Today, I go to thinking about Life after my husband is no longer an active duty service member. When the subject comes up- I always hear others say, "I can't wait to have a normal life again.". A "normal life" is what they look forward to.
Military life, to me, has become my normal. I'm use to this, I'm comfortable with it. I think about what it would be like when he's no longer in the military.. and I honestly don't know what it would be like. The change and adjustments.. I don't look forward to that. Yes, I would like my husband home more. I would love for him to not miss birthdays, holidays, etc. But I would miss all the benefits we have.
Is my husband getting out of the military? Who really knows.. We've talked about it time and time again. Like with any job, he has his good and his bad days. He, like a lot of people, has his, "I hate my job" days. I believe he's a lifer. We still have 3 years on this enlistment (he did an extended enlistment) and then he will enlist for shore duty (2 years). We have some time to talk and think about it. But honestly.. sometimes his uncertainty scares me. I like the security of knowing there's a plan.
He left for bootcamp just a month after we married. Exactly a month. So, Military is the life we've learned together. I really think he will retire from the Navy, but like today, I think about what it he doesn't?
How hard will it be to adjust? I guess it's another one of those things.. every person is different. I love military life, some hate it.
I guess, eventually, that will be another Journey. Really, this blog post should come in a couple years when I have, hopefully, more certainty of what's going on.
I'm the same way you are. I hate how much my husband misses but I love this life. I married him after he'd been in for a year already and that means we also only know the military life style together. I have a hard time hearing when people talk down on this life. It's hard, yes. But if life were easy where would the fun, enjoyment, and excitement be?! I'm glad you posted this, I was beginning to think I was crazy for loving this life!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy best friend of 18 years joined the Marines right out of high school. He did a 4/4 contract, four active, four inactive. When it came time to go inactive, he had no college education and only his military training to fall on. His options? Nothing or become a police officer. At the time police officers weren't paid enough, so he bounced around from place to place trying to find a job. Eventually, unable to pay bills or afford even insurance for himself, he re-enlisted, this time with the Army. He's now been in the military for 14 years and will retire from it. He's been happy with it. I hate that I can't see him that much because he changes bases about once every three years, but if he were married, I'm sure that would be different.
ReplyDeleteNow that he has six years left before full retirement, I think he'll actually retire from the military and become a police officer (especially since they are well compensated now). I don't know where he would be if he hadn't stayed in.
If the Department of Defense's military retirement proposals are adopted and enacted, he'll go ahead and bow out early, because there is no incentive for him to stay. For now, however, he's content to wait out the next six years.
I totally understand the uncertainty problems! same here...My husband flip flops constantly because like Nick my husband has those "I hate my job" days! I wish he was more certain about what he wants to do, because it scares me as well. I also don't mind the Military Life i feel safe in this life right now!
ReplyDeleteJust stumbled on your blog and it's nice to see another Navy wife who actually likes the life and doesn't let the frustrating stuff ruin it for her :) We're still in the first year of my husbands enlistment but his plan is to be career and I'm glad. I love it, it's comfortable for me. The benefits are great. I like duty nights, I get some ”me” time. Though he just finished a-school and is waiting on c-school orders so we've still got awhile before we'll be dealing with work ups and deployments and such, I don't dread the thought. Yes, I will miss him but it will give me time to travel, visit my family, etc. and, maybe it's silly but, I look forward to getting to put care packages together for him. Lol
ReplyDeleteYes there are crappy things about being a Navy wife....but the same goes for being a civilian wife. We were married for 5 years before he joined so I've been both and personally, I much prefer the Navy life :)
Oh how I agree with you and wanting to know the plans of the future. I would definitely say I am someone who has always been in control, even when my life was spiraling out of control at least I was in control of the chaos LOL! I don't mind the 4-5 years of knowing he has a job with the Navy, he did the reserves for 3 years went active and we were married 2 days before he left to be held in Chicago while his orders were being written for two months....(GAY, and double gay that his orders ended up being Chicago) lol, but I have already pushed him to figuring out what's next... Got a thing or two lined up... I figure ( since being the wife and his "mom" at times) once I quite working in April then it will be my job to make sure things stay lined up and ready for the next plan of attack... after all you want some thing done you more than likely gotta do it yourself. Especially being a military wife. :) but for now this life is a good one. :D
ReplyDeleteHi...I liked this blog. We are dealing with exactly what you are talking about right now. My husband is retiring after 20 years and didn't make chief. So after fretting over where we were going to live (we lived in base housing) we decided to move to Texas. He went back to CA to finish out retirement and will come here in Dec. We have 2 kids and we wanted to get them into school. Nope, he didn't want to live near family, so we are here by ourselves, and with a few friends. I am not close to them though. I worry if/when/how he will get a job. His friend who retired almost 2 months ago still isn't working. I worry about bills, etc. I don't work and haven't in 12 years. But I am looking into it. It is scary. If u have the family support it is great.
ReplyDeleteIts so nice to hear someone say that they love military life :) my husband and I both are hot and cold with it. some days he comes home and says hes staying in for life and others he says hes getting out as soon as possible. the uncertainty is hard on me too.
ReplyDeleteI don't even want to think about my husband getting out. He has been in for 10 years & we've been married 7, almost 8 of them. We're praying he doesn't get pushed out because I think we both know we would be so lost! It def all has it's hard times but we love it sooo much too!!!
ReplyDeleteI think everyone has the hot and cold days, my husband does for sure. And we're on round three of re-enlistments (he's been in 7 years) and we STILL flip-flop every time. We didn't think he'd enlist this last go-around until he got recruiter orders and he was able to move home anyway (and be non-deployable). We always thought he'd get out after THIS one... but now with the economy our minds are starting to turn again to possible reenlistment...
ReplyDeleteIts a tough life, but its a good life too. With all the bads (missing birthdays, etC) you get the goods as well, things that civilians can never know... like how much you appreciate each other BECAUSE of the deployments... or that heart-pounding excitement when they get off (the plane for hubby) after a long deployment, and we see each other for the first time in MONTHS.
Its hard to not plan, but I've learned to just plan the right nows... or at least the right nows through the end of THIS enlistment period ;)