Working on Answers

Many of you know my husband and I struggle with holding a pregnancy. We've been to the doctor a few times with no real answers. The entire time (just over 5 years) we lived in Virginia, we had 4 miscarriages. We had 2 others before that. During my medical visits in Virginia, all that was found is that my gallbladder and appendix sit to the side more than they are supposed to; nothing to be concerned with and no affect on me. I also found out that my cervix is tilted, meaning it can be harder for me to get pregnant but no cause for miscarriage. I left Virginia with no answers. Now that we are in California, we are working on answers, clear answers.

My first visit with my doctor on base was a success. I received more answers in that one day than I did the entire time in Virginia with civilian doctors. I found a doctor that seems to truly care about me getting pregnant and it being successful. We did, however, discover the problem, my uterus. Something so easy to discover and noone in Virginia saw it. How, I'm unsure because I could see it on the ultrasound. I have an unfortunate uterine anomaly. 

It's not clear how bad the anomaly is at this moment, but I should have more answers within the next week or so. I have an appointment scheduled with radiology to get more clear images. I either have what's called a septate uterus or a bicornate uterus. 

A septate uterus is when there is a wedge of fibrous tissue dividing the uterine cavity. Basically like it's pinched. A bicornate uterus is similar but much more severe and not correctable. My doctor said a septate uterus can be helped by "shaving" off the tissue that comes down, separating my uterus. Either of these are believed to be the culprit to my miscarriages. 

My doctor believes that I'm getting pregnant fairly easily and each pregnancy has been where it needs to be. However, my uterus isn't allowing the correct process. When I get pregnant, there are a couple things that are likely happening: 

• The egg is attaching to the fibrous tissue instead of my uterine wall. 
• The egg is attaching to the uterine wall, but the placenta is being cut off by the fibrous tissue. 

both causing early first trimester miscarriage. She said it is not impossible for me to hold a pregnancy, but it will be me continually trying and going through what I already have until things land where they are supposed to and my body doesn't work against me. Even with insemination, the risk is all the same. 

We also found out that I have a complex cyst on my right ovary. Thankfully, not likely anything to worry about, but we'll have more information on that after my appointment with radiology. 

So, we have a lot to think about, but there is so much relief just getting some answers. I'll keep posting as we continue down this journey.

PCS-ing is for The Birds

Over the past 6 years, I have heard so many military wives say, "everything breaks/happens during a deployment". I have agreed with this to an extent. It always seemed like there was a couple weeks during my husband's deployment where everything went wrong on the home front. Now, I believe it's more of a, "everything happens when preparing for a PCS" [insert grumble here]. PCS-ing is for the birds!

As a military family, having 2 vehicles is both a blessing and a pain in the rear. We are preparing to move 44 hours across the country, and we had to make a decision. Do we, a. Sell one of the vehicles, b. pay $2000 to ship a vehicle or c. Drive two vehicles the 44 hours. Selling wasn't an option I allowed because we just put a ton of work ($$) into my husband's truck, which is paid off. We can't/ won't do two car payments. Selling was off the table. For weeks (2-3 months really) I looked for a reputable vehicle shipping company. All I could find was brokers and none of which could guarantee a driver by any particular time, yet wanted their money or you to sign a contract. A week before our move date, I found someone who had dates, but the truck was full and I would be a "standby". I needed the security of knowing for sure, so that was not an option. Another company wouldn't be able to pick up our vehicle from Virginia until we've been in Lemoore for almost a month, so again, not an option. Here we are now, 3 days before we've schedule our leave date and looks like we are driving 2 vehicles. We have come to terms with it and are content with it. Well, that was true until this morning really. Today was another whole set of crazy.

This morning, our neighbor took our truck. He's a mechanic and was going to do an oil change and make sure everything is good for the long drive. I do t want to get 3 states into our drive and break down. That would be terrifying to me. On his way to his shop, in our truck, our neighbor rear ended another driver. The other driver slammed on her breaks and came to a complete stop when another vehicle crossed a lane of traffic, cutting her off to get on the interstate. She locked up her breaks and so did my neighbor, but he slid right into her. There is more damage to our truck than the gal he hit, but  the insurance won't fix our vehicle because it's ruled his fault and liability only covers the other person. The bumper is busted, but aside from that, the truck is driving and running fine. No one was hurt, that's the most important thing about all this. Now, 3 days until we start our new adventure and we have to worry about the truck. Our neighbor, being a mechanic at a body shop, he's able to fix everything, if anything more is wrong with the truck than the bumper. He's getting the bumper replaced before we head out. If anything else is wrong, we may have to out out our date to leave a few days, which is pretty much not doable since we only have 10 days to get out to California. 

And to top off today, my job forgot to enter my leave I was granted for my transfer and I'm short a week's pay. They are working on it, but if may have to wait until next pay period to see it back, which isn't feasible. 

There's been so much to go on in the past 2 months prepping for the PCS that I just want a day to not have to do absolutely anything and nothing to stress about.

Finger's crossed our Norfolk home sells quickly to a family that will love it as much as we have over the years. 

Your 9-11 is their 24-7

This morning I found myself complaining, irritated and just annoyed. Yesterday the movers came and loaded up our goods and went on their way. While walking around our empty home, I found the movers had scratched our newly refinished floors in several places. I was irritated to say the least. 

While I have every right to be upset, it's fixable. My floors can come back to life and be what they were just a couple days ago. It means more work for me, but it's something that can be repaired. 

During my little temper tantrum this morning, I realized what today's date is. I was reminded of the horrible day more than 10 years ago. So many people lost their lives, lost a loved one and so many suffer from PTSD from the events of that morning. And here I was, complaining about a scratch on my flooring. 

While I didn't lose a loved one that day, it's a day that greatly affected me, even at just being 14 years old and a freshman in high school when 9-11 happened. I still remember all the emotions I felt that day. Though I remember reverything, September 11, 2001 no longer is an every day thought for me. It no longer knowingly affects my day-to-day life. That saddens me. I don't want one day a year to come around and it be the only time that I reflect on what it did to the nation. 

I'm given the opportunity to carry on every day normally when there are people whose lives were forever changed. There are people who wake up thinking about the events and the people lost. My first thought this morning was about my floors and wondering if my husband made coffee. While I can say that 9-11 forever changed me, it is not entirely true. I know this is true for many if not most Americans. We've went back to our set ways and it no longer affects our day-to-day lives. 

Like Pearl Harbor, one day many people will only remember the date because it is printed on most calendars and in history books.  To most, it will be just 9-11, but to some, it will be their 24-7.

Let's take today to reflect, but let us not forget tomorrow. 

Home is where the Navy sends us

Have I ever mentioned how much of a love/hate relationship I have with moving? It's a viscous cycle for me.

We have been lucky to stay put in one area for the past 5 years. Although, we have lived in 4 different homes since being here, we've been lucky to not have to PCS to another location. Lucky because Norfolk is only 13 hours from home. We knew his orders were coming, but we didn't expect all the craziness. Well, I didn't expect all the craziness.

November 2012 my husband was told he was going on shore duty early since the USS Enterprise was being decommissioned and he had less than a year on Sea Duty. At that point, most of his rate and rank were being sent to Fallon, Nevada for shore duty. We waited and waited. He finally received orders and it was for continued sea duty with VFA-135 Knighthawks out of Oceana. He was going from Ship's company to Squadron starting July 2013. Thankfully, that meant we were not going to be moving for a little bit longer. It also meant we were still waiting for his orders.

My husband picked his "Dream sheet" for shore duty before November 2013. He was told he would hear something before Mid January. Of course, everything is last minute. He received hard copy orders to Lemoore, California and was to report in July 2014.

Come May, there was a hold up on his orders. His orders were going to change, but at that time the report date remained the same. Which was scary because that's a short notice and we have a lot to take care of in Virginia with our home and my job. We had no idea where the Navy was going to send him, and where our family would be going. We didn't hear anything back on his orders until June, just a few weeks before we had originally planned to head out of Virginia. The orders had changed some, but remained for Lemoore. There were some issues with the class he was required to take which caused his orders to be pushed back. At last minute, he was told to report in September. It was relief and headache at the same time. Relief because we had more time to prepare things here, headache because I was forced to hold out on our house hunting again.

We cannot get base housing because we 1 pet over the limit for housing as well as my American Pit Bull Terrier. Also, the BAH rates for Lemoore dropped and everything that would suit our needs was as the previous max BAH. If we happened to find something suitable, they couldn't hold it until we needed it. It was just too much stress on me and my husband. With my unidentified heart condition, I didn't need stress making it come up again. I've went nearly 2 years without issue, and I'd like to continue this path since the doctors haven't found cause (not stress, no heart defect found, not asthma, not my thyroid.. etc). Anyway! Thankfully we found an amazing Realtor named Brianne who was an absolute Godsend. She helped us find what I feel will be the perfect home for my family. We purchased a home 44 hours away. Scary? Yeah, a little bit! Brianne went above and beyond for us. I cannot wait to get into our new home.

The downside? We still have our house in Norfolk to deal with. We go back and forth about renting or selling. Being that we have less than a month until we move, it looks like we're going to rent it out. We've done so many projects in our home and are completing a couple others, it'll be perfect for whomever moves in. I'm sad though. Our Norfolk home is our first home together. We've grown a lot as husband and wife as well as individuals here. We've also put a lot of work into our cozy little home. I want to take my floors with me. I seriously would if it were possible. So, if anyone is looking for a home to rent starting October 1st, get in touch with me ;)

Our movers come on September 9th. So, we'll be going about 2 weeks with no HHGs (household goods). My husband has school until the 19th and we'll head out the 20th. It's sneaking up on us really fast. I'm so full of mixed emotions. I'm super excited about the new adventures and change of pace.. AND no more tunnels. I'd love it if I never had to see another tunnel again! Nervous because I fear change and stressed because I have so much to accomplish in such a short amount of time.

We have right at 10 days to be in Lemoore and ready to work- both of us. My husband says we can make it in 3 days, I'm betting it'll be more like 4 1/2 days. We'll see who wins this challenge.

The Relationship with this Blog is Complicated

Seriously.

I haven't blogged in months. I haven't felt like blogging. I haven't wanted to blog. I have had no motivation and I have had nothing pop in my head or give me inspiration for one of my typically opinionated posts. I have tried to get myself motivated, but due to an upcoming move and my insanely busy schedule, blogging hasn't been a priority. My relationship with this blog is Complicated. Finally, I have inspiration.

I'm one of those people, when I have an opinion or thought, I share it. I'm an open book when it comes to what I post on Facebook, my blog and my blog fan page. Anyone who knows me, knows this. I'm "Politically incorrect" with most of my beliefs. I'm honest, brutally. Because of this, I tend to hear the word, "judgmental" often.

For starters, what is the difference between being judgmental and opinionated?
It seems there is a thin line, HOWEVER, an opinion is a thought in general. Something you base for yourself, or don't seem to see another way on. Everyone has an opinion on something. The biggest things I see opinions on are:

Abortion
Gay Marriage
Death Penalty
Breastfeeding
etc.

Just because you're for or against these or other things, doesn't make you judgmental. You can think they are wrong and not be judging someone who does or doesn't fit into your opinion on it.
For instance, I'm against abortion and can't see how someone can take an innocent life. I know people who have done it, I'm friends with them. I don't agree with them, I have an opinion on the act, but I'm not judging them for their decision. Just one example. Big or small, everyone has an opinion.

This week I have seen multiple, "It's complicated" relationship statuses. After seeing yet another one today, I can't get clarity on why it's a relationship title. I mean, do you introduce your relationship as, "It's complicated".

"Hey! Meet Joe. He is my complicated boyfriend.", "Everyone, I'd like to introduce Anna. She and I are in a complicated relationship". You're either in the relationship or your not.

So, should we all change our relationship statuses to complicated, because aren't all relationships complicated?

All relationships are complicated. Relationships are two people working together as one. Two people who have differing opinions on some things. Big or small, every relationship hits some sort of complication at some point. It is the work each person puts into the relationship that makes it strong enough to withstand the complications life throws at them. "Complicated" should never be a relationship status. People are complicated, decisions, life, men, school, work, etc.. those can be complicated, but those are some times every day things.

I feel like those relationship statuses are sometimes a cry for attention, or begging for acknowledgement they aren't to blame for the troubles within the relationship. I think one party may feel as if the relationship is failing or is going to fail. I wonder if it means the one person isn't trying to fight for the relationship or that it is being posted for a wake-up call to the other. I don't know, because I don't know the reasoning behind it. Honestly, it's not my place to know and I'm ok with it. However, I don't have to agree with, "Complicated".

In my opinion, it's silly. I don't think any less of the person who posts it. I do, however, roll my eyes. I don't agree with it. That's ok.

I like peanut butter, banana and marshmallow creme sandwiches and you think it's disgusting. It's ok. I'm not going to judge you and think you are crazy. I may think it's crazy that you don't like it, but I'm not going to put our relationship in a complicated status over it.