Getting back to Me

I'm trying to get better at this whole blogging thing. especially since I just noticed I was nominated for best military spouse blog. Seriously, that has made my day, my week, my month.. ya get my point. I'm a little giddy.

If you would like to vote for this blog, go to THIS LINK and click the "thumbs up" by the nomination for The Journey of a Navy Wife.

I figured I would blog a little while I have some Chicken Alfredo cooking up- I'm cheating, It's a frozen, bagged  dinner. I'm ok with that. I've had this stuff before (the brand slips my mind at the moment) and I love it. For $2.50 (they were on sale), I have dinner tonight and lunch (or dinner) tomorrow. Heck yeah! :D

Aside from the nomination, I had another HUGE pick me up today. I came home from work to a Canvas wrap I had ordered of my husband and myself. I'm in LOVE with it. Love Love Love LOVE it. 

Yes. I am in a much better mood today. :D

I think venting some (last blog) helped. I'm feeling MUCH better. 

Anyway, here is my AWESOME 24x36 Canvas Wrap I ordered for above mine and my husband's bed:

I haven't told my husband about it yet. I don't plan on it either. He can just see it when he comes home! :D

I have decided I'm not going to tell him about a lot of my little "projects" and doings around the house. I want him to be surprised- Ok, I want to think he'll be surprised. But I know he won't pay attention to any of it because he's been gone for so long, looking around at all the new, and the old that has been redone is going to be the last on his mind. I mean.. I purchased a house last deployment, and he came home to it like he had been here for over a year. He wasn't focused on anything but me and the bed... and that was because he was tired. You have a dirty mind. 

I feel like I have an insane amount of free time... and what's crazy, I really don't. I have my photography that I do full time as well as my graphics business.. PLUS I picked up a part time job at a clothing store to keep even more busy. Where is all this extra time I feel like I have? 

I guess I'm just not busy enough, which I know is far from the truth. I think after being limited so much last week, I feel like I'm in overdrive now to make up for all the time I was being required to "take it easy". 

So, here's to getting back to "ME". The happy, smiling, nauseatingly positive ME.

OH, for my bloggy friends: I'm going to try to make it to the conference this year! Yay! :D

Again, If you would like to vote for this blog, go to THIS LINK and click the "thumbs up" by the nomination for The Journey of a Navy Wife. ;)

The Incredible Edible Egg & an Update

Thank you so much to everyone who reached out after my last blog. Your comments are really helping me through this tough time. 

I'm physically feeling tons better. I'm up and moving around and getting back into the swing of things. We're still working of getting a grasp of everything. It's a bit of a roller coaster. It's one of those things, I don't want to talk about it unless it's on my terms. 

I feel like there are so many who don't understand, they know NOTHING about what I'm going through mentally and physically, but yet they want to tell me what I should be doing. It's something that can very easily anger me. The anger is something I need to work on. It's just one of those things, if you don't know anything about it- if you haven't went through it yourself, don't tell me what I NEED to be doing or that I'm dumb for not doing something. Just shut up. If you can't be understanding, don't talk. Please, because I don't need to be pushed. It's one of those things, I'm at the point that if I'm continually pushed, I won't want you in my life anymore because I have a very bad tendency to hold grudges. It doesn't matter who you are or how close we are. Just don't.  I think it was a long time coming that I said that. 

Miscarriage, unfortunately, is so common. For some, peace is brought by talking about it. Others, it's easier not talking about and for those like myself, I find comfort talking about it on my terms. Which is why I have turned to my blog to do so. It's my outlet and how I find the easiest means to channel my emotions. 

I will get there. Again, Tough Times Never Last. Repeat, Tough Times Never Last. 

Okay, now for something fun!

On Pinterest, I found a pin about Hard boiled eggs from the oven! Seemed fun, so I thought I would try it! I would link the pin, but I failed to pin it and cannot find it now. So, maybe I'll come across it and add the link later. 

Photos from my Instagram, follow me! @journeyofanavywife

So, here's what I did:

• Preheated oven to 325
• I placed my eggs in a muffin pan (easy to put in the oven and take out, but you can put them straight on the wire rack)
• Baked them for 30 minutes
• Removed them from the oven and allowed them to cool
• Peeled them (surprisingly they peeled with ease!)
• Ate them. 

They actually tasted pretty good! If I make them again by baking them, I will flip them about 15 minutes in. There were some brown spot on the eggs, and inside the shell on the side that was placed down. I think the side that was placed down was slightly over-cooked. One egg was a tad bit rubbery on the darkened side. 

To me, it seemed like far less of a hassle baking them than boiling them. Other than the one egg with the rubbery spot, they tasted no different to me than boiling them.

 It was fun trying something new! 

Tough Times Never Last

Didn't deployment just start?

I know. I know it did. The past few days are just dragging.

Today is one of those days where I just wish my husband was home. Okay, the past few days have been like that. I don't find deployment hard, however, sometimes things happen and you just want your husband there with you through it. Some things you just don't want to go through alone or without them.

I guess I'm going to open up about my weekend. I've been avoiding talking about it to everyone because, well, it's not something I can talk about easily nor is it something I like talking about. This post may be a bit TMI, but I'm going to force myself to talk about things. Maybe it'll be good for me.

Friday evening I wasn't feeling too great. I was sluggish and was having stomach pain. I wasn't having cramps, but stabbing pains throughout my abdomen every now and then. To top it off, I was very nauseous. I talked to my husband via email and we both made the decision that if it continued to morning I would go to the doctor.

Saturday I was awakened by what I had almost thought was me peeing on myself. I ran to the bathroom to discover it wasn't pee. The pains in my stomach were double what they were the night before and I was having some awful cramps to go with it.

I emailed my husband to let him know I was going to the doctor and not to worry.

I ended up being in the hospital for more than 8 hours. Come to find out, I was pregnant. My husband and I had suspected I was, but wasn't 100%. I had taken an over the counter pregnancy test earlier that week, it had a faint positive line, but I know many tests if you tilt them in the light a certain way you see what you believe is a positive line. It was also too soon for me to really be able to test. So, I went to the doctor. I had a blood test done and they told me they would call me with the results in a couple days. Before I even received the results, I was in the hospital finding out I was loosing my baby.

They were also concerned about my Gallbladder and my Appendix, as some of the pain was coming from areas higher than expected from a miscarriage. So, while enduring all the other tests, I had to have an ultrasound for my gallbladder as well as a CT of my abdomen. Thankfully, they found no issues or cause for worry.

They tried to find the cause for my miscarriage, and came up empty handed. Everything appears to be good. My Cervix sits a little far to the right,  but the doctor said it wasn't cause for my miscarriage. He said as far as he could tell, my Ovaries are in good shape as well. It just doesn't make any sense to me. My husband and I have had multiple miscarriages and noone can explain to us why my body rejects a baby every time.

Anyway, After more than 8 hours at the hospital being poked, hooked up to an IV and more, I was finally released to go home. My husband had emailed me saying he was going to call me, he was granted permission to use the Office phones as it was considered an emergency (meaning he didn't have to buy a $20 phone card to call me). He's always so strong for me. But I know him, inside it's killing him. It's so hard for him to be away from me, especially when he wants to be here to take care of me. I received an email from him when he should have been asleep, just letting me know he was thinking about me and couldn't sleep. He wanted to make sure I was okay. I can't imagine how hard this really is for him with being so far away.


I know, it will happen when it's meant to be- I think people say that in hopes it makes you feel better. Coming from someone who has been told this MANY times over the past few years- It doesn't. It actually pisses the person being told that off. Just for future reference for anyone.

Another thing, Don't say things the person should have done or shouldn't have done. If you have ever gone through something like this, then you know it's not the easiest thing to go through by far and we do enough blaming ourselves as it is.

That's where I'm at right now. Blaming myself. Any reason to make this my fault, I've silently said it to myself. Feeling like I'm worthless, broken and to blame- All of it.

I've been through this more that once. It doesn't get easier- If it was easy, you wouldn't be human. This time is actually hitting pretty hard. How do you register the thoughts, "You are pregnant" and "You lost your baby." at the same time? If you have the answer, let me know. It's seriously confusing and screws with your head.

Oh, to top it off.. I received a call from my regular doctor today. Yup, "Your results are positive, you're pregnant.". Meh. Thanks Doc.

It's hard right now, but like everything else, I will get through this. One day, I will have a baby- Either by a pregnancy with me, a surrogate, or adoption. One day. And when it happens, it will be the greatest thing to have ever happened to myself as well as my husband.

Tough times never last. Tough times never last. Tough times never last.

I'll just keep repeating that to myself. Positivity and strength beat it all.

Back to Blogging

Ok, so, I have not been keeping up with my blog lately. After being threatened.. I'm finally blogging. Totally kidding about being threatened, but I'm definitely rooting for some $30 cookies ;)


Any way, So... Deployment has started. Here's to the next several months of doing exactly whatever I want as far as decorating our house we purchased last deployment! Chyeah, he told me to do what *I* want to the house. Definitely going to have some fun with it.

So, what's different for me this deployment so far? Other than making this deployment #2, nothing really. We aren't far enough into it for it to seem any different than their sea trials. So, maybe when we've surpassed the one month mark it will register to me that he will not be home until later this year.

And another thing is different.. we are home owners. So, instead of house hunting- we're, no, *I* am making this house more- us! Err.. well, me. But he likes what I like, so us. When asking him about what to do around here, he said, "Do what you want. This is your house. I'm not here enough, so I want it to be exactly like you want it because you're the one who sees it every day.". I'll jump at the opportunity to have it my way ;)

So, what have I been up to?
Well, the few days before deployment started, I somehow managed to jam pack 7 full photo session into 2 days.  So the week the ship left, I didn't leave my office. I was ALWAYS on the computer- just never on blogger.

I've working on a lot of stuff for the FRG, It definitely keeps me busy. Just how I like it!
I got a part time job to keep me even more busy and the extra cash is nice too.

So, I'm running 2 businesses (CRushGFX and Christina Rush Photography), working a part time job, volunteering as the Media Chair for the FRG, and I'm going to a run every morning to get my butt (literally) in shape. So, somewhere in there.. I need to figure out when to blog.

Another issue. I feel REALLY repetitive when I blog... extremely repetitive. I feel it's the same posts over and over again: He's home, he's gone, he's home, he's gone... and an occasional- oh shit that just happened.

So, trying to change it up some, I will be posting about my adventures with Pinterest and making my house pretty. Hopefully pretty.

What am I working on now? My yard. It's heinous. Probably my biggest project yet. So, if Terri hadn't already stole it.. this would be the "Misadventures of a Navy Wife", why? Because I'm clumsy, haven't a clue what I'm doing with my yard and well... I tend to plan big and make a mess. So, this could be interesting- for you. You might get a few laughs, hopefully.

As of right now, I have a bruise on my arm from prickly seed pod that came from one of the 4 trees in my back yard. How'd I get it? Well, I was weed-eating (hey, that's how us Southerners refer to it), and one of the little annoyances was hiding in a patch of grass along the fence line. When the weed-eater line hit it, it hit me, Hard. I have another bruise on my wrist, it's rather large and has a knot in it.. I have no clue what I did. My poor legs look horrible. Needless to say, I won't be bare legged for a while. I'm the smart one who was weed-eating with shorts on. So, debris flew back a couple times and scratched me up pretty good. It's all worth it though, My yard is slowly looking better and I will soon be starting on my bigger projects, like a concrete patio, new flower bed(s), a garden, putting in a hammock, a bench, etc. Yeah... I'm expecting a lot of ouchies!

Well, that's my blog for now.

Terri, are you happy now?! :p

Awesomesauce

Today, my husband purchased himself as well as me an Apple iPad. I'm ecstatic! I'm actually blogging from it right now!

I have wanted one for some time now, but couldn't bring myself to purchase one.

I wanted an iPad mainly to use for my photography business, but I'm a stickler for spending extra money. Well, now Apple is preparing to shell out th ipad 3, which means the iPad 2 price drops. I couldn't see waiting for the 3 because the differences are not all that much.. Well.. Different, or great enough for the price difference.

At the NEX, the price of te iPad 2 dropped $100. Which made me very very happy.

 After discussing the pros and cons to buying both my husband and myself an iPad, we decided it is definitely a good investment. Last deployment, my husband and I didnt Skype, nor were there many phone calls. A.) We didn't have the ability to Skype and b.) it's pricey to call from the ship! We knew several people who would spend $500+ very paycheck to talk to their significant other. We didn't want t spend tat much and settled for email, which I didn't mind, I like having my email to look back on and read. However, I would have loved to have a few minutes while he was in port to chit chat and see him. Now, he can call me, or video chat with me through our iPads!

 My husband needed a new laptop, but really, a laptop is too much for him, he needed something more simple and easier to carry around and store in his rack. So far, the iPad has been a perfect choice for what he needs and wants. He's having a little too much un with apps.

We have tested FaceTime and we have skyped his sister in New York. Awesome! Also, the battery life on this thing is amazing. Seriously. My iPad had less battery percentage than my droid, my droid had just come off the charger. I've barely used my phone, and have been playing with my iPad nonstop for about 2 hours. My Phone is going dead, and my iPad still has more tan 60% life-it only had 73% out of the box!

 I plan to start doing paperless contracts with my photography. Yay for being more environmentally friendly! I'm also hoping to start using it for in home ordering for my clients. I have to say, my website looks pretty awesome from my iPad!

 So, here's to starting deployment on a fun note. He and I have something to keep us occupied for a bit. I can already tell, I'm going to be inseparable from my new friend.

Focus Dude

Deployment is days away (Officially released) and it's really starting to hit people- hard. So far, I'm good. I feel focused. I'm not allowing myself to focus on the fact my husband is leaving for months soon, but am focusing all I have on myself, my husband and our relationship. I believe that is the most important thing- keeping your head in check, and remembering to not put effort toward the thought, "he's leaving", but on keeping the relationship strong.

I believe if you put all your focus on deployment, you forget to pay attention to what's really important at that very moment, which is yourself, your husband and your relationship (and children if you have any- I do not, so I cannot speak on that). When focusing on deployment, you allow yourself to become negative. It's not even so much the deployment- but the countdown to deployment. It allows you to feel depressed, complain, and a lot of unneeded anxiety. Every post made about not being ready, every complaint is negative energy, anxiety put toward an issue when right now is the best time to force positive energy to helping your sanity as well as your significant other. 

See the positives over the negative. It's not always the easiest thing in the world to do, but trust me, there are positives if you let there be. 

Appreciate the days you have. You can prepare for deployment without putting so much negativity into it. Negative energy will only pollute your mind and I believe, it will make the day of deployment much harder for you. 

It's ok to feel like you're not ready. I mean, we can say that we are completely prepared, but truly.. I don't think we can honestly love our other half and be ready for them to leave on a mental aspect- physically ready, yes. In the physical aspect, My husband and I are ready. Mentally, you always want a few more days, even if you have the mentality of, "Let's just get this started so we can get it over with.". Where the negativity plays a large role is when that is all you focus on, when leaving is all you think about and all you talk about. I believe it's an unhealthy mindset. 

I know my husband is leaving, We've known it for months. We prepare mentally by focusing on time with each other and by appreciating that time. Even if we're out purchasing something to take with him, we don't allow that to be the focus- the focus is spending time together. No negativity. Just breathe and stay calm. 

He wouldn't have chose you if he didn't KNOW you could do this. He wouldn't want to be with you if he didn't think you were strong. 

When I turn 25..

Dear soon to be 25 year old self (February 20),

Times up! All the things you had wanted to accomplish by the age of 25, you didn't do all of them. Slacker.

But I'm proud of you. 

When you're 16 years young, 25 seems forever away. You're supposed to have everything figured out by then, all your dreams should have come true by now... psh. You lied to yourself. 

By the time you turned 25, you had a list of things to accomplish- things that you saw as being the right thing to do- things you needed to do by 25. 

Here were your top things to do by the time you turned 25:

Go to college

Get married

Buy a house

Buy a new car- SUV (mommy vehicle)

Have a career

Have 2 kids

Go to college: You should have been more specific. Maybe you should have told yourself to "finish college". So, in a sense, you accomplished this Goal. You went to college for one year. I don't think you realized how much the real world cost... and even though you paid for your own things (car, insurance, phone, clothes), there were a lot of expenses you didn't think to consider. 

Get married: You succeeded. At 25, you have been happily married for more than 3 years. Although, at 16, marriage was a Fairy Tale. And in ways, it is your very own Fairy Tale. But it's also a lot of work to keep things working smoothly. You've learned so much about what a relationship is and how a Man is supposed to treat you. He would do anything in the world for you. He pushes you to be better and to go after your dreams. You always said you'd marry your best friend, and you did, you just didn't know him then.

Buy a new car: Speaking of that great husband... He's too good to you. He took you to a dealership where the two of you purchased you your first SUV, and first new vehicle. Only the second car you've owned since you have been able to drive. Go you!

Buy a house: You cut it close, but in July of 2011 you crossed another mile-stone. You and your husband purchased your first house. Small, but more than enough room for you, your husband, 3 crazy animals and one day.. a little one. Now, get busy on all those home projects you want to do you found on Pinterest!

Have a career: You're still working on this. You're starting to really get somewhere with your photography career. You're still in the beginning stages, but you've learned so much to better your business and skills since becoming serious about photography to make it more than an obsessive hobby. Every session you improve. You can see it yourself. If you see it, I'm sure others do as well. Keep it up. You'll have the career you want if you stay on the path you're on now.

Have 2 kids: Fail. But good things come to those who wait- even if it's not by your choice, but your body refusing to hold a baby right now. When it happens, you're going to be a good momma. Just stop being so hard on yourself right now. If you can't have babies, there are other options. Even if it is hard to stomach not having your own. Afterall, you use to say you didn't want to have kids of your own. You wanted to adopt because there were too many unwanted kids that need a family to love them. You may get your wish after all. I know you say you're ok with waiting until you're 28 to really be serious about kids, but I know you. You're bothered because you want a baby so bad, and it's hard knowing every time your  body says no. I know you're just scared of facing yet another miscarriage. Keep your head up. Big man upstairs has something planned for you.

It's crazy how fast time flies. How much you've grown up in 9 years. 

So much changes. 

Happy 25th Birthday.

Here's looking at you kid,

Your [almost] 25 year old self

I Got an Email and You Didn't!

Sometimes I wonder if the girls who constantly post they talked to their husband, if they are trying to one up? I guess it's possible. It's nauseating. I mean that in the sense that it's posted so much by the same person(s) over and over that it sometimes seems as they post it while thinking, "ha ha ha, I heard from my husband and you didn't", in dramatic 5 year old kid voice. I'm not just talking about 1 post... I'm talking about several posts within a very short time frame about their 1 sentence from their husband, etc.

It's great. It's wonderful they get to speak to their husband. But then I see how those posts effect other people. The girl's whose husbands are too busy to write that night or the ones who made the decision to save money and not call every night, the constant bragging can get to these girls. I've been there. Thought, "Well good for you!", sarcastically.

This is the reason I don't post when I hear or don't hear from my husband. I don't want to "rub it in" and I surely don't want to make someone feel down because they didn't hear from their Significant other. Every now and then, it's ok- But the Every.Single.Form.of.Communication is daunting. When you have friends in the same situation (as in a loved one is away), it can wear on you.

I decided to write about this because, a.) I have thought this several times, b.) talking about it to a friend recently and c.) I've seen a couple gals post about how it makes them feel seeing people repeatedly post about their constant communications.

I get excited for friends when they hear from their SO's, but it's only happiness for those who rarely post about it. I can't find myself being happy for the ones who constantly post about it because to me, as often as they post.. it's routine for them. They will be the ones to gripe constantly about lack of communication when they go 1 day with nothing. And they come across, to me, as needy.

I know, it's their page... they can post as they wish. True. But nonetheless, it doesn't change how it can make your friends feel.

Man up and Get a Real Job

Sometimes I wonder what my husband is fighting for. WHY did my husband join the Military?

I ask this question to myself because there are so many ungrateful people in this world. There are people who have told me my husband needs to man up and get a "real job".

Some people assume my husband has everything handed to him and he gets all these crazy bonuses throughout the year, and that he just sits around on a cruise ship.

Someone straight up saying they don't support the military, not just the cause, but saying they can't stand the military. They don't see the military protecting us, protecting our rights.

I've been told that most of the military is made up of Paper pushers, the Navy doesn't get put in harms way, and our military is full of murders who are fighting for some sand [horrible horrible word I refuse to quote] to have rights. I've heard more and I've heard worse.

It upsets me because I believe in our military, especially my husband. It makes me sad to know these are people our military is protecting. These people have the right to voice their opinions because People like my husband have decided to be SELFLESS and protect their rights, protect our country to the best of their ability and say nothing when these people show how ungrateful they really are.

It's great that people can freely express their opinion, all my readers know I LOVE doing so. But what gets me is when these people see it more than an opinion. They see their opinion as a hard fact. I know it's ignorance, pure ignorance. They don't know anything about each job or branch in the military. They see wives as just wanting the money and benefits when they know nothing of either. The only thing I have heard from some of these that I do agree with is the fact we did sign up for this, but that doesn't mean that it is an easy transition for everyone.

It makes me sad for my husband. I know how hard he works, I know some of the things he has seen, some of the things he's had to do. It's not an easy job for him. But he enlisted because he wanted to make a career out of the Navy. He told me he wanted a job with purpose.

I may not agree with a lot of the decisions the military is asked to carry out, but I do support them. I support my husband. It's hard for me to stand by and not defend my husband when people say things like this. I know it's ignorance on most of it. They just don't know. But it's one thing I can loose my temper on quickly, especially when it turns in to direct attacks on my husband, myself or my family.

When You're Gone

To my husband,

When you're gone, I sleep in the middle of the bed, only to still somehow get pushed off by our beast of a dog.

When you're gone, I buy organic milk because I don't waste it due to not being able drink it before it expires.
I also like organic better, and you do not. So when you're gone, I enjoy drinking and cooking with Organic milk.

When you're gone, I eat Mexican food multiple times a month. You hate it, I love it and when you're gone, it's the only chance I get to have it.

When you're gone, I can keep our house clean(er). You're a slob. When you're gone, I no longer have a million pair of socks thrown everywhere.

When you're gone, I sleep with the TV on- with no volume. You know I'm scared of the dark (sigh) when I'm alone... but I'm a light sleeper when it comes to sound.

When you're gone, I eat more fast food. I guess that explains why I didn't lose any weight last deployment.

When you're gone, I create a project list too long to complete by the time you come home and get extremely frustrated with myself because I don't complete everything.

When you're gone, the house stays very quiet. All the noise heard is my pecking away at this keyboard or me occasionally singing at the top of my lungs to Pandora or iheart radio. Be glad you're not here for that.

When you're gone, we save money. You really do spend a lot! >.<

When you're gone, the bed stays cold. You say I'm a furnace.. but I wake up shivering instead of sweating when you're not here.

When you're gone, it's crazy how big I smile when my phone dings saying I have an email. Or feeling the excitement leave when the email isn't from you.

When you're gone, time flies because I keep so busy.

When you're gone, I miss when you have nightmares, not that I like when you have nightmares.. I just miss how you reach for me like I'm your teddy-bear. It's still heartwarming to hear you write to me to say you had a nightmare and reached for me, but sad to think you ended up with your rack curtain instead.

When you're gone, of course I miss you- but sometimes it's nice regaining my independence. Sometimes we don't realize how much we rely on someone until they are gone.

When you're gone, a lot of things change. But there's always one thing that stays the same: Me loving you more and more every day, and appreciating all you do for me. I couldn't ask for a better husband- even with the quirky little things you do that sometimes push my buttons, I wouldn't have you any other way.

You're my one and only.