Worthy as Our Daughters- My Military Mom

The other day I was talking to a good friend. Someone whom she trusted had taken had convinced her to do something against her better judgment. She would have never done it on her own but he knew which buttons to push and leveraged the situation to his advantage.

My friend was angry with him but also, and perhaps more, upset with herself. I couldn't see where she could find fault in herself. He had known so much about her and had been a trusted friend for so long that anyone might have made the same choices in her position.

I've noticed that women are more apt than men to take on more of their fair share of blame.  It’s sometimes why we stay in emotionally, physically or financially abusive relationships far longer than we should. It’s sometimes why we accept less than we deserve at our jobs and in our families. It’s why women account for most of the self-help book purchases.

“When a woman has a problem, she immediately blames herself” said BJ Gallagher, an author and genders studies expert, in a Forbes’ article.

I do this all the time. There’s a continuous nagging voice lecturing me. “well if you’d only done this better“, or if you had just thought to do that“, or the old standby, “it’s all your fault”.

I’m so fed up with this constant self-flagellation, it’s exhausting and emotionally draining to be constantly turning blame back on myself.

I finally asked myself, what would I tell my daughters if one of them were in my shoes? I would never read to them the script that goes through my own head. If they were in the exact same position as I, I would never assign nearly the same amount of blame to them that I do to myself.

If we women could see ourselves as precious and as wonderful as some of the children we love the most (it doesn't have to be your own daughter) we could free up so much anguish and pain.

So, to my cyber friends, I promise I’ll try to give myself a break if you will too. The next time we start our self-blaming script let’s remember that we are as worthy as our daughters.

Cay Smith writes the blog MyMilitaryMom.com
She is one bad mama-jama Army wife who tells it like it is. 
Check her out on:
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Let her know you found her through thejourneyofanavywife.com and be sure to keep coming back as MyMilitaryMom.com will be a regular guest blogger!

thredUP April discount

Sara, a Navy wife and mother, emailed me an awesome deal for my followers!

In honor of military children this April, thredUP is offering thejourneyofanavywife.com readers with a special 20% discount!
thredUP is an online kid's consignment shop with stylish "like new" items from popular brands like Gymboree, Tea and OshKosh! Prices start at just $3.99!

So, stretch your dollar and stock up with this awesome deal!

 Get 20% off your next purchase on thredUP by using promo code: APRILKIDS at checkout.

 *Offer is one time use only.  Expires 4/30/13. Cannot be combined with any other offer.  

Personally, I have not used thredUP, but I will be doing a review with/ of them soon!

Enjoy!

Guest Post- MyMilitaryMom.com

We can easily lose our independence being married to the military. Our lives, our jobs, our finances and even where we live are suddenly and almost solely dictated by our spouses’ career. Slowly and subconsciously we begin to refer to each other as the wives or husbands of Sgt. So-and-So or Capt. What’s-His-Face. We date major life changes by what duty station we were at when they happened. Even our primary form of identification refers to us as “dependent.”

We can easily fall into a pattern where the people we shop, eat, exercise, live, and hang out with are almost exclusively associated with the military. It begins to seem as though our entire identities, schedules and lives are dictated by the whims of the Pentagon.

I didn't realize this had happened to me until I found myself crying on the floor of my closet on the phone with my mother blubbering, “I could have been somebody!” My wants and needs had been overtaken by those of the Army for so long that I no longer knew what they were.

I did eventually find out who I was within this self-contained world of the military but it took me years. I first tried to stuff myself into it, then I tried to distance myself from it, nothing worked until I realized that I needed to find what made me happy, what made me want to get out of bed in the morning independent of whatever the Army needed or wanted from my family.

Of course, military spouses aren't the only people prone to losing our independence or sense of self but I think we are probably more at risk than almost any other group. It is important that we acknowledge the potential for disaster and find ways to mitigate the problem as early as possible.

I always encourage newbies coming into the military family to immediately find something that is theirs and has absolutely nothing to do with their spouse’s jobs. Learn a new skill or language at every new duty station, pursue a transferable career (real estate is a popular choice), start an online business, or whatever else appeals to their sensibilities; claim something for themselves. Having our own pursuits helps to keep us sane and is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and our families.

Cay Smith writes the blog MyMilitaryMom.com
She is one bad mama-jama Army wife who tells it like it is. 
Check her out on:
Facebook  Twitter Pinterest
Let her know you found her through thejourneyofanavywife.com and be sure to keep coming back as MyMilitaryMom.com will be a regular guest blogger!

Finding my Identity

Image credit - Google

Lately, I feel as if the current situation my husband and I are in is identifying myself, my husband and our marriage. There have been tons of struggles over the past few months and now, I'm working on finding my Identity.

Who am I?

You'd think at 26 years old I would be able to answer that easily. But no, I'm wincing as I write this trying to figure it out.

I don't want to be defined by something so negative. "Oh hey, That's the wife of the guy who drank a bottle of Vodka on the ship and drove home and destroyed Christmas."- That's how I feel some people look at me, how some people define me.

I know, I know. I shouldn't care what people think. I have been taught to not worry about what others think of me, but realistically, at some point... I believe we all worry what everyone thinks.

I am smart, but sometimes I don't make great decisions. I am trusting, too trusting at times, but when you break it, it's almost impossible to earn my trust back. I vent through writing and sometimes say things I shouldn't or I post before I really cool off if I'm heated. I wear my heart on my sleeves and I can easily have my feelings hurt. I'm opinionated. When I have a belief, I won't back down. I'm a fighter for the things I love.

... I am a fighter.

I fight for my marriage, I fight for myself. I won't give up.

I. Keep. Going.

That is what I see in myself right now. I will never give up.

Screw what anyone else thinks, even if sometimes it may bother me. I'll keep going, I won't give up and in the end, I'll be better. Maybe then, people will say, "That girl's a fighter".