Military Wives are Vultures

In the nearly 4 years my husband has been active duty, one thing that is so apparent is some military wives are viscous creatures.

I don't want to even acknowledge them as human beings, because in my eyes, there are many who are scum. Scum in so many different forms.

I have found, at least here at his first duty station, it is hard to find people who are genuine, true friends and true to their significant others. On top of that, there are some extremely nosy scum out there and love to get mess twisted to start rumors.

Here are the different vultures I am referring to:

a. You have the tag chasers. And by tag chasers, I mean the girl who just bounces around from service member to service member. The girl who doesn't care if the service member is in a relationship.. it just ups her game. The girl who doesn't even love her significant other, but is rather obsessed with the lifestyle and the "glory" she perceives this life to be.

b. You have those who are so fixated with the lifestyle. I understand there is "excitement", but then there is overboard. When my husband joined, I was overly proud. I'm overly patriotic and always have been. But at some point, you have to recognize the military is his job. Yes, this is a lifestyle to adjust to, but this is HIS job. By fixated, I'm making reference to those who feel as if they, themselves, are "Military". I understand when people refer to non-military families as "civilians", I understand it because it's the easiest way to refer to it. But we do need to realize as wives, we are not active duty.. or even in the reserves, no special rank.. no rank whatsoever- we are a civilian. Relish in the fact that you, unless you enlisted, are not government property.

c. You have bullies. It's sad to say, but I know 8 year olds who are more mature than a lot of the ladies I have met in the past 4 years. I don't understand why so many spouses to active duty military feel the need to belittle and bully other spouses. "Oh you're fat, You're ugly, Can you believe she wore that to the commissary, someone's been eating too many twinkies".. etc. I've read some extremely ridiculous posts belittling people on Facbook as well as in the blog world, It's disgusting.

d. Those who think we are owed something for our SO being active duty. You aren't owed anything. YES, this life has challenges- but so do non-military families aka "civilian families". Every single person in this world has their own set of challenges to face. I for one, am grateful for the ease of life I have now compared to what I had before my husband joined the Navy. By ease, I don't mean there aren't challenges, but I'm happy where I'm at and I'll gladly wait for him through a deployment vs. go back to eating peanut butter sandwhiches every day, 3 times a day to pay rent. And to clear things up, I married my husband before he joined- just to stop the vultures that say, "You married him for the military/ money".

e. The cheaters. Yes, I know there are men in the military who cheat- that is a different tangent. I'm talking about those who are "SO in love" with their husband, but after 5 months of a deployment, find themselves in bed with another man. Seriously, cheating is NEVER an accident. YOU can prevent yourself being put in a situation that could lead to cheating. My husband has been deployed a few months, and the fact that I have heard of several gals cheating is insane. WHY did you get married? I mean, if you truly LOVE someone, you wouldn't cheat. Staying faithful shouldn't be hard.

I could keep going, but I'm going to leave it at that. Find your own identity, not your significant other's job status.

We survived A-School

Andreea asked me about my experience with A-School, and I realize now I didn't say too much about it in my blog. So.. Wah-lah.. A blog!

I have heard so many ladies say that Boot camp and A-School were so much harder than deployment. Seeing as I have yet to go through a deployment, I cannot answer this just yet. We are currently preparing for Deployment.. and I have to say, the workups are pretty draining. However, so far.. A-School has been the hardest part I have dealt with as being a Navy wife.

The hubby's A-School was only supposed to be about 7 weeks long. But, little did we know.. it was going to take a while for him to class up... more than 4 months just to class up.

Okay, so yeah, the distance was hard, but I was away from him at boot camp... what's the difference?

We were able to talk every day. And being able to talk to someone every day and not be able to be in their arms, see them, kiss them.. Makes it harder than just boot camp, where our talking was through letters and a few short phone calls. He and I were so stressed just because we missed each other.. and when you're stressed and you get to the point where  you break down, you tend to take it out on the person you're closet too. For me and for my husband, that was each other. Our stress and missing each other lead to a few arguments. We had to learn to really communicate, and talk to each other. We thought we had communicated things well to each other, A-school taught us that we were wrong... but luckily in the long run, it helped us when we were forced to learn that.

Another thing that made it hard was he had freedom to do what he wanted when Liberty was called. Don't get me wrong.. I trust my husband 100% it was just the thought that the things he would go out and do, didn't involve me. I wanted to be apart of his every day life, and wasn't apart of it because of the distance.

A lot of the guys he knew were not married, and some didn't even have a girlfriend. No problem Right? Wrong. Some unmarried guys don't seem to have respect for marriage.. not necessarily that they don't have respect, but that they are single and if your husband is their best friend in A-School... they want them to take part in what they do and totally disregard the fact that he is married and could care less of the consequences. So, needless to say, I hated some of the guys he went to A-school with.

"Tag Chasers" were crazy in Pensacola. Okay, not just "Tag Chasers" but I guess you could say Barracks Bunnies were worse. Girls who are in the military and sleep with everyone. Just nasty. We now call these girls "Boat Hoes"...girls that will sleep nearly with a whole division or more. Some of these girls have absolutely no morals.

Seems there is a lot of pressure to drink in A-school as well. Guys would all pitch in and get a hotel room for the weekend and drink the entire weekend. All the drinking can strain a relationship, especially when it comes to bills that need to be paid.

It is truly hard to explain the emotional stress of A-school. From my experience and other ladies as well. Seems like there was always some kind of trust issue. I trusted my husband like nothing else, and found out he would hide little things just because he feared they upset me.. and in the end, they would upset me more because he hid them. I have found that more than 5 ladies I have met on Facebook also had this problem.

There were several times I questioned whether our marriage would survive the constant strain that was being put on me, on him and our relationship. He questioned it too. But we loved each other and love doesn't quit. Love keeps fighting and doesn't give up. We made it. We survived A-school.

I never want to got through the emotional strain of A-School again. However, my husband's and mine relationship is a lot stronger because of the challenges we faced in A-school.
The workups I am currently getting through, have been a breeze compared to A-School and have just made each of us realize how much we enjoy being with each other. It's made my husband realize a lot more.. but that will be another blog ;)

I hope I answered some of your questions Andreea :)

Marriage

I recently read a blog by a fellow Military Wife about people who split up in the Military. After reading and commenting on her blog, I decided I would blog and share my opinion on what I see a lot, and some personal information as well.

Now days it seems as people get into a marriage with the mentality of "Well, we can always get divorced.". This is NEVER a good mentality to go into a marriage with. It's like you don't believe in what marriage stands for. In my opinion, people with this mentality will never have a successful marriage. This goes for both Military and Civilian marriages. Marriage is not a "High School" Relationship. Marriage is the real deal. Where are your morals?

Another thing I see being an issue, especially in military marriages is couples who get married too young. Nothing against anyone who does, just want to state that some people do not realize that they are still immature or have yet to fully mature. You may think you are fully matured.. but you will look back a couple years from now and realize how much you have grown as a person. I think this is something to really think about before jumping in, Especially in a military relationship. I'm talking about the 18 and 19 year olds, fresh out of high school. Also, males mature slower than females as well. And personally I think they "Grow up" and then decline in maturity all over again before they truly "Grow up". They still want their "Freedom". My husband and I have hit a few "Hiccups" with the whole him wanting to just do whatever he wanted, he was 19 when we wed. He still wants to do his own thing, be rebellious. But at the same time, he loves me and wants to be with me. So, we work together as a team.

I have met numerous girls who married just for that, To be married.  To "Live their fairytale", to grow up, get married, and have kids. I've noticed when married life is not what they always dreamed it to be, they give up and run from their marriages. No working things out, no trying, just done. I have seen this numerous times.

Numerous couples get married just because they got pregnant. This is NEVER a good reason just to get married. I also see a lot of couples who get married and immediately want to have kids. This is stressful on a relationship, especially in a military relationship. You should always have time to you and your spouse, to adjust to married life.. and on top of that, adjust to the military life.

Since being a Navy Wife, I have seen a lot of "Tag Chasers". What is a Tag Chaser? 1) Someone who is sexually attracted to someone ONLY because they are in the military. 2) Someone who is looking to marry someone in the military. These people disgust me. They marry Military men because they want the benefits, they want money. They will prey on any man in uniform whether they have a ring on their finger or not. When they do marry, they are known to cheat and usually with another man in uniform. It's plain out sleezy. I have never seen a marriage of this sort work.

I have seen what was believed to be the "Strongest" marriages crumble. You may think your marriage is unbreakable, but anything is possible. I am married, and I use to think my marriage was strong.. and I still think it is strong, but it's not unbreakable. No marriage is unbreakable. How many people have you seen split and you were like, "Wow, I never expected that."? Most of the time, one of the persons involved.. didn't expect it either. I have seen a 25 year marriage crumble for no reason other than she is "Not happy anymore". He never saw it coming.

 No marriage is perfect. Marriage is a job. Some people just give up and quit. You don't get a "break" from marriage. It's a constant job. Yea sure, it's hard sometimes, but you are going to have days at some point that you just don't feel happy. Not necessarily unhappy with your husband, just where you don't feel happy. You might even take it out on your Spouse, and not intentionally mean put it all on them. Stress can do this as well. That is something my husband and myself are working on. When we are upset, mad or stressed, We tend to get snappy with each other. We don't mean to do it, but we both know this is how we are and always have been. People have a tendency to "take things out" on people they care about most. Communication is key to a working relationship. Without good communication, a marriage is set to fail.

I would also like to share that there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to Marriage Counseling. I know couples who go before deployments just to help relieve any stress or tension between themselves. I know a lot of men who don't want to go. They think they "Don't need it" or that they will be embarrassed. There is nothing embarrassing about wanting to make your marriage work smoothly. I think more marriages would work if people would take the steps just to ensure they are communicating and working together. Counseling will definitely be a help.

This is all I have for now. I hope someone enjoyed my rambling :)

Blame Yourself

I posted this on Facebook over the weekend.. and it caught a lot of heat. But these are my thoughts, you don't have to agree with me.

Sometimes I read something that just irritates me. Best Remedy= Blogging.

I have a question for Military wives. If you married your husband KNOWING he was in the military or KNOWING he was going to enlist.. and you complain about him always being gone, or how you want him to get out of the military so bad.. blah blah blah.. WHY DID YOU MARRY HIM? (I'm talking about the girls who constantly change their status to "It's Complicated" and back again.. and status' that they are leaving, etc.) It's normal to let deployments get you down, and even duty days every now and then, but missing someone is different then being irrational and negative about it.

This is how I feel   (photographer: Ernie Passwaters, model: me)

It makes me mad because YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING IN TO. And a lot of the girls I see complaining about it, their husbands are in the Military as a career. I see Military Wives who constantly argue with their husbands, blamming them for all the problems in their relationship, blamming the military. They post negative status updates about their relationship for everyone to see, BUT when someone says something about it.. They get offended and tell people to "Stay the hell out of their business". YOU made it public news, YOU wanted attention. YOU are selfish and need to look at your situation and re-evaluate the problem. MAYBE you are part of the problem and YOU need to grow up.

Girls that throw it in their husbands face about how he missed an anniversary all because he joined the "Damn Military". Or even worse, Making him feel horrible because They weren't there for the doctor's visit to hear the baby's heart beat for the first time. Or because they couldn't be there for the birth of their child. Do you not think they don't want to be there? I know it hurts them not to be there. Situations like this are so sad.

 Another thing that bothers me is when Military wives just pack up and move home, just because they don't like their husband's duty station. Home is what you make it. If you don't like where you are living, it's because you've made it that way. I understand the one's who move home while their husband is deployed, I'm not talking about you ladies. I love my husband, and I want to be wherever he is when I can. My husband is my best friend.. and that's the way it should be.
You all know who you are. YOU are selfish.

I know I've probably angered a few military wives out there, but I honestly do not care that I upset you. This is what I believe. I happen to love being around my husband and spending as much time as possible with him. And he agrees with me on this. I love that he and I share the same views on almost everything.

Just to clear things up, This note isn't about any one person in particular. I just say what I think when something triggers me to do so. It's just my personality.

 Tootles.