. My husband is my best friend.. and that's the way it should be.
You all know who you are. YOU are selfish.

I know I've probably angered a few military wives out there, but I honestly do not care that I upset you. This is what I believe. I happen to love being around my husband and spending as much time as possible with him. And he agrees with me on this. I love that he and I share the same views on almost everything.

Just to clear things up, This note isn't about any one person in particular. I just say what I think when something triggers me to do so. It's just my personality.

 Tootles.

The start of my Journey as a Navy Wife

It is officially 2010. The past year, 2009, was full of challenges, but look at me. I'm still standing. When you are 22 you think you are grown up. You think you have fully matured. But you are wrong. The year 2009 has shown me that.

September 27, 2008. Our wedding day

In October of 2008, my husband left for boot camp after he and I had only been married a month (Married September 27, 2008). It was a tough time. I never let my phone leave my side. I didn't want to miss a call from him. I ran to the mail-box every Wednesday, that's when his letters would arrive. They say letters keep the our men in uniforms strong and keep them going while in boot camp or deployed, but every wife I have talked to that waited while their man in uniform was away has said how much the letters helped them. They kept us strong. Never knowing when he would get to call, expecting to hear from him on Thanksgiving day.. and the phone never ringing. I wrote him every single day, It was like therapy for me.I looked forward to writing him. In December of '08, it was finally time for him to graduate. It was a long ride from Nashville to Great Lakes, but the excitement and knowing I was going to feel his arms around me after all that time, was worth it. I thought to myself, "Our life together is finally starting.". But I would soon find out, the Navy had it's own plans.

December 19, 2008. Boot Camp Graduation day.

January of 2009 had started. I was with my Sailor. I only had a few more days before he had to report back to NAS Pensacola for A-School. January 4 was the day we had to say our goodbyes once again. He was set to graduate February 19. This made me happy. My birthday is February 20, and I thought I would get to spend it with him. After he had been in Pensacola for 2 weeks, he still had not started his schooling, His rate had been put on hold. February came, I went for a weekend visit. Still school had not started. March was another visit to see him, school had not started. Another visit in April and they finally told him he would start school. I was excited. I went for my last visit to Pensacola in May. He would be home soon. May 29 he called. I wished him a Happy Birthday. He then said, "I have some good news and some bad. Which do you want first?" I said I wanted the bad news, but he just gave it all to me at the same time. "The good news is, I graduated today. The bad news is.. I was going to surprise you and come home today, But they mixed up our tickets with another class and we are stuck here until Monday.". My heart sank... But he would be home soon! I didn't even know he would be graduating that day. He didn't tell me because he wanted to surprise me when he showed up at the front door. The following Monday came and they handed out tickets. Nick stood there ticket-less and they said "Who are you?". Nick told them, and they were confused. They had lost his service records. Nick graduated the top of his class and received the accelerated advancement, but none of that mattered right then. He was a nobody, and he couldn't come home until they found his file. Nick was there for over a week longer before they finally found his service records and arranged him a flight home. He told me a bogus date though and one day I was sitting at the computer talking to a friend I felt cold hands cover my eyes. I jumped out of my seat. My Nicholas was home, and we had orders to Virginia.

Last Trip to Pensacola May 2009

Nick's sponsor had told him a bunch of wrong and useless information. Everything he had told him about me coming down, to housing, BAH, everything.. was wrong. Nick left for Virginia and I was stuck in Nashville waiting. Nick was having to take classes in Portsmouth at the ship yards, and didn't have time to take the Movers class they were requiring before the military movers would come pack up your stuff. So we decided we would do it on our own. We were tired of waiting. I drove 13 hours to Virginia to apartment hunt. Every area I went to seemed like a bad neighborhood. We finally found an apartment. I liked it, Nick liked it. We signed the lease, Now we just had to get our things from Tennessee. I went back to Tennessee and packed all of our things. My parents borrowed a trailer and helped me move everything. I was finally with my husband. This was the end of June.

Finally in Virginia together

We have got to spend so much time together since then. We have been finally getting the chance to adjust to married life and on top of that the challenge of being married and being a military spouse. We attended our first command picnic. There was so many people there! Made me smile to see everyone come together like that and have all the activities they had going on. We went to the Jason Aldean concert at Little Creek and had a blast! We drove 7 hours to Bristol one weekend with a friend, it was a blast. We dressed up as Joker and Mrs. Batman for Halloween and handed out candy to the kids. One kid said Batman looks good as a woman. He was about 7 years old. It made my night. We cooked a big dinner for Thanksgiving and we invited the guys from the ship that couldn't go home. Sadly only one guy got to come because the ones that couldn't go home had duty, but we have decided to do it every year that their ship is not on Cruise. Christmas came and we got leave approved to go home. It was the first time we had seen our family in months. We came back to Virginia with 2 days of his leave left to spend it together and relax. He had duty on New Years day, but we stayed up and watched the ball drop together and get our midnight kiss.

October 31, 2009. Joker and Mrs. Batman

 I have met some amazing ladies. No one truly understands like military wives. I have yet to face a deployment, but I know that when that time comes I will have amazing military wives to fall back on and I am here for them to fall back on as well. All of my experiences have made me a better person. It has made my love for my husband grow so much stronger, which I did not think was possible because I thought noone could love anyone anymore than I loved him. I am so much more patient now. I know to expect anything and worrying all the time gets you nowhere. I have learned that being negative about the military gets you nowhere. This is his job. He chose this life for us. I support him and I support our Military. This rollarcoaster is an experience you will either love or hate, but it's your choice. Life is what you make of it. Why not make the best of it?

I know that 2010 will be full of challenges. I have overcome a lot in 2009 and I look forward to the challenges of 2010. I know I'm strong enough to get through whatever it may throw my way.

“You were only given this life because you are strong enough to live it.”

Hello? Is this thing on?

Testing.. testing.. 1, 2, 3...

Okay.. Let me introduce myself. My name is Christina, and I am a Navy wife. On September 27, 2008 I married an amazing man. On October 27, 2008 that amazing man left for boot camp to become a US Sailor. We are currently stationed in Virginia. My husband is on the USS Enterprise. We have been in Hampton Roads since June of 2009.

A little more about myself:

I will be 23 in February.
My husband and I are from a small town right outside Nashville, TN.

We are what some may call "Rednecks" and we're not offended. We love Nascar and Football, camping out at Bristol Motor Speedway.. etc.
I have 1 dog named Riley Roo.. Mostly call her Roo or Roo-Roo. She is a Red Nose American Pit Bull Terrier. She is amazing. I have had her since she was 4 weeks old. Now she is a little over 3 years old. She was a rescue. I can't wait to rescue another Pit Bull.
I have 1 cat. He's a mess. I found him dodging cars in a Sonic Drive in. Thought about naming him French Fry, but we decided on Musket. He's roughly 8 or 9 months. He was tiny when I found him. Now he's one of the biggest cats I have seen. Not a fat cat, just a BIG cat. He and Roo are the Best of friends. Crazy how insepratable they are.
I am a very creative/ artsy person. I love making graphics and tshirt designs for military wives and family. I have 2 tshirt shops.
http://cafepress.com/CRushGFX and http://zazzle.com/CRushGFX Check'em out. I'll make you a custom designs and give you a 15% discount if you mention this blog! :)
I have been modeling since the Fall of 2007. It is another passion of mine.
I sometimes scrapbook and occasionally draw.

I recently started the 365 Photo Project. You can view the photos at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=358144&id=502935006&l=3712527623

Anyways, Welcome to my Crazy world of being a Navy Wife. Hope you enjoy what I blog about in the Future.