Perks in the Work Place

Something to consider when you're in a relationship with someone who is in the military, it is their job. They can't take off whenever they want, they can't call, email, Skype, etc. whenever they want. Why? Because it's a job.

That being said, if YOU have a job- it's the same thing. You can't drop everything you're doing to talk to them if they are able to call, email, etc. I understand wanting to talk to your significant other, trust me, I do. BUT a job is a  responsibility you accept.

Does it suck to miss a call? You betcha, I've been there.

Seeing people bash their employer because they can't stop "working" to chat with their significant other is ridiculous in my opinion. You are not getting paid to converse with your SO.

It's another one of those situations where some military wives feel they are owed something. Just because our loved ones are deployed, doesn't give us the right to go against a company we work for's policy.

It is awesome when jobs have leniency and give us the ability to stop everything we are doing to take a phone call, or respond to an email. However, there is a business to be ran and they hired you to help in it.

Think about it..

You run a business, someone calls for one of your employees- say the person calling isn't deployed, they aren't given the privileged to speak to that person because they are working. You have a military spouse whose husband is calling, but you give that person time to talk... see where I'm getting at?

Just because we are married, dating, mother's of, etc.. does not give up the added luxuries to have added perks in the work place.

Military Wives are Vultures

In the nearly 4 years my husband has been active duty, one thing that is so apparent is some military wives are viscous creatures.

I don't want to even acknowledge them as human beings, because in my eyes, there are many who are scum. Scum in so many different forms.

I have found, at least here at his first duty station, it is hard to find people who are genuine, true friends and true to their significant others. On top of that, there are some extremely nosy scum out there and love to get mess twisted to start rumors.

Here are the different vultures I am referring to:

a. You have the tag chasers. And by tag chasers, I mean the girl who just bounces around from service member to service member. The girl who doesn't care if the service member is in a relationship.. it just ups her game. The girl who doesn't even love her significant other, but is rather obsessed with the lifestyle and the "glory" she perceives this life to be.

b. You have those who are so fixated with the lifestyle. I understand there is "excitement", but then there is overboard. When my husband joined, I was overly proud. I'm overly patriotic and always have been. But at some point, you have to recognize the military is his job. Yes, this is a lifestyle to adjust to, but this is HIS job. By fixated, I'm making reference to those who feel as if they, themselves, are "Military". I understand when people refer to non-military families as "civilians", I understand it because it's the easiest way to refer to it. But we do need to realize as wives, we are not active duty.. or even in the reserves, no special rank.. no rank whatsoever- we are a civilian. Relish in the fact that you, unless you enlisted, are not government property.

c. You have bullies. It's sad to say, but I know 8 year olds who are more mature than a lot of the ladies I have met in the past 4 years. I don't understand why so many spouses to active duty military feel the need to belittle and bully other spouses. "Oh you're fat, You're ugly, Can you believe she wore that to the commissary, someone's been eating too many twinkies".. etc. I've read some extremely ridiculous posts belittling people on Facbook as well as in the blog world, It's disgusting.

d. Those who think we are owed something for our SO being active duty. You aren't owed anything. YES, this life has challenges- but so do non-military families aka "civilian families". Every single person in this world has their own set of challenges to face. I for one, am grateful for the ease of life I have now compared to what I had before my husband joined the Navy. By ease, I don't mean there aren't challenges, but I'm happy where I'm at and I'll gladly wait for him through a deployment vs. go back to eating peanut butter sandwhiches every day, 3 times a day to pay rent. And to clear things up, I married my husband before he joined- just to stop the vultures that say, "You married him for the military/ money".

e. The cheaters. Yes, I know there are men in the military who cheat- that is a different tangent. I'm talking about those who are "SO in love" with their husband, but after 5 months of a deployment, find themselves in bed with another man. Seriously, cheating is NEVER an accident. YOU can prevent yourself being put in a situation that could lead to cheating. My husband has been deployed a few months, and the fact that I have heard of several gals cheating is insane. WHY did you get married? I mean, if you truly LOVE someone, you wouldn't cheat. Staying faithful shouldn't be hard.

I could keep going, but I'm going to leave it at that. Find your own identity, not your significant other's job status.

Communication

When your Significant other is away on Deployment, you have to find ways to stay connected. Skyping sometimes doesn't happen,  email goes down, the phones suck or you just don't want to rack up the phone card bills.. etc.

My husband and I don't really do phone calls from the ship, occasionally.. but rarely. He will make a $25 phone card last the entire deployment. He has been gone since March and I have received 3 phone calls. One, was an emergency as it was when I was in the hospital and the ship allowed him to call for free, so I don't really count that one.

Our main form of communication is through email. I do not receive an email every day, and I'm ok with that. I know not to expect them and I know email is a luxury so many take for granted. Even if I don't receive an email from him (because communications are down or he's got a lot going on), I will always send him an email just to let him know I love him and how my day went. It helps him to feel apart of my day to day life.

Purchasing iPads was one of the best expensive investments we have made. During his last deployment, we didn't see each other/ video chat. During port calls, he would occasionally access Facebook and send me comments and then would call me if he could barrow a friend's phone. Every port this deployment, he and I have been able to Skype or use FaceTime. It has been wonderful! He doesn't always have great wifi, but it is usually enough to message back & forth. It's nice to see him and seeing how he changes, when he grows a mustache, how he shaved his head with a razor or just seeing how he is bulking up compared to loosing weight last deployment. Seeing him smile, laugh and be goofy is so awesome. We are so blessed to live in a time with such amazing technology.

One of my FAVORITE ways keeping connected this deployment (aside from video chats!), as many of you have noticed, is sending Care Packages. I put so much into them... as in I put a lot of thought and work into them. I don't want them to become boring to him and I want it to brighten his day knowing how much effort I put in to making them as well as the ideas. His birthday box was a hit, his Zombie box was totally him and so awesome, His pickle box he just received ans hasn't had a chance to really go through it.. but did manage to tell me how much he loves it already and how awesome it is. Now, I'm already making another themed box for our anniversary in September (I'm not going to get into details about it, you'll just have to wait, or go check my instagram out! @christinarush). Of course, between all the themed boxes I send out, I send 2-3 Food boxes. I don't get all creative with them, just jam-pack them with all sorts of food he can easily store in his locker. I will send anything with a pop top can so he can have soups and pasta, Mac -n- cheese cups, dry pasta bowls, microwavable noodle cups, microwavable desserts.. etc. Because we all know, boat food isn't always that grand!

We all know the distance that comes with Deployment can be challenging. But as I have stated in many blogs in the past, Communication is the foundation for so much. There are so many ways to communicate and so many ways to build on it- you just have to find what works in your relationship to strengthen it. With a solid foundation of communication, you will have trust and you will feel closer to him despite the distance. It is one thing that makes me actually enjoy deployment, it allows our relationship to constantly feel "New". Sure, I'd rather him be home, but you make the best of every situation and with Deployment being months long.. I don't want to spend it being miserable.


Bad human communication leaves us less room to grow.
-Rowan D. Williams

The void created by the failure to communicate is soon filled with poison, drivel and misrepresentation.
-C. Northcote Parkinson

Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of evry part of your life.
-Brian Tracy

Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing.
-Rollo May

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
-George Bernard Shaw

Communication works for those who work at it.
-John Powell


Edit: Thank you MilitaryBlogs.org for the blog feature on your Facebook page!
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When it Comes to Care Packages, I'm Kind of a Big Dill!

Yay! Care Package fun! :D

And if you caught it in the title, I said "Dill'. There is no typo or confusion of words- this is a Pickle themed box! Fun right? You betcha!

I got the idea from my husband- he just doesn't know it. He requested Dill pickle flavored sun flower seeds after trying some from a friend. My husband is slightly obsessed with Pickles.. just slightly. He's is known to eat a huge jar of the HUGE pickles in one sitting and occasionally drink some of the juice. [gag]
If it's not pickles he's eating, then it's Pickled Okra. [gag more]

Slightly obsessed is an under statement.

SO.. why not do a pickle box? Perfect right? exxxcellent (in Mr Burns voice as a twiddle my fingers).

First, I bought everything Pickle flavor that I knew for sure he liked.
We have tons of Pickle sunflower seeds, dill pickle chips, pickled sausage, big mamas, big papas, jar of pickles, jar of wickles (wicked pickles/ pepper pickles), 2 jars of pickled okra- the box was jammed packed!

And for shits and giggles, I threw in a couple air fresheners in hopes that his division won't hate me too badly when he receives this box. If you have never been around a man who can down jars, yes jarS, of pickles in one sitting, be thankful. they stink! I learned too quickly last deployment that those smells were NOT coming from the dog as he blamed them 90% of the time!

And of course, you know I had to be super cheesy and decorate. I didn't go all out on the decor, but I figured such an abundance of pickles didn't need much. So, We have, "Just so you know... when it comes to Care Packages, I'm kind of a big Dill". Hence the title.

Of course, I had to include something with the air fresheners, and all I could come up with is, "If the air fresheners aren't enough to mask your pickle farts, then tell your division to just Dill with it". ewwwie. 

The other sides, I just kept simple. I was out of creativity and I was tired! 

However, just TWO days after I mailed the box, I found a "Pickle" I miss you card. It would have been the topping on the cake. Le'sigh, too late now! It's somewhere in it's travels to a very hot place. 

It took him over a month to receive his Zombie box, here's hoping the pickles get there sooner!

Blogging

I have a million things pop in my head that inspires me to blog. Problem is, I'm never around a computer when the idea pops in my head. I've come to the conclusion that I'm in need of a small notebook to carry with me everywhere. Then, maybe, I will be able to jot down my thoughts and ideas as they come. But then again, a lot of ideas come to mind while I'm driving. That would be a fail. So, maybe a voice recorder? That might just work!


You would think, that since I spend so much time on the computer as is, that I would blog more. Nope, not the case. I spend so much time editing and "working" I don't always have those random thoughts pop in my head.

I do a lot of thinking in the shower to, probably a little odd, but I think many people think a lot in the shower. I can't exactly bring electronics or a notebook in the shower with me. That would just be too easy! And, I'm very scatterbrained. So, by the time I'm out of the shower, I cannot remember any of the bloggable ideas that pop in my head.

I'm only blogging right now because It's late and I took a nap earlier and now I cannot sleep. But yet, I'm too tired to have something truly worthy of blogging about. This post is also scheduled to post in the AM because, if I do so happen to fall asleep, I don't want my email dinging if I so happen to receive any comments. And as anyone who has had a loved one deployed knows, the phone doesn't go on silent (Although, sometimes I will if I know he's been super busy and I'm exhausted, I'll put it on silent in hopes I sleep through the night).

I think over the next couple months I will be blogging more often. Lots of exciting things, dates, etc will be happening- well, they are exciting to me and since this is my blog, you can decide if you want to be excited with me or not. :p
Like what you say?
August= Boudoir session, several years ago I met my Mr. Amazing this month!
September= I married the perfect guy for me
October= Navy anniversary, Halloween
November= Thanksgiving
December= Ship Decom., Christmas

AND somewhere in there is homecoming. :D
But also in a few of those months, there will be themed carepackages! Chyeah!

Later this week/ weekend.. sometime soon.. I will post my most recent themed package to my husband.

If you would like to keep updated on my packages as I prepare them, shop for them, etc. Follow me on instagram @christinarush (http://statigr.am/christinarush)

Emotions, Projects and Homecoming- Oh My!

We are more than halfway through deployment. How exciting right? I'm extremely excited.

Yesterday, I had the honor of photographing the USS Arleigh Burke homecoming for a client. Homecomings are SO exciting- especially when you know that in a few short months you will be where she is, waiting on him to walk to you (or you run to him) and the camera turned on you. Photographing homecomings is one of the most rewarding parts to my job. So much emotion and excitement.. sometimes, even tears (on my part too!).

I am now nearing the point where I might feel a little stress. We are on the home stretch and I'm determined to finish my to-do list. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, I'm notorious for making my list of goals and things to achieve far longer than I have time to complete them in. AND, sometimes things happen to change your schedule or add more must-do's to the to-do list (like having to cut out a tree and then buy a new shed, etc!).

I feel like my list is a mile long and I'm getting nowhere with it.

I just keep telling myself, "The day he comes home, he's not going to notice anything you have done to or around the house. He's just going to be glad to be home!". Although, he might notice the love seat is gone.. Oops!

Now, I'm at the point of prioritizing my list, and the "big" projects I was going to do, will now become projects WE are going to do together. I haven't told him that just yet- so, here's hoping!

In a few months, none of this will matter. I will be waiting on the pier to welcome him home and for my heart to be completed. It's at that very moment when the world stops and all that matters is that very moment. It's that moment when you know that the month's apart were worth it. Shaking, scared, excited, nervous and maybe a little nauseous- full of so many feelings, all leading to that one moment when you see him walking to you. It's all worth it.

But for now, my ass is kicking in overdrive!

I have to finish the back yard (have the shed and fence installed, patio, hammock, grass, etc), re-do our bedroom, finish my office, Find curtains for a couple rooms and put them up, organize, organize and more organizing- the list is about a mile long. I have LOTS of painting projects to start. I need to get busy!

Today= Project day!

Now I will leave you some Arleigh Burke homecoming sneaks :)

This was their first deployment, and the first time they had seen the ship in 6 months.
They were extremely excited and fighting tears. 

 

The moment that the world stops and nothing matters anymore.
He's home, he's safe  and you feel complete again. 

Childless

Irritated is an understatement- maybe not even irritated, I feel sick and hurt. Maybe I shouldn't, but some things are "Touchy".

When you're on a page- and you don't know WHO or ANYTHING about the moderator(s), don't make judgements. Especially dumb ones.

Saying, "I know whoever runs this page is childless"- because ONE event didn't cater to those who have children, is kind of sad. AND, to associate that with ONE person who replied to your post- calling them "Childless"? It struck a nerve with me.

You don't know me, you don't know who I am, you don't even know my name AND you don't know that I have had Multiple miscarriages. Calling me, "Childless"... just rip my heart out.

Because I don't have any "born" children does not phase my ability to take part in a group that caters to FAMILIES. Being married to my husband.. makes me HIS FAMILY. Just because I don't have kids, and I only have angel babies doesn't make me any less of a family- even if I didn't have angel babies, I would still be a family and apart of the group.

Being "Childless" doesn't hinder my ability to help moderate a page, participate in an organisation, help make decisions with the group or volunteer my time with it.

I'm Proud of You

One of my favorite things about deployment is all the things we set ourselves to accomplish. As most of you know, I tend to overdo it and make my deployment to-do list far longer than I have time for. However, I do accomplish a lot during deployment.

Another of my favorites about deployment is my husband. He notices how busy I am and little things. Even though he is not here physically, he is very aware and as much as I don't think he always pays attention, he does.

Getting an email from my husband just to tell me how proud of me he is, means absolutely everything to me. It's nice to be noticed, especially by him. If I needed any more motivation to get things done, the email from him was it.

Although, he does think I'm overdoing it some times. He is always worried about me. Which is one way my husband is able to show he cares. He's not one of those, "Wear his heart on his sleeve" kind of guys. I'm ok with that.

Four years ago on the 13th, my husband proposed to me. It seems like every day I'm reminded why I said yes. He's perfect for me. I think he and I balance each other out a lot. We are extremely alike, but at the same time, he and I are so very different. Our relationship may not be perfect- others may not see us as the perfect couple, I'm completely ok with that. We work well together and neither of us are perfect, but together we are complete and we are happy.

A year ago on Friday (the 13th), we successfully completed his first deployment. Now, we are working on completing his 2nd deployment. I'm proud of him for how well he has done with the separation because of the job he chose to provide for our family. Last deployment he had his struggles, and doubted making a career with the Navy. He did not like being away from me and not being able to talk every day. This deployment, He has not expressed any doubts. I think the first deployment is sometimes the hardest, as you learn to adjust.

People say you never get use to it- the military lifestyle, or being separated due to deployment. BUT I think it is possible. I think there are some who can and do get use to it and there will be those who don't. Just like I have heard from different people that having kids makes it harder, and I've heard some say just the opposite- kid's made deployment easier. It's different for everyone.

I'm proud that I feel like I have adjusted and I feel like I am accustomed to this lifestyle. I'd love for him to be home more, but we've learned how to make "military" work for us.

I have to say, I'm pretty proud of all the things I have accomplished as well. I have a huge list to accomplish, but If I get halfway down it by homecoming, then I have more than enough to be proud of. What I don't accomplish before he's home, I will just have him help me.

What are you proud of?

Bittersweet

July 11 is bittersweet. July 11 is the anniversary of my Husband and I's first miscarriage. It has been 4 years ago.

My husband and I were not married at the time. Honestly, being unmarried and pregnant scared me so much. When my husband and I started dating, he didn't want any kids. I knew I wanted kids more than anything later in life. I wasn't ready at 21. In June of 2008, I found out I was pregnant. There was no denying the more than 8 tests that I took. I waited a couple weeks before I told my now husband. I was SO scared he would leave me,which was extremely idiotic of me. I knew better. He is far from that type of guy.

I felt distanced from him and felt as if we started to argue a lot. Truth is, we were both terrified. We were both under a lot of pressure to get married and just under a lot of pressure in general. Come to find out, he was in shock, he was excited and was scared to touch me in any way for fear of hurting the baby. He was distancing himself from me because he was scared of hurting the baby and he hadn't a clue what to do.

It finally came out that he was excited and we were finally able to talk about it. The marriage talk came up and I told him I wanted to marry him more than anything, but I didn't want to marry him because of the baby.  He understood, but told me he had planned to put a ring on my finger before the end of the summer baby or not. He also told me he had been talking to his mother about this for months. It did make me feel happy, but I told him I wanted to wait and he was ok with that. I didn't want people to judge us or our baby.

We finally told some of his family, WELL.. we told his sister while visiting and me meeting some of his family for the first time. Before we could even get back to our home town, his parents already knew (JESS YOU HAVE A BIG MOUTH! LOL). They didn't let us know they knew, they waited for us to tell them. We told my parents, and my mom went on Myspace and announced to the world how excited she was to have her first grand baby on the way.

My first official doctor's appointment came. I went alone, he had to work. It was the official, "YOU'RE PREGNANT" appointment.

They did 2 tests, both came back negative. A friend from high school is the one who did my tests. He didn't know I had already taken tests or that we were planning for a baby at that moment. He also knew I wasn't married and how I felt about this sort of thing. He came in and said, "Well, you're not pregnant!". I just starred at him blankly. Then he knew something was ripping me apart and I told him about the home tests.

The doctor came in and started asking questions, doing more tests. One thing she did was feel all over my abdomen. When she put pressure down, I came off the table and screamed. I had never felt such horrible pain in my life. I instantly felt sick and tears rolled down my face.

She sat down for a minute, started going over her notes from the questions she asked and they did a blood test, etc.

Then came the news that I wasn't about a month along like we all had thought. I had been carrying since April and it was now July 11, 2008. I was 3 months pregnant and finding out my baby was no longer with me.

According to the doctor, I started miscarrying in May. I actually remember asking my husband if I had had a period because I was late. Then, it came and it was ridiculously heavy. I didn't think anything about it. June, I was spotty. June is when I thought something was different. I felt different and was nauseous, a lot. So, I took a test, several tests. All of which said positive.

My body was miscarrying when I tested. My HCG levels were still high to make me test positive, even though I was miscarrying.

To this day, I cannot remember everything the doctor said that day. I was in total disbelief and shock. I got to the car, and I lost it. I called my mom and it was the hardest thing I had to do, was to tell her about loosing my baby.

I found it even harder to tell my husband, boyfriend at the time.

I somehow managed to get ready for work and attempt to go in. I worked with my husband at the time. I was fine, fine as in ready to fall apart at any minute. I saw my husband and he just hugged me and held me. I was ok. I kept telling myself everything was going to be ok.

I went to the bathroom, calmed myself down and then started to walk to the front of the store. One of the ladies I work with stopped me and asked if I was ok. My husband had already let everyone know, just so they wouldn't ask about the baby. He didn't want it to be any harder on me. When Diane asked if I was ok, I lost it. I was an absolute wreck. She walked me outside to get me some fresh air and then the assistant store manager came out, bringing my husband with him. When my husband saw me, sitting on the ground sobbing, he lost it. I've rarely seen him shed a tear, but him seeing me that day hurting and him hurting too, he couldn't hold back. He came up and grabbed me and just held me.

Our boss told us to go home, that he wasn't allowing either of us to work that day. I'm so thankful for how great everyone at my then job was. I was in no condition to work, especially when several customers and everyone we worked with knew I was pregnant.

At the same time that this was the hardest time in my life, it was also one of the most rewarding times, too. My husband didn't want kids, but this forever changed him. After he got over being scared, he would talk to my belly, kiss my belly and rub my belly every day. He wanted to be a daddy, and I knew he would make an amazing dad- and still will, one day. He confirmed for me more than anything how he was so perfect for me.

I don't understand and never will understand why God put us through a miscarriage (and many more after this one), but I do understand why he allowed us to get pregnant. It taught us so much about each other and ourselves. It made us closer and showed us so much more how we wanted to be together and to raise a family together.

Shortly after our miscarriage, he proposed. I said yes, and every day since, I would say yes over and over.

Even though July 11 is hard and emotional for me, it's such sweet sorrow to know I was carrying for as long as I was, to see my husband change, and to feel closer than I already was to him. One day we will be blessed with a baby. I don't know when or how, but when that day comes, he and I will be the happiest parents in the world.

Proud, Damn Proud

Happy Independence Day!

Today we celebrate our FREEDOM here in the great ole U.S. of A. Some people take what we have in this great country for granted.

Some times we get so caught up in complaining that we forget the luxuries we have here in America.

I for one, am grateful we have Freedom of speech, Freedom of religion and SO much more. We are given so many choices and options to have amazing lives here in this country and yet, we still complain or want to bash this day or bash this country.

I am one of those people who say, "If you don't like this country, then get out". It's a choice, ya know, you don't have to stay here if you dislike it that badly.

I'm extremely thankful to our Military who fights, everyday, to keep us safe and help prevent attacks. They are true heroes. Past, Present and Future.. I thank you.

Although there are things about this country I don't agree with, I'm happy here. I love it here. And although, it seems, many people's morals have changed for the worse, I cannot wait to raise children here.

Today is a day set to celebrate, so do it. Celebrate your freedom and remember why you have those freedoms.

I'm PROUD to be an AMERICAN, where at least I know I'm FREE. I won't forget the MEN WHO DIED and gave that right to ME.

God Bless the USA.